Job advertisement suck...

[Arm]

I think my friends are getting tired of my complaining to them, so I'm posting here. It's not so much about a customer as it is potential customers/clients/employers, really.

I'm constantly scouring the online ads for a new job- careerbuilder, craigslist, monster, etc.

In between the job listings, you find some real gems, like this one:

Hi,
I need a simple 10-12 page brochure website. You need to be proficent in WordPress and able to set me up on bluehost.
I want to develop with you in this process
1) Logo
2) Design
3) Development

When responding, please include the following information or I will not respond:
1) Estimated budget (i will not hold you to this until you get more information)
2) Estimated timeframe for completion.
3) URLs of other WordPress websites you have done.

Thanks!

Seriously, I'm supposed to give a detailed estimate from that, or he won't respond?

I see.... stupid people!
It's like... logo, design and development? Do you HAVE a logo? Do you WANT a logo? Design? Say again, over? Are you looking for a Graphic Designer, who would, you know, be looking in the graphic design ads? Development? IT'S WORDPRESS. It's a DO IT YOURSELF PAGE, SITE, and BLOG BUILDER.

It's probably easier to use than freaking MYSPACE. But this knob-slobber wants me to give a timeframe and estimate and a whole damn portfolio, without providing ANY DETAILS of WHAT HE WANTS. He's so goddamn far up his own ass that he wants to be teased and coaxed and pampered and prodded and asked, pretty please, for a transaction that should have all the significance of purchasing another roll of toilet paper.

Seriously, is this how he buys everything? Does he stand in front of a strip mall, and shout, "I WANT THINGS! Bring to me that which I desire, and I shall pay you COMPETETIVELY! But first, you must tell me how long it will TAKE you to bring me these things, and you must convince me that these are FINE things that you bring to me, and you must tell me in advance how long it will take!"

gah.

haaaaaaaate searching for jobs... so full of hate.

[Akasa]

Hey, he must be related to the guy I write for. When it comes to technical stuff I get a list of keywords. THAT I can work with. When it came to writing about his business? I had to come up w/ 10 500 word articles and the only details on his company I was given was a 200 word press release.

[Bandit]

Sounds like the sales critters I used to worth with.

SC: Bandit! I need a quick quote now! Only has to be budgetary.
Me: OK. $10,000,000 pending detailed scope of work.
SC: <chuckle> So what's it really.
Me: Until there's a detailed scope of work, that includes little things like number of users and the such, it's $10,000,000. When you get them, fill out a request, and I'll get back to you.
SC: But...bu...
Me: Goodbye! <click>

If you want some real numbers, give me real information and fill out a request. I had the permission to hang up on people who would try that crap. And used it.

B

[El Pollo Guerrera]

SC: Bandit! I need a quick quote now! Only has to be budgetary.
Me: OK. $10,000,000 pending detailed scope of work.
SC: <chuckle> So what's it really.
Me: Until there's a detailed scope of work, that includes little things like number of users and the such, it's $10,000,000. When you get them, fill out a request, and I'll get back to you.
SC: But...bu...
Me: Goodbye! <click>

If you don't mind, I'm going to use that at work next time someone comes in and needs a quote. I'm tired of getting jerks who want me to quote them an accurate price for something vague...

EPG: "How many forms do you need?"
Jerk: "I don't know."
EPG: "How many parts in the form?"
Jerk: "I don't know."
EPG: "Is it in colour?"
Jerk: "I DON'T KNOW! ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME A PRICE OR NOT?"

[Arm]

I'm going to have to steal that one as well. That's a much better way of dealing with things.

[Shamus]

The worst part is, when it comes to graphic design and art, most people don't want to pay, and pull that, "do it for the experience/exposure" crap - ads like that have that kind of stink.

[protege]

It's not just the graphic/arts people either. I know a few people who build models...and they go through similar things. People want their cars...but don't want to pay for the effort that goes into them. At least they can reply with "Sure, you can buy the kit and do it yourself, but there's no way it'll look as good" Seriously--there's one guy, heavily into Ferraris, which are literally works of art! Half the time, I can't tell if I'm looking at a scale model, or if I can get in...and drive away

Years ago, I had someone want me to build them a Bugatti EB110. The guy had a fit when I said I'd not only charge for the kit, but any paint and other materials I needed. Needless to say, I told him to "get bent," and built it for my own collection. His loss, since the kit got discontinued not long after that, and is usually a pain to find, and expensive now.

