Stupid Tourist Customer Questions

[Shironu-Akaineko]

oh boy story time.

Since where I live is THE seaside town of Canada, replace Bisons with seals but keep the bears and Bambis. Just as wild, just as dangerous, just natural selection doing it's work.

"Where are all the cod fishermen?"
Out to sea in Newfoundland where they belong.

"Where are the indians?"
Woo woo woo woo woo. Here's your indian experience. That'll be one blanket and your first born please. (For the record, I'm half native.)

"Where's the snow?"
In December, where it belongs.

"How do I get to Percé from here?"
See that road you came from? Turn around, go back, follow the green signs. They even come with arrows. Practical!

"I came to see the dogsleds!"
Yeaaah, we do the Dogsled Festival when the Bay is FROZEN, pal. (Why do they wait till June/July/August to ask for this stuff?)

"I heard there were ice scupltures on Queen street. Where is it?"
Not only is it the street you walked on to ask me, but we're in SUMMER. The fact that you came here wearing Bermudas, a hawaiian shirt and the stupidest looking whole wheat hat ever proves that we do in fact have a hot season.

"Where's a good motel?"
There's a motel like every two inches here. I'm not kidding. Pick one. You cannot humanly miss them unless you're legally blind. If you are, give me your car keys.

"Where are the whales??"
In the water.

Overheard at the Whale Watching boat tour guichet
"Where's the trail to Bonaventure Island?"
"Excuse me?"
"I heard there's a trail to walk to Bonaventure Island!"
"No there isn't! It's an Island!"
"But I heard..." Lather rinse repeat.

It's like saying where's the highway to Cuba.

"Where's the beach?"
Gee I dunno. Did you try the giant lighted wooden boardwalk? Did you try driving past the Mall? Did you try going to Percé? Oh, you just came back, even better (Percé is a two thing town= Stores and Beaches. Lovely) Did you try my backyard?
(I do have a beach at the end of my backyard ) You're on Vacation, DRIVE AROUND, you cannot get lost if you follow the giant roadsigns!

"Why are there so many seagulls here?"
Might have something to do with the SEA we're built against.

"Can we fish from the bridge?"
Sure, lemme get you a police escort too.

[ArenaBoy]

In California:
"Where are all the movie stars?!"
Elsewhere.

This was part of a conversation I had with a person I trained in martial arts with. I went to California in 2004 and was there for a week, I was regaling my friend with my tales when I was asked if I saw any stars. Without missing a beat I said: "No, I didn't go out at night when I was there."

[Seshat]

Correct me if I'm wrong but don't they get pretty deep into the suburbs? I seem to remember something on TV about there being a drought in some part of Australia and the kangaroos were tearing up golf courses looking for water.

It depends on where you are. However, kangaroos are wild animals, and like most wild animals, they approach humans on their own terms.

Kangaroos making a habit of being in suburbia is very rare. So rare that my parents made a point of taking me to a suburb/village (is it still a suburb if it's surrounded by wild land?) where kangaroos drop in every evening around dusk. So rare that I dug out my camera to take photographs of kangaroos actually in people's yards.

(And yes, I'm a born-and-bred aussie)

A Looooong time ago I visited Geraldton (A small town on the west coast) and a large number of normal family sedans had big ass reenforced front bumpers. I way told by the locals that Kangaroos are nocturnal and will jump into the road and really mess up your car.

Small towns in the parts of Australia where you can drive for three or four hours between townships do have kangaroo problems. Especially when you're travelling at night to another township, through those three/four hours drive-worth of essentially uninhabited-by-humans land.



EDIT to add: I'm a city Australian. My experiences are (of course!) different from those of the country Aussies.

[South Texan]

Since I work in downtown San Antonio, I often walk by the Alamo as it is three blocks from my office and right next to the river and a major mall.

Last month, a tourist who spoke with an accent that sounded straight out of the movie Fargo stopped me in front of the Alamo to ask me where the Alamo was. After I smiled and turned to point out the blindingly obvious building across the street to her, she asked me if I was a Texan. When I told her I was, she got a serious expression on her face and asked if we "true" Texans still were angry at Mexico for the battle. I have to admit that one caught me off guard. The battle happened over 170 years ago and this city is heavily influenced by Mexican culture, and Mariachi music was everywhere as the whole city was decked out for Fiesta. I guess she thought I was a "true" Texan simply because I am white. (Actually, the earliest any of my relatives came to Texas was when a maternal great grandfather's family immigrated from Germany in 1880 - long after the Republic had become the state and even after the Civil War. My father moved down here in 1956.)

I assured her that Texas holds no more ill will towards Mexico for the Texas Revolution than the rest of the US holds towards England for the American Revolution. She seemed very relieved.

[Gurndigarn]

Denver ain't so high up. I lived in Santa Fe. 7,500 feet.

Quito. 2800 meters (9200 ft). And I think the mountains on the side put it up another half km at least, if you head up the hills.

[infavorofnaturalselection]

Since I work in downtown San Antonio, I often walk by the Alamo as it is three blocks from my office and right next to the river and a major mall.

Last month, a tourist who spoke with an accent that sounded straight out of the movie Fargo stopped me When I told her I was, she got a serious expression on her face and asked if we "true" Texans still were angry at Mexico for the battle.

I assured her that Texas holds no more ill will towards Mexico for the Texas Revolution than the rest of the US holds towards England for the American Revolution. She seemed very relieved.

First what the heck is a "true texan"?

Second why would Texas still hold ill will towards Mexico?

Mind you Texas revolted because Mexico had outlawed slavery which is not something the school textbooks want to say so Mexico would be the ones angry at Texas. School textbooks in the US outside of AP or advanced classes tend to be very dumbed up (i refuse to say dumbed down because the opposite is what occurs) as well as being squemish about certain details because it would make a lot of people look very evil. Two examples of this are not detailing the role of Christian Churches in the killing of large numbers of Amerinds or denial of entry of Jews prior to Nazi Germany starting the Final Solution.

