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UberBoss and the Author of Grump
If you are familiar with my posts you will also be familiar with UberBoss, commissioning publisher supreme and my own personal hero, even if he can be a little hapless when it comes to working computers, borrowing money, and forgetting my birthday (two years in a row, yehaw!). He is also (as will be made clear from this post) a little eccentric. When I have more time I will relay some of his other acts of random. The occasion when he bought a puppy at lunchtime springs to mind...
Anyway, today we were having a meeting in the small conference room (essentially three minutes of work talk, 10 minutes of cricket talk, the Ashes tests are getting exciting) and a call from one of our authors was put through. Being too lazy to hold a receiver, UberBoss put it on speaker.
Grumpy Author proceeds to ramble, at length, about his dull dull book on the Peninsular War. He is a total arse, demanding, boring, and has distinctly odd body odour. A total publishing SC. After about 4 minutes I notice UberBoss has started to tap his left trouser pocket slightly frantically. This is UberBoss body language for 'I need a cigarette'. It is 10.45am and this is the time he likes to go smoke by the river and tease the ducks. Grumpy Author is putting a crimp in his schedule, and not even for a good reason. I am being bored witless by the call, and even doodling is doing little to entertain me.
UberBoss therefore seems to come to a conclusion: smoking imperative. Must make Grumpy Author go away. So what does he do? He knows from long experience (as do I) that it is impossible to make Grumpy Author shut up before he is ready to. So UberBoss starts to hum. Specifically he hums 'Happy Talk' from the musical South Pacific. It is his favourite humming tune, often I hear it echoing along the corridors. However, this time it is not done whimisically, but with intent. I try not to giggle.
Humming gets louder. Then vowel sounds start coming through. Then the odd lyric. 'Mmmm mm mm happy.... talk about mmmmm mmmmm like to mmmmm.' At this point Grumpy Author starts to falter in his dialogue, after all, his speech about the 'importance of the Rifle Brigade' now has a soundtrack. Perhaps he thinks there is a glitch on the line, or it's just background noise. He picks up his pace.
UberBoss retaliates with more humming and half the chorus: 'mmmmm, mmm talk about things you liiiiike to doooooooo mmmm mmm mmm mmmmmmmm mmm mm.' Finally he throws caution to the wind, and as I try hard not to wet myself, breaks into full fledged song. Not loudly mind you, but distinct singing, with complete lyrics, of one of Broadway's most saccharine vocal offerings.
GA: Is someone singing?????
UB: Afraid that's me. Catchy tune.
GA: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...
Having achieved his objective of breaking Grumpy Author's train of thought, UberBoss pounces.
UB: Lord, is that the time, I have a meeting to go to. BookBint will stay on the line to deal with...
Neither I nor Grumpy Author heard the rest of the sentence, because verily UberBoss had buggered off to smoke. At the window to the conference room I saw several colleagues gathered, all collectively wetting themselves, and applauding UberBoss's performance. However, I was left on the phone with Grumpy Author...
Anyway, today we were having a meeting in the small conference room (essentially three minutes of work talk, 10 minutes of cricket talk, the Ashes tests are getting exciting) and a call from one of our authors was put through. Being too lazy to hold a receiver, UberBoss put it on speaker.
Grumpy Author proceeds to ramble, at length, about his dull dull book on the Peninsular War. He is a total arse, demanding, boring, and has distinctly odd body odour. A total publishing SC. After about 4 minutes I notice UberBoss has started to tap his left trouser pocket slightly frantically. This is UberBoss body language for 'I need a cigarette'. It is 10.45am and this is the time he likes to go smoke by the river and tease the ducks. Grumpy Author is putting a crimp in his schedule, and not even for a good reason. I am being bored witless by the call, and even doodling is doing little to entertain me.
UberBoss therefore seems to come to a conclusion: smoking imperative. Must make Grumpy Author go away. So what does he do? He knows from long experience (as do I) that it is impossible to make Grumpy Author shut up before he is ready to. So UberBoss starts to hum. Specifically he hums 'Happy Talk' from the musical South Pacific. It is his favourite humming tune, often I hear it echoing along the corridors. However, this time it is not done whimisically, but with intent. I try not to giggle.
Humming gets louder. Then vowel sounds start coming through. Then the odd lyric. 'Mmmm mm mm happy.... talk about mmmmm mmmmm like to mmmmm.' At this point Grumpy Author starts to falter in his dialogue, after all, his speech about the 'importance of the Rifle Brigade' now has a soundtrack. Perhaps he thinks there is a glitch on the line, or it's just background noise. He picks up his pace.
UberBoss retaliates with more humming and half the chorus: 'mmmmm, mmm talk about things you liiiiike to doooooooo mmmm mmm mmm mmmmmmmm mmm mm.' Finally he throws caution to the wind, and as I try hard not to wet myself, breaks into full fledged song. Not loudly mind you, but distinct singing, with complete lyrics, of one of Broadway's most saccharine vocal offerings.
GA: Is someone singing?????
UB: Afraid that's me. Catchy tune.
GA: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...
Having achieved his objective of breaking Grumpy Author's train of thought, UberBoss pounces.
UB: Lord, is that the time, I have a meeting to go to. BookBint will stay on the line to deal with...
Neither I nor Grumpy Author heard the rest of the sentence, because verily UberBoss had buggered off to smoke. At the window to the conference room I saw several colleagues gathered, all collectively wetting themselves, and applauding UberBoss's performance. However, I was left on the phone with Grumpy Author...
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