I do NOT need a stalker, thankyouverymuch!

[dragonflygrrl]

I honestly don't think the ring has any use whatsoever in dissuading these sad sacks. I have dealt with them as a single girl, an engaged girl, and a married girl, and the only thing that changes is the line they use.

SAC: Suckily amorous customer
Me: Apparently irresistable to a certain type of SC

Before my engagement:
SAC: Hey, so what are you doing after work?
Me: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
SAC: Yeah? Well I bet you can do better. What are you doing after work?

After getting engaged:
SAC: Hey, so what are you doing after work?
Me: Sorry, I'm engaged.
SAC: Well, you're not married yet. You should come out with me while you're still free.

After getting married:
SAC: So, what are you doing after work?
Me: Going home to my husband.
SAC: Oh, so you're married. Is it a good marriage? Or would you like to come have a drink?

Honestly, what will it take? And why is it never anyone even remotely attractive? Not that it matters now, of course, but still. If I have to be hit on, can't it at least be fun? Or at least not revolting?

[Jester]

Try Mace, not the spray but a real, big stick with a studded metal ball on it. Gar-UN-teed to stop stalkers in thier tracks.

Hate to be nitpicky, but that is a morningstar. A mace is a real big stick with a metal ball without studs on it.

The amusing thing is, I am not a gamer at all. I just know this shit.

[greensinestro]

Maybe this guy is not out to stalk you, just interested in you, but too afraid to say anything. It may look like stalking, but he may also be trying to work up the courage to ask you out on a date.

Then again, not a good idea. I did the same thing once and had to explain to this lady exactly that. I was not obsessed with her, but I was afraid to work up the courage to ask her out. So, I sent her a card at her work. She was flattered, but then gently let me know she wasn't interested, and that was that. I left well enough alone after that and moved on. Hopefully this guy does, too.

[kibbles]

Honest question, why do you think he is a stalker, do he routinely "pop" up at places where you are, or is it a gut instinct that's flashing warning bells at you?

Also, just because someone tries to talk to someone else (as mentioned in another reply, not the original poster's) why does that make them a dorky loser?

Kibbles

[TNT]

Hate to be nitpicky, but that is a morningstar. A mace is a real big stick with a metal ball without studs on it.

The amusing thing is, I am not a gamer at all. I just know this shit.

The US House of Representatives has an official mace (which has a round ball with a silver eagle perched on it) that has to be present whenever the house is meeting. The Sergeant-at-arms has the right to "display the mace" to unruly members. That ranks high on my list of "totally cool jobs."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Also, just because someone tries to talk to someone else (as mentioned in another reply, not the original poster's) why does that make them a dorky loser?

Kibbles

I didn't say he was a dorky loser because he tried to talk to someone else.

He was a dorky loser because he was a dorky loser. Some geeky kid trying to hit on somebody who obviously had no interest in him, but couldn't bring herself to tell him off right there in the store.

[Ryu]

you say obviously but to many many people there is no obviously when it comes to reading other peoples emotions/interests
i have no idea if a girl does or does not like me, i have thought a couple did but im pretty sure i was wrong
does that make me a dorky loser if i ask someone out who has no interest in me then walk away once rejected? cause thats the impression i get from your post
not trying to start a fight just trying to get a clarification

[Becks]

That ranks high on my list of "totally cool jobs."

I want that job!!!!!!!!!!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

you say obviously but to many many people there is no obviously when it comes to reading other peoples emotions/interests
i have no idea if a girl does or does not like me, i have thought a couple did but im pretty sure i was wrong
does that make me a dorky loser if i ask someone out who has no interest in me then walk away once rejected? cause thats the impression i get from your post
not trying to start a fight just trying to get a clarification

No, that's not what I meant. You're not a dork if you get the hint the first time.

This guy, however, didn't get the hint the first time...or the second...or the third...or the fourth. She decided to deal with it by giving excuses (i.e "I have to wash my hair that night") and trying to be nice because it wasn't her nature to be mean.

[Ryu]

Thanks for the clarification
Thats the problem though
Those of us who dont understand social cues very well wouldnt realize that they were rejections, theyd think it was legitmate being busy that night
If someone did that to me itd probably take at least 3 or 4 times of doing it for me to realize that they were rejecting me.
I hate when women beat around the bush with that, its not mean to say im not interested, in my opinion its more mean to toy around with fake excuses especially if you see the guy doesnt realize you arent interested. Not saying thats the case here but thats what I've experienced and other guys i know have agreed.
I hope you dont think I'm trying to start an argument its just theres such a gap in communication on this issue and so many people view the other side in a negative light due to this and lack of information and putting themselves in the others position so if I can help people see the reason for this action in many, but im sure not nearly all, cases it would help them react to it in a better way for both parties involved
Im probably not explaining myself well, just hope you take it as friendly advice not argument or anything

[Jester]

Many guys have trouble reading women. The problem with a lot of them is that they think they can get the "signals" without actually asking any questions. This, as some of us know, does not work. But that does not mean that we, as guys, get this.

Rewind about 17 years. A young Jester, who lives in the dorms at a fairly large southwestern university, takes a fancy to a young lady who worked behind the counter at the nearby Whataburger. And our hero went in to flirt with her, eating the establishment's fare.

Every night.

For FORTY FIVE nights.

In a ROW.

Now, those of you who have eaten at Whataburger are probably already shaking your head in disbelief. Because even if you like the stuff, 45 days in a row eating the same fast food crap is utterly repulsive.

