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...searchin' for my lost shaker of salt...oh, hi! Ready for story time again? *sigh*
Someone out there is picking on me, I'm sure of it. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't really out to get you, you know.
The Lying Bitch!
So, last week I got a perfectly normal call from a woman, she wanted to get a gift card. It was my first one, but she told me she wanted it for $50, and wanted it Fed Ex'd to her. Fine, easy. I did the card, though it was rough since I was being trained while I did it, and everything was fine.
This week? She calls back and gets the manager and starts screaming that I lied to her, told her that the card was enough to get a meal for 2 in one of our restaurants (the supervisor was listening, so he called bullshit), and that I charged her over $30 more to send it to her via fed-ex...it cost her $18, which is what we told her it would cost for an overnight shipment.
I, of course, should be fired for this according to Her Royal Highness. She, of course, can die in a fire according to Crazy Ol' Uncle Khiras, because he's sadistic like that.
Incidentally, I overheard my manager as she hung up the phone. Her comment? "That woman is a vagina llama!"
...
E-mail fail
SC: I've had enough of this!
Me: Ma'am?
SC: THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE CALLED!!!
Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, if you can tell me the problem...
SC: YOU WON'T JUST E-MAIL ME MY CONFIRMATION LETTERS! THEY'VE TOLD ME TWICE IT WOULD BE SENT, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SENT WHEN I MADE THE RESERVATION!!!
Me: Ok, I can try to find another option that will work...have you checked your spam filter on your e-mail to make sure that hasn't been blocking the message?
SC: .....................
Me: .....................
SC: *click*
Me: Le sigh...
NO MEANS NO!!!
Me: Thanks for calling hotel, how can I help you?
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss....I need to get a reservation on this date.
Me: Alright, how many nights is that for?
SC: yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeessssssssssss....uh, 2 nights.
Me: *twitch* And how many adults in the room.
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeessssssssss.............er, 2 adults.
Me: Ok, I have this room at this rate, and-
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss..........a ny other rooms?
Me: (NO! STOP SAYING THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!) Yes, I have this room at this rate, and this room at this rate.
SC: YYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss ssssssssssssssssss..........uh, let me get the second one.
Me: Ok, can I get your name?
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss ............uh...Farking Annoying Woman.
Me: *Bangs head on wall*
This conversation took me 18 minutes and 47 seconds. Every time she spoke, she started with the word "yes" drawn out in the type of way that the sound can only provoke a large cow slowly being forced to eat a live duck. Picture the look on the cow's face. PICTURE IT!!! Do you see it!?!?
Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss...
The One-Two-Three Punch
SC: If I make a reservation, do I have to give a credit card?
Me: Yes, we have to have a card to hold the reservation.
SC: Oh...ok, I'll have to call back later then.
5 minutes later...
SC: Can I make a reservation now, then have someone call back with a credit card later?
Me: No...we have to have a card...to hold the reservation.
SC: Oh...ok, I'll have to call back later then.
10 minutes later...
SC: I still haven't gotten hold of my boss to get a corporate card to use yet...can I make a cash payment over the phone?
Me: (What the fuck?) You...what? Sir...I have to ask this, how is it that you could make a cash payment to us, in Denver, from your phone in Orlando?
SC: Uh.....
Me: ......
SC: Well...er...so I need a credit card then?
Me: /facepalm
No. Actually, I found a new method. I want you to leave the office, now. Go to the worst neighborhood you can find. As soon as you're there, I want you to run around, flinging your money into the air. While you do this, you must scream "COME TO ME, OH MIGHTY FAIRIES OF KHIRAS, TRANSPORT TO HIM MY MAD DUCATS!!!"
Help should arrive shortly.
The Creepy Reverend
Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling hotel, how can I help you?
CR: Ooooooooooeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh well my name's Reverend Creepy McGrabbyhands, and I need a reservation on this day.
Me: *shuddered at the first noise* Ok...how many nights?
SC: Oh, just 2 nights there sonny, ooooooooeeeeeeehhhhh...
Me: o.O ...How many adults in the room?
SC: Well, I think...ooooeeeeeeeehhhhhh...probably just me. I'm lonely these days.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Seriously, I know he's a preacher and all, but his tone of voice has me totally on edge now. I honestly think he's about to ask me to dress up as a Dutch maiden and wait in his room until he arrives at this point! Now, imagine the next 5 minutes of moaning "ooooeeeehhh"s, and him referring me at the end as a "nice young lad, the type I like".
FfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffAR K! What the hell is wrong with my callers!? Why can't any hot-sounding guys call up and hit on me!? At least then I could have some fun with it, damnit! If not them...oh wait, my partner reads this site now. Damn, gonna get myself in trouble...
And now, for the finale of this week...and I swear to god...
I shit you not.
Me: Can I get your name?
SC: Bringer of the Apocalypse.
Me: And your address?
SC: This and that...Nanavut...
NO! NO GOD NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should have seen this coming! Last week, it was like Gravekeeper had somehow foisted some of his lesser evils towards me...but NOW!? Dear god, somehow I've managed to catch Nanavut! Yes, I consider it a disease! It stains! IT BURNS!!!
Kill me, please god, someone kill me...incidentally, the baby in that picture? That's the last shred of hope for my poor, tattered soul about to be mashed into tiny, indistinguishable bits. Thanks, Nanavut, for that...
Someone out there is picking on me, I'm sure of it. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't really out to get you, you know.
