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I work for a publishing company at the moment, and while most of the time I sashay around with piles of books and correct the grammar of others, occasionally the evil telephonic device on my desk rings.
Me: BookBint extraordinaire
SC: Perhaps not sucky, but certainly a lady two ham sandwiches short of a fun day at the park. And yet she seemed so normal at first…
Me: Hello, OddlyGeekyHistoryBookCompany, BookBint speaking.
SC: Hello, I’d like to order a copy of ---- please.
*ok, I am not in the sales department, but sometimes calls get routed wrong and I don’t mind writing down details and forwarding it on. I’m just that nice*
Me: That’s fine, can I take your details please?
*I note down the name of the book, the delivery address, credit card number, all the usual stuff, and consider it a job well done*
Me: That’s all sorted, is there anything else I can help you with?
SC: Well actually I was wondering if you could do a subject search on your titles in case there is anything else I might want to order.
Me: Certainly.
*the sales department will bow down before my feet for this. Oh the sweet power and kudos that will be heaped upon me.
Little did I know that crazy was about to break loose and go trampling the downtown*
SC: Well, I want to know more about Jeremy Kyle. I need a book on Jeremy Kyle.
Me: Excuse me? (For those of you from the states, Jeremy Kyle is a poor man’s Jerry Springer. Just as tacky, but with far more preaching and telling everyone how he understands what they are going through because his brother was a bit messed up once)
SC: Jeremy Kyle. He’s on television. He’s very gifted.
Me: Um, we publish history books…
SC: Yes. Jeremy Kyle is making history. He helps people. He’s saved lives. I’ve done a lot of research and I know a lot about him.
*proceeds to tell me a lot about Jeremy Kyle, which makes me think that SHE should be writing a book on him*
Me: Well, as I say, we mainly publish history books; we don’t do biographies of living people.
SC: But you have to help me! I don’t know enough about him!
Me: I’m sorry, why don’t you try online? We really don’t have any books on that particular subject.
SC: Well could you do some research for me?
Me: *thinks WTF!* No, we don’t do that…
SC: Well do ring me if you find anything out about him. It really is most urgent.
*What, do you need more info for when you are sitting in a tree with a pair of night vision goggles watching Mr Kyle brush his teeth and quietly rocking and crooning to yourself?*
Me: I’m afraid as I said we publish history books and don’t do freelance research.
SC: *mournfully, like a kicked puppy* Well if you do find out anything about Jeremy you will let me know?
Me: Sure thing.
Someone fell out of the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down…
Me: BookBint extraordinaire
SC: Perhaps not sucky, but certainly a lady two ham sandwiches short of a fun day at the park. And yet she seemed so normal at first…
Me: Hello, OddlyGeekyHistoryBookCompany, BookBint speaking.
SC: Hello, I’d like to order a copy of ---- please.
*ok, I am not in the sales department, but sometimes calls get routed wrong and I don’t mind writing down details and forwarding it on. I’m just that nice*
Me: That’s fine, can I take your details please?
*I note down the name of the book, the delivery address, credit card number, all the usual stuff, and consider it a job well done*
Me: That’s all sorted, is there anything else I can help you with?
SC: Well actually I was wondering if you could do a subject search on your titles in case there is anything else I might want to order.
Me: Certainly.
*the sales department will bow down before my feet for this. Oh the sweet power and kudos that will be heaped upon me.
Little did I know that crazy was about to break loose and go trampling the downtown*SC: Well, I want to know more about Jeremy Kyle. I need a book on Jeremy Kyle.
Me: Excuse me? (For those of you from the states, Jeremy Kyle is a poor man’s Jerry Springer. Just as tacky, but with far more preaching and telling everyone how he understands what they are going through because his brother was a bit messed up once)
SC: Jeremy Kyle. He’s on television. He’s very gifted.
Me: Um, we publish history books…
SC: Yes. Jeremy Kyle is making history. He helps people. He’s saved lives. I’ve done a lot of research and I know a lot about him.
*proceeds to tell me a lot about Jeremy Kyle, which makes me think that SHE should be writing a book on him*
Me: Well, as I say, we mainly publish history books; we don’t do biographies of living people.
SC: But you have to help me! I don’t know enough about him!
Me: I’m sorry, why don’t you try online? We really don’t have any books on that particular subject.
SC: Well could you do some research for me?
Me: *thinks WTF!* No, we don’t do that…
SC: Well do ring me if you find anything out about him. It really is most urgent.
*What, do you need more info for when you are sitting in a tree with a pair of night vision goggles watching Mr Kyle brush his teeth and quietly rocking and crooning to yourself?*
Me: I’m afraid as I said we publish history books and don’t do freelance research.
SC: *mournfully, like a kicked puppy* Well if you do find out anything about Jeremy you will let me know?
Me: Sure thing.
Someone fell out of the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down…
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