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Hey there; long-time lurker. I finally got around to making an account. 
I'm in college and freelancing as an artist on the side doing just about anything - my major is 'communications design,' meaning that I'm trained to make anything visual that does the job.
Flaky Band
Recently, I was doing some art for <local band> - logo redesign and a poster. I had a few weeks for the deadline. I don't charge small bands very much, and in return, I get looser deadlines and free publicity via the posters and their website. The problem is that they're often not very professional, and while they'll usually pay you without complaint, they're horrible at getting back to you when you have questions. I usually avoid them for that reason but I needed the money. However, this band was particularly bad. This is about how it went.
1. <Band> emails me and gives me a vague idea of what they want. Emphasis on vague.
2. Email them back within a day, saying I'll send them sketches.
3. I try to figure out what in the hell they meant by "robots wearing boxes" and why said robots are supposed to look "horifried." Horifried? What, is wearing boxes the robot equivalent of crossdressing?
4. Sketch out concepts and email them back the next day.
5. Wait two weeks for an email agreement on amount for payment.
6. Finish the art over that weekend and send back small files so they can see it - if they're happy, they need to pay me to get a larger, non watermarked version so they can print it.
7. Wait another week.
8. Email them and politely ask if they received the images.
9. Wait another week.
10. Learn via their myspace that they've disbanded.
....and you guys didn't think that you should tell the person that you hired that you're not around anymore??
Oh, wait. Yeah. You didn't think.
It looked pretty!
My mother works at <major bookstore chain>. She still can't work a computer, but has been relaying me some stories of her customers for quite some time. I share stories from this board to cheer her up. (I'd say I hope to get her to join some day, but my last attempt to teach her to click on file folders to open them ended with her in tears, so I'm not holding my breath here.)
M - my mother
SC - clueless lady, middle-aged
M: Welcome to <bookstore>!
SC: *stares around as if in a daze*
M: .... can I help you find anything, miss?
SC: I'm looking for this book.
M: ....
SC: ....
Lady - you're in a bookstore. You're going to have to do better than that.
SC: It's red!
M: What was the title?
SC: *cheerful smile* I don't know!
M: Do you know the author?
SC: *frowns* No.
M: *trying to be patient* Well, what is the book about?
SC: *angry* I don't know! How am I supposed to know that?! It's not like I read it! It was red and it had gold letters on the cover. It was here a few weeks ago. Why is this so hard for you?!
M:
SC: It was RED!
At this point, M glances quickly over the 'new releases' area in the front, as that's the most likely place for someone with her attention span to even look at books. (After that point, she'd probably be distracted by some lint on the floor and go play with that, so...) She picks out a book that has a lot of red on the cover and yellowish text and offers it to the customer.
SC: See, it wasn't that hard! You should learn how to do your job!
M:
Bonus: She found out later that the book she handed the customer had just been released that morning. There was no way it was the same book that customer had seen before.
Bulky
M - same as before
SGB - Super-Ghetto-Boy, white boy trying to be a 'gangsta' so hard that it was just pathetic.
For a couple of months, <bookstore> has been having breakins by groups of thieves working together, so whenever teenage boys come into the store in large groups now, someone has to watch them and make sure they're not stealing.
M has to watch them today. She spots one of them grabbing DVDs and shoving them into the front of his coat, while another plays lookout. M goes over to confront them.
M: Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to put those back.
SGB: *turns around, holding jacket closed* Wat-chu talkin bout??
M: Sir, you just put DVDs in your coat. I saw you, and we have you on camera. If you put them back and leave now, we'll still ban you from this store but we won't call the police.
SGB: *turns to friend* What dat bitch be talkin bout? I ain't got no Dee-Vee-Deeyas, yo.
M: Sir.
SGB: Dat bitch be wack!
M: SIR. I'm going to have to call the police if you don't put those back. I'm giving you one last chance.
SGB: She be trippin, yo! *starts laughing*
Now, when he started laughing, he let go of his jacket, and it opened. M was expecting to see DVDs stuffed into the inside pockets, since it was one of those large poofy jackets. Instead, SGB has been shoving them... Into. His. Pants.
SGB has the huge rectangular crotch of doom.
M: *calls security over via her walky talky*
SGB: Whaaaaa?!! I aint do nothin! You just be hatin! (....he's white. So is my mother. Nonetheless...)
M: You have the DVDs in your pants. I can clearly see them -- and if that was something other than DVDs, I doubt your girlfriend would have let you leave for long enough to come into the store, so don't even try arguing that.
SGB: ...... *FLEE~*
He made it about three yards. He then tripped over the hem of his baggy pants and faceplanted into the floor. You, sir, have FAILED.
