Tweet
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It's been a while ladies and gents! But, since I finally have me a new jorb, I felt like celebrating my sharing a story that wasn't shared before. This was a fantastic SC encounter that happened some time ago, and I wasn't able to share the story. Read on, fellow employees, and hear the story of The Screaming Wonder (TSW from here on).
I'll set the scene for you, it's a late night for me. I'm having a rather uneventful time of it, when suddenly we get a call from a guest that someone's passed out in a hallway. Wee! Thus begins one of the more stressful nights of my life. Now, I'm being held up, but 2 of my people go up while I finish with another guest and try to wake up TSW, with no success, so they call me, because hell...a week without dealing with some overdrunk farkwit might make me believe in the benevolence of a higher power. I get to the area where TSW's passed out, and investigate...and this one's a doozy.
2 of my employees plus 1 concerned, unrelated guest, are trying everything they can to try and get this guy to wake up to no avail. I start trying as well, and I'll be damned if this guy isn't so far gone that literally rocking him side to side just isn't doing anything. I'll admit, at the time, I was in a fairly peculiar mood...so I started tickling him. I don't know why, the idea just popped in my head...but it worked! Finally, after 5 minutes of me trying, and 15 minutes of us trying total, this guy wakes up.
It's worth mentioning here that, 99% of the time, our drunk encounters actually stop at this point and end without it being an epic story. It's also worth mentioning that, since there's 1% left over, sooner or later I'm going to have more fun than I really want to have. If, by fun, I mean the equivalent of using sandpaper on my privates on a dare. Here we go!
TSW wakes up, and we start with him the normal way, trying to find out where he belongs. First he says he's in room 200, and there is no 200, so we're out of luck there. We try to get him to show us an ID, and he starts immediately getting combative, swearing at us, and so on...keep in mind, it's almost 11pm, people are sleeping all around us, so the guy screaming "FUCK YOU AND YOUR ID NEEDING ASS!" in slurred speech just doesn't get my happy juices flowing. He starts trying to back me down over and over, and finally, we get him back down to the lobby with him calling us assholes the whole way. Round 1, we won I'd say...simply because no one complained about the noise.
DING! Roooooooooound two, GO!
We get back to the front desk, and TSW has calmed back down, so we go back into friendly mode! I've forgotten a line or two of this conversation, but here's the basic jist of what was said:
Me: Ok sir, I'm sorry this is taking so long...if you have an ID we can find your room number for you.
TSW: You don't need my ID. (Well, at least he didn't do a Jedi wave at me)
Me: Sorry sir...to find where your room is, we need an ID to get your name off it.
TSW: My name is Something Something.
Me: Ok...we'll still have to confirm that with an ID, but let me take a look in our computers for you. (checking...checking...ERROR! Prepare for the fight to resume!!!) Alright...I'm sorry sir, we don't have any rooms registered under your last name. Were you staying here with anyone who might've been registered instead?
TSW: YOU DON'T NEED MY ID!!!
Me: *blink* O...kay, are you staying with anyone here?
TSW: You know the answer.
Me: ...No, sir, I don't, we haven't met before now...I'm just trying to find the correct room number for you sir.
TSW: JUST GIVE ME MY KEY!
Me: *blink* ...Sir, you never gave us your room key. If you have a key, it should still be on your person.
TSW: MY NAME IS SOMETHING SOMETHING!
Me: (Urge to kill, rising) Sir, as I just said, I can't find your name in our computer...I really am trying to help sir, if you have an ID I can double check with our other properties.
TSW: Put my name in.
Me: Sir, we've checked your name in-
TSW: Try it.
Me: Sir, your name isn't-
TSW: TRY IT!
Me: Sir, there's no need to scream-
TSW: TRYYYY IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!
Me: We don't have you registered under your name.
TSW: TRY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! !!!!!!!!
Me: Sir, I have to ask you to lower your voice now or we must ask you to leave.
TSW: I'LL LOWER MY VOICE WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!
Now, at this point, I have most of my employees gathering around...not so close as to set the guy off, but close enough that if he tries something stupid...let's just say it'll be 10 vs 1. I also hear someone over my radio, who is standing within eyesight, ask me "Do you want us to call the police?" While talking, I start nodding emphatically...and the call goes out. Now, TSW starts screaming again and again, and we tell him that we've had to call the authorities since he won't stop. He just gets quiet, and starts trying to give me the staredown.
I've mentioned in previous posts, but I can get pretty damn creepy when I choose to do so. Specifically, when I try, I can go for very long periods without blinking...and so I spend 4-5 minutes staring directly into his eyes, smiling gently...and not blinking. The effect is gradual, but he starts to get more and more aggravated by this, and makes a big mistake. He starts grinning and chuckling at me...while balling his fists and cracking his knuckles. This goes on for about 30 seconds, and finally he makes his move.
TSW: Then I'll get my own damn key.
