Stupid Tourist Customer Questions

[Cia]

Can we climb Mt. Rushmore?
Only if you like being hauled off by that kindly Park Ranger and handed off to the Federalies.

Can we pet the buffalo in Custer State Park?
Do you want to die?

What's with all the motorcycles? Why are all the hotels full?
It's the first full week of August and it is called the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. The motels have been full since the first week of January.

Where are the Indians?
Look around you - they are everywhere.

I heard that there are still gunfights in Deadwood.
Yeah, it's called "The Trial of Jack McCall".

Where are the ghosts?
Try the Bullock Hotel in Deadwood. Ask for Seth.

Can we ride through Bear Country on our motorcycle?
Do you taste good? Bears loooove tourists.

[Dreamstalker]

Referring to the one of the branches of the public transit system:

Why do they call it the Green Line?

[Probably to keep it from being confused with the Red, Blue and Orange lines. Other than that, I don't actually care.]

I was trying to explain the "complexities" of the Boston MBTA system to a friend. Who, I have come to find out, is severely geographically challenged, even moreso than myself (I didn't think that was possible).

Below are some of the questions I had to field.

"I don't see a Quincy Market stop on this map...you mean Quincy, right?"
(I just told you ten seconds ago where Quincy Market is. It is nowhere near the town of Quincy.)

"What do you mean the Orange Line has the highest crime rate?"
(It just does. I have news stories to back this up. Personally I avoid that line)

"How far are you from Cope-ly Square?"
(I know not why this pronunciation exists)

"Can I walk from the Cope-ly bus station to Brookline at 4 AM?"
(it is possible, although I would advise against it seeing as you would have no idea where you're going. I live here and wouldn't even do it. I am not guiding you via phone, and if you show up at my door at 5 AM I will be quite angry)

"So the Red Line is the oldest section of the subway."
(no, logically the oldest parts would be the above-ground sections of the Green Line)

"Why is there a stop called Lechmere? That doesn't make any sense."
(There just is. IIRC the stop is named after the store chain, which is named after a landowner)

[jb17kx]

The train system here is arranged as a series of lines running out from the centre of the city, and the lines are named for the suburb in which one would find the terminus. Thus, we have the Broadmeadows Line, the Sandringham Line, the Glen Waverly Line, etc.

When I first came to Melbourne, I memorised the train network, and when people say to me "Oh, that's in Eltham" I ask them what train line it's on.

The heavy rail system is easy. Explaining the tram network to people is harder though.

[Dreamstalker]

Quito. 2800 meters (9200 ft). And I think the mountains on the side put it up another half km at least, if you head up the hills.

My dad lives in Los Alamos, which IIRC is about 9500 (more or less). He once suggested that I start running to get in shape...er, I'm not that acclimated and I like breathing.

A friend of mine in college who tended to drink like a fish at times seemed genuinely puzzled why I did not imbibe (you said that up here it felt like one beer got you as drunk as four! That's not just you, you know).

[Sharsarannon]

From San Diego, CA:
"So where's the ocean?"
About an hour west- at the coastline, you moron.

"My gosh, it's all so dead here!" (referring to our scrubland habitat)
Lady, you're here in late summer, Of course it's dead. The forst rains don't come until november and there's no new growth til April. Come back then if you want the green season.

"So do you all, like, talk like valley girls and stuff?"
Only my mother, who was born in said valley, ever talks remotely like that, and then only on the phone with her sisters when they get very silly. I am an educated and articulate person. Utahns, now, they talk like that a lot.

"So do you like Surf?"
No, but when I was younger I used to bodysurf a lot.
"What...? What's that?"
It's like boogieboarding, but sans board.
"What's a boogieboard?"
*headslap* A Sled. For waves.

*pointing at the ocean*" OMG, look at the huge waves!!"
Ma'am, those are three feet high. We have a word for those, we call them Ripples.

"So what time does the tide come in?"
When it's done going out?

"My gosh there are so many Mexicans here..."
Most of them are Americans, actually. The Mexicans get hauled off by Border Patrol.

"WHy is everything in Spanish? I thought this was still America."
Not for the first hundred years or so it wasn't.

"WHy don't the streets go in straight lines?"
Maybe because of the big thingies rising out of the ground, oh yeah, HILLS?

"So can you really Surf waves and snow in one day?"
Yes, if you go from the freezing waters of the pacific and then drive out to Big Bear in winter, but I'd love to see how you feel after a day like that.

"Ooh, look, seals! Can we play with them??"
Ma'am those are sea lions. Notice how they can move around on land? Very quickly? See how they're the size of said predatory cat? See the teeth? yeah? Sure. Go play. I'll watch from over here.

"Where are the La Jolla Tidepools?"
......Hazarding a guess, I'd say La Jolla?

"Where's the sun??"
Probably behind the clouds. Don't worry, it'll be back.

"How come you don't have a tan?"
Because in spite of my father's Native blood, my ancestors are mostly german and british.

"WHy aren;t you blonde?"
Why aren't you smart?

"Isn't it hot down there?"
Well no, it just gets to about 120 every summer. But hot, no.

