ITT: Your most memorable "I'll see you fired!" tales of horror

[thehippie777]

My "I'll see you fired" moment ended me in tears. it was not Pretty. long story short

Customer walked out with a cart full of merchandise....customer was in the process of paying...walked out...told the guy he will need to come back inside...customer was an asshole and told me the company should fire my ass.

It has been very rare, like a couple times maybe, that I have even spoken to the Diamond Desk myself.

[Rapscallion]

If someone takes a permanent marker and marks on a whiteboard.. obviously you can't wipe it off... grab a dry erase marker, mark over the permanent markers' marking.. then dry erase it... the permanent markers' markings also come off.

I don't know why, I don't know how... but it does lol!

It's quite possible they use the same solvent, or a similar enough one to allow you to do this.

We've got brands of permanent marker removal spray over here. We have a dry-wipe board with a pen attached to it by string, and guess what people use?

We need that spray regularly.

Rapscallion

[Raven]

I had a customer recently who pulled the, "I'm writing a letter and then you'll be lucky to have a job" card on me.

This particular woman placed an order with us (at my day job), and I had dutifully mailed it to the address she provided on her order form. No problem. Except that a little while after I sent the order out, I get a notice from the post office that they hadn't been able to deliver the order because it had been "refused" at the address. Basically, this means that when the mail carrier walked up to the door with it, the customer literally refused to take it. WTF?!? The post office doesn't return the merchandise to us because of the way we ship it (to keep the costs for customers as low as possible), they just notify us that it wasn't delivered, so I'm not thrilled about this. In the three years or so I've worked at this company, this is the first time I've had this happen.

I try calling the customer at the number she provided and end up leaving several messages over several days, but I get no response. Again...I'm not happy because my precog is telling me that this isn't going to go away.

Sure enough, about two weeks later the customer calls. I look her up (I ship a lot of stuff, and I frequently have trouble remembering my children's names, so everything goes in a log before it gets mailed). Yep, this is the package that was "refused." This is how the conversation goes:

Me: (Name of company), how may I help you?
SC: I placed an order months ago and I still haven't received it!
Me: I'm so sorry, let me look that up for you! What is your name?
SC: (gives name in that snotty voice that suggests I'm supposed to know who she is even though I've never spoken to her before)
Me: (sees the note about the refused package and stifles a sigh) Ma'am, according to our records, your order was mailed but it was refused at your address on (insert date).
SC: What is that supposed to mean?
Me: It means that when your mail carrier brought our package to your door, whoever answered the door refused to accept it.
***Pause while the customer thinks of a good excuse for refusing their order and then calling to complain about not getting it***
SC: Are you trying to tell me you're not going to give me what I paid for?!
Me: No ma'am.
SC: Well how was I supposed to know that thing was my order?
Me: (thinking) I don't know, maybe because it was clearly addressed to you from us and YOU ordered it!!!
Me: (out loud) I'll be happy to reorder that for you and send it out again. (I have to do this, 100% happy policy, don't ya know.)
SC: How long will that take?
Me: About 4 to 6 weeks - when an order is refused, we don't receive the merchandise back so we have to treat it as a new order.
SC: Well I needed my order for Friday! (Two days from now)
Me: (thinking) Reeeally? Then maybe you shouldn't have refused it two weeks ago...ya think?
Me: (out loud) I understand, but unfortunately even if I mailed your order today it wouldn't arrive by Friday.
SC: Can't you overnight it?
Me: (rolling eyes and laying head gently on my desk) Unfortunately, there would be an additional charge to overnight it, and there wouldn't be time for you to send a check or money order to cover that charge. (we don't take credit cards, don't ask)
SC: Can't you just overnight it and I'll send you the money?
Me: (thinking) Oh yes please, I'm sure you'll send that money RIGHT AWAY!
Me: (out loud) No, I'm sorry but I'm not able to do that. I can move the process along as quickly as possible, and you should receive your order in just a couple of weeks.
SC: (officially ballistic now) That is completely unacceptable! I can't believe this is your company's idea of customer service! Just because of a completely understandable mistake (NOT) I'm going to have to wait entirely too long and you are refusing to work with me! I'm writing a letter to the owner of your company tonight, and when he gets it you'll be lucky to have a job! (slams phone down)

Hmm...yep, I'm shaking in my shoes now! That was several weeks ago. The customer's order has been mailed and (I hope!) received. Oddly enough, I haven't seen her letter come across my desk yet.

[Utter_iMADNESS]

I've only had one customer threaten to fire me.

I was working at the gas station when I saw a guy who was smoking in his car, an obvious no-no. I politely ask him to put the cigarette out becasue it was unsafe and against the policy to smoke in the station because of the gas fumes (which there is so much of that I sometimes feel sick on hot days from the amount of gas I've inhaled). The guy then got out of the car (at which point I noticed his son in the car) and began to argue saying that I had no right to tell him what to do. I proceded to point at the no smoking signs and told him that it was for his and everyone else's safety.
He then got right in my face and told me that he was going to smoke anyway. He then stepped away and started shouting that I assulted him by pushing him (which i obviously didn't). I told him that I didn't and that he could confirm that with the multiple security cameras that we had placed.
He then asked for the head office's number to complain and said that I'd be lucky if I still had my job by tomorrow and even said he'd call the police becasue of assault. But my (awesome) co-worker gave him our station's phone number instead of the head office's. When he calls 1 minute later he says he wants to make a complaint, so we just put him on "hold".