Also in referance to the accent out of the movie Fargo people actually do speak like that. There have been several interviews about that particular accent in the movie.

[BusBus]

Quito. 2800 meters (9200 ft). And I think the mountains on the side put it up another half km at least, if you head up the hills.

Been there myself. I remember the air being thinner up there.

I worked in a tourist trap for nearly four years...nothing that they say surprises me anymore.

[repsac]

Overheard at the Whale Watching boat tour guichet
"Where's the trail to Bonaventure Island?"
"Excuse me?"
"I heard there's a trail to walk to Bonaventure Island!"
"No there isn't! It's an Island!"
"But I heard..." Lather rinse repeat.

Well, there is a trail here to Bonaventure Cemetary...might try suggesting they're a couple thousand miles off course. Probably should have taken that left turn at Alburqurque...

[BusyBee]

As I expect is the case for any Aussie on the internet, I get stupid tourist-y questions willy-nilly the moment people discover my nationality.

Just some of the ideas people have that I've been asked/talked to about...
We ride kangaroos to get anywhere, much like most Americans would drive a car.
I have a pet koala. (Or kangaroo, or emu, or wombat, or other Aussie animal.)
I have kangaroo/emu/wombat/etc for dinner, usually regularly.
Any time you go outside, you gotta be really careful where you step... cos everything is just covered in cane toads. And there's no vegetation whatsoever because the cane toads ate it all.
We have beaches, farmland, and desert. That's it. No cities, no rainforests, no mountains, no rivers, no nothing!

I mostly just get a good laugh out if it all these days.

[infavorofnaturalselection]

As I expect is the case for any Aussie on the internet, I get stupid tourist-y questions willy-nilly the moment people discover my nationality.


I mostly just get a good laugh out if it all these days.

Do Aussies consider, "Do koala bears smell like cough drops?" to be a stupid question?

I do wonder how many people confuse Aussies with a certain Eastern European country. Must be enough of them to make it a joke in several films, books etc.

[jb17kx]

I had kangaroo for dinner just then. Good stuff, very lean. Vaguely similar to venison, I suppose - although it's been years, so don't hold me to that.

[Andara Bledin]

You know the only people I would swear that would think things would be like that in real life are small children who cannot discern the difference between reality and fiction.

Actually, I've found that most small children have a well-defined knowledge of the difference between real and make-believe. It's adults who should know better and adults who don't understand that little kids do that cause most of the fuss. (sorry... gamer genes showing)

This was part of a conversation I had with a person I trained in martial arts with. I went to California in 2004 and was there for a week, I was regaling my friend with my tales when I was asked if I saw any stars. Without missing a beat I said: "No, I didn't go out at night when I was there."

*applauds*

Good answer!

I'm from southern California, and I'm happy that I haven't really gotten much in the way of stupid questions. Even when I worked in a tourist-rich environment. I guess I'm just lucky.

^-.-^

[blas]

There are the typical Wisconsin stereotypes........redneck farmers, which is true, active NRA members and 2nd amendment activists, true (myself I am one), but backwoods hillbillys? Just a few. Not all of us.

If one more person from out of state makes fun of my "accent", I'm going to have to fire up the wood chipper. Yes, we Wisconsinites draw out our "ow" sounds, like "Out and about", etc....

If one more person asks me "How bout them Packers?" I'll slap them silly.

If one more person asks me if all I eat is cheese, I will slap them even more silly.

If one more person asks me if I live on a farm, I will flat out chin check them.

Also......I don't know if Point Place (That 70s show) is a real place. Kenosha is, I do know that. But I'm in the wrong part of WI and really couldn't tell you.

I don't know LaVerne and Shirley, I didn't live next door to the Lamberts and the Fosters, and NO FOR GODS SAKES I HAVE NEVER SEEN BIGFOOT!

I have never been to Ed Gein's old property, and I never met Jeffry Dahmer. In case most people haven't noticed, I'm only 20 years old. He died when I was......9 or 10 maybe?

[lastofthesummerwine]

Touristas

Yes, I have heard all those fucked up accent remarks. It makes no difference that I have no difficulty with usage, grammar or the like. The dialect variation seems to leave "STUPID" imprinted on my forehead.

Something that tourists do that absolutely infuriates me is the way they insist on swarming the entire breadth of the sidewalk.

Hey, Fuckheads! Get out of my way! I know where I am going. I'll be pleased to tell you where to go, too!

[protege]

Yes, I have heard all those fucked up accent remarks. It makes no difference that I have no difficulty with usage, grammar or the like. The dialect variation seems to leave "STUPID" imprinted on my forehead.

We have our own language here in Pittsburgh...simply because our city was originally home to many cultures. Each area had their own way of saying things...which eventually meshed into what's now known as "Pittsburghese." For some reason though, outsiders look down on us because of it. Locally, saying "yinz" or "dahntahn" may not raise eyebrows here, but if you leave town and do that...people tend to look at us like we have 2 heads or something. Maybe they're still jealous that "Dem Stillers" have 5 rings? Sports aside, I'm proud of my local heritage--people that don't like it need to get the hell outta my tahn

Yes, we do talk "funny." However, not all of us are idiots--several things that we take for granted started here.

* First U.S. Public Television Station (WQED)- April 1, 1954
* First Polio Vaccine (by Dr. Jonas Salk) - March 26, 1953
* First U.S. Commercial Radio Station (8XK, later KDKA) - November 2, 1920
* First Ferris Wheel (Ferris himself was a native Pittsburgher) - 1892/1893
* Long-Distance Electricity (Westinghouse) - 1885