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Douche Nozzle Inc.(WARNING: A story is gross)
So a HOUR before I was supposed to be off shift someone called in sick(Headache) and I had to stay over 4 hours into day shift. I just got home. :-(
You think, I think.
I was sitting at one of the reception desks(Desk B). Desk B also acts as Operator for the WHOLE GLOBAL COMPANY.
So I am sitting there and the operator phone rings. The guy sounded real pompus and reeked of Entitlement Whore.
Skippy: Good Morning <name of company> How may I direct your call?
DB: "yes. RoseMsjklksk;ldkkas;l please"
Skippy: "er...how do you spell that last name again?" Seriously, it was that crazy of a last name.
DB: M-s-j-k-l-k-s-k-;-ldkkas;
Skippy: -Brain starting to hurt as he tries to type this into the search box of his Computer directory-
Skippy: "Sir, I am sorry but that name is not showing in my system."
DB: "Well hmph. He should be there..."
Skippy: "let me try another directory" Note: I have Four directories at my disposal. They reccomend I only use the fourth in extreme circumstances, this one not being one of them.
I type it in, no avail.
Skippy: "Sorry sir. Not in there. Let me go by the first name. Rose...."
DB: "Not Rose! Bryan!"
Skippy: O.o? WTF? I swear he said Rose..."Bryan?"
DB: "Yes! Bryan!!" I coulda' swore I heard Rose....
I check. No Bryan with a last name like that either.
Skippy: "Still no avail"
DB: "Well I think d you are spelling it wrong. But its ok. "
Skippy: -glare- "Are you sure sir?" Which is the customer service version of me saying "Well I THINK you are a Grade A Douche Nozzle.
DB: "Yes I am sure. Buh bye now! -click!-"
-after I hang up- "Asshole..."
Glare at me will you!? Why I aughta...
Remember the guy who I asked to see his badge and tripped out on me? Well he came in the lobby again, badge visible.
Skippy: "Morning sir!"
Man: :just turns and looks over his shoulder as he walks away, glaring at Skippy a few seconds before he walks away."
Skippy: -glares right back when the guy;s back is turned-
I would of flipped him off but I was on Video Camera.
Matt Damon...
...is not in any of my directories.
(I was REALLY bored)
One of my co workers...
...is a douche bag.
WARNING EPICLY GROSS
I'm serious.....
I'm warning you....
You think the Thong Story was tame?
Well this is worse......
WAY worse.....
Bodily Fluids are involved.......
Dude, this is like, beyond R rated........
Don't say I didn't warn you......
If you don't like this sort of thing.....
turn back now.....
Still here? Here we go!
This happened a few weeks ago but on grave yard shift I was on my break and walked into the restroom to grab some napkins because I spilled coffee on my hand.
In there I just happened to see alot of tissue paper on the floor in a stall. Thinking someone made a mess I decided to investigate.
I walked in and....
There was shit all in the toilet and ON THE OUTSIDE of the toilet and ON THE FLOOR AROUND the toilet.
Worse yet there is was BLOOD. Now I don't mean streaks I mean a few puddles and it was even on the WALL.
This is a Chronological Play By Play of my Reaction:
00:01>Skippy: "WTF??"
00:02>Skippy:
00:03>Skippy: :GAGS READY TO THROW UP:
00:05>Skippy: :Contains self, but runs to HQ to Inform his boss to call the janitors NOW!:
So later I come back and they sealed off the bathroom stall with caution tape. What they did or were doing or planning on doing, I do not know.
Next day, it was mostly cleaned up but TO THIS DAY there are still stains on the toilet interior from where they couldn't scrub it out. I REFUSE to use it.
And I don't know what happened but uh, I'm no doctor but whoever that was, uh, dude, you might wanna get that checked.....
and rest.
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