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This story got so epic that another pub got involved!
The cast of characters.
Me: Long suffering barman who is working his last days as a manager.
CW: Sweet co-worker who didn't deserve any of this
CC: Cool customer who said EVERYTHING that I wanted to say.
OPW: Worker from a pub at the end of the street.
SC: Who else???
It was very quiet, and co-worker was serving on the bar. I was wandering around, doing odd cleaning jobs and doing a little bit of reorganising. The SC came up to the bar first, CC was next in line. CW went so serve.
SC: Pint of lager.
CW: Sure thing.
She takes out a glass.
SC: That's dirty! That's dirty! Put it in a clean glass!
The glass was slightly water-marked, but not dirty. No matter. CW took out another glass.
SC: That's dirty too! That's dirty too! Get me a clean glass!
CW takes out a perfectly clean glass. She holds it up to the light to double check it is clean, and proceeds to pour the drink.
SC: IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A CLEAN GLASS IN THIS PLACE!
I walk over to CW to give her support. CC jumps in.
CC: Look pal! Don't yell at the girl! The glasses are clean! It's just water marks from where they have been in the washer!
SC: I KNOW DIRT WHEN I SEE DIRT! THIS STUPID BITCH IS BLIIIIINNNDDD! I DON'T WANT A DRINK IN A DIRTY GLASSSSSSS!
He said it in a tone that, to be quite honest, frightened me. He actually sounded as though he was going to jump over the bar and kill CW. I wanted him out.
Me: OK, HOW ABOUT THIS? HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T GET A DRINK AT ALL?
CC cheered.
SC: WHHHHHAAAATTT?
Me: That was just...disgusting! I'm sorry, but I do not want you in here! I want you to leave.
SC: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO REFUSE SERVICE!!
Me: I bloody well am.
CC: Look pal, why don't you just leave. You are completely embarassing yourself.
SC: I WANT A DRINK, IN A CLEAN GLASS, AND I WANT IT NOW!
CC: Well, you're not going to get one are you? You fucked that one up well and truely. If you feel so hard done by, why don't you...call the police or something. Ha! Ha!
SC: GOOD IDEA!!
Me/CW/CC:
He got his phone out, dialled 999, but didn't press send. He just held the phone to my face.
SC: SERVE ME, OR I'LL CALL THEM!
Me: Oh my God
SC: DON'T THINK I WON'T!
CC:
SC: DON'T LAUGH AT ME! I'LL DO IT!
At this point, I am bursting with laughter, I just can't contain it.
SC: I'LL DO IT!
CC: Do it then!
Me: Do it, see where it gets you.
SC: I'LL DO IT!
Me: Do it. I'd quite like to see you get arrested for tying up the emergency services.
SC stared at me for about a minute. He put his phone away, and started to mumble.
SC: Forget it. But just so you know, I am reporting you to the owner.
Me: Fantastic. I hope I get fired.
SC: Weirdo.
He walked out. CC stood and laughed with us for a while about the SC. About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings. It is OPW.
OPW: Did you guys turf a guy out about fifteen minutes ago for complaining about dirty glasses?
Me: No, we turfed a guy out because he was a twat.
OPW: Right, because he came down here!
Me: And....
OPW: He walked up to the bar, and DEMANDED his drink in a clean glass, and shouted "AND IF YOU REFUSE TO SERVE ME I WILL CALL THE POLICE, JUST LIKE I AM GOING TO WITH *my pub*!!"
Me: Oh God.
OPW: Well, get this. He was only talking to the OWNER!
Me: And what happened next?
OPW: The owner went apeshit! He said "HOW DARE YOU WALK INTO MY PUB AND SAY THAT! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! WE ARE HERE TO SERVE BUT WE ARE NOT YOUR SERVANTS! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!"
Me: Oh boy, what did he do?
OPW: He looked really frightened and ran for it! It was hilarious!
Me: Haha!
OPW: Anyway, I thought I would give you that bit of gossip. Thanks for sending your crazies down here by the way!
Me: Anytime.
The cast of characters.
