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This has actually been a pretty easy week, so my rage was never truly ignited for once...
Internet Idiocy
We get these inquiries into our availability that are generated through our website...most of the time, it lets me just paste a cookie-cutter response into my e-mail, and I'm done with it. Until I get this one.
What are the dates of your stay? July
How many nights are you staying? Some
How many people are in your party? A few
/sigh...ok jackass, I'm not going to play the guessing game today. So, read between the lines on this one, and realize that my long, friendly response REALLY means this:
"Give me some info you drooling husk, else I shall brain thee!"
Uh, no.
SC: Mumble...mumble...calling about your $59 rate? Friday.
Me: *Blink* I'm sorry sir, the lowest rate for this weekend is $154.
SC: On the website it says $59!
Me: Which website sir?
SC: Hotels.com.
Loading...loading...loading...kill you...loading...
Me: Sir, I'm looking at Hotels.com, it shows our hotel as being sold out that night.
SC: It does?
Me: Yes sir...
SC: What if I haven't refreshed it in a week? Can you still match it?
Me: I have to be able to pull the site up to do that sir, so no.
SC: Mumble...well... *click*
Stunning argument they have there, isn't it? Surely in the face of "mumble well click" I cannot continue to argue, can I? I mean, it would take a madman not to give in to such demands! Bravo sir, your witty response has crushed through my stony exterior, I certainly don't want to just do anything else but talk to you now.
Yep.
This is not Haggle Rock
Me: Thank you for calling <hotel>, blah blah.
SC: Yeah, I'm staying there...
Me: ...
SC: I was wondering about the rates that night too...
Me: ...
SC: I'm also a <customer membership thing> member...
Me: ...
SC: I'm also a teacher too. Anyways, I heard that the <other crappy hotel that offers half of what we do and smaller rooms> has a rate that's $30 less than mine, can you match that?
Me: Ma'am, we actually don't match rates from other hotels.
SC: Why not?
Me: (because you're talking about a shitty property that lost a star this year?) Mostly because we believe no one here can equal our level of service and comfort. (Oh cripes, did I actually just say that?)
SC: Oh. Ok. Uh, would you be able to change my price since I'm a teacher?
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have a Teacher discount, and your room is already discounted for your group, I can't change those rates. (read: I can, but not for annoying fucking people)
SC: Oh...ok. Well I actually already have a reservation, I was just checking.
Me:
SC: Has anyone linked up with my reservation yet?
Me: ..........what?
SC: Linked up! Has anyone linked up yet?
Linked up!? What are you linking your reservation to? Your car? The frigging space station? The portal to the realm of a thousand venereal diseases? I don't think you understand what you've really done here Ms. Teacher...you just booked a hotel. That's all. The men in the big rubber suits probably won't "link up" with us until just after we realize that you've contaminated your room with something tangible, like anthrax, a bomb, or robo herpies. They don't just come in preventatively yet, mostly because doing so would risk putting them in contact with you. Hell, I can feel my brain cells committing suicide just by talking to you over the phone. I imagine that the cow-like look on your face would only reduce me to a state of jello within a few seconds of a similar conversation. I honestly think I heard mooing in the background as a form of more intelligent conversation.
You've wasted my promising future, lady. I'm starting to think that playing with my poo is an actual good activity now, instead of just another way to screw with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
No, I don't really play with my poo. Yet.
Wait, what? Oh god...
Me: Alright ma'am, what's that credit card number?
SC: I do.
......
.................. *blink*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjOU6vaVuPM (No, not a rickroll
)
Oh god. Oh GOD! They've tricked me, how could I have known!? These people use my question as a form of "will you marry me"! I am right and truly farked now, and there's nothing I can do about it, I've somehow sentenced myself to live among their tribe!
Let's go, Bear. I need a good, stiff drink...
Priceline fail
SC: You have put me in the wrong rooms!
Me: Ma'am? I'm not aware of your issue, could you start from the beginning?
SC: I booked 2 suites through priceline, $153 each, and you crammed me into this tiny room with 2 double beds!
Me: I apologize ma'am...let me confirm with priceline real quick, and I can have the front desk move you if we were supposed to have you in a suite.
Using the amazing power of THE TELEPHONE, Uncle Khiras leaps into action! Swiftly navigating the dangerous phone like of PLANET EARTH, he swoops into the Priceline Information Line, where he stays on hold for 10 minutes! ......................! 10 minutes later, he speaks with his sidekick, THE REPRESENTATIVE, and together they determine that they have once more stumbled upon their arch nemesis...THE IDIOT!
Me: Ma'am, I'm talking with Priceline, they've confirmed that you purchased the 2 rooms that you have with 2 double beds on the site, for a total of $153 combined, not 2 suites for that price individually. We can upgrade you to a suite, but that would be an additional price of... (let's see, you're yelling, bitchy, and you're an idiot...) ...$50 per night per room. (NO PRICE BREAK FOR YOU!)
SC: Ugh... *click*
However, our stalwart hero Uncle Khiras would not escape so easily, not when THE IDIOT is around!!! And he's been caught without his trusty partner around, can he survive!?
