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  • #1

    All bartenders unite here

    Oh man, have I had my fair share of sucky customers at the bar where I work. My list could go on forever, but I'll give you some classics.

    1. Customer: "Hi, what are the specials tonight?"
    Me: "Two dollar rails and two dollar bud/bud lights"
    Customer: "Ok, I'll have a rail."
    Me: "What kind of rail?"
    Customer: "The two dollar kind."
    Me: "Well, you have to pick a drink with one of the rails...vodka, rum, gin, tequila, or bourbon."
    Customer: "Ok, umm...vodka."
    Me: "Vodka and what?"
    Customer: "I don't know."

    KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ORDERING AT A BAR PEOPLE!! haha

    Ok, on to situation number 2. I'll set the scene for you guys. It's a Friday night, packed, everyone is staring at you waiting to get a drink, and in the corner of your eye you see that one person waving their money so hard you think their arm is going to fall off.

    Me (trying to fake a smile): "Hi, what can I get for you?"
    Arm Shaking Customer: "Ummmmmmmm, welllll, hmmmmmmmm, uhhhhhh...what are the specials?"
    Me: (runs through specials)
    ASC: "Ummmmm, wellll, hold on." (turns to friends behind her, repeats specials)
    Me: (about to go to another customer)
    ASC: "Ok, I'll have this, this and this."
    Me: (makes drinks) "Ok that will be enter-amount-here."
    ASC: (takes 5 minutes to collect money from friends and then hands me money thats folded up into origami)
    Oh and the best part....no tip.

    Seriously, if you are going to try THAT HARD to get my attention, have your drink orders and money ready.

    3. I'm sure all of you bartenders have heard these common phrases:

    -"I'll have a vodka cranberry, heavy on the vodka"
    -"I'll have a rum and coke, more rum than coke"
    -"I'll take a gin and tonic, you can make it strong"
    -"I'll take a bourbon with a splash of coke"

    I will usually charge these customers double.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    You'll be glad to know that I get the same thing evertime i go to a bar.

    Shot of tequila and a diet coke.

    And I type 100%. It's easy when the total is only $2.75. :-)
    "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

    Comment

    • #3
      Quoth Sheldonrs View Post
      You'll be glad to know that I get the same thing evertime i go to a bar.

      Shot of tequila and a diet coke.

      And I type 100%. It's easy when the total is only $2.75. :-)
      Haha, well you are one of the few =) And I can speak for all bartenders when I say...THANK YOU!!!

      Comment

      • #4
        What's a rail? I've never heard of it.

        Comment

        • #5
          Rail can also be called Well. It's the crap stuff in the rack right below the bartop, easy to get to, and cheap as hell.

          A note about the "x with a splash of y" comment - I generally start my night with bourbon (specific label depends on what's available) on the rocks with a splash of gingerale. Doesn't mean I want a highball with a doubleshot and barely any mixer, means I want a rocks glass, with ice, normal shot of booze, and a dollop of mixer so it's a bit diluted, but I still fully taste the bourbon.

          But the other customers - I think they're standard the world 'round.

          Welcome to the boards!

          Comment

          • #6
            Ah, I love bartender stories.

            I never bitch about how much rum is in my rum and coke. If I want something heavy on the booze, I'll just but a 2 liter and fifth myself, pour it in a 32 oz cup and slurp away.
            "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth KiaKat View Post
              Rail can also be called Well. It's the crap stuff in the rack right below the bartop, easy to get to, and cheap as hell.

              A note about the "x with a splash of y" comment - I generally start my night with bourbon (specific label depends on what's available) on the rocks with a splash of gingerale. Doesn't mean I want a highball with a doubleshot and barely any mixer, means I want a rocks glass, with ice, normal shot of booze, and a dollop of mixer so it's a bit diluted, but I still fully taste the bourbon.

              But the other customers - I think they're standard the world 'round.

              Welcome to the boards!
              Thanks for the welcome!

