The SC with many jobs (long and epic)

[customersruinmylife]

A guy had been in the pub all day. Most of his friends had decided to ditch him, so he was on his own, flitting from group to group and irritating other customers. I don't know how to present this thread, so I will just divide it into "incidents"

Incident 1

The SC started making conversation with a co-worker.

SC: Do you know who I am?
CW: I don't, no.
SC: That's a shame. I get that all the time now. I used to be a world famous football player.
CW: Really? Who did you play for?
SC: Uhhhh....uhhh....Manchester?
CW: OK.

Co-worker walked off trying not to laugh.

Incident 2

The SC's friends had all left him, and he went and sat with a regular couple that we get in. They did not want him there.

SC: Did you fight in the war?
Regular: No, I was born during the war.
SC: Oh well, I won't hold it against you then! Haha!
Regular: Ok then.
SC: I fought in the Gulf War, I served my country.
Regular. *not caring* OK.
SC: What wars have you fought in?
Regular: I'm sorry, can you just leave me to enjoy a drink with my wife please?
SC: Fine! Fuck you! How dare you speak to a war veteran like that!

I heard this. I had a chat with the regulars to make sure they were OK.

Incident 3

As I was chatting to the regulars, I looked outside and saw that he was shoving Pregnant Co-workers boyfriend! PCW's boyfriend looked very confused, put his hands up and walked inside the pub.

Me: Are you OK? What was that about?
PCW's Boyfriend: I don't know! I've come to meet PCW and he just started shoving me! He said "I've just been released from prison! Don't mess with me! I've been inside for 15 years!"

Incident 4

The SC walked (or stumbled) back inside and went to the bar. PCW went over to confront him. I stopped her and went myself.

Me: I'm sorry, but you're not getting served anymore. Please leave.
SC: What? Why?
Me: You have quite clearly had too much to drink. You have annoyed and upset other customers. I do not want you here any longer.
SC: Look, I'll level with you here...I'm an undercover policeman.
Me:
SC: What are you looking at me like that for?
Me: Because so far you have been a famous footballer, a war vet and an ex-con.
SC: I'm an undercover cop! I'm watching someone here! I'm here for your protection!
Me: Who are you watching?
SC: I can't say.
Me: What's your badge number?
SC: Why do you want that?
Me: Because I am going to report you for drinking on duty.
SC: Are you really not going to serve me? Remember, I am a police officer. Do you really want to mess with a police officer? I could ruin your life. Are you really that much of an idiot?
Me: Yes. I am that much of an idiot. Now get out.

I walked away. I was shaking with rage.

SC: COME BACK HERE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!
Me: PISS OFF!

The SC went outside for a cigarette. A cop car randomly drove past the pub. As soon as he saw it, he bolted! He must have thought I called them.

Incident 5

I finished work and had quite a few beers with a co-worker! I was planning on going straight home, but after dealing with the SC I wanted a stiff drink.

Co-worker and me were sat in the pub garden. We look and see the SC sneaking back into the pub! He walked within about a metre of us, and didn't recognise me! A couple of minutes later, I see my boss chasing him out.

Boss: Get out! You have been told you are not getting served anymore!
SC: I am a banker! There is a recession going on! I have control over your money! Don't mess with me!
Boss: Seriously, FUCK. OFF.

He walked out.

Incident 6

Co-worker and me decided to go to another pub. Guess who we saw en-route! He walked up to us.

SC: Excuse me, I'm really lost and I'm going to miss my bus home! Can you tell me where the bus station is?
Me: Sure! It's that way!

I sent him in the wrong direction.

Incident 7!!!!!

All of that happened yesterday. Flash forward to today.

The SC walked in the pub! He was stone cold sober and looked ROUGH. He was also wearing the EXACT same clothes he had on yesterday. I guess me sending him in the wrong direction made him miss his bus!

Me: Are you going to behave yourself today then?
SC: What do you mean?
Me: After all the scenes and commotion you caused yesterday?
SC: What are you talking about? I wasn't even in here yesterday!
Me:

I left another manager to serve him. My brain had turned to mush.

He was still there when I left.

[taxguykarl]

He didn't recall being there the day before!? Was he that stoned or is he just a major SC?

[jerkface11]

Was his name Walter Mitty?

[Salted Grump]

Maybe he was dropped on his head as a child? Like, every five seconds.

[Soulstealer]

Alcohol can cause memory loss problems especially long term abuse. I wouldn't be suprised.

[Bright_Star]

He had a blackout.

[crazylegs]

He had a blackout.

Caused by copius amounts of alcohol I'd say...

[pedantry] Police Constables don't have badge numbers, they have collar numbers or warrant card numbers.
[/pedantry]

[Soulstealer]

Caused by copius amounts of alcohol I'd say...

[pedantry] Police Constables don't have badge numbers, they have collar numbers or warrant card numbers.
[/pedantry]

Another way we know he wasn't a cop since he didn't correct the error.

[Bradester]

I'm reminded of Jon Lovitz's Tommy Flanagan, the pathological liar from SNL.

"I'm president of the corporation! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

[PepperElf]

and... i don't know about in the UK but in the US you can actually get arrested now for going to a bar and lying, claiming you were a veteran and bragging about what ribbons or medals you won. Stolen Valor Act ftw

use to be you'd only get punished if you had forged documentation (like a fake medal of honor certificate on the wall) but they expanded it to include public boasting etc.

plus even before the Stolen Valor Act, it was also illegal to lie & claim you were the police.

[MyEccentricHell]

I'm going to have to say I highly doubt he's suffering from multiple personality disorder.

[crazylegs]

and... i don't know about in the UK but in the US you can actually get arrested now for going to a bar and lying, claiming you were a veteran and bragging about what ribbons or medals you won. Stolen Valor Act ftw

Hmm, not too sure, I know it's an offence to wear medals that you're not entitled to wear, as well as wearing a uniform that you're not entitled to wear (exemptions for actors/re-inactment societies).

It is also an offence to impersonate a Constable (and a PCSO).

[cinema guy]

I went to school with a guy who got drunk and claimed to 'know people in the criminal underworld'. His claims to criminal connections and hios threats got more outlandish the more drunk he got. This SC sounds just like someone similar.

[fireheart]

Hmm, not too sure, I know it's an offence to wear medals that you're not entitled to wear, as well as wearing a uniform that you're not entitled to wear (exemptions for actors/re-inactment societies).

It is also an offence to impersonate a Constable (and a PCSO).

Would undercover cops be considered actors?

[powerboy]

Would undercover cops be considered actors?

I don't think so Tim.