And my soul dies yet a little more (Language, as always)

[KhirasHY]

I didn't think I could become MORE bitter, especially since this is Pride weekend, which is going to be fun (YAY, DRINK TIME!), but people just couldn't let me tread into the realm of happiness without some shit flung my way. Awesome.

No. Stop. Do not continue, please hand in your head at the exit.

Me: What's your credit card number?
SC: xxxx-xxxx-xxxx....oh, can I ask you a question?
Me: ..................
SC: .................
Me: ..................
SC: ...............oh, xxxx.

Congratulations. You found the right answer! Not quickly enough to merit your survival among the human race, but you did get there eventually. I've notified the authorities in your town that if you attempt to mate with anything more alive than a roasted marshmallow, you are to be beaten with a squirrel until you cease and desist.

Are you kidding me?

Me: Thank you for calling <the hotel that eats my soul>, how can I help you?
SC: I need to cancel my reservation.
Me: Ok, do you have your confirmation number?
SC: xxxxxxx
Me: I'm not finding that in the system...what date are you arriving?
SC: It was for June 3rd.

Let's do some math. Your reservation is on June 3rd. It is currently June 22nd. This means that you are approximately 26 years, 9 months, and 19 days too late for me to give a shit. You've already been charged a No Show fee 2 and a half weeks ago. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

SC: So can you cancel this reservation?
Me: You were already charged a No Show fee of one night's room and tax for not checking in that day.
SC: So....no?

SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, fuck you

SC: I need to check something on my reservation I made online, it didn't send me a confirmation.
Me: Ok, how long ago did you place the reservation?
SC: About...60 seconds or so.
Me: Ok, and what website was this through?
SC: I'm not sure...one of the ones making a reservation for you.
Me: Alright sir...depending on how many reservations it's processing, and which website you used, it can take up to a couple hours to get through, so-
SC: So you don't have it yet?
Me: As I was saying, it can take a while to come from the website into our system.
SC: So can you make me a reservation?
Me: I could, but I would recommend waiting...if I make you a second reservation, it could result in a duplicate if the other one comes through, I don't want you to get charged twice.
SC: Do you people talk to your IT?
Me: *twitch* How do you mean sir?
SC: I'll put this slowly so you can understand it...did you know, in 2009, that some sites actually give you a response right away?
Me: Thank you sir, as I've already told you, our system may take longer if there are a large number of reservations.
SC: So you won't help me?
Me: (Fuck you you fucking fuck!) Like I've told you already, if you make a reservation, you may get charged twice if there's a duplicate.
SC: So you don't care then? Just make the reservation, then cancel the internet one when it comes through.
Me: (GO TO HELL!) Caring has nothing to do with it; depending on which site you used, I may not be able to cancel your web reservation. You may have already paid another company to reserve with us, and if so, I literally can't cancel it, only that company can cancel it.
SC: Well clearly you don't understand what being helpful means, or your company just doesn't care. *click*
Me: Oh GO FUCK YOURSELF! Er...oops...

I completely forgot where I was...didn't even realize that I yelled it in the middle of the office. Luckily no one heard that shouldn't have...but seriously, what the fuck? You don't even know where you made the reservation, it may not even be directly with us, and you want me to just make a second reservation? How blatantly retarded are you that you get pissed at the person trying to save you from looking like a douchebag!? People like this are really the reason that I will eventually go mad and start hunting down people with an olive fork and a lust for blood and cheetos.

Internet Reply Fail

We get these inquiries from our website that let people ask for rates and availability under a specific day...but people fill them out wrong all the time. Sometimes they don't list a date, or they have something like "June or July" that I can't really reply to with an exact rate. Well, I could, but I'm not typing out the daily rates for two months for anything less than triple my pay.

Anyway, I got this gem this week. I'll paraphrase. Also, note, the inquiries are sent to us through a forwarding e-mail, so I can't just hit reply:

Dates of stay: (no answer)
Nights in room: (no answer)
People in room: (no answer)
Email: (no answer)
Phone: (no answer)
Comments: THIS IS MY THIRD INQUIRY AND NO ONE IS RESPONDING! STOP IGNORING THIS AND GIVE ME THIS INFORMATION!!!

Gee, you want a response...yet you don't leave me an e-mail, phone number, or name. How am I supposed to respond to you? I hope this person calls and complains too, since I saved their little note where I could find it easily...

OW!!!