God I hope not. Bartender, I'll have another...
Internet Idiocy
We get these inquiries into our availability that are generated through our website...most of the time, it lets me just paste a cookie-cutter response into my e-mail, and I'm done with it. Until I get this one.
What are the dates of your stay? July
How many nights are you staying? Some
How many people are in your party? A few
/sigh...ok jackass, I'm not going to play the guessing game today. So, read between the lines on this one, and realize that my long, friendly response REALLY means this:
"Give me some info you drooling husk, else I shall brain thee!"
Uh, no.
SC: Mumble...mumble...calling about your $59 rate? Friday.
Me: *Blink* I'm sorry sir, the lowest rate for this weekend is $154.
SC: On the website it says $59!
Me: Which website sir?
SC: Hotels.com.
Loading...loading...loading...kill you...loading...
Me: Sir, I'm looking at Hotels.com, it shows our hotel as being sold out that night.
SC: It does?
Me: Yes sir...
SC: What if I haven't refreshed it in a week? Can you still match it?
Me: I have to be able to pull the site up to do that sir, so no.
SC: Mumble...well... *click*
Stunning argument they have there, isn't it? Surely in the face of "mumble well click" I cannot continue to argue, can I? I mean, it would take a madman not to give in to such demands! Bravo sir, your witty response has crushed through my stony exterior, I certainly don't want to just do anything else but talk to you now.
Yep.
This is not Haggle Rock
Me: Thank you for calling <hotel>, blah blah.
SC: Yeah, I'm staying there...
Me: ...
SC: I was wondering about the rates that night too...
Me: ...
SC: I'm also a <customer membership thing> member...
Me: ...
SC: I'm also a teacher too. Anyways, I heard that the <other crappy hotel that offers half of what we do and smaller rooms> has a rate that's $30 less than mine, can you match that?
Me: Ma'am, we actually don't match rates from other hotels.
SC: Why not?
Me: (because you're talking about a shitty property that lost a star this year?) Mostly because we believe no one here can equal our level of service and comfort. (Oh cripes, did I actually just say that?)
SC: Oh. Ok. Uh, would you be able to change my price since I'm a teacher?
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have a Teacher discount, and your room is already discounted for your group, I can't change those rates. (read: I can, but not for annoying fucking people)
SC: Oh...ok. Well I actually already have a reservation, I was just checking.
Me:
SC: Has anyone linked up with my reservation yet?
Me: ..........what?
SC: Linked up! Has anyone linked up yet?
Linked up!? What are you linking your reservation to? Your car? The frigging space station? The portal to the realm of a thousand venereal diseases? I don't think you understand what you've really done here Ms. Teacher...you just booked a hotel. That's all. The men in the big rubber suits probably won't "link up" with us until just after we realize that you've contaminated your room with something tangible, like anthrax, a bomb, or robo herpies. They don't just come in preventatively yet, mostly because doing so would risk putting them in contact with you. Hell, I can feel my brain cells committing suicide just by talking to you over the phone. I imagine that the cow-like look on your face would only reduce me to a state of jello within a few seconds of a similar conversation. I honestly think I heard mooing in the background as a form of more intelligent conversation.
You've wasted my promising future, lady. I'm starting to think that playing with my poo is an actual good activity now, instead of just another way to screw with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
No, I don't really play with my poo. Yet.
Wait, what? Oh god...
Me: Alright ma'am, what's that credit card number?
SC: I do.
......
.................. *blink*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjOU6vaVuPM (No, not a rickroll
)Oh god. Oh GOD! They've tricked me, how could I have known!? These people use my question as a form of "will you marry me"! I am right and truly farked now, and there's nothing I can do about it, I've somehow sentenced myself to live among their tribe!
Let's go, Bear. I need a good, stiff drink...
Priceline fail
SC: You have put me in the wrong rooms!
Me: Ma'am? I'm not aware of your issue, could you start from the beginning?
SC: I booked 2 suites through priceline, $153 each, and you crammed me into this tiny room with 2 double beds!
Me: I apologize ma'am...let me confirm with priceline real quick, and I can have the front desk move you if we were supposed to have you in a suite.
Using the amazing power of THE TELEPHONE, Uncle Khiras leaps into action! Swiftly navigating the dangerous phone like of PLANET EARTH, he swoops into the Priceline Information Line, where he stays on hold for 10 minutes! ......................! 10 minutes later, he speaks with his sidekick, THE REPRESENTATIVE, and together they determine that they have once more stumbled upon their arch nemesis...THE IDIOT!
Me: Ma'am, I'm talking with Priceline, they've confirmed that you purchased the 2 rooms that you have with 2 double beds on the site, for a total of $153 combined, not 2 suites for that price individually. We can upgrade you to a suite, but that would be an additional price of... (let's see, you're yelling, bitchy, and you're an idiot...) ...$50 per night per room. (NO PRICE BREAK FOR YOU!)
SC: Ugh... *click*
However, our stalwart hero Uncle Khiras would not escape so easily, not when THE IDIOT is around!!! And he's been caught without his trusty partner around, can he survive!?
God I hope not. Bartender, I'll have another...
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