"We'll be fine, how hot could it get? It might even be Ninety but we're used to that."
No. No you aren't. And I know you aren't used to 125 Fahrehnheit. Don't come running to me when you get the first signs of heat exhuastion.
\
" Are there stingrays in the water?"
No, right now they're all at their on land aerobics class, so just be out of the water by the time they get back...

"Are there sharks?"
It's the ocean. Yes, you idiot, there are. Mostly dogfish and sand sharks. We do spot the odd Great White every few years.
"And you still go in the ocean???"
There are bears in the mountains and you still go hiking?? Puhleeze, a sandshark cannot open his dinky jaws big enough to bite you.

[Gouge]

I did a year in England an exchange student while in college. A girl I dated there named Sue asked me what I thought of the countryside. I said I liked it and it reminded me of some places in Virginia I used to visit. This confused her and she asked me how that was possible because "America is either all farms, cities, or deserts...."
Years later happily back in South Carolina I get a call from Sue. She was coming to the states to visit her Uncle and thought she might drive over to see me for the weekend before she left. Her Uncle lived in New York City.

A few years later she and a friend of hers did come for a visit. We decided to go up to see another bud of mine in North Carolina. After 2 hours we crossed the state line into NC. Both girls were accusing me of being lost and driving in circles because it WAS NOT POSSIBLE that it took 2 hours to just get out of SC. If we'd driven a straight line surely we'd have been halfway up the coast by now...

Gouge

[TruthHurts]

I used to live on an island in the Northwest and here's some gems I've heard


Are the deers flown here?
Where does the island go in the winter?
What time do they whales go by?

And these were just the ones asked most often.

[Sofar]

"We'll be fine, how hot could it get? It might even be Ninety but we're used to that."
No. No you aren't. And I know you aren't used to 125 Fahrehnheit. Don't come running to me when you get the first signs of heat exhuastion.

Ninety is not hot. Even in Seattle it'll get up to ninety. I'm still wearing long slacks in that weather.

[repsac]

Talking about heat, last year I had a doozey asked to me.

While pumping gas at this shell station off 204 and 95, this couple gets out of their car. The man takes one look around him and then says to his wife (sounding very much like senator kenedy's accent) "Wow it's hot!" Turning to me he then procedes to speak slower, and asks. "Does it always get this hot down here?"

I blinked at him a few times and then answered. "Sir. It's just eighty. Trust me, this is a cool day."

He looked back at me, repeated "Cool day?" And then started to laugh, thinking I had made a joke.

Hanging up the gas hose I just smiled at him. "Trust me. This is cool. Last week about this time it was up to about one oh six or seven."

[Becks]

Actually people from the rural parts of Louisania have that accent.

Fair enough.

If one more person from out of state makes fun of my "accent", I'm going to have to fire up the wood chipper. Yes, we Wisconsinites draw out our "ow" sounds, like "Out and about", etc....

If one more person asks me "How bout them Packers?" I'll slap them silly.

If one more person asks me if all I eat is cheese, I will slap them even more silly.

If one more person asks me if I live on a farm, I will flat out chin check them.
<snip>
I never met Jeffry Dahmer.

--My store manager says that I draw out the "a" in hat. If he says so...
--I despise football. I really do. Baseball fan ONLY. Go Brewers!!!!!
--They think I'm weird because the only cheese I really eat is sharp cheddar. I like it. Every year, when I make my trip home for vacation, everyone wants me to bring them some cheese. Yeah. It'll taste GREAT after all the time in the two airports, not to mention the flight itself.
--I STILL get Dahmer jokes and questions. :sigh: Although one time the school bus DID go by where the building USED to be.

[Gurndigarn]

(Re: Quito)

Been there myself. I remember the air being thinner up there. \

The scary part is that I don't... and I was climbing up those mountains.

The part I do remember is climbing up one road, and finding a eucalyptus grove. Smelled like the world's biggest cough drop.

[protege]

Ninety is not hot. Even in Seattle it'll get up to ninety. I'm still wearing long slacks in that weather.

We've had temps over 90 here in Pittsburgh!

But, if you really want to fry, head down to Cape May, NJ during a heat wave. In '97, during the July 4th week, it was extremely hot there. So hot, that when the breeze would kick up, it was like fire roaring across the beach! I got burnt even under the umbrella!

[Killer Bees]

It is not.


"There are a ton of mexicans around here!"
You're cured of your blindness! It is a miracle!

When I visited LA a few years ago, I was struck by how many Mexicans/Latinos (not sure of the PC term) there were. But they were the friendliest people I'd ever come across.

The hotel bartender chatted to us for ages. The room service guy was just about the politest person I'd ever met. And the lady at the JC Penny store in San Diego was just lovely.

I just love the service in your country. You guys are the best.

[BusBus]

(Re: Quito)



The scary part is that I don't... and I was climbing up those mountains.

The part I do remember is climbing up one road, and finding a eucalyptus grove. Smelled like the world's biggest cough drop.

I was 10 when I visited. I remember visiting the equator and avoiding the water.

[mariamousie1]

Yeah, Canada gets those silly questions too. People will drive up in the middle of the summer with their skis strapped to their car and wonder where all the snow is. Or they expect everyone to live in igloos. I'm lucky enough to have internet access in my igloo.