The sad part was that he was making all that fuss infront of his kid. And that all I was doing was trying to watch out for his and his kid's safety (which didn't seem to be his main concern considering he was smoking in the car).

I ended up telling my manager about the confrontation and after watching the security tapes he commended me for not blowing my top

[hecubus]

We've got brands of permanent marker removal spray over here. We have a dry-wipe board with a pen attached to it by string, and guess what people use?

We need that spray regularly.

Rapscallion

Just a tip. If you use any of the permanent marker ink removers, make absolutely sure that you have plenty of ventilation.

Back when I worked at the movie theater, I was in a stall using the spray to take off a huge piece of graffiti which was in permanent marker. My mistake was staying in the stall and spraying and wiping for about ten minutes. All of a sudden, it seemed like the whole world was tilting, much like the Enterprise when they're under attack by the Klingons. Talk about your head rush! I think if I had stayed in there any longer, I probably would have passed out.

[Anriana]

Interestingly I've never had a customer threaten to have me fired in two years working. Perhaps it's different working in a call center for a large corporation as a customer can't say "Get me your supervisor so I can tell them to fire you" or "Give me your employee ID so I can get you fired!" Customers mainly just threaten to cancel their services.

[Shpepper]

I only ever had one person say that they would have my job for something. I forget what it was that they thought I did but they said they were going to have my job for not doing something the exact way they wanted it and my brain to mouth filter went on vacation with out me and I turned around and said, "If you want it you can have it. There are applications at the customer service desk. We really do need more help here. " The person shut up, turned around, walked away and I never saw them in the store again.

[AnaKhouri]

No one has ever threatened to have me fired. I am dying for someone to say, "I'll have your job!" so I can reply, "Honey, you couldn't handle my job."

[wolfie]

EB: "NO. I want them to stop it RIGHT NOW. I am a DIAMOND MEMBER (oooh, big freakin' deal, so is everyone else), and I want you to move them to another room!"
Me: "...ma'am, I can't move them to another room."
EB: "Well why the hell not?! I need my sleep and I have a meeting and-"
::I stopped listening while she ranted::
Me: "I understand, and like I was saying, I'd be happy to comp your room if it continues, or reward your stay with double the points you'd usually receive. However, I can't move the people next door because you want me to. Our policy is to move someone from their own room if they want to be moved. I can not move someone else because they're holding a conversation at a reasonable volume."
EB: "I DEMAND you make them stop! Do you hear me?! I am a DIAMOND MEMBER!"

Obvious answer:
"Two of the guests you are complaining about are DIAMOND MEMBERS. If both you and they stay in your respective rooms, or if I move you to another room, because their conversation at a normal volume disturbs you, I would be inconveniencing one DIAMOND MEMBER. If I were to move them because of the disturbance, I would be inconveniencing two DIAMOND MEMBERS. I'm sure you can see which action is likely to cause greater problems for the hotel."

[Princess-Snake]

Back at the grocery store, a customer threatened to have me fired because we ran out of a certain brand of cereal. She didn't even want the dang cereal either! She said we were secretly trying to up sales of another brand of cereal by taking down other brands one at a time. She was on to us and have us all fired right after reporting us to CBS, CNN, and ABC

[anyanka2]

I had one customer at the grocery store memorial day weekend. It was ten minutes before my shift was over and this older guy came through my lane. I saw he had flowers so I got a flower bag ready for him. He was irritating me already commenting approvingly on my idiotic male CWs insubordination towards the MOD. The guy acts like he's handing me the flowers and then pulls them out of my hands. He then repeats this stunt. I finally grab them and put them in the bag. I put the bagged flowers under the credit card platform and the asshole throws them in the cart.

He then proceeds to tell me that I am one of the rudest people he has ever encountered while grocery shopping and that at the 800 person company he ran, I would have been fired for insubordination and rudeness. I had to hold my tongue not to ask him if it was a concentration camp or gulag, something that would have surely gotten me fired. He also said that the employees at a competitor's are nicer, which I didn't respond to but wanted to say that's because they're not that bright. He then whips out a hundred dollar bill, which I check with a counterfeit pen as a part of my job and because he had annoyed me enough. He's not happy about that so I explain to him that there are a signficant number of fake hundreds out there and if I take a fake hundred, I could lose my job. He acted all offended and threatened to talk to the MOD, who will stand up for me.

My main issue with him was that he treated me like a servant. In his eyes because I was a female cashier, he could talk down to me and try to admonish me. I really didn't care that he was a older man or someone who was successful. He should have tried being nicer and more respectful to someone who is working so he can get his social security checks, especially when it will be bankrupt when I need it.

[LadyAndreca]

OT Nerd moment: dry-erase ink includes a solvent that works astonishingly well on dissolving many other inks. Including dry-erase ink, if you have any that has been sitting forever and just won't come off on its own.

...really? *runs into the kitchen to test this* Oh, wow, my board's said "mustard" for about a year now because I forgot to erase a grocery list once. Now it doesn't anymore! Yay!

When I worked at the Bullseye, the standard answer for "I'll have your job!" was "The hiring kiosks are by the service desk." (Same for "you need more cashiers/people/cart attendants!") Our managers actually told us to say this, because we heard it so often. Freaking summer vacation city EWs...