Losing Brain Cells...in Textbook Hell...

[lupo pazzesco]

Hey look! A tale from Textbook Hell! How long has it been? Just one to write up tonight. I have so many more, but don’t have the drive to write them up at the moment. Sorry folks. But this one…this one. <shudders and reaches shakily for the sweet, sweet therapeutic alcohol> I want to sue his ass, to try and regain the more than an HOUR of my time, and the 12 million brain cells he caused to commit sepukku!

Ok, so it’s Sunday in Textbook hell. Usually a slow day, and I’m manning the textbook counter, tagging books for the next semester. The usual, right? (And if I just so happened to be texting back and forth with SG15Z as well, then hey, just proof that I can multitask with the best of them! )

Moving on. In walks, at around 2:00-2:15, a law student, whom I shall juvenilely refer to as The Jabberwock, because he reminded me of the Carroll poem, and made just about as much sense at the time. Most notably because he came in, and after spending 5 minutes with him, the verse of the poem came to mind, “Beware the jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!” Because once he had me in his grasp he wouldn’t let me go!

So, he enters, and I ask if he needs help finding anything. And thus, it began…

TJ: (The Jabberwock) Uh, yeah, I’m looking for law stuff?
Me: All right, we have some t-shirts over here, and some licence plate frames over-
TJ: Nonono! Law BOOKS!
Me: Er…all right, do you know which class you need them for?
TJ: Torts!
Me: All righty, then, the torts classes being taught this summer are—
TJ: I just need study aids!
Me: <Thinking it’s like pulling teeth getting information out of this guy, and trying to get a complete sentence in before he cuts me off> Yes, sir, then the torts section is right over here. Is there a specific series your looking for? Casenotes? E&E? Gilbert’s?
TJ: I’ll just look around.
Me: All right, sir, well if you need help finding anything, please let me know. (Famous last words!!!)

Ten minutes pass. And he comes lumbering up to the counter.

TJ: Hey where are those whaddya call ‘em? Cards?
Me: <Blank stare> I’m sorry…I don’t think I know what you mean? Notecards?
TJ: Yeah, notecards! But with stuff already written on them!
Me: <)> Uh…flashcards?
TJ: Exactly!! Flashcards!
Me: Right over here, sir, is where we keep all of the Bar Cards, and Law in a Flash cards. Torts is right here. <And I show him!>
TJ: <grabs the torts cards, and then starts hunting around, like a pig snuffling for truffles> Hey, you got any contracts cards here?
Me: Hm, I don’t see them. Let me go look those up in the computer. <I do so, and after a quick search, I see we’re sold out and tell him so.>
TJ: <Meanwhile, has grabbed a set of torts flash cards, criminal law flash cards, and constitutional law flash cards.> Aw, man, I really needed help studying for contracts.
Me: <When will I LEARN!?> Well, I can show you the contracts supplement section we have.
TJ: Great, thanks!

I take him over, and start showing him the section. I’m trying to determine whether he needs a supplement keyed to a specific casebook, test prep materials, subject overview, etc, etc. Doing my damndest to help because hey, he’s already got about $100 worth of law supplemental stuff in his hands, and is adding more. Big Sunday Sale! Woot!!

He’s increasingly difficult, though, because he won’t tell me exactly what he’s looking for, and just keeps saying he wants something to help him study!

This continues, with him looking for criminal law, then constitutional law, then torts, etc, etc. And then…

TJ: Hey, how come none of these have prices on them?
Me: I’m not sure, but I can go price check some of them for you, if you’d like?
TJ: Yeah. Here, do all of them. <Shoves them at me! And there are, at this point, about 15 books/flash card sets!!>
Me: <I manage to get them all to the counter and price them all, they’re all within the range of $25-40. Not too terribly bad for books. And I give him the prices>
TJ: Oh. Huh, that’s kind of expensive…
Me: Er…right.
TJ: I still haven’t found EXACTLY what I need yet, either.
Me: Well, sir, if you could give me some idea, like which casebooks you’re professor is using, I can recommend some of the best supplements. (Note: Like I’d been doing already for the last 50 freakin’ minutes at this point!!!)
TJ: Oh, well for torts, he said to get <Random book title by author whose name I forget>
Me: Oh, well we have these supplements written specifically keyed to that particular casebook.
TJ: Does it explain how torts work?
Me: …wha…?
TJ: Never mind. For Criminal law, we were told to buy <another random casebook whose name and author I forget>
Me: <Goes through the process AGAIN of showing him all the supplements we have, and which ones are keyed specifically to his casebook, and then….THEN he drops THIS little gem!!>
TJ: Look, that’s great and all, but I didn’t BUY the casebook because I didn’t want to read it, so I don’t want to read anything keyed specifically to it.
Me: …<Cue sounds of brakes screeching, metal crunching and screams of abject terror and pain as my train of thought is thrown violently off the tracks.> I’m…not quite sure I follow…
TJ: I didn’t want the book. I take a lot of notes in class, but I need a book that will outline all the basics, that’s not as much reading as the casebook.
Me: <So…you basically want cliffsnotes for LAW SCHOOL!?!?!> Uh…here, we have this series, that outlines the general concepts…
TJ: Do that throw in all those cases, too?
Me: …uh…wha…? <Yes! I was reduced to nonsensical monosyllabic responses at this point!?!)
TJ: <Waves his hands around> You know, like, do they say what mens rea is and then give case examples??
Me: I…I don’t know… <Please, please please please leave now. I have to curl up under the textbook desk and rock back and forth…>
TJ: There’s just too much READING!
Me: Here. This book is only 80 pages. It’s an outline. No case examples, unless absolutely necessary, I think…?
TJ: <Flips through it.> Perfect! FINALLY!!
Me: <Valiantly bites back the whimper in the back of my throat.>
TJ: Now, if you could just find me these books for all the other topics!

