Death complains a lot

[customersruinmylife]

The SC in this story looks like Death, and has earned the nickname from my co-workers. I am not kidding when I say he looks as though he is about to drop dead at any moment. He is unbelieveably thin, bald and his skin has a hint of yellow. At first I thought it was because he was ill and felt a little bad for him. Then a friend of mine came into the pub for a drink, saw Death, and informed me that he is a heroin user and dealer (my friend works for the police), so all my sympathy for him went out the window.

Death has started complaining a lot, and his complaints are getting more and more ridiculous, to the point where I am one complaint away from barring him. Here are some of the examples.

Example 1

My shift has literally just started. I walk on to the bar from the other room. I have absolutely no idea who is next.

Me: Who was next please?

A lady speaks up. I go to serve her. Death jumps in.

Death: Am I invisable or something?
Me: Oh I'm sorry, were you next?
Death: Obviously! Are you stupid or something?
Me: No I just can't see through walls to determin who was next.

The lady I was serving joined in.

Lady: It's OK, I'll wait, you can serve him.
Death: No! I don't want serving now!

He stormed out.

Example 2

I served Death a pint of cider.

Four hours later, Death returns with the drink. He has drank about 90% of it.

Death: I want to complain! This has gone flat!
Me: Well you've been nursing it for over four hours now. Of course it's flat.
Death: Drinks are not supposed to go flat! You quite clearly poured me a bad pint!
Me: I did not. The drink will not stay fizzy forever. You have had it for over four hours!
Death: Give me a refund.
Me: I am not giving you a refund when you have drank 90% of it.
Death: Then give me a fresh drink.
Me: Fine.

I got a pint glass and poured one tenth of a pint into it.

Death: That is not a fresh drink!
Me: It is what you are owed. 10% of a pint. Don't be bringing it back in six hours complaining about it.
Death: The service here gets worse every time I come here!

Example 3

Most of this story involved awesome co-worker. She will take no shit at all.

We've expanded our cocktail menu with the hot weather arriving, and to promote this, we made a display by the entrance. The display was an arrangement of pitchers and glasses filled with fruit and coloured water. Obviously we weren't going to put real alcohol on display!

A few days after we put out the display, I was closing the pub and noticed that one of the pitchers was completely empty.

The next day, Death came into the pub and walked up to co-worker.

Death: I want to complain!
CW: OK, what do you wish to complain about?
Death: Who made those pitchers over there???
CW: The pitchers? Why do you want to know that?
Death: They poisoned me! I drank one of them and it made me ill! I was in the bathroom all night because of it!
CW: You helped yourself to one of those pitchers???
Death: Yes! I want to know who is responsible for it!
CW: It was me! I made them! They are just pitchers of water with food colouring in them. They have been there for days. What made you think you could drink one of them?
Death: They were there. I wanted to try one and it made me ill! You have no right putting out something like that if it doesn't have alcohol in it! You should have put out a sign!
CW: I'm sorry, but I just assumed no one would be that STUPID to do something like that. Put a sign out??? Shall I go around and put a sign out on EVERY single table in the pub saying "Do not drink unattended drinks"?
Death: Stop being ridiculous.
CW: Well your complaint is ridiculous.
Death: I really am getting sick and tired of this place. I might not come back.
CW: Good!

He walked off.

Like I said, his complaints are getting worse and worse. I am wondering what will happen next.

[Mnemjian]

Ugh, what a complete lunatic. I guess the heroin has messed up his brain by now?

I want to punch people like him who want signs on every stupid thing protecting them from themselves. Do you know, it says "Do not use while sleeping" on my hair dryer? Another pub might have agreed with him and put a sign out. You might as well put a sign out saying, "Please don't be a f***ng idiot! Thanks, management."

[Automan Empire]

A local sandwich shop has a display of the daily special sandwich in the waiting line area. They have a little sign reading, "Display only." I thought it was a joke, but these are SCs we are talking. Imagine the toilet time you'd get from unrefrigerated mayo etc!

As for Mr. Death, he's probably yellow because he has Hepatitis, very common among needle sharers. That s#$% is HIGHLY contagious ! If he ever spits on you, treat it as assault with a deadly weapon!

[smileyeagle1021]

You might as well put a sign out saying, "Please don't be a f***ng idiot! Thanks, management."

I want one of those signs

[EricKei]

"Please don't be a f***ng idiot! Thanks, management."

Better yet, make the sign, and make a big production out of GIVING it to him, making sure that they see you doing it, and that they hear you tell him "Sir...Heeeee're's your sign!"

[BookstoreEscapee]

A local sandwich shop has a display of the daily special sandwich in the waiting line area. They have a little sign reading, "Display only."

Starbucks has that on the sign in front of the breakfast sandwiches in their case. And they're not even accessible to the customers (then again, maybe they're just to assure people that the sandwich they get won't look like it's been sitting around for the last few hours...).

[tropicsgoddess]

Better yet, make the sign, and make a big production out of GIVING it to him, making sure that they see you doing it, and that they hear you tell him "Sir...Heeeee're's your sign!"

I would so pay to see that !

[infinitemonkies]

I've asked management several times if I could put a sign up behind the desk that reads:

"Warning: Unruly guests will be maced."

And hang a 15th century spiked/flanged mace underneath it

[edible_hat]

Shall I go around and put a sign out on EVERY single table in the pub saying "Do not drink unattended drinks"?
Death: Stop being ridiculous.

The next line should have been "You started it."

Also this reminded me of a joke which I shall post in the jokes forum.

[XCashier]

Death: I really am getting sick and tired of this place. I might not come back.

"Can we get that in writing?"

I wonder if he's been banned from every pub in town and only comes back to yours because you haven't banned him yet.

[LibraryLady]

I thought everyone knew that the display bottles in the windows of liquor stores are either empty, colored bottles provided by the distillers or bottles filled with tea.

Even the most desperate alkies here know better than to touch those things.

Death is a very sad man, indeed.

[jjllbb]

I got a pint glass and poured one tenth of a pint into it.

That was perfect. I wouldn't have thought of that. Good one.

[Lala]

A local sandwich shop has a display of the daily special sandwich in the waiting line area. They have a little sign reading, "Display only." I thought it was a joke, but these are SCs we are talking. Imagine the toilet time you'd get from unrefrigerated mayo etc!

Our deli has a display sandwich on top of the deli meat & cheese case. In the past month and a half we've had 3 stolen. (Though they only take half of it) And it seems like every teenage boy asks us if it's a sample. (At least they asked!)

Of course we never see them take it. Though the last time it happened, when I pointed it out to my manager, she knew who it was. (A customer had been hovering oh so obviously). Manager tracked customer down and informed her that the sandwich was display only, just in case she got sick. Customer tried to play it off like she didn't do anything. But it was difficult for her to speak, with her mouth full of lettuce and bread.

[Automan Empire]

You know, caulk holds its appearance so much better than mayonnaise at room temperature.

Aside: Look into the industry of food photography, as for ads and menus. Especially if you didn't know that the milk moustaches in the Got Milk ads aren't really milk.

[cinema guy]

I seem to recall there is a huge industry in Japan dedicated to producing plastic dispaly foods.