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Hello hello! I’m a long time lurker, first time poster. How do you do? 
I’m here to share a couple stories, one of which happened just the other day. It amazes me how the human race has fallen as far as it has sometimes. *weeps and clings to the board*
A little background: I work in a cube as a customer service rep for a debt resolution company. People come to us with their accounts and we explain the services, weed out which accounts we can and cannot assist with (like government-backed stuff, alimony, child support, back taxes, etc) and we explain the services to the customer a grand total of at least three times during the initial process.
When customers call in and get to me, they’ve gone through this process already. They spoke to the initial rep (called an analyst), this rep walks them through the service, and if the customer wants to sign up, great! They then sign the contract, which the analyst goes through point by point. Then the customer sets up an “Introductory Call”, where another rep will hold their hand through the contract again and explain everything in minute detail again. In a recorded phone call, the customer has to verbally state they’ve understood everything. I hope all of that makes sense.
I Can’t Be Bothered!
I love working in the morning because not many people call and I can get all of my work done leftover from the night before. This morning, I get this gem.
Me: Well… me! H of the Cube~ (and not of Borg!)
SC: Makes my brain melt.
Jay: Bestest buddy who works in cancellations and processes customers leaving the services.
We communicate with customers via phone or email, and this SC preferred email. Cool, I’m wordy and I like to write. No biggy. I’ve been answering her questions back and forth for about two months, and I open my email the other day to this:
(not word for word, and over several emails…)
SC: I’d like to cancel my services.
Me: Okay, all we need for you to do is to send us written confirmation by fax or by email, whichever you prefer. We need your name, the date, and the reason you’d like to cancel.
SC: I’d like to cancel by email.
Me: Okay, just send the information to [Jay’s email] and he’ll process everything for you.
So I think that’s the end of it. I should have noted that we all use an IM service so we can ask each other questions or ask ahead if we can transfer someone if somebody else is on the phone. “[Customer] is on the phone, may I transfer?” Stuff like that. My boss and I are grammar whackos, so I help correct people’s outgoing emails for errors. Jay has me do this on a regular basis.
So he sends me an IM saying, “Can you check an email for me?”
“Sure”, I type, “but I’m on the phone. Could you send it to me via IM?” (Sometimes, if I’m up and about, I’ll sit down at his desk and correct it if he calls me over.) So he sends me SC’s email to him:
SC: I’d like to cancel my services with you people (ugh I hate that phrase!) because you never did anything for me. I demand a full refund! You did nothing for me and all I did was pay you for nothing, so I want everything back! Below are the reasons for my cancellation:
Point A that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months
Point B that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months
Point C that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months, and that I personally explained to her on the phone and in several emails.
I also want the date and time of my Introductory Call, because I do not believe this was ever administered.
Okay cool, so I check Jay’s response to her complaints and everything is good. He explains that everything was laid out in the beginning, including all fees, payments and procedures. We sent her a copy of the contract she signed as well (people tend to lose these, I guess??) AND the exact date and time of her Introductory Call. Everything is recorded, so we can even send her the .wav file of her agreeing to everything and stating she understands. We try to be as up front about everything as possible, and we cannot figure out how to make our contract any more plain and simple. There is no legalese, no small print, nothing. Jay says that all refund policies are outlined in her contract (which they are, and there are several services we offer, each with a different contract).
So Jay sends off his email and I go about my business for another hour or so. Jay then sends me another IM that reads, “Oh you’ll love this.”
Oh, I’ll love this? Is it candy? Hugs? Puppies?
He sends me SC’s lovely response:
"I can’t be bothered to read my contract!"
Brain… melting… argh…
This other one is bonus and it’s not an SC, but just odd. We have a program where myself and a few other girls call each and every customer at least once a month to check on them and answer any questions as a courtesy. Cool, right? Well, I get some weird people.
Taters
The cast:
Me!
And the man I will call “Taters”.
Me: *places call to Taters and Taters picks up* Hello, this is [me] calling from [company]. We’re just placing a call to see if you have any questions or concerns regarding your services!
Taters: O HAI.
Me: Hi! Is there anything I can assist you with regarding your services?
Taters: Do you like truckers?!
I hear the distinct sound of a record stopping. ….what? Do I like truckers? What does “like” mean? Are you even a trucker? What does that have to do with anything? Truckers are hard workers like anybody else and are essential to businesses worldwide, but… what?
Me: Uhh… I suppose? (not the best response, but my excuse is that my brain had already oozed partly out of my ear.)
Taters: Well I’m a trucker (Really? Wonderful. You sound like you’re at least 50 and… is that the sound of a wheezing vacuum? Is that your lungs?) and do you know what I truck around dis here country?
Me: No…?
I’m looking at his info and see he’s got his address in the east coast, and yet he sounds like he’d been through Hell in the south with that accent.
Taters: I TRUCK TATERS.
Me: (thinking) ….yay for you?
Taters: Tater crisps, tater slices, tater fries, tater chips… which I guess are really just tater crisps but they give you a big ol’ ass and nobody likes big ol’ asses anymore, but me, me man I love me a big ol’ woman with a big ol’ ass.
