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My hotel has a device which appears to be an ice machine, and does, in fact, function thusly. However, it is, in reality, a fiendishly unsophisticated intelligence test; One that does not so much quantify a user's I.Q. as it does determine whether or not any intellect is present. Sadly, most would-be recipients of it's frigid polyhedron rewards find themselves instead defeated and empty handed.
Instructions for its use are simple, visible, and available in the form of written words, braille, and simple PICTOGRAMS, yet the majority of patrons cannot correctly operate it without additional guidance from an experienced veteran.
Here's how it works:
1. Place ice bucket in the holder below the dispensor.
2. Insert your room key card into slot labeled as such.
3. Bucket fills with ice.
4. Take ice-filled bucket and keycard, and go away.
What you do with it at that point is your own business and no one has the right to judge you for it.
Here's how people fail:
1. Not bringing the ice bucket. At least 3 out of 4 people don't consider how they might transport said ice back to thier rooms. Most will go get the ice bucket provided with every room, and make a second attempt at this transaction. Many of the rest will find/steal/ask me for a plastic bag to use. At least once a week, I see someone heading back with just a big double-handful of ice, and I wonder how they intend to use the doorknob when they reach the room. And EVERY morning there's a pile of ice on the floor in front of the machine.
2. Either not bringing thier room key, or not understanding its use. Most will either abort and reattempt at a later time with card in tow, or will seek out professional instruction. But, every so often, some jackass will exert a great deal of force to wedge a coin into the card slot so tightly we have to take the whole damned machine apart to get it out.
Last night I discovered by horrific accident a new level of fail, now available in E.W. flavor:
As I'm walking a periodic patrol of the hallways, a guest, who appears to be sober, opens her door. She asks me where the ice machine is, and I give her directions. I also mention to her that she'll need to bring her ice bucket and room key.
Her response: "Oh, no, *I* don't need to."
Erm, ok. Momentarily baffled, I shrug and continue on my way back to the front desk. Sure enough, a few moments later she appears, empty handed, asking for an extra copy of her room key as she has now locked herself out.
Instructions for its use are simple, visible, and available in the form of written words, braille, and simple PICTOGRAMS, yet the majority of patrons cannot correctly operate it without additional guidance from an experienced veteran.
Here's how it works:
1. Place ice bucket in the holder below the dispensor.
2. Insert your room key card into slot labeled as such.
3. Bucket fills with ice.
4. Take ice-filled bucket and keycard, and go away.
What you do with it at that point is your own business and no one has the right to judge you for it.
Here's how people fail:
1. Not bringing the ice bucket. At least 3 out of 4 people don't consider how they might transport said ice back to thier rooms. Most will go get the ice bucket provided with every room, and make a second attempt at this transaction. Many of the rest will find/steal/ask me for a plastic bag to use. At least once a week, I see someone heading back with just a big double-handful of ice, and I wonder how they intend to use the doorknob when they reach the room. And EVERY morning there's a pile of ice on the floor in front of the machine.
2. Either not bringing thier room key, or not understanding its use. Most will either abort and reattempt at a later time with card in tow, or will seek out professional instruction. But, every so often, some jackass will exert a great deal of force to wedge a coin into the card slot so tightly we have to take the whole damned machine apart to get it out.
Last night I discovered by horrific accident a new level of fail, now available in E.W. flavor:
As I'm walking a periodic patrol of the hallways, a guest, who appears to be sober, opens her door. She asks me where the ice machine is, and I give her directions. I also mention to her that she'll need to bring her ice bucket and room key.
Her response: "Oh, no, *I* don't need to."
Erm, ok. Momentarily baffled, I shrug and continue on my way back to the front desk. Sure enough, a few moments later she appears, empty handed, asking for an extra copy of her room key as she has now locked herself out.
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