I'm in college and freelancing as an artist on the side doing just about anything - my major is 'communications design,' meaning that I'm trained to make anything visual that does the job.
Flaky Band
Recently, I was doing some art for <local band> - logo redesign and a poster. I had a few weeks for the deadline. I don't charge small bands very much, and in return, I get looser deadlines and free publicity via the posters and their website. The problem is that they're often not very professional, and while they'll usually pay you without complaint, they're horrible at getting back to you when you have questions. I usually avoid them for that reason but I needed the money. However, this band was particularly bad. This is about how it went.
1. <Band> emails me and gives me a vague idea of what they want. Emphasis on vague.
2. Email them back within a day, saying I'll send them sketches.
3. I try to figure out what in the hell they meant by "robots wearing boxes" and why said robots are supposed to look "horifried." Horifried? What, is wearing boxes the robot equivalent of crossdressing?
4. Sketch out concepts and email them back the next day.
5. Wait two weeks for an email agreement on amount for payment.
6. Finish the art over that weekend and send back small files so they can see it - if they're happy, they need to pay me to get a larger, non watermarked version so they can print it.
7. Wait another week.
8. Email them and politely ask if they received the images.
9. Wait another week.
10. Learn via their myspace that they've disbanded.
....and you guys didn't think that you should tell the person that you hired that you're not around anymore??
Oh, wait. Yeah. You didn't think.
It looked pretty!
My mother works at <major bookstore chain>. She still can't work a computer, but has been relaying me some stories of her customers for quite some time. I share stories from this board to cheer her up. (I'd say I hope to get her to join some day, but my last attempt to teach her to click on file folders to open them ended with her in tears, so I'm not holding my breath here.)
M - my mother
SC - clueless lady, middle-aged
M: Welcome to <bookstore>!
SC: *stares around as if in a daze*
M: .... can I help you find anything, miss?
SC: I'm looking for this book.
M: ....
SC: ....
Lady - you're in a bookstore. You're going to have to do better than that.
SC: It's red!
M: What was the title?
SC: *cheerful smile* I don't know!
M: Do you know the author?
SC: *frowns* No.
M: *trying to be patient* Well, what is the book about?
SC: *angry* I don't know! How am I supposed to know that?! It's not like I read it! It was red and it had gold letters on the cover. It was here a few weeks ago. Why is this so hard for you?!
M:
SC: It was RED!
At this point, M glances quickly over the 'new releases' area in the front, as that's the most likely place for someone with her attention span to even look at books. (After that point, she'd probably be distracted by some lint on the floor and go play with that, so...) She picks out a book that has a lot of red on the cover and yellowish text and offers it to the customer.
SC: See, it wasn't that hard! You should learn how to do your job!
M:
Bonus: She found out later that the book she handed the customer had just been released that morning. There was no way it was the same book that customer had seen before.
Bulky
M - same as before
SGB - Super-Ghetto-Boy, white boy trying to be a 'gangsta' so hard that it was just pathetic.
For a couple of months, <bookstore> has been having breakins by groups of thieves working together, so whenever teenage boys come into the store in large groups now, someone has to watch them and make sure they're not stealing.
M has to watch them today. She spots one of them grabbing DVDs and shoving them into the front of his coat, while another plays lookout. M goes over to confront them.
M: Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to put those back.
SGB: *turns around, holding jacket closed* Wat-chu talkin bout??
M: Sir, you just put DVDs in your coat. I saw you, and we have you on camera. If you put them back and leave now, we'll still ban you from this store but we won't call the police.
SGB: *turns to friend* What dat bitch be talkin bout? I ain't got no Dee-Vee-Deeyas, yo.
M: Sir.
SGB: Dat bitch be wack!
M: SIR. I'm going to have to call the police if you don't put those back. I'm giving you one last chance.
SGB: She be trippin, yo! *starts laughing*
Now, when he started laughing, he let go of his jacket, and it opened. M was expecting to see DVDs stuffed into the inside pockets, since it was one of those large poofy jackets. Instead, SGB has been shoving them... Into. His. Pants.
SGB has the huge rectangular crotch of doom.
M:
*calls security over via her walky talky*SGB: Whaaaaa?!! I aint do nothin! You just be hatin! (....he's white. So is my mother. Nonetheless...)
M: You have the DVDs in your pants. I can clearly see them -- and if that was something other than DVDs, I doubt your girlfriend would have let you leave for long enough to come into the store, so don't even try arguing that.
SGB: ...... *FLEE~*
He made it about three yards. He then tripped over the hem of his baggy pants and faceplanted into the floor. You, sir, have FAILED.
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