Eau de Customer (warning, smelly language)

[4love]

So another thread reminded me of a couple gripes I have from work.

The first one, I suppose really isn't the customers' fault, just a gross thing that sometimes happens to me; walking through other people's farts.

I hate it with a passion. It's a thankfully rare but unfortunately memorable occasion when someone's let loose with a stinker seconds before I walk behind them with an armload of books to shelve. My poor nose... Seriously, what are these people eating?

Maybe they could try and... disperse it... y'know, a discrete hand-wave behind them, or maybe swing a book back there to try and make things a little less heinous in that one spot. Or do what I do, find a quiet spot no one's likely to have to walk through for a moment or two and discreetly let loose. Not toot right on one of the main thoroughfares of the store!

Not that that happens a lot, but when it does, it's pretty awful.


Secondly, extreme b.o. My store is a very welcoming place... we do have several homeless people who occasionally stop by, and as long as they don't bother anyone and don't steal from us they get the same great customer service and friendly attitude we extend to everyone else who walks through our doors.

That doesn't mean they're pleasant to deal with, though. I think the worst ones are the people who have some kind of food smell hanging about them- rancid grease, or potatoes, or something like that. It's a kind of double whammy, because that gets me thinking about eating with that smell hanging around and it's nauseating.

The funny... well, the odd thing is, probably my worst b.o. offender that I, personally, had to deal with at work was actually dressed very nicely, and wearing perfume. The perfume... it did nothing..... and this person had no concept of personal space. One foot away is just too close unless you're related to me, and probably you're too near even then.

But even he doesn't compare to the worst-smelling human I've ever come across. That one goes in Sightings, so I'll post that there.

So, anyone else want to share worst-human-smell-ever stories?

[blas]

At my work, we have two big offending groups of people. The ones who smell of BO. Like the Seinfeld kind of BO.........I know we don't make a lot of money and our hours just got cut but that doesn't mean you should take soap out of your budget, especially if you can still afford cigarettes that add to your stink (I am a smoker by the way, before anyone slams me). Water is not that expensive. Take a fucking shower. Please.

Then there's the women and few men who drown themselves in perfume/cologne. My former boss, I swore, wore an entire bottle of Vera Wang for men every single week. It was a nice smell but my gosh it was too much. Cologne is so strong, two pumps should last two days! And the women, especially the older ones, with their Chanel no. 5 and Windsong and other nasty perfumes....just gaaaah. So musky and nasty. Too much at once.

[BaristaTrav]

Oh yea. Had this older guy come in occasionally.. he was a bit "off" if not outright certifiable.. Now to explain, down in my former neck of the woods in South FL, 10.5months out of the year it's insufferably hot and humid out. In the summer, it's just stupid. But that didn't stop this guy from WALKING several miles from wherever he came from to our store. He was one of these guys that normally smells awful, but combine profuse sweat, and he was literally one of those people that probably actually had a medical problem with B.O. (saw it once on Mystery Diagnosis). He would then order his HOT TEA and the wrost part of all.. he would then sit and read the paper for HOURS. Shockingly no other customers would stick around while he claimed the store.

[stucksb]

I hate it when people wear more than a discrete whiff of perfume. I'm allergic to most perfumes and will wind up with weepy eyes, running nose and gagging if I run into someone who uses lots of perfume. I almost never go to department stores in Malls for that reason.

[Android Kaeli]

Don't get too many of them but it usually the older ladies [ like mid-60's and older ] that just reek of cheap perfume that smells awful. I *still* have perfume I haven't used up since *two* Christmas's ago but these ladies seem to get the worst smelling stuff known to human-kind and just layer it on.

[Ellain]

The absolute worst BO I've smelled was from a girl in high school. She maybe showered once a month. After she left an area, it would take at least a half an hour for the smell to dissipate. There were times she induced vomiting in other students by walking past, and she was sent home by the nurse on several occasions. I was unfortunate enough to sit by her in choir for 4 years.

We have had "cigarette smoke and cat p***" customers frequently. You have to find excuses to walk away just so you can breathe.

On one memorable occasion, a gentleman came to our store and completely disgusted anyone who encountered him. To begin with, he was overweight and showing off his rolls (and, unfortunately, buns) with droopy pants. This is generally unpleasant, but it gets worse. Either he sat in chocolate, or...

Eww.

[LillFilly]

Unfortunately, when I am stressed, or have eaten something that just didn't seem to agree with me, I get VERY gassy. But I am considerate of other people and stay away from crowded areas or try to stay outside until things settle-down.

I believe the Japanese just invented a 'fart preventer' which looks like a short tube with a rounded end with holes. I'm sure you can guess where it's supposed to go. It's supposed to disperse the sound of the fart, and you can insert a cotton ball with your favorite perfume into the hollow tube. If I hadn't seen the photo, I wouldn't have believed it was real.

You don't exactly have a whole lot of warning time in which to insert it though!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I believe the Japanese just invented a 'fart preventer' which looks like a short tube with a rounded end with holes. I'm sure you can guess where it's supposed to go. It's supposed to disperse the sound of the fart, and you can insert a cotton ball with your favorite perfume into the hollow tube. If I hadn't seen the photo, I wouldn't have believed it was real.

