Inadvertent Pwnage OR My Favourite Customer (long, apparently...)

[KiaKat]

I manage a specialty wine store that is currently in its second year of operation. I'm also studying for my Master Sommelier certification. My first round of classes and tests are this summer, specifically next week and at the end of August. I am studying like an INSANE PERSON. Most of my customers understand this, are thankful for it, and keep asking me how it's going. Even though my laptop and textbook stay open on the desk, I only study when there are no customers.

Today was unbelievably busy, even by Friday and Holiday standards. We rang about 80% over Independence Day numbers from last year, which is about 70% over a normal Friday (per last quarter's numbers), and 50% over a tasting (we did *not* do a tasting tonight, which I am incredibly grateful for).

Around 19:00, things started really picking up. We had a line four deep (one register) for about a half hour. A pair of guys (regular customers) came to the counter and started asking about a new wine. We only had a couple bottles, none in the fridge, and they were INSISTENT that they have cold wine (never mind that the cooler is a courtesy, not a given, hell, it was BROKEN for a month). I offered another, similar wine, which was turned down because he didn't think he liked it last time he tried it. While he and his partner dithered, I moved to the next person in line, opened a new invoice, and made the sale. At the same time, I was on GTalk with our store's GM/buyer, asking if I had the correct price for the wine the pair was asking about.

During the transactions, I was conversing with the customers about how much work there was, and how I was juggling several different things. Being regulars, most of them empathized with me and joked about various difficulties in running a small business.

The pair of guys were finally ready to check out when I finished the second transaction, having chosen one of our cheapest wines. As I was checking them out, one of them decided to teach me how to manage a store.

SC: You know you'd be much more efficient if you focused on just one thing.
Me: Maybe, but I have far too much demanding my attention at the same time to limit myself to just one thing. Besides, I'm pretty good at multi-tasking.
SC: Well do you really need to be studying for a class NOW?! It takes away from your attention to the customers, and it's not relevant to your job!
Me: Considering the class next week is to help me become a Sommelier so I can help customers choose better wine and hopefully bring in more wines that all of you would like, I'd think it's fairly relevant.

Customer left. Rapidly. Without further comment beyond the statement of "oh."

The person behind him was one of my favourite customers, D. As I gave a couple one-finger salutes to the retreating backs (they had moved out of line-of-sight by that point), D said he was waiting for them to turn around and make a solidarity statement to him...So he could ask them to step outside, because he was greatly offended by their comments, as a patron of the store (and huge fan of mine, apparently), owner of a small business, and gentleman. He was offended by their lack of respect to a lady (his words), their implication that I was incapable of doing my job, and their demand for great amounts of attention for what ended up being one of the smallest sales of the night.

Next time D comes in, I'm buying him a bottle of wine. Would have done it this time, but he wasn't buying it for himself.

[ApolloSZ]

And those two became the perfect example of foot in mouth syndrome. Go D! Buy him a bottle or two! lol.

[ralerin]

I second that. Ah, the people who nitpick the most about their wine are the ones that usually end up buying the bottles of wine flavored gasoline.

[Blade]

I second that. Ah, the people who nitpick the most about their wine are the ones that usually end up buying the bottles of wine flavored gasoline.

Ha- reminds me of the the people we had when I worked at a little sushi joint... all snobby about inSISTing on having the only the best and freshest fish, and only THE nicest cuts (as though this wasn't an insult to us anyway, insinuating that we were going to foist off that "crappy" fish we obviously were serving everyone who didn't take the time to specify otherwise), blah blah...

Then when I get to their table to check on how their meal is going, they'd have little sad soggy islands of rice drowning and breaking apart in a sea of soy sauce.

At that point they could have been eating shoe leather, it'd have tasted the same either way!

[Teskeria]

Lol - I could use a sommelier sometimes. Most wines taste incredibly bitter to me. And weirdly, the alcohol I find tastes best is Heather Cream. which is similar to baileys, except it has single malt Balblair whisky. To me it is smooth and tastes great. my daughter says it tastes stronger than baileys to her. Too bad it isn't available in the States right now.

Best of luck on your test!!

[sirwired]

I envy those with sensitive enough palates to really enjoy good wine. Myself, I confine most of my wine purchases for my own consumption to box wine. (Wife doesn't drink wine, so going though a whole bottle is tough.)

I do get at least the stuff that is $20/3L, not the Franzia swill. Even with no taste buds, I find it vile.