The Lying Bitch!
So, last week I got a perfectly normal call from a woman, she wanted to get a gift card. It was my first one, but she told me she wanted it for $50, and wanted it Fed Ex'd to her. Fine, easy. I did the card, though it was rough since I was being trained while I did it, and everything was fine.
This week? She calls back and gets the manager and starts screaming that I lied to her, told her that the card was enough to get a meal for 2 in one of our restaurants (the supervisor was listening, so he called bullshit), and that I charged her over $30 more to send it to her via fed-ex...it cost her $18, which is what we told her it would cost for an overnight shipment.
I, of course, should be fired for this according to Her Royal Highness. She, of course, can die in a fire according to Crazy Ol' Uncle Khiras, because he's sadistic like that.
Incidentally, I overheard my manager as she hung up the phone. Her comment? "That woman is a vagina llama!"
...
E-mail fail
SC: I've had enough of this!
Me: Ma'am?
SC: THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE CALLED!!!
Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, if you can tell me the problem...
SC: YOU WON'T JUST E-MAIL ME MY CONFIRMATION LETTERS! THEY'VE TOLD ME TWICE IT WOULD BE SENT, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SENT WHEN I MADE THE RESERVATION!!!
Me: Ok, I can try to find another option that will work...have you checked your spam filter on your e-mail to make sure that hasn't been blocking the message?
SC: .....................
Me: .....................
SC: *click*
Me: Le sigh...
NO MEANS NO!!!
Me: Thanks for calling hotel, how can I help you?
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss....I need to get a reservation on this date.
Me: Alright, how many nights is that for?
SC: yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeessssssssssss....uh, 2 nights.
Me: *twitch* And how many adults in the room.
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeessssssssss.............er, 2 adults.
Me: Ok, I have this room at this rate, and-
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss..........a ny other rooms?
Me: (NO! STOP SAYING THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!) Yes, I have this room at this rate, and this room at this rate.
SC: YYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss ssssssssssssssssss..........uh, let me get the second one.
Me: Ok, can I get your name?
SC: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss ............uh...Farking Annoying Woman.
Me: *Bangs head on wall*
This conversation took me 18 minutes and 47 seconds. Every time she spoke, she started with the word "yes" drawn out in the type of way that the sound can only provoke a large cow slowly being forced to eat a live duck. Picture the look on the cow's face. PICTURE IT!!! Do you see it!?!?
Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss...
The One-Two-Three Punch
SC: If I make a reservation, do I have to give a credit card?
Me: Yes, we have to have a card to hold the reservation.
SC: Oh...ok, I'll have to call back later then.
5 minutes later...
SC: Can I make a reservation now, then have someone call back with a credit card later?
Me: No...we have to have a card...to hold the reservation.
SC: Oh...ok, I'll have to call back later then.
10 minutes later...
SC: I still haven't gotten hold of my boss to get a corporate card to use yet...can I make a cash payment over the phone?
Me: (What the fuck?) You...what? Sir...I have to ask this, how is it that you could make a cash payment to us, in Denver, from your phone in Orlando?
SC: Uh.....
Me: ......
SC: Well...er...so I need a credit card then?
Me: /facepalm
No. Actually, I found a new method. I want you to leave the office, now. Go to the worst neighborhood you can find. As soon as you're there, I want you to run around, flinging your money into the air. While you do this, you must scream "COME TO ME, OH MIGHTY FAIRIES OF KHIRAS, TRANSPORT TO HIM MY MAD DUCATS!!!"
Help should arrive shortly.
The Creepy Reverend
Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling hotel, how can I help you?
CR: Ooooooooooeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh well my name's Reverend Creepy McGrabbyhands, and I need a reservation on this day.
Me: *shuddered at the first noise* Ok...how many nights?
SC: Oh, just 2 nights there sonny, ooooooooeeeeeeehhhhh...
Me: o.O ...How many adults in the room?
SC: Well, I think...ooooeeeeeeeehhhhhh...probably just me. I'm lonely these days.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Seriously, I know he's a preacher and all, but his tone of voice has me totally on edge now. I honestly think he's about to ask me to dress up as a Dutch maiden and wait in his room until he arrives at this point! Now, imagine the next 5 minutes of moaning "ooooeeeehhh"s, and him referring me at the end as a "nice young lad, the type I like".
FfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffAR K! What the hell is wrong with my callers!? Why can't any hot-sounding guys call up and hit on me!? At least then I could have some fun with it, damnit! If not them...oh wait, my partner reads this site now. Damn, gonna get myself in trouble...
And now, for the finale of this week...and I swear to god...
I shit you not.
Me: Can I get your name?
SC: Bringer of the Apocalypse.
Me: And your address?
SC: This and that...Nanavut...
NO! NO GOD NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should have seen this coming! Last week, it was like Gravekeeper had somehow foisted some of his lesser evils towards me...but NOW!? Dear god, somehow I've managed to catch Nanavut! Yes, I consider it a disease! It stains! IT BURNS!!!
Kill me, please god, someone kill me...incidentally, the baby in that picture? That's the last shred of hope for my poor, tattered soul about to be mashed into tiny, indistinguishable bits. Thanks, Nanavut, for that...
Hahahahahahaha!! I totally see it! I''m sorry you had to hear that godawful sound, but that description...*wanders off, still giggling* Heh. Cow! Duck! Heh.
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