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Since I get about 100 customers an hour, it's quite obvious I'll have a lot to contribute here. And, since I get about 100 customers an hour and don't have much time to write them down, I can't guarantee my stories are completely accurate.
SC: Hi, after you find the number can you dial it for me?
Me: Actually I can't, since you're calling from a payphone. (the logic behind that is that 411 on a payphone is free, so dialing the number afterwards will mean the guy will have a free call, and the phone company is against that. On a normal landline the automated system offers call completion for an extra fee. I won't rant further to keep it shortish).
SC: But I have no money!
Me: I'm sorry, I can't dial for you but you could try a collect call?
SC: OK I'll do that but you'll need to tell me how to do it. *gives me the info of the listing he wants*
Me: One moment please. *finds listing* OK to reach [name] by collect call please dial 0-514-
SC, cutting me off: I told you I have no money. (I can hear he's making an effort to have a pathetic tone)
Me: Yes, I understood that, so that's why I'm telling you how to do the collect call so you don't have to pay for it.
SC: OK.
Me: So you need to dial 0-514-55
SC, cutting me off again: Dammit, it's too complicated, I have no memory. Dial that for me.
Me: Again sir, I'm sorry but there is no way for me to dial the number. Maybe you could write it down?
SC: I don't have a pen or paper. I don't have money, I'm freezing outside here and I absolutely need to reach this guy.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but there is absolutely no way I would be able to dial the number under any circumstances at all. (I thought this wording would make it clear that it's not because I'm a drone without feelings, or because I didn't want the extra work which he'd expect is involved, but because the system doesn't give me any possibility of dialing an outside number.
SC: Can't you have a little sympathy? I'm lost here, I need to call this guy so he can help me out.
Me: No sir. I cannot dial for you. It is absolutely impossible for me to dial any number. I can only receive calls. Back to a nicer tone: Maybe you could enter a store nearby and borrow a pen and paper from them?
SC: Yeah I'll do that and call you back.
Me: Have a nice day. *END*
It pisses me off when people think I say "I can't" to mean "I'm too lazy to do it". I'll do everything my company asks and most often go the extra mile, but there are things that simply cannot be done because of the way the system is programmed, and there is always a good (but too long to explain if I want to keep my 26-sec quota) reason why the system was designed that way.
Next - with fictional info.
SC: Hello, I'm looking for Jules Winnfield on First Avenue in Inglewood, California.
Me: Can you spell the last name please? (I know how to spell the example but I want to use examples from the best movie ever. One Big Kahuna Cheeseburger for the first person to reply with the name of that movie. Others will get a Sprite)
SC: Jules Winnfield, First Avenue, Inglewood.
Me: Please spell the last name?
SC: Winnfield.
Me, getting pissed off that they're not paying any attention. I think he got the hint from the tone change: For the last time, I am asking you to please tell me how to write this last name, Winnfield. If you do not give me this information I will unfortunately have to end this call.
SC: W-i-n-n-f-i-e-l-d.
Me: Thank you. *search* Here is the number. *SEND*
"Can you spell the last name please?"
"Can you repeat your request please?"
Am I the only one who notices these two sentences are not the same, and do not mean the same thing, and that the response to one is absolutely not helpful in the slightest bit for the other? I was literally
ing the air on the customer's replies. And, no doubt, turning an unflattering shade of red. But I can generally control my voice and the last attempt to get the info was done in a professional although very firm voice. Only once in two years has a customer commented to me about how I sounded pissed, and I was not pissed at all but only trying to be quick to lower a per-call average soaring in the high 30s.
Ahem. Moving on:
There's this call my coworker got where a woman tried to talk him into quitting his job and entering a pyramid sales scheme.
And there's a f*cking fax machine that's stuck on calling toll-free directory assistance (another database with service provided by the same operators as 411). It's annoying because halfway through my short opening spiel I hear this damn deafening modem chatter starting up. Brings me back to dial-up era. Oh the nostalgia. But it's still a deafening noise, and a fax machine being a fax machine, hanging up only makes it dial again.
And the people (not more now than on any other day, but I remembered them while writing this) who just come online and say "Hi, I'm looking for a phone number *silence where I'm justifiably expecting "for [name in city on street]*" Well no sh*t Sherlock, what the heck else would one call 411 for? (in fact, because a SC is a SC, a lot of other things, some for which we can put the customer on the right track, but most of them completely unrelated to anything we do.)
Another actual call:
SC: I'm looking for the (something) theatre in Montreal.
Me: *search* Well we don't have it but it says 'see (something else)' for which we have Administration, Box office, Security and Parking.
SC: Well I want to buy a ticket.
Me: So you want the Box Office number?
SC: I don't know, I want to buy a ticket!
Me: Then you need the Box Office number. Please hold. *SEND* (Normally we can't decide for our customers but I took the liberty of doing it this time.)
Last because it's probably the least astonishing because hey, kids will be kids, I got a bunch of kids on a payphone who told me, in choral fashion (this is why I even remember the call. Kids call to insult us and hang up all the time), to "Go eat sh!t and die". The musician I am was almost pleased, but then the operator got the upper hand and reflexively brought the right pinky to the END CALL button.
And all of this happens on a day where I got something like 450 calls over 6 hours (the number pops up when I log out from the system), when I'd expect about 600. I'm likely to go into TLDR posting when I get an 8-hour shift and the SC portion of 800 calls to report here.