And he tries to step behind the front desk. I watched the video afterward, and a very comical set of things happens at once. First, I step directly into his path, blocking him from going further past me...and I'm big enough that he isn't getting me to move without throwing a punch. Two engineers who are watching immediately draw wrenches out of their gear, and 7 security employees collapse upon us, surrounding the two of us. I also notice 1 other person go running out front...and I see my FAVORITE cop in Denver, AD! She's appeared in a few stories, look her up for a laugh
Now, there's no punches being thrown...yet...so she strolls over like she's getting coffee, and just stands behind him, chuckling, long enough to make me laugh too.
TSW is not amused, his face goes beat red and he starts drawing back an arm for that fatal drunk punch he's been trying to compute in his brain for 10 minutes. Oops...AD's ready! He's cuffed, with that arm twisted, within a second...but he's strong enough that he twists away and gets his other arm out of reach. Then, we hear, in a calm voice...instructions.
AD: Hey Khiras, grab his arm for me.
Queue 2 engineers, 8 security (counting me), and a front desk manager descending on this guy instantly now that our legal restrictions have been removed. TSW, realizing that he is right and truly farked, starts screaming "MY ARM MY ARM" while grinning at us, making any witness shake their head in disgust at his behavior. We cart him out of public view, and everything ends.
NOT! Queue the Lightning Round! There's a certain thing about an idiot being handcuffed that just makes them go for broke...and he goes for it. He starts laying in on all of our staff, threatening us, and so on. He starts laying in on AD, not realizing that not only are we all ignoring him...we're actually talking about other hotel matters as if he never even existed. Then, he starts trying to stand up...which is where the fun starts. AD pulls him back to a sitting position once, and tells him to stay put. He immediately starts to stand again, and gets sat down again. Finally, he tries a third time, and AD's sick of having her paperwork interrupted...so she pulls him down, puts him on his side, and lays her knee down on his head. While she has almost no weight on it (maybe 5 lbs or so), she's wedged him into such a position that he's now stuck on the ground, babbling, so she can finish.
5 minutes later, the Detox van shows up, and he gets thrown in without further incident. They finish up some paperwork, and more cops show up...so they get the story and decide they want to see this guy. This is maybe 45 seconds after he gets put in the van that they go to look at him, and we're all standing there as 2 cops look.
Cop 1: Er...how long ago did you guys put him in the van?
Detox 1: Maybe a minute?
Cop 2: He's passed the fuck out, snoring.
Something about the way #2 said it made us all burst out laughing, and sure enough, after all that...the guy was sleeping like a baby the second he was laying down.
/facepalm
Naturally, the next day, I found out more about the story...he was, of course, at the wrong hotel. He was staying 2 blocks away with a friend...and his friend apparently called in the morning trying to find him. Oops. How do these people always find me when I'm on shift?
I'll set the scene for you, it's a late night for me. I'm having a rather uneventful time of it, when suddenly we get a call from a guest that someone's passed out in a hallway. Wee! Thus begins one of the more stressful nights of my life. Now, I'm being held up, but 2 of my people go up while I finish with another guest and try to wake up TSW, with no success, so they call me, because hell...a week without dealing with some overdrunk farkwit might make me believe in the benevolence of a higher power. I get to the area where TSW's passed out, and investigate...and this one's a doozy.
2 of my employees plus 1 concerned, unrelated guest, are trying everything they can to try and get this guy to wake up to no avail. I start trying as well, and I'll be damned if this guy isn't so far gone that literally rocking him side to side just isn't doing anything. I'll admit, at the time, I was in a fairly peculiar mood...so I started tickling him. I don't know why, the idea just popped in my head...but it worked! Finally, after 5 minutes of me trying, and 15 minutes of us trying total, this guy wakes up.
It's worth mentioning here that, 99% of the time, our drunk encounters actually stop at this point and end without it being an epic story. It's also worth mentioning that, since there's 1% left over, sooner or later I'm going to have more fun than I really want to have. If, by fun, I mean the equivalent of using sandpaper on my privates on a dare. Here we go!
TSW wakes up, and we start with him the normal way, trying to find out where he belongs. First he says he's in room 200, and there is no 200, so we're out of luck there. We try to get him to show us an ID, and he starts immediately getting combative, swearing at us, and so on...keep in mind, it's almost 11pm, people are sleeping all around us, so the guy screaming "FUCK YOU AND YOUR ID NEEDING ASS!" in slurred speech just doesn't get my happy juices flowing. He starts trying to back me down over and over, and finally, we get him back down to the lobby with him calling us assholes the whole way. Round 1, we won I'd say...simply because no one complained about the noise.
DING! Roooooooooound two, GO!
We get back to the front desk, and TSW has calmed back down, so we go back into friendly mode! I've forgotten a line or two of this conversation, but here's the basic jist of what was said:
Me: Ok sir, I'm sorry this is taking so long...if you have an ID we can find your room number for you.
TSW: You don't need my ID. (Well, at least he didn't do a Jedi wave at me)
Me: Sorry sir...to find where your room is, we need an ID to get your name off it.
TSW: My name is Something Something.
