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SERIOUSLY...I am dealing with this guy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. After this event, I decided he was no longer funny, he is just sad. I have now got permission off my boss to ban him for life if he ever complains again.
Death was drinking his usual pint of cider at the bar, and wandered off somewhere (probably to deal some heroin, like I've heard he does). A co-worker spotted that he had left most of his drink behind, and knowing what Death is like, she didn't get rid of it. She just took it and placed it on a drinks station behind her so it would be safe. About fifteen minutes later, Death returned.
Death: WHERE'S MY DRINK???
CW: I just put it here on the back bar where no one could take it. There you go.
Death: I don't want that! Make me a fresh one!
CW: But there's nothing wrong with it. It's the exact same drink you left behind.
Death turned to me.
Death: She could have done anything to it! Who knows what kinds of diseases she has! She could have passed them on when she touched the glass! I deserve a fresh drink!
I sighed. I told Death exactly what I wanted to say.
Me: I cannot even begin to tell you what was wrong with that statement.
Death: SHE COULD HAVE SWINE FLU! SHE JUST TOUCHED MY DRINK!! GET HER TO MAKE ME A NEW ONE!!
CW was at the end of the bar laughing her ASS off.
Me: But surely in order for her to make you a new drink, she would have to touch your glass. I thought you were worried about getting swine flu...
Death: I want a fresh drink! I don't want swine flu!
Me: If you're that worried about swine flu you should be living in a bubble.
Death:
Me: ....
Death: I'm going home.
Me: Be sure to close all the windows so the germs don't get in.
This guy needs to be banned. I just don't understand why he keeps coming back when we are all so horrible to him.
Death was drinking his usual pint of cider at the bar, and wandered off somewhere (probably to deal some heroin, like I've heard he does). A co-worker spotted that he had left most of his drink behind, and knowing what Death is like, she didn't get rid of it. She just took it and placed it on a drinks station behind her so it would be safe. About fifteen minutes later, Death returned.
Death: WHERE'S MY DRINK???
CW: I just put it here on the back bar where no one could take it. There you go.
Death: I don't want that! Make me a fresh one!
CW: But there's nothing wrong with it. It's the exact same drink you left behind.
Death turned to me.
Death: She could have done anything to it! Who knows what kinds of diseases she has! She could have passed them on when she touched the glass! I deserve a fresh drink!
I sighed. I told Death exactly what I wanted to say.
Me: I cannot even begin to tell you what was wrong with that statement.
Death: SHE COULD HAVE SWINE FLU! SHE JUST TOUCHED MY DRINK!! GET HER TO MAKE ME A NEW ONE!!
CW was at the end of the bar laughing her ASS off.
Me: But surely in order for her to make you a new drink, she would have to touch your glass. I thought you were worried about getting swine flu...
Death: I want a fresh drink! I don't want swine flu!
Me: If you're that worried about swine flu you should be living in a bubble.
Death:
Me: ....
Death: I'm going home.
Me: Be sure to close all the windows so the germs don't get in.
This guy needs to be banned. I just don't understand why he keeps coming back when we are all so horrible to him.
I write, my friend Red draws. Comments welcome. Leave them on their, or on my profile here. 
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