              And, just to clarify...I've had people order the same thing you do. But you can quickly tell the difference between customers who know what they want and what tastes good to them from customers who are just trying to get as drunk as possible for as cheap as possible.

              I have another story about a customer who was just plain rude.

              We have a section of the bar that is roped off (it's on the side of the bar and it's where the barbacks go to bring us more ice/beer/liquor/etc). Anyway, I had one guy duck under the rope and start yelling at me to get him beer.

              I was ignoring him because he was clearly where he wasn't supposed to be, and he was being rude. Well, he wouldn't stop yelling, so I finally turned to him and said, "Sir, I'm ignoring you because you aren't allowed to be back here. Please move to where all of the other customers are and wait in line like everyone else."

              His response? "Stop being a stupid b**** and get me 5 Coronas."

              Hahaha, like THAT was going to work. Let's just say that the bouncers quickly escorted him out of the bar, and he was forced to buy his Coronas elsewhere.
              Last edited by Broomjockey; 07-14-2009, 09:07 PM. Reason: consecutive posts

              Comment

              • #8
                Quoth missbartender View Post
                His response? "Stop being a stupid b**** and get me 5 Coronas."

                Hahaha, like THAT was going to work. Let's just say that the bouncers quickly escorted him out of the bar, and he was forced to buy his Coronas elsewhere.
                Bwahaha! Dumbass.

                ^-.-^
                Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                Comment

                • #9
                  Welcome! I can agree with you on a lot of these things. The three quickest ways to get me to ignore you when I'm behind the bar:

                  1) Whistle at me like I'm a dog.
                  2) Wave an empty beer bottle or glass at me. You have the ability to speak, use it!
                  3) Yell at me like you're the only one at the bar and I'm standing around with my thumb up my @$$ when I'm 3 deep.

                  There are days I miss bartending and days i only miss the money ;p

                  CH
                  Some People Are Alive Only Because It Is Illegal To Kill Them

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                  • #10
                    Trulybeautiful. The only thing that could have been better would have been if the bouncer was right behind him and the CS went "Yeah? Says who?!" -- you: "Says him. You're outta here"...^_^

                    And Welcome Welcome!
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Here's another favorite (I'm sure you sense my sarcasm here...)

                      Three girls come into the bar. First girl stands at the bar while the two others stand behind her.

                      Girl #1: "I'd like a dirty shirley and 1 red-headed slut" (side note: the first is a drink, the second is a shot)
                      I make both, she pays, then walks away.

                      Girl #2 from that same group: "Hi, can I have a dirty shirley and a red-headed slut."
                      Me (looking at the third girl): "Do you want the same thing because it will be easier to make them at the same time."
                      Girl #3: "Umm I'm not sure what I want yet."
                      I make girl #2 her drinks, she pays, and walks away.

                      Girl #3: "Ok, I decided. Can I have a dirty shirley and a red-headed slut?"

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        This just confirms the three things you never do as a customer.

                        1) Never mess with those who serve you booze
                        2) Never mess with those who handle your food
                        3) Never ever root for the Oklahoma Thunder in Seattle.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth bunnyboy View Post
                          3) Never ever root for the Oklahoma Thunder in Seattle.
                          I'm surprised the people responsible for that debacle haven't been lynched yet.

                          CH
                          Some People Are Alive Only Because It Is Illegal To Kill Them

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            and never annoy the bouncers on the door.......as then you wont get in at all!
                            We are the willing, led by the unknowing, doing the impossible, for the ungrateful, we have now done so much, for so long - for so many, with so little, we can now do anything with nothing!!!

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                            • #15
                              I must admit that I didn't like working behind the bar when I did a brief stint there but it gave me respect for those that do.

                              That said I thoroughly enjoy being able to go the bar in my local and watch as the barmaid pours my drink without me even having to ask for the usual!

                              --erk, i've just realised how alcoholic that makes me sound! No, i only go to the pub once a week with my friends, its just that we've been going on the same night every week for years...
                              "You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss

                              CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
                              Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?

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