Me: Ok...we'll still have to confirm that with an ID, but let me take a look in our computers for you. (checking...checking...ERROR! Prepare for the fight to resume!!!) Alright...I'm sorry sir, we don't have any rooms registered under your last name. Were you staying here with anyone who might've been registered instead?
TSW: YOU DON'T NEED MY ID!!!
Me: *blink* O...kay, are you staying with anyone here?
TSW: You know the answer.
Me: ...No, sir, I don't, we haven't met before now...I'm just trying to find the correct room number for you sir.
TSW: JUST GIVE ME MY KEY!
Me: *blink* ...Sir, you never gave us your room key. If you have a key, it should still be on your person.
TSW: MY NAME IS SOMETHING SOMETHING!
Me: (Urge to kill, rising) Sir, as I just said, I can't find your name in our computer...I really am trying to help sir, if you have an ID I can double check with our other properties.
TSW: Put my name in.
Me: Sir, we've checked your name in-
TSW: Try it.
Me: Sir, your name isn't-
TSW: TRY IT!
Me: Sir, there's no need to scream-
TSW: TRYYYY IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!
Me: We don't have you registered under your name.
TSW: TRY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! !!!!!!!!
Me: Sir, I have to ask you to lower your voice now or we must ask you to leave.
TSW: I'LL LOWER MY VOICE WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!
Now, at this point, I have most of my employees gathering around...not so close as to set the guy off, but close enough that if he tries something stupid...let's just say it'll be 10 vs 1. I also hear someone over my radio, who is standing within eyesight, ask me "Do you want us to call the police?" While talking, I start nodding emphatically...and the call goes out. Now, TSW starts screaming again and again, and we tell him that we've had to call the authorities since he won't stop. He just gets quiet, and starts trying to give me the staredown.
I've mentioned in previous posts, but I can get pretty damn creepy when I choose to do so. Specifically, when I try, I can go for very long periods without blinking...and so I spend 4-5 minutes staring directly into his eyes, smiling gently...and not blinking. The effect is gradual, but he starts to get more and more aggravated by this, and makes a big mistake. He starts grinning and chuckling at me...while balling his fists and cracking his knuckles. This goes on for about 30 seconds, and finally he makes his move.
TSW: Then I'll get my own damn key.
And he tries to step behind the front desk. I watched the video afterward, and a very comical set of things happens at once. First, I step directly into his path, blocking him from going further past me...and I'm big enough that he isn't getting me to move without throwing a punch. Two engineers who are watching immediately draw wrenches out of their gear, and 7 security employees collapse upon us, surrounding the two of us. I also notice 1 other person go running out front...and I see my FAVORITE cop in Denver, AD! She's appeared in a few stories, look her up for a laugh
Now, there's no punches being thrown...yet...so she strolls over like she's getting coffee, and just stands behind him, chuckling, long enough to make me laugh too.TSW is not amused, his face goes beat red and he starts drawing back an arm for that fatal drunk punch he's been trying to compute in his brain for 10 minutes. Oops...AD's ready! He's cuffed, with that arm twisted, within a second...but he's strong enough that he twists away and gets his other arm out of reach. Then, we hear, in a calm voice...instructions.
AD: Hey Khiras, grab his arm for me.
Queue 2 engineers, 8 security (counting me), and a front desk manager descending on this guy instantly now that our legal restrictions have been removed. TSW, realizing that he is right and truly farked, starts screaming "MY ARM MY ARM" while grinning at us, making any witness shake their head in disgust at his behavior. We cart him out of public view, and everything ends.
NOT! Queue the Lightning Round! There's a certain thing about an idiot being handcuffed that just makes them go for broke...and he goes for it. He starts laying in on all of our staff, threatening us, and so on. He starts laying in on AD, not realizing that not only are we all ignoring him...we're actually talking about other hotel matters as if he never even existed. Then, he starts trying to stand up...which is where the fun starts. AD pulls him back to a sitting position once, and tells him to stay put. He immediately starts to stand again, and gets sat down again. Finally, he tries a third time, and AD's sick of having her paperwork interrupted...so she pulls him down, puts him on his side, and lays her knee down on his head. While she has almost no weight on it (maybe 5 lbs or so), she's wedged him into such a position that he's now stuck on the ground, babbling, so she can finish.
5 minutes later, the Detox van shows up, and he gets thrown in without further incident. They finish up some paperwork, and more cops show up...so they get the story and decide they want to see this guy. This is maybe 45 seconds after he gets put in the van that they go to look at him, and we're all standing there as 2 cops look.
Cop 1: Er...how long ago did you guys put him in the van?
Detox 1: Maybe a minute?
Cop 2: He's passed the fuck out, snoring.
Something about the way #2 said it made us all burst out laughing, and sure enough, after all that...the guy was sleeping like a baby the second he was laying down.
/facepalm
Naturally, the next day, I found out more about the story...he was, of course, at the wrong hotel. He was staying 2 blocks away with a friend...and his friend apparently called in the morning trying to find him. Oops. How do these people always find me when I'm on shift?
Comment