You don't exactly have a whole lot of warning time in which to insert it though!

o.O

I guess time weighs more heavily on some people's hands than others.

When I gotta fart, I gotta fart. I'll do it as discreetly as possible or try to get to a private place first. I sure as hell am not going to jam a tube and a cotton ball up my ass just to spare people from my stinky rectal music.

[Hitokiri Akins]

The worst stink offenders I've ever met were the truckers at the truck stop I used to work at.

Now, I understand that a trucker is not always going be able to get to a place where with showering facilities when they have to stop and take their mandatory 10 hour break. I'm cool with a trucker who hasn't been able to bathe in days, because I had to do the same in the military when we did field exercises.

No, I'm talking about the trucker who decided that he or she is not going to bathe until they return home, however long that may be. These are the truckers who spend 9 months continuous out on the road, and have a nice, rotten odor about them wherever they go. And these are the people that like to get right next to you in line, or at the register, or wherever you happen to be. And this was in the winter, when the temperature was subzero this past winter. It was even worse in the summer.

And those truckers are the ones that "had problems with the modules", (I worked for IdleAire, who recently laid off 95 percent of their on site employees just so they could "save money and turn a profit". But I digress.), and made me climb up into their odoriferous trucks, just to torture my nostrils. And I have an unusually good sense of smell; I can smell cigarettes on clothes weeks after they have been washed if someone has smoked near me, perfumes and colognes torture me, and so on.

I swear, it seems like some truckers are purposefully trying to make our lives miserable, all because we make their lives miserable on the road.

[Spork4pedro]

we have a few "poopy" customers at our store. I live in Cow Town with tons of farms and dairy in the outer parts of town so we get our fair share of these workers coming in on their way to/from work. The worst set of customers are the poop muckers (or whatever they're called...the guys that clean out the cow stalls) that come in still wearing all their nasty rubber gear covered in poop! they drag it all over the floors and the stench lingers for hours even after we've attacked the bleach to it! Thank goodness they don't come in as often anymore!

We have another regular who tops the chart as well. Usually she sends her caretaker (I guess? never really sure what she is) to get her order but the days she actually comes in are always fun. She very nice but when we see her walking into the store we play rock, paper, scissors to see who serves her (you have to walk over her drink since she's handicapped) because she really smells like poopy pants. I always feel bad just it is probably a health issue but man, it's overwhelming sometimes!

blech!!

[MelodiousBubbles]

We have this one woman who comes in who just smells. I have nothing against smokers. About 90% of my coworkers smoke and so do quite a few of my friends and they all still rock.
They don't, however, smell like five ashtrays. They also don't try (unsuccessfully, I might add) to cover it up with enough layers of perfume to knock an elephant out cold. She gives me a migraine by just walking past me (I have a sensitivity to strong perfumes), and even the owner of the store has done a double take when she was in once. Bleh.

[XCashier]

So, anyone else want to share worst-human-smell-ever stories?

I've mentioned this guy before. I was working at the Novelty Store in the Run-Down Mall. One evening, right before closing, this huge guy with filthy clothes and slimy hair came into the store, walked around for a bit, and left. He smelled so awful the stench lingered for an hour after he left.

How bad did he smell? Picture this: imagine a butcher shop, abandoned at the beginning of an extremely hot summer, electricity shut off, meat still hanging off the hooks. Now go back six months later and take a deep breath of the place. He smelled even worse than that!!!

Keep in mind, this was in Phoenix AZ, during the summer. Brutal heat + extreme body odor = Even in the desert, water isn't so scarce that you should avoid bathing. And you will feel so much better having a cooling shower after a hot day. So please, for everyone's sake including your own, clean up your act!

[KellyHabersham]

We don't have too many problems with this at the library, the few exceptions being a regular male customer who's got some physical disabilities and always smells like he's soiled himself, and we've got a few regular families who I hate seeing in the children's room when I have to shelve there, because they either overdo it on perfume, or smell like poopy diapers/stale tortillas.

[RedRoseSpiral]

The only time I ran into smelly customers is when I worked at the chinese place during high school. There were a few people.

Perfum Lady:.

This was an older woman who only came in once and I was very thankful for that fact. Actually, it might have been involuntary reaction that caused her never to order from us again. I have a very strong sense of smell and get headaches around people who use excessive amounts of perfume and body spray.

This woman comes in and before she was halfway across the mat in front of the door I'm getting a headache from the amount of perfume she is wearing. By the time she got to the front counter I couldn't breath without breathing in the stink of her perfume and coughing. She didn't like that and glared at me through her entire order.

The Smokers:

There were a couple different people who came in who evidently did nothing all day but smoke in a very enclosed space with no ventilation.

There was one man who would come in every two weeks and order the exact same dish every time and the cigarette smell would come off of him in waves. Another woman was the same way but she also had the smell of strong whiskey on her.

[4love]

He smelled so awful the stench lingered for an hour after he left.

Yeah, I can't count the number of times I've wanted to tell a customer to their face-
"I am not a bloodhound. I should not be able to track you by scent!"

'Cause some of these people, I seriously could.