I do so and he all but skips out, and is cheerful because these books are only about $18 each. Now mind you, they’re essentially barcharts for law. They give a definition of a term, and outline where it fits in the topic. That’s IT. It’s like…asking for a definition of a word in a spelling bee…and then having it used in a sentence! He bought them because he didn’t want to read the actual casebooks for his classes. At ALL!

I mean, he didn’t even want the nutshell books which are, essentially, Criminal Law In a Nutshell. Literally!! Very small books, meant to be pocket guides...and he didn’t want them because they were too much reading.

There's just NO way to accurately portray this man...

I…my brain cells…they’re flinging themselves upon the sword at an alarming rate!! And, to add insult to injury, he left ALLLLL the other books and aids I had helped him find in a pile on the floor as he waltzed out.

I know I've ranting about law students before, but this one....this one!!! I don't think he'll be in law school much longer, but what's even more scary is what if he DOES continue...and pass...and become a lawyer??

>.< When does the hurting stop…?

[friendofjimmyk]

Is this is first year? First semester? I mean, law school - that's reading, researching, and reviewing metric fucktons of cases to learn about how law works. How does one get accepted to law school and not like to read??????? Does he thinks life is like the matrix where he can plug in and instead of learning kung fu by download, he can learn law by flashcards?

My god my brain hurts.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I see now that Lionel Hutz is not a fictitious character.

He's going to have to work a little harder than that if he wants to be a law-talkin' guy.

[South Texan]

Contracts, Torts, Con Law all are first year courses. With this guy's attitude regarding reading, and considering how much reading is needed to pass the first year (and how competitive law schools now are), I seriously doubt he will be back next year.

Sadly, I have seen his type in court. These "attorneys" obviously have not read the pleadings of the other side, and have no idea what the statutes (laws) are regarding the issue they are supposed to be arguing. I feel so sorry for their clients who almost everytime lose BIG. They are walking malpractice cases.

[lupo pazzesco]

I seriously doubt he will be back next year.

Hope springs eternal!!!

[Formaldehyde]

Textbook hell will commence for me fully this week as the first orientations of the summer start rolling in. I have to deal mainly with software, and I am continuously astounded at the fact that students who have grown up using computers have NO IDEA what Microsoft Office is, or think that when they buy a computer they also need to buy a copy of Vista (or as they pronounce is, Veesta). I was thinking about making a simple, two sided sign to tell the legions of parents wanting to buy software that no, their son/daughter has to charge it to their ID, and no, they can't buy it until they're actually registered for classes.

On the bright side though, I get to spend most of the next couple of weeks outside, and selling Apple products! We just started the iPod promotion where students can get a free iPod Touch when they buy a new Mac, and that's always fun. Another thing that boggles the mind, though, is the sheer number of people who also have no idea what an iPod Touch is or what it does. I try to explain that it's like an iPhone without the phone part, but that usually doesn't help >_<.

[lupo pazzesco]

Formaldehyde, I'm SO glad we don't sell software!!

To a kindred soul, I offer to share my stash o' baked goodies and booze. <shudder> Summer orientation...the horrors...horrors...

[SG15Z]

.....wha....but....a.......... *brain crashes*

*reboot*

Ok, so um I have a prediction. This dude is gonna fail Law School! And if he does get good grades somehow, please dear God may he never be my lawyer, or (god forbid) a politician *shudders*. I mean seriously he's in Law School but doesn't like to read?! That's like going through medical school and you don't like memorzing things.

[smileyeagle1021]

I mean seriously he's in Law School but doesn't like to read?! That's like going through medical school and you don't like memorzing things.

or accounting school and not liking numbers

speaking of which, Lupo, my professor wants me to read the Streat Lawyer and write an essay on the ethical issues raised in the book... think you can find me, like a, you know, rough outline of the book that would still tell me what ethical issues are raised

[Hobbs]

[singing]
SC's are evil, you won't miss 'em.
How they're in college we can't tell.
I know this song won't really help!
As you suffer though level one of Textbook Hell!

note: it follows this melody

[SG15Z]

or accounting school and not liking numbers

Or you hate math.

[Kaylyn]

*sigh* If I had college to do all over again, I think I'd LOVE going into law. It's fascinating, and I like research. I thought I liked accounting...in high school...where it's simple. After three years of college I never wanted to look at another tax book again.

[crashhelmet]

How the hell did he pass his LSATs, let alone college or high school?

CH

[Rapscallion]

The honorary nephew (one of them) was whining about doing some homework last night. Aye, it's Sunday night and the work needs to be done by the next morning.

He had to find out several things about Pablo Picasso - what his father did for a living, where Picasso lived etc. Apparently it was too hard and very much feet-stamping worthy on the ground that he had to read the entire Wikipedia article with all that information in there.

Granted, he's about twelve, but it sounds like there are some eery similarities.

Rapscallion

[cinema guy]

Another thing that boggles the mind, though, is the sheer number of people who also have no idea what an iPod Touch is or what it does.

*holds up hand* What's an iPod Touch?

I know what an iPod is. But I generally listen to music on CDs, tape and Vinyl. I haven't moved into the 21st century in that regard.