But I Wanty my Booky!

[BookBint]

Got rung up by an author a few days back (who are to all intents and purposes customers, sometimes SCs, often EWs).

B: BookBint, AKA me, AKA The Grand High Treacle Queen.
A: Author from Hades.
UB: Uber Boss, godlike in all ways. King of pwnage.

B: Good morning, BB speaking.
A: Where is my book????
B: Um… who’s speaking please?
A: It’s WankyAuthor. Why have you not given me my felching [yes, he actually said felching, all innocents please google it for a good time] book???
B: Sir, you gave us the manuscript less than a month ago…
A: Sooooo?
B: It hasn’t been printed…
A: Why not????
B: Because it has to be edited, designed, proofed, corrected, printed, bound and shipped.
A: And?

At this point I felt a migraine coming on and handed the phone to <boss>. He then gets the same spiel from WankyAuthor before cutting him off mid-sentence.

UB: Look WankyAuthor, we haven’t touched your manuscript. Not only because it isn’t due on the schedule for 6 months, but also because I read the first page and decided then and there to send it back to you for significant re-writing. I particularly noticed that in your Introduction you do not appear to know the difference between the Battle of Loos and the Battle of the Somme. For an author of a book on the First World War I consider that a handicap. Good day.

[Mister]

Wow,
UB is aptly named, skill and spine

[Canarr]

Googled it. Hate you now.

But congrats for your UB - he rules...

[Trayol]

yes, he actually said felching, all innocents please google it for a good time

My mind has been accosted by this new knowledge.

I believe your boss should be added to the list of those who should be cloned.

[Camry178]

A: It’s WankyAuthor. Why have you not given me my felching [yes, he actually said felching, all innocents please google it for a good time] book???

OMG...That's information that I need to have removed from my memory.

[Broomjockey]

I already knew that.

And yes, some authors suck hard. I'm new to the business, so I'm lucky enough to not have been in contact with any yet. One really nice one. Guy was sincerely apologetic about being a pain to inform us that we'd mixed up and put a review about an author with the same last name on his page (our database automatically updates when we put in new reviews we've found). I had to assure him a couple of times it was no bother, and that we appreciated being told, as it wasn't fair to either him or the other author.

[Evil Queen]

I didn't google it. I'm safe!

And, no, my curiosity is NOT getting the better of me this time! So

Oh, and I promise to NEVER act like that once I become published.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I already knew what felching was. I mean, I've heard all the stories about Richard Gere and his gerbil...

<.<
>.>

[wordboy]

Nope, not gonna google it...at least, not until I get home from work.

Y'know, I'm working on a novel that I have high hopes for. I also hope that, if it is accepted first by an agent then by a publisher, I'll be a bit more rational than this twit.

[Horsetuna]

Me too. currently working on cutting my short story br 50% To get it under the 'max word count' for short stories most magazines have.

Its... not easy, and a 12k story seems to be right in the middle, heh.

I wont be like this though. I may be confused and forget things but that's it.

[PepperElf]

I didn't bother googling. One of my former co-workers liked the word.


But considering his book sucked....
the phrase might not be inappropriate in this case...

[hinakiba777]

yes, he actually said felching, all innocents please google it for a good time

Okay BB I trust you!

*runs of to google* I....I... *shudders*

DUDE! GROSS! I thought it was an replacement term, but it's..... My innocence!

Did you all know the statistically more books are being written than people actually read anymore? No one reads, everyone writes. This explains Twilight.

[tamezin]

A: It’s WankyAuthor. Why have you not given me my felching [yes, he actually said felching, all innocents please google it for a good time]

Oh My ... I would have preferred to remain innocent.

I didn't google it. I'm safe!

And, no, my curiosity is NOT getting the better of me this time! So

Oh, and I promise to NEVER act like that once I become published.

You are the smart one...I wasn't so lucky.

[Broomjockey]

I can't believe you people. Ya'll just blindly google a term that someone's used as an insult? *goes in search of a pointing and laughing smiley*

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

You're probably bound by a contract to do it, but If I had the power I'd straight up drop the guys book from by publishing schedule after being treated that way.