SC: We'll be staying on date and date.
Me: Ok, would you prefer room1 or room2?
SC: Well...I think room1 would be good... (to another person on her end) HEY! DO YOU WANT ROOM1 OR ROOM2?
Me: (fucking ow my ears!!!) ...
SC: Ok, Room1 sounds good for us.

Lather, rinse, repeat for every question I had to ask...it became like a roulette. Half the time she would not seek guidance from Ye Olde Voice Way The Fucketh Over There, and would just come to a decision, but the other half I wouldn't even have time to pull my earpiece away before I was deafened yet again by her war bellow. The funny thing is, she really didn't suck...she just blew. Loudly.

Wherein a Khiras AND a Machine Can't Help...

SC: Hi, are you at <address>?
Me: Yes, that's us.
SC: I'm trying to find you (we get this a lot, Denver's confusing sometimes), and I've been using my GPS, but I can't quite get there.
Me: Ok...where are you now?
SC: I'm on...er....well, I think I'm at 19th?
Me: Is that 19th Street, or 19th Avenue?
SC: Uh.......I'm not sure, I just went past it...
Me: (this is gonna take a while...) Ok...what street are you on?
SC: Oh...uhm...I don't know.
Me: Can you look at a sign? I have a map, I can guide you here if I can find where you are.
SC: Oh, I'm coming up on 21st now!
Me: 21st Street, or 21st Avenue? And what street are you on?
SC: Uh...I'm not sure, I just went past it.
Me: (Of course. Kill me, please god...) Ok...the next street you come to, try to find out which one it is for sure, and which street you're on...

This continues for 10 minutes...I finally direct her to our street. She PULLS ON TO OUR STREET and I tell her where to park, and we end our conversation.

2 minutes later...

SC: Hi, I think I just talked to you...I still can't find the hotel.
Me: Er...you were just on the street with it when we hung up before!
SC: Oh, I must have missed it. I'm on <street that is 20 blocks away from us> now.
Me: (What the fuck? That's wrong in like 8 places!) Uhm...you're where!?
SC: Waythefuckoutoftheway Lane and Completelywrong Avenue.
Me: *facepalm* Ok...you need to take a left at the next intersection, go one block, take the next left, and come back downtown...from that street, it's a straight shot to where we are.
SC: Oh...oh...ok...

Side note, the entire time during this second conversation, I hear a robotic voice. Remember? She has a GPS in her fucking car!!! I heard it say, three times, "turn left" and she just kept going, ignoring it. Finally I get her headed back, and we hang up again.

5 minutes later...

SC: Uh...hi...it's me again. I think I'm still lost.
GPS: *DING DING DING* Turn around, and head back on <road>
Me: (FUCK! That's impressive lady...) Ok...where are you now...
SC: Uh, the sign here says Exit ### onto this road...
Me: Wait...you got on the highway!?
SC: Uh...yeah, going south!
Me: Why...why would you do that? You were in downtown! Did you go past <BIG GIANT LANDMARK YOU CAN'T MISS THAT MARKS US>?
SC: Oh, yeah?
Me: .......ma'am, that was us again...you drove right past us. Again.
SC: Oh, I shouldn't have gotten onto the highway?
Me: (Sweet Jesus, why me? How do I find these people?) No...ok, here's what you need to do: take that exit. Get back on the highway, go NORTH, and take this exit to get back here... (long directions)
SC: Oh, ok! Thanks!

5 minutes later...

CW: Thank you for calling <hotel>
CW: ..........................
CW: (puts phone on mute) Khiras, your woman's calling again.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me!?
CW: She's at i-70 and I-25.
Me: Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me!?
CW: Maybe we should send her a messenger who could guide her in by her hair...

Co-worker spent 15 minutes on the phone guiding her in here step by step. She literally had to say "STOP! Don't go past that! Pull in and park on the RIGHT!" Did it help? No, the woman STILL drove past us AGAIN. She finally got it on the next try.

Now, I've met some stupid fucking people in my life...but seriously, this woman could not find her own ass with both hands, a squad of assistants, and full-length mirror, and 500 guesses. There was a point during the conversation where I thought I heard dull thuds of her brain desperately trying to escape, complete with a little voice screaming "THEY TRICKED ME! I DON'T BELONG HERE! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP SOMEONE BE PRODUCTIVE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And that...is how I ended my week. And now?

TO THE BAR!!!

[jjllbb]

SC: I'll put this slowly so you can understand it...

I would love to castrate this guy for you. That line alone merits lots of skull bashing and the tearing off of squishy, delicate body parts.