Me: O_O;
Taters: SCUSE THE LANGUAGE! But I work for FREE TOE LAYZ. Anyway I gotta go my wife’s been calling and these people need their taters BYE! *click*
I’m here to share a couple stories, one of which happened just the other day. It amazes me how the human race has fallen as far as it has sometimes. *weeps and clings to the board*A little background: I work in a cube as a customer service rep for a debt resolution company. People come to us with their accounts and we explain the services, weed out which accounts we can and cannot assist with (like government-backed stuff, alimony, child support, back taxes, etc) and we explain the services to the customer a grand total of at least three times during the initial process.
When customers call in and get to me, they’ve gone through this process already. They spoke to the initial rep (called an analyst), this rep walks them through the service, and if the customer wants to sign up, great! They then sign the contract, which the analyst goes through point by point. Then the customer sets up an “Introductory Call”, where another rep will hold their hand through the contract again and explain everything in minute detail again. In a recorded phone call, the customer has to verbally state they’ve understood everything. I hope all of that makes sense.
I Can’t Be Bothered!
I love working in the morning because not many people call and I can get all of my work done leftover from the night before. This morning, I get this gem.
Me: Well… me! H of the Cube~ (and not of Borg!)
SC: Makes my brain melt.
Jay: Bestest buddy who works in cancellations and processes customers leaving the services.
We communicate with customers via phone or email, and this SC preferred email. Cool, I’m wordy and I like to write. No biggy. I’ve been answering her questions back and forth for about two months, and I open my email the other day to this:
(not word for word, and over several emails…)
SC: I’d like to cancel my services.
Me: Okay, all we need for you to do is to send us written confirmation by fax or by email, whichever you prefer. We need your name, the date, and the reason you’d like to cancel.
SC: I’d like to cancel by email.
Me: Okay, just send the information to [Jay’s email] and he’ll process everything for you.
So I think that’s the end of it. I should have noted that we all use an IM service so we can ask each other questions or ask ahead if we can transfer someone if somebody else is on the phone. “[Customer] is on the phone, may I transfer?” Stuff like that. My boss and I are grammar whackos, so I help correct people’s outgoing emails for errors. Jay has me do this on a regular basis.
So he sends me an IM saying, “Can you check an email for me?”
“Sure”, I type, “but I’m on the phone. Could you send it to me via IM?” (Sometimes, if I’m up and about, I’ll sit down at his desk and correct it if he calls me over.) So he sends me SC’s email to him:
SC: I’d like to cancel my services with you people (ugh I hate that phrase!) because you never did anything for me. I demand a full refund! You did nothing for me and all I did was pay you for nothing, so I want everything back! Below are the reasons for my cancellation:
Point A that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months
Point B that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months
Point C that was explained in the contract and in several calls and emails to our office over several months, and that I personally explained to her on the phone and in several emails.
I also want the date and time of my Introductory Call, because I do not believe this was ever administered.
Okay cool, so I check Jay’s response to her complaints and everything is good. He explains that everything was laid out in the beginning, including all fees, payments and procedures. We sent her a copy of the contract she signed as well (people tend to lose these, I guess??) AND the exact date and time of her Introductory Call. Everything is recorded, so we can even send her the .wav file of her agreeing to everything and stating she understands. We try to be as up front about everything as possible, and we cannot figure out how to make our contract any more plain and simple. There is no legalese, no small print, nothing. Jay says that all refund policies are outlined in her contract (which they are, and there are several services we offer, each with a different contract).
So Jay sends off his email and I go about my business for another hour or so. Jay then sends me another IM that reads, “Oh you’ll love this.”
Oh, I’ll love this? Is it candy? Hugs? Puppies?
He sends me SC’s lovely response:
"I can’t be bothered to read my contract!"
Brain… melting… argh…
This other one is bonus and it’s not an SC, but just odd. We have a program where myself and a few other girls call each and every customer at least once a month to check on them and answer any questions as a courtesy. Cool, right? Well, I get some weird people.
Taters
The cast:
Me!
And the man I will call “Taters”.
Me: *places call to Taters and Taters picks up* Hello, this is [me] calling from [company]. We’re just placing a call to see if you have any questions or concerns regarding your services!
Taters: O HAI.
Me: Hi! Is there anything I can assist you with regarding your services?
Taters: Do you like truckers?!
I hear the distinct sound of a record stopping. ….what? Do I like truckers? What does “like” mean? Are you even a trucker? What does that have to do with anything? Truckers are hard workers like anybody else and are essential to businesses worldwide, but… what?
Me: Uhh… I suppose? (not the best response, but my excuse is that my brain had already oozed partly out of my ear.)
Taters: Well I’m a trucker (Really? Wonderful. You sound like you’re at least 50 and… is that the sound of a wheezing vacuum? Is that your lungs?) and do you know what I truck around dis here country?
Me: No…?
I’m looking at his info and see he’s got his address in the east coast, and yet he sounds like he’d been through Hell in the south with that accent.
Taters: I TRUCK TATERS.
Me: (thinking) ….yay for you?
Taters: Tater crisps, tater slices, tater fries, tater chips… which I guess are really just tater crisps but they give you a big ol’ ass and nobody likes big ol’ asses anymore, but me, me man I love me a big ol’ woman with a big ol’ ass.
Me: O_O;
Taters: SCUSE THE LANGUAGE! But I work for FREE TOE LAYZ. Anyway I gotta go my wife’s been calling and these people need their taters BYE! *click*
, I look forward to reading more of your posts. 
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