SC: Hi, after you find the number can you dial it for me?
Me: Actually I can't, since you're calling from a payphone. (the logic behind that is that 411 on a payphone is free, so dialing the number afterwards will mean the guy will have a free call, and the phone company is against that. On a normal landline the automated system offers call completion for an extra fee. I won't rant further to keep it shortish).
SC: But I have no money!
Me: I'm sorry, I can't dial for you but you could try a collect call?
SC: OK I'll do that but you'll need to tell me how to do it. *gives me the info of the listing he wants*
Me: One moment please. *finds listing* OK to reach [name] by collect call please dial 0-514-
SC, cutting me off: I told you I have no money. (I can hear he's making an effort to have a pathetic tone)
Me: Yes, I understood that, so that's why I'm telling you how to do the collect call so you don't have to pay for it.
SC: OK.
Me: So you need to dial 0-514-55
SC, cutting me off again: Dammit, it's too complicated, I have no memory. Dial that for me.
Me: Again sir, I'm sorry but there is no way for me to dial the number. Maybe you could write it down?
SC: I don't have a pen or paper. I don't have money, I'm freezing outside here and I absolutely need to reach this guy.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but there is absolutely no way I would be able to dial the number under any circumstances at all. (I thought this wording would make it clear that it's not because I'm a drone without feelings, or because I didn't want the extra work which he'd expect is involved, but because the system doesn't give me any possibility of dialing an outside number.
SC: Can't you have a little sympathy? I'm lost here, I need to call this guy so he can help me out.
Me: No sir. I cannot dial for you. It is absolutely impossible for me to dial any number. I can only receive calls. Back to a nicer tone: Maybe you could enter a store nearby and borrow a pen and paper from them?
SC: Yeah I'll do that and call you back.
Me: Have a nice day. *END*
It pisses me off when people think I say "I can't" to mean "I'm too lazy to do it". I'll do everything my company asks and most often go the extra mile, but there are things that simply cannot be done because of the way the system is programmed, and there is always a good (but too long to explain if I want to keep my 26-sec quota) reason why the system was designed that way.
Next - with fictional info.
SC: Hello, I'm looking for Jules Winnfield on First Avenue in Inglewood, California.
Me: Can you spell the last name please? (I know how to spell the example but I want to use examples from the best movie ever. One Big Kahuna Cheeseburger for the first person to reply with the name of that movie. Others will get a Sprite)
SC: Jules Winnfield, First Avenue, Inglewood.
Me: Please spell the last name?
SC: Winnfield.
Me, getting pissed off that they're not paying any attention. I think he got the hint from the tone change: For the last time, I am asking you to please tell me how to write this last name, Winnfield. If you do not give me this information I will unfortunately have to end this call.
SC: W-i-n-n-f-i-e-l-d.
Me: Thank you. *search* Here is the number. *SEND*
"Can you spell the last name please?"
"Can you repeat your request please?"
Am I the only one who notices these two sentences are not the same, and do not mean the same thing, and that the response to one is absolutely not helpful in the slightest bit for the other? I was literally
ing the air on the customer's replies. And, no doubt, turning an unflattering shade of red. But I can generally control my voice and the last attempt to get the info was done in a professional although very firm voice. Only once in two years has a customer commented to me about how I sounded pissed, and I was not pissed at all but only trying to be quick to lower a per-call average soaring in the high 30s.Ahem. Moving on:
There's this call my coworker got where a woman tried to talk him into quitting his job and entering a pyramid sales scheme.
And there's a f*cking fax machine that's stuck on calling toll-free directory assistance (another database with service provided by the same operators as 411). It's annoying because halfway through my short opening spiel I hear this damn deafening modem chatter starting up. Brings me back to dial-up era. Oh the nostalgia. But it's still a deafening noise, and a fax machine being a fax machine, hanging up only makes it dial again.
And the people (not more now than on any other day, but I remembered them while writing this) who just come online and say "Hi, I'm looking for a phone number *silence where I'm justifiably expecting "for [name in city on street]*" Well no sh*t Sherlock, what the heck else would one call 411 for? (in fact, because a SC is a SC, a lot of other things, some for which we can put the customer on the right track, but most of them completely unrelated to anything we do.)
Another actual call:
SC: I'm looking for the (something) theatre in Montreal.
Me: *search* Well we don't have it but it says 'see (something else)' for which we have Administration, Box office, Security and Parking.
SC: Well I want to buy a ticket.
Me: So you want the Box Office number?
SC: I don't know, I want to buy a ticket!
Me: Then you need the Box Office number. Please hold. *SEND* (Normally we can't decide for our customers but I took the liberty of doing it this time.)
Last because it's probably the least astonishing because hey, kids will be kids, I got a bunch of kids on a payphone who told me, in choral fashion (this is why I even remember the call. Kids call to insult us and hang up all the time), to "Go eat sh!t and die". The musician I am was almost pleased, but then the operator got the upper hand and reflexively brought the right pinky to the END CALL button.
And all of this happens on a day where I got something like 450 calls over 6 hours (the number pops up when I log out from the system), when I'd expect about 600. I'm likely to go into TLDR posting when I get an 8-hour shift and the SC portion of 800 calls to report here.
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