[Victory Sabre]

Wherein a Khiras AND a Machine Can't Help...

We had someone like that once. The person on the phone spent 20 minutes on the phone with some crazy old woman directing her, step by step, to the store. It wasn't enough. The old bat completely missed the store and kept on going.

What a moron.

[Mnemjian]

Did you know... in 2009... some people are as idiotic as they were in 1999? Maybe even more so!! It's a fact.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

That "instant" SC reminds me of the people I dealt with at the call center who would get FURIOUS with me because even if they made a payment I couldn't guarantee their phone would get turned back on immediately. Sometimes yes, it was quick, sometimes it took longer.

Oh and love the Seinfeld reference.

[Keiara]

SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!!

*Hands Serenity dvd and Firefly dvds*

Yes I'm a smartass :P

Would you like to borrow my shotgun for your dumbass customers?

[Calie]

*Hands Serenity dvd and Firefly dvds*

Yes I'm a smartass :P

Would you like to borrow my shotgun for your dumbass customers?

That reminds me...they're showing Serenity at the Cinema21 tomorrow...and the late night show they're encouraging people to yell at the screen

As for gps-lady...are you f-ing serious? How did she even manage to get to your city? She probably gets lost in her own neighborhood. I sincerely hope she gave up on driving and took cabs the rest of the time. Gah, I think a whole section of brain cells just jumped off a cliff like little lemmings.

[Mr Hero]

SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!!

Insanity later.

Wherein a Khiras AND a Machine Can't Help...

I saw something like this happen, but it wasn't nearly as epic. I checked in a guest, but the person he was to be staying with was still on the way to the hotel. I heard him tell the person on the other line to stay in a specific lane. I think they may have missed our exit several times.

[Eric the Grey]

Wherein a Khiras AND a Machine Can't Help...

<snip of stupidity>

SC: Uh, the sign here says Exit ### onto this road...
Me: Wait...you got on the highway!?
SC: Uh...yeah, going south!
Me: Why...why would you do that? You were in downtown! Did you go past <BIG GIANT LANDMARK YOU CAN'T MISS THAT MARKS US>?

Good lord these people need to have their license taken away just for the sheer stupidity. I mean, I know downtown Denver can be a bit confusing, but not THAT much.

Regardless of which hotel you work at, it shouldn't have been that difficult to have found it.

How the hell did they get onto the highway?

Edit: I think there should be a point where you can legally tell a person "Look, you're too stupid to listen to directions, you're on your own." and hang up. This applies to any number of services.



Eric the Grey

[Calud]

Edit: I think there should be a point where you can legally tell a person "Look, you're too stupid to listen to directions, you're on your own." and hang up. This applies to any number of services.

But then I'd have to say that all the time and wouldn't be helping anyone.

[RayvenQ]

*Hands Serenity dvd and Firefly dvds*

Yes I'm a smartass :P

Would you like to borrow my shotgun for your dumbass customers?

*Hands Khiras the chain of command*

[Kurisu313]

It's quite possible that the woman in the final story was an XO.

As you know, a man has XY chromosomes and a women has XX. An XO is where one of the gametes doesn't posses a sex-chromosome for some reason, and the women is therefore born with one X chromosome only. The O simply represents an empty space.

The hormone testosterone is what gives humans our 3-dimensional awareness, including a map reading ability. The Y and X chromosomes are both responsible for making testosterone, but the Y produces a great deal more than an X. This is why men are better at map-reading and finding directions (but can't ask for them!).

If she was an XO, she'd have half the testosterone of a women, and be absolutely hopeless at map reading and directions. In other words, she wasn't ignoring you, she simply was unable to comprehend you at all.

'Course, she could just be a moron

[mharbourgirl]

She probably gets lost in her own neighborhood.

Judging by the story, I'd say she probably gets lost between the toilet and the shower.

And the difference between socks and underpants is probably too much for her to comprehend. Hey KhirasHY! Was she wearing her underpants on her head? Inquiring minds want to know!

[KhirasHY]

I'm not sure, I played the Tequila Sunrise game, and everything's all fuzzy.

The rules of the game are simple: drink a tequila sunrise, and when you drink it all...get another one. Repeat until your legs are noodles.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I'm not sure, I played the Tequila Sunrise game, and everything's all fuzzy.

The rules of the game are simple: drink a tequila sunrise, and when you drink it all...get another one. Repeat until your legs are noodles.

Sounds like a fun game!