And it just goes to show what a relatively shy boy will do to try to woo a girl. Yes, back then I was much shyer. And for all that effort, you know what our hero got from said fair lass? Not. A. Damn. Thing. Silence, impudent peasants....quell your disbelief! I was not then the devilishly handsome and disarmingly confident fellow you see before you. Not even in tights.

Now, fast forward back to the present day. Say, a few weeks ago. Once again, our hero spies a girl that strikes his fancy. A lovely, long-haired redhead. Said fair lass, in a bikini, walked up to the bar where our hero was standing. Hungover. Really hungover. And still wearing a full Court Jester costume (including tights) from the Fantasy Fest party the night before. Not exactly Matt Damon or Brad Pitt, I will grant you. But now far more experienced, far wiser, far more hungover, and far sicker of Whataburger. So instead of pining around for a while hoping the young flame-haired beauty would take notice of him, our tights-wearing protaganist turned to the young lady and said, and I quote, "Darlin', I gotta tell you: I love women with long hair, and you are just makin' my mornin'." And then turned back to his previous conversation, leaving the stunned redhead to drink her margarita in confusion. And do you know what our stalwart hero got for his cavalier remark? Not. A. Damn. Thing.

It was the scintillating conversation later on that got him everything he was hoping for.

My point, my friends? That if you allow it to, life will teach you a few things, including that there are no "social cues" that you can pick up on, no "signals" that women send out (short of jumping you and slamming their tongues down your throats...and that rarely happens more than once a week), that we make our own destinies. "Carpe diem" is not merely a catchphrase from one of the best movies ever made, but a way to actually live life if you dare.

Even as the shyer younger Jester, I was amazed at the even shyer fellows I met at the dorms, who seeing I had no trouble talking to (if not getting anywhere with) women, asked me the best way to meet a woman.

My answer then was the same as my answer now is: "Start with 'Hello' and go from there." As that is still the best pickup line ever invented.

Face it, guys. You can sit there and wait for women to notice your interest in them, as I used to do. But in all likelihood, they will either not notice your interest, or take it as a creepy stalkerish situation. It is far better to suck it up, take a chance at being somewhat embarrassed, and actually just go for it. Speak up, tell them what's on your mind. Because women being women, for the most part, are not going to do it for you.*

It all comes down to my Universal Law of the Sexes:
All Men Are Stupid.
All Women Are Insane.
There Are No Exceptions.

Once you accept that, everything else is much, much, MUCH easier.

*(Women, don't throw things at me. {Hey! You there! Stop that! Bowling balls hurt!} I know there are exceptions to this, and there are women who will say what they want and take charge of the situation, and will help the shyer guys come out of their shells...but they ARE exceptions. I base my comments not only upon my experience as a man, but also upon my experience as an observer of people.)

[sportsmom]

Honestly, what will it take? And why is it never anyone even remotely attractive? Not that it matters now, of course, but still. If I have to be hit on, can't it at least be fun? Or at least not revolting?

I know what you mean, back in the day I had a couple come into he store where I was working and hit on myself and a friend/co-worker.

I was doing some end of the day paperwork, so I asked A to help them when they asked for something and the little jerk said "yeah, she can help me, she's cute." I just gave him the Glare of Doom and kept working on my stuff.

When A brought them up to the register to ring them up they started in with all the bad lines. I finally looked at the midget (He was 5'2" if he was an inch tall and his friend couldn't have been over 5'8". I am 5'10".) and said "Sorry, we're both married." This little shit had the nerve to look at me and say "We can work around that." I went off! "Look you little troll, I don't know what bridge you crawled out from under, but I can garuantee you that even if we were single, there is no way that either one of us would go out with you." I said a lot more that I cannot remember right now, but he did manage to apologize and I never saw him in my store again.

[stormtreader]

Hate to be nitpicky, but that is a morningstar. A mace is a real big stick with a metal ball without studs on it.

I thought a morningstar was the spiky ball attached to a big stick with a length of chain? I would have said a spiky ball on a stick is a mace.

[Becks]

"Carpe diem" is not merely a catchphrase from one of the best movies ever made, but a way to actually live life if you dare.

I have not seen "Dead Poets Society" in such a long time!!!!!

[tintaglia]

At least your 'stalker' isn't your very- much- older-than- you boss.

there i was, a sweet wee innoccent 23yr old, just got my dream job (pet shop)
the boss (a wee fat bauchel with a mostly bald head. white moustache easily in his 60's)

He would make jokes, and though they made me a little uncomfortable, I thought they were just jokes and that i was just being overly sensitive.

Then he would offer me a lift home from the first day onwards (which I thought cool, save bus fare ) but we would drive round for ages doing deliveries before I was dropped home, and it was later and later every night. And we would sit in the van outside my house for ages before he let me out (I was paid cash back then, and he wasn't for handing it over, and i wasn't leaving without it)

Then when we were cashing up (it was just the 2 of us in the shop for that) I would be checking the till, he would stand behind me kissing my head (this was very much near the end of our working relationship by the way, and I had realised my intuition had been right all the time, and feeling stooopid for not doing something sooner, though I didn't know what I might have done)
He also asked me out once and said 'age shouldn't be an issue' I said I would never go out with someone I worked with and esp. not the boss, which (again stoopid me!) I thought would have been the end of it but noooo!

I soon met C (and we are now married ) so I thought that would be the end of it (it wasn't)
He would press against me to get past (and that wasn't a bottle in his pocket)
And would ask me to go away on dirty weekends with him, and just so I knew, he had no probs with me seeing C as well, as he wasn't a jealous man.

He went on holiday 6weeks after I started in that store, he was fired the day he came back, and yes, he threatned to get me,
for losing him his job. Listen to your intuition, and do not be alone with suspected stalkers x