Tweet
My Job Description (Kinda long)
I am a delicatessan assistant... I also have bachelor degrees in accounting, childcare, medicine, gourmet cooking, allergies, global warming, the enviroment, Swahili and your personal family history.
I know where all our products are grown, and I keep an extensive handy dandy manual at home which I update daily on new items and their prices. The item is on sale? No problem it's already automatically deducted in my head.
I'm YOUR PERSONAL service deli assistant! I wait with bated breath for you to arrive, so I can give you my undivided attention, because, after all, you are in here all alone, and I will be sure to inform all the staff of your arrival so they can give you, and only you, their undivided attention while you buy some scraps of ham and possibly some cheese. Your children will be free to run rampant, smear their sticky hands all over the windows that I just LIVE to clean and make any amount of noise they want to, they, like you, are after all, our guests. And I too, shall weep when you find that the hot chickens are simply TOO HOT. Yes they should make that Caution: HOT sign a lot bigger.
As your deli assistant, I also take full responsibility for your finicial accounts and keep track in my ever-expanding mind of when you can afford that $18 dollars of champayne ham or not to save you from realising 'Oh Crap' later and shoving it on any random shelf to, presumably, rot as you shall never, ever return to give it back with a simple 'oops, I don't want this anymore'
Due to the fact that I am a deli worker, I have an insanely good photographic computerlike memory, I study all the prices in the store every night so when you hold up the Indian- Fijian Wild Wasabi Rice with Quail Feather style tea leaves,which come from a different department! Aren't I a-m-a-z-i-n-g? I will be able to tell you how much it is, and convert it to ANY currency known to mankind. Including the Ichjinny used on the moon.
I'm a service deli worker so therefore I'm personally in charge of ordering stock, so I can tell you why we've been out of stock of creamy crunchy bluey-green cheese for the last 6 months, that's right, there's a creamy crunchy bluey-green shortage somewhere in Brazil, and they can only make 3kg a day right now, and our turn for your 120g of cheese should be by about 6:37 a.m., July 14th, of 2011.
I am a service delicassen assistant, and I understand that means that I am also your babysitter, your financial advisor, verbal punching bag, psychologist, recipe maker and the person who will tell you the vast difference between a bacon hock and a bacon bone.
I am your deli slave. Do with me what you will.
Have a uber awesome day!
I know where all our products are grown, and I keep an extensive handy dandy manual at home which I update daily on new items and their prices. The item is on sale? No problem it's already automatically deducted in my head.
I'm YOUR PERSONAL service deli assistant! I wait with bated breath for you to arrive, so I can give you my undivided attention, because, after all, you are in here all alone, and I will be sure to inform all the staff of your arrival so they can give you, and only you, their undivided attention while you buy some scraps of ham and possibly some cheese. Your children will be free to run rampant, smear their sticky hands all over the windows that I just LIVE to clean and make any amount of noise they want to, they, like you, are after all, our guests. And I too, shall weep when you find that the hot chickens are simply TOO HOT. Yes they should make that Caution: HOT sign a lot bigger.
As your deli assistant, I also take full responsibility for your finicial accounts and keep track in my ever-expanding mind of when you can afford that $18 dollars of champayne ham or not to save you from realising 'Oh Crap' later and shoving it on any random shelf to, presumably, rot as you shall never, ever return to give it back with a simple 'oops, I don't want this anymore'
Due to the fact that I am a deli worker, I have an insanely good photographic computerlike memory, I study all the prices in the store every night so when you hold up the Indian- Fijian Wild Wasabi Rice with Quail Feather style tea leaves,which come from a different department! Aren't I a-m-a-z-i-n-g? I will be able to tell you how much it is, and convert it to ANY currency known to mankind. Including the Ichjinny used on the moon.
I'm a service deli worker so therefore I'm personally in charge of ordering stock, so I can tell you why we've been out of stock of creamy crunchy bluey-green cheese for the last 6 months, that's right, there's a creamy crunchy bluey-green shortage somewhere in Brazil, and they can only make 3kg a day right now, and our turn for your 120g of cheese should be by about 6:37 a.m., July 14th, of 2011.
I am a service delicassen assistant, and I understand that means that I am also your babysitter, your financial advisor, verbal punching bag, psychologist, recipe maker and the person who will tell you the vast difference between a bacon hock and a bacon bone.
I am your deli slave. Do with me what you will.
Have a uber awesome day!
Comment