Me: Long suffering barman who is working his last days as a manager.
CW: Sweet co-worker who didn't deserve any of this
CC: Cool customer who said EVERYTHING that I wanted to say.
OPW: Worker from a pub at the end of the street.
SC: Who else???
It was very quiet, and co-worker was serving on the bar. I was wandering around, doing odd cleaning jobs and doing a little bit of reorganising. The SC came up to the bar first, CC was next in line. CW went so serve.
SC: Pint of lager.
CW: Sure thing.
She takes out a glass.
SC: That's dirty! That's dirty! Put it in a clean glass!
The glass was slightly water-marked, but not dirty. No matter. CW took out another glass.
SC: That's dirty too! That's dirty too! Get me a clean glass!
CW takes out a perfectly clean glass. She holds it up to the light to double check it is clean, and proceeds to pour the drink.
SC: IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A CLEAN GLASS IN THIS PLACE!
I walk over to CW to give her support. CC jumps in.
CC: Look pal! Don't yell at the girl! The glasses are clean! It's just water marks from where they have been in the washer!
SC: I KNOW DIRT WHEN I SEE DIRT! THIS STUPID BITCH IS BLIIIIINNNDDD! I DON'T WANT A DRINK IN A DIRTY GLASSSSSSS!
He said it in a tone that, to be quite honest, frightened me. He actually sounded as though he was going to jump over the bar and kill CW. I wanted him out.
Me: OK, HOW ABOUT THIS? HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T GET A DRINK AT ALL?
CC cheered.
SC: WHHHHHAAAATTT?
Me: That was just...disgusting! I'm sorry, but I do not want you in here! I want you to leave.
SC: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO REFUSE SERVICE!!
Me: I bloody well am.
CC: Look pal, why don't you just leave. You are completely embarassing yourself.
SC: I WANT A DRINK, IN A CLEAN GLASS, AND I WANT IT NOW!
CC: Well, you're not going to get one are you? You fucked that one up well and truely. If you feel so hard done by, why don't you...call the police or something. Ha! Ha!
SC: GOOD IDEA!!
Me/CW/CC:
He got his phone out, dialled 999, but didn't press send. He just held the phone to my face.
SC: SERVE ME, OR I'LL CALL THEM!
Me: Oh my God
SC: DON'T THINK I WON'T!
CC:
SC: DON'T LAUGH AT ME! I'LL DO IT!
At this point, I am bursting with laughter, I just can't contain it.
SC: I'LL DO IT!
CC: Do it then!
Me: Do it, see where it gets you.
SC: I'LL DO IT!
Me: Do it. I'd quite like to see you get arrested for tying up the emergency services.
SC stared at me for about a minute. He put his phone away, and started to mumble.
SC: Forget it. But just so you know, I am reporting you to the owner.
Me: Fantastic. I hope I get fired.
SC: Weirdo.
He walked out. CC stood and laughed with us for a while about the SC. About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings. It is OPW.
OPW: Did you guys turf a guy out about fifteen minutes ago for complaining about dirty glasses?
Me: No, we turfed a guy out because he was a twat.
OPW: Right, because he came down here!
Me: And....
OPW: He walked up to the bar, and DEMANDED his drink in a clean glass, and shouted "AND IF YOU REFUSE TO SERVE ME I WILL CALL THE POLICE, JUST LIKE I AM GOING TO WITH *my pub*!!"
Me: Oh God.
OPW: Well, get this. He was only talking to the OWNER!
Me: And what happened next?
OPW: The owner went apeshit! He said "HOW DARE YOU WALK INTO MY PUB AND SAY THAT! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! WE ARE HERE TO SERVE BUT WE ARE NOT YOUR SERVANTS! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!"
Me: Oh boy, what did he do?
OPW: He looked really frightened and ran for it! It was hilarious!
Me: Haha!
OPW: Anyway, I thought I would give you that bit of gossip. Thanks for sending your crazies down here by the way!
Me: Anytime.
If only all SC's could be put in their place like that...
I AM the evil bastard!
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