[Kiwi]

Them: Im making a skirt how much fabric will I need?
Me: Do you have a pattern or are you experimenting?
Them: A pattern
Me: It will say on the back of the pattern how much you need for your size and don't forget to add more for oneway fabrics or matching up patterns
Them: I didn't bring the pattern with me *stare*
Me: Well without seeing what the skirt looked like I can't really tell you
Them: WELL ITS JUST A SKIRT JEEZ YOU PEOPLE ARE LAZY!!!!
Me: Okay you will need 10 metres
Them: *Huff* fine then I will just have to go ALL the way home and come ALL the way back because you cant tell me how much fabric I will need!! *death glare*

Me: have a wonderful day [die in a fire]

[JLRodgers]

I would've replied:
1) Estimated budget (i will not hold you to this until you get more information)
$250-10billion (you know if you say a few million, they'll ask for a website to take control of nuclear power plants, subs, and the space shuttle with a click of a button while having real-time viewing of the surface of the moon, all with the loading time being 0ms, and mind-control abilities for navigation that only s/he can use)


2) Estimated timeframe for completion.
1 day - 10 years



I just sent an e-mail to a company that demands the "highest web standards" for their clients (apparently they're a government contractor!). I thought of applying (long story, so won't unless they'd allow telecommuting) -- but I wrote them because their own website is broken and doesn't validate like they say they demand from their programmers
edit: they just wrote back - the head developer said "thanks for noticing! I've fixed our XML now"

[Mr Hero]

Sounds like the sales critters I used to worth with.

SC: Bandit! I need a quick quote now! Only has to be budgetary.
Me: OK. $10,000,000 pending detailed scope of work.
SC: <chuckle> So what's it really.
Me: Until there's a detailed scope of work, that includes little things like number of users and the such, it's $10,000,000. When you get them, fill out a request, and I'll get back to you.
SC: But...bu...
Me: Goodbye! <click>

If you want some real numbers, give me real information and fill out a request. I had the permission to hang up on people who would try that crap. And used it.

B

As others before me have said, this is brilliant, but here's another reason why. Problem with estimates is that if the job ends up costing more than the estimate, SC's get real pissy and start playing the whole "he quoted me $X amount."

[GingerBiscuit]

It happens in optics too. Someone comes in, no prescription, no idea of what they have...
"How much will glasses be?"
"Well, it depends really... if you just have basic glasses they'll be the price you see on the frames, but theres all sort of things that can bring the price up..."
"God, well I have a varifocal, does THAT help?"
"... Not really. Which one of 300 different varifocals do you have?"
"Can't you just give me a price?"
"Ok! It'll be anywhere between £75 and £700."

[draftermatt]

"Ok! It'll be anywhere between £75 and £700."

Then you get "Why is the range so much" or
"Your competition said much less"

I especially like the ones who you give a ball park number for, and it ends up being a very difficult job so you end up with a higher price, who then call complaining you didn't hold to the ball park.

Now I give people ridiculous amounts until I get better information. Though thankfully I've never gotten "I want to build a building, how much would it cost?"

[auntiem]

The worst part is, when it comes to graphic design and art, most people don't want to pay, and pull that, "do it for the experience/exposure" crap - ads like that have that kind of stink.

"I'll let you do this one on spec, I know I'm too nice. Let's get into trouble baby!"

cookie to whoever gets that reference

I know a lot of seamstresses that get "how much to make a wedding dress?" requests without any further details. Drives them mad.

[corporateslave]

IT'S WORDPRESS. It's a DO IT YOURSELF PAGE, SITE, and BLOG BUILDER.

LOL @ "You need to be proficent in WordPress."
I couldn't figure out WTF WordPress was until your rant, and then realized it was that blog thing.. Wow. Just wow. I feel your pain.