Night Of The Living Dumbasses - Phone Phrolics

[calulu]

I had a spate of wrong numbers tonight and it wasn't just that I got people dialing wrong numbers, it was that they refused to accept they had wrong numbers. They all kept twittering jaw flapping that it was somehow my fault.

Frozen TV Dinners

Me: Getting more pissed off by the callers
SC1: Little old man hard of hearing and short on brain cells.

Me: <insert company opening spiel where I clearly identify that this is a florist service>
SC!: Me 'n the wif' done bought some of them tv frozen dinners and I wanna ask a question
Me: Sir, you've called a florist.
SC1: Yeah, but I gots questions about them there tv dinners.
Me: We sell flower arrangments, not frozen foods.
SC1: I just want to ax you 'bout these dinner you done sold us.
Me: Sir, again, you've reached a florist, not the grocery store that sold you the frozen dinners.
SC1: Then transfer me over yonder 'ta them.
Me: How can I do that when I have no idea who you're trying to reach
SC1: Yeah, you can. Just do it! I ain't got all night!
Me: Sir, I'm disconnecting now. This is a florist, you have reached the wrong business.

I left him sputtering and spitting about that transfer to some mystery grocery store.

Medical Bill Up The Ass

Me: Wishing I could get drunk on the clock
SC2: Some geezer with loose dentures threatening to put his medical bills in his rectum.

Me: <insert company opening spiel where I clearly identify that this is a florist service>
SC2: Yeah, I done told you and told you to send mah medical bills to that VA! I'ma getting sicka calling youse.
Me: Sir, you've called a florist. We sell flowers and have nothing to do with any type of medical bills.
SC2: Why can't you bill mah un-suree-rants like you saids you wuz?
Me: You have the wrong number, sir.
SC2: What do you want me ta do with my medical bills? Stick 'em up my ass??
Me: Sir, I'm disconnecting now. This is a florist, you have reached the wrong business.

Gimme Mah Pills!

Me: Thinking about going to the gym tomorrow and picturing the face of every sucky customer on the speed bag when I punch it.
SC3: Lady with bad dialing and lack of listening ability

Me:<insert company opening spiel where I clearly identify that this is a florist service>
SC3: Prescription number 112254877!!!! ACCOUNTTTTT Numbbber 894136!
Me: Ma'am, I don't have the faintest idea what you are talking about. As I said when I answered the phone this is a florist.
SC3: You're not Madco Pharmacy?
Me: We are a florist.
SC3: But, but, but... I need my prescriptions.
Me: Madam, you have called a florist. I suggest you check the number and dial again.
SC3: But this is the number I was given for Madco Drugs! You will take my order right now.
Me: Ma'am, I'm disconnecting now. This is a florist, you have reached the wrong business.


Repeat this conversation about a dozen times with various things like running boards for trucks, ladder repair pieces, specialized screws and a butt load of other crap.

[Food Lady]

Sure, let me take down that info and run over to the pharmacy for you. Honestly, accept you've called a wrong number, apologize, and move on.

[tropicsgoddess]

Sounds like the SC's Gravekeeper gets from the 867 area!!

[taurinejunkie]

I feel your pain, calulu. Some time back, certainly a few months ago and possibly a year, the dialing system got changed so that you now need to dial the area code even on local calls, and 1+area code for long distance. The area code for one part of the province is 418. Directory assistance is 411. At least ten times a day I get this sort of call:

Me: Good <time of day>, directory assistance, can I help you? (standard greeting when automated system provided no information. I can only assume it means it's momentarily down, or the caller is stupid enough to not have realized that the machine that's asking them questions means they didn't reach what they intended to.)
SC: Hi, is this <name> ?
Me: No, you have reached directory assistance. Are you looking for a numer?
SC: Directory assistance? What the <inappropriate>?
Me: Yes. You dialed 411, perhaps by mistake?
SC: NO I DIDN'T DIAL 411 I DIALED <418 number>
Me: I'm sorry. I'll let you try to redial. *no charge* *end* *facepalm* *wishing my water bottle was vodka*.

The most irritating part is that people most of the time insist that they dialed a 418 number. Those who don't, usually hang up without a word, which is good for my quota but gets on my nerves. Be civil, people. At least say "Sorry" before you hang up.

[protege]

Ugh. Been there, done that.

For the past 4 years, my company has been getting some strange calls. Seems that we inherited the phone number for a spring company. That is, they sold springs for things like trucks, buses, and the occasional rail car. Most people are pretty damn nice when I tell them that they've called us. Others...will hang up, dial the exact same number, and get pissy when I tell them that we don't deal in springs

[joe hx]

at the pizza place our number was xxx-5422 and a local video rental chain's number was xxx-5424. we got calls asking about our new releases all the time.

[Ledomar]

Heh, I work in the Meat and Seafood Department for {Corporation} that is Right Store, Right Price!! I got this little gem the other night.
We have a new phone system that gives you options of what department you are looking for. So the PA system announces "There is a call for Meat and Seafood on line ###.
I answer the phone and say my spiel. Then this little old lady asks me for the phone number for Fifth Third Bank.
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT??
How am I supposed to know the phone number for a bank that was bought out by another bank a few years ago. I'm not a yellow pages phone book, I'm a meat clerk thank you very much.

[Apathy]

I got the most when I was in the furniture department. I'd answer with "Furniture" or "Furniture and hardware."
At least half the time, "Is this furniture?"

No, it's not a wrong call, but did you hear the words I just said?
You know, it never happened in any other department I was ever in. Just that one.

[Cat]

I might have mentioned this in another "wrong # thread," but I think its too funny not to repeat.

My ex-bf is Dutch, and when he lived in the Netherlands, hhis # was 1 digit off the local, um, "entertainment services." He got quite a few interesting wrong #s

[prb]

My office number used to be an RV dealer, very interesting for a real estate brokerage. A local indoor skating rink is 1 number off. (122-4555 we're 123-4555)

[infinitemonkies]

My father used to have a phone # 1-digit off from a 24-hour taxi. He used to just unplug the phone at night.

[Silas G. T. Brontë]

I bet if these people successfully managed to dial the right number at last, they would be yelling at the poor clerks saying that they were rude for disconnecting them the last time.

[McGoddess09]

We have had to same phone number at home for 6 years and we still get calls asking for an attorney. I tell them that they have the wrong number. They hit redial a few times before I tell them "This is a residence. Has been for 6 years. You need legal advice? Here's one for free. Quit hitting redial." *click*

[Teskeria]

Calulu, what I have found works with those id10t's is to tell them:
'you have reached a wrong number. Sometimes the phone company's wires cross. If you redial you should get the right people.'
The minute you take the extremely heavy blame of misdialing off their shoulders, they understand what you are saying. and strangely are usually happy to hang up and misdial. because now it wasn't their fault!

[BookstoreEscapee]

I used to get "Is this B&N" all the time. I answered with "Thank you for calling Barnes & Noble Mytown" and half the time would either get, "Is this Barnes & Noble?" or "Is this the Mytown store?"

I've also been yelled at for not knowing the number to the Starbucks that's attached to Store1. (And I was stuck covering the music department so I couldn't have looked it up if I wanted to. I only answered the phone in the first place because it was on the fifth ring.) Woman wanted to know how I could not know their number...they're right next door! Exactly! Why the hell would I need to call them! I need to talk to them, I poke my head in the doorway and say, "Hey!"