SirWired

[Dreamstalker]

all snobby about inSISTing on having the only the best and freshest fish, and only THE nicest cuts (as though this wasn't an insult to us anyway, insinuating that we were going to foist off that "crappy" fish we obviously were serving everyone who didn't take the time to specify otherwise), blah blah...

Then when I get to their table to check on how their meal is going, they'd have little sad soggy islands of rice drowning and breaking apart in a sea of soy sauce.

I confess that when first getting into sushi, I would use a lot of soy sauce Then I had o-toro.

[Cia]

That reminds me, I gotta get up to Prairie Berry and pick up some Red Ass Rhubarb for my sister's Christmas present. It isn't one of my personal favorites but it makes her happy.

[marlovino]

I found this wine online. I soooo want to buy it for my dad but my mom won't let me.

Killjoy.


http://www.oldfartwine.com


(can find retailers that carry old fart and old fart wife wines here)
http://www.wine-searcher.com/find/old+fart/2

[Rapscallion]

Parents regularly pick up a wine called 'gnat's piss'.

Rapscallion

[Munkie]

I'm allergic to wine. ANY wine. Even the smell gives me a massive headache.

I tend to stick to vodka, rum, beer and creme liqours. Which sometimes limits when I drink, but that's fine, because I don't actually like alcohol.

[sylvier]

cat pee

In my neck of the woods (south coast BC) I have found a wine called Cat Pee on a Goosebury Bush! Sounds vile, but it's a nice sauvignon blanc, and a percentage of the money goes to the SPCA. Got two of my three cats from that particular place, so I guess I can hoist a glass to the kitties at the SPCA from time to time. Cheers!

[protege]

Probably my favorite wine...has to be the Sangiovese Merlot by Luna di Luna. That one is a blend of 70% Sangiovese, and 30% Merlot. I don't think it's bitter at all. Also good, IMHO, is their Merlot Rose. Look for the purple or pink enameled bottles.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I'm not much of a drinker myself, so I don't have a favorite wine.

The wholesale club sells a couple of types of wine whose names I find funny. Pinot Evil and Fat Bastard. I'm always insisting they need to make another Austin Powers movie just so those two types of wine could get used in it.

On the subject of sushi, I've had sushi once. My ex took me and a friend of hers to a sushi restaurant one time up in Maine. She's a bit of a Nipponophile (or whatever you'd call an enthusiast of all things Japanese), and knows enough Japanese that she was able to order some sushi for me and her friend to try, without telling us what it was. (To be safe, I'd ordered some tempura chicken for myself in case I didn't like the sushi.)

So this sushi is delivered to the table, and I proceed to try some. It wasn't bad. I have a second piece, her friend is nibbling on her second as I chew on a third, when GF declares, "It's eel."

Beat. Chew. Shrug. Swallow.

I didn't have anymore, but her friend FREAKED out about it. The next day when we picked her up to go to the amusement park, she was whining that her stomach was upset and it was from the eel.

[KiaKat]

I'm still in test mode from my class this past week, so I'll get all geeky on y'all and respond to some of the posts.

Most wines taste incredibly bitter to me.

Look for low-tannin wines. Any white, or Pinot Noir if you're looking for a red. Also pay attention to the way the wine feels in your mouth. What you are perceiving as bitterness might actually be the acid - it's the same reason soda tastes bitter. Tartaric Acid. You'll notice it mostly on the sides of your tongue, around your salivary glands, and as a tightness in your jawbone.

I'm allergic to wine. ANY wine. Even the smell gives me a massive headache.

I tend to stick to vodka, rum, beer and creme liqours.

Are you allergic to grapes? The other alcohols you mention are all grain-based. How does Brandy/B&B/Cognac/Armagnac treat you? How about other fruit wines or fruit brandies? Eaux-de-Vie?

...Cat Pee on a Goosebury Bush...

Named for the smell that a Sauvignon Blanc can have when made from not-quite-ripe grapes. Cute name, great concept. Surprisingly, the flavour/nose isn't quite the cat's pee profile.

...Sangiovese Merlot by Luna di Luna. That one is a blend of 70% Sangiovese, and 30% Merlot...

Ah yes. Great blend for people who are looking for that low-tannin wine. Soft, plummy, very jammy. Also check out Chiorri - their 100% Sangiovese is damned good.

"It's eel."

Yum. That is all.

Oh, and one last note - Sweet and bitter are not opposites. The best way to tell if a wine is sweet, rather than just *very* fruity is to stick ONLY the tip of your tongue in the wine. If you can taste sweetness, then there is residual sugar (sugar left after fermentation is completed) in the wine. If not, then there is no residual sugar, and it's considered a dry wine.

Now go forth and taste!