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Bitter Vitriol
And now, the continuation.....
Yes, Yes I Do
Me: "Ok, and what size would you like?"
SC: "Size 7 and a half."
Me: "I'm afraid that's not in stock. I do have size 7, however?"
SC: "Oh....hmmm. Do you have size 7?"
Me: "...yes, yes I do."
I really am just talking directly into a vacuum most the time, aren't I? Could you please try to listen? I am ever so tired of no one listening to me and its beginning to make me sad. Would it be so much to ask? I'm rather weary of shouting down the abandoned mine shaft that is your mental awareness.
Thats Not How This Works
Me: "Alright, thank you for calling and I'll sign you u-"
SC: "Wait wait wait"
Me: "Yes?"
SC: "I want to give you my daughter's info too."
Me: "....I'm sorry?"
SC: "I'll give you her info and you can sign her up and call her."
Me: "Could you please ask her to call herself? I ca-"
SC: "No! You will take it right now and you will call her!"
Me: "I'm afraid she has to call herself if she wants to sign u-"
SC: "No no, you listen to me. You WILL take it and you WILL call her."
I will, will I? Allow me to explain something to you rather clearly: There are no absolutes in my realm. Nor do I respond to commands. I am not a dog, genie nor reanimated flesh golem here to adibe by your every word. You cannot make me do something by simply shouting it at me and/or rewarding me with a bacon flavoured treat afterwards.
You seem to be mistaking something here. Customer service is a courtesy, not a right. Allow me to spell it out: I provide you service, but I do not serve you. Understand, fucktrollop? I am in no way obligated to bend to your every whim. If you want your immediate descendants to sign up for the program, by all means, have them call and sign up. But I cannot sign them up because you tell me too. Your daughter is going to have to pull up her big girl panties and venture out into the cruel, unforgiving world to make a phone call for her own damn self if she wants to sign up.
SC: "If you won't take it than I guess that WE aren't going to be doing any business, understand?"
Hahhahaha. Really? You actually think the threat of losing you as a customer is going to make me comply? You do realize that you haven't actually purchased anything yet so this is still a zero sum game, correct? Losing you and your marvelous personality means absolutely jack, shit and squat to me, and jack and squat eloped to Vegas.
Me: "Well than I'm sorry, sir."
SC: "FINE THAN! <click>"
Don't let the door hit you in the ass, it'd be a shame if it jammed that stick up any further.
Stop. Just, stop.
Ok....dude.....you finished your transaction 2 minutes ago. The rest of us are waiting in line behind you. I have a plethora of tasty whatsin's and carbonated liquids that I must purchase if I am survive my shift. Thou art delaying moi, and the other 6 people in line. So stop fucking hitting on the counter girl and get the Hell out of the store.
Seriously, she is half your age and has this desperate, trapped look on her face like you have your dick in one hand and a gun in the other. That is not the face of a female that's "diggin'" you. Regardless of how many times you've seen it. Which I assume is daily. Women don't make that face when they like you. They make that face moments before they mace you and call 911.
Argh
Me: "Ok, and the item number please?"
SC: "Uhh.....sec.........HUH????!!!"
Me: "?!?!"
SC: "What's dat?"
Me: "....the number of the item you'd like to order."
SC: "Oh, its xxxx"
Me: "Ok, what size?"
SC: "HUH?!?!?"
Stop it! What the hell?! Seriously, what the hell are you doing? I can grasp "Huh?", "What?" or "Eh?". But you're screaming it at the top of your lungs into the receiver. As if the mental act of failing to comprehend is physically painful to you......as it may well be, actually. But still, Christ. At least take the receiver away from your mouth before you feel one of your little fuckwit migraines coming on.
ARGH
Me: "Alright, and your postal code please?"
SC: "Umm......HUH?!
AUdhajkhad, STOP IT. What the hell is that? Is it a mating cry? Are you in heat? Because if so you are rubbing yourself vigorously against the wrong tree. Please, go elsewhere. There must be someone or thing in the immediate vicinity you can mount to satiate your desires upon. I can't imagine family ties poses any sort of boundary for you so really, just grab the first person in the house and go for it. But leave me the hell out of it. Oh, and god help me, hang up the phone before you do. I don't need to overhear.
Seriously, I'd rather rut a belt sander. Get away.
Well, that's another $700
Me: "...ok, and what's the problem?"
SC: "I can't get into my email again."
That's what? Over $4000 you've cost your boss now? Why the hell does she keep you employed? You must be hung like a goddamn horse.
<sob>
You, yes you. The thing waddling in front of me on the sidewalk with the flower in it's hair and the skirt that looks like she tore the top off an umbrella and stapled it on. WALK FASTER OR MOVE. This is a very narrow sidewalk on this street, and you're walking in the middle of it. If you bothered to tear even a fraction of your limited awareness away from talking on your cell phone about how hawt the Jonas Brothers are you might notice me and the other 7 people jumbled up behind you scowling.
Your pace and position ensure that there are only two very slim avenues of approach to get around you, one on either side. One requires risking of life and limb to step into traffic. The other requires I be bitten by a radioactive spider.
The End Of All Things
Me: "Ok, and the item number please?"
SC: "Uh, 4981"
Me: "Alright, and what size would you like?"
SC: "....uhhh....4981?"
Me: "...no, what size would you like?"
SC: "Uh...hm....49....81?"
Me: "....that's the item number, can I please have the size you would like it in?
SC: ".....uh.....sec..........4981."
Me: "......"
To you even realize the amount of danger you and your entire northern world is currently in? Do you? Do you really know just how much you're tempting fate? Because I haven't been on vacation in over a year and with the summer heat I'm averaging 5 hours sleep a day. Normally, I can keep the diabolical force of darkness within contained and keep you safe. Safe from its cruel, heartless touch and unfeeling wrath. Me and my benevolence is all that stands between you and destruction. But you my friend, are curiously thumbing the 7th Seal right now and woe to you if you should clumsily break it.
Should that day come, I can promise nothing. No safety, not sanctuary, nothing. You may live in a land where it is daylight 24 hours a day, but on the day I arrive, you will know darkness. On the following day when I leave, if the shattered remnants of your meager civilization manage to endure than for generations to come they will speak my name only in hushed whispers and use it to frighten small children into going to bed.
Heed this prophecy! For it may be your only chance.
annnd I rest once more.
Yes, Yes I Do
Me: "Ok, and what size would you like?"
SC: "Size 7 and a half."
Me: "I'm afraid that's not in stock. I do have size 7, however?"
SC: "Oh....hmmm. Do you have size 7?"
Me: "...yes, yes I do."
I really am just talking directly into a vacuum most the time, aren't I? Could you please try to listen? I am ever so tired of no one listening to me and its beginning to make me sad. Would it be so much to ask? I'm rather weary of shouting down the abandoned mine shaft that is your mental awareness.
Thats Not How This Works
Me: "Alright, thank you for calling and I'll sign you u-"
SC: "Wait wait wait"
Me: "Yes?"
SC: "I want to give you my daughter's info too."
Me: "....I'm sorry?"
SC: "I'll give you her info and you can sign her up and call her."
Me: "Could you please ask her to call herself? I ca-"
SC: "No! You will take it right now and you will call her!"
Me: "I'm afraid she has to call herself if she wants to sign u-"
SC: "No no, you listen to me. You WILL take it and you WILL call her."
I will, will I? Allow me to explain something to you rather clearly: There are no absolutes in my realm. Nor do I respond to commands. I am not a dog, genie nor reanimated flesh golem here to adibe by your every word. You cannot make me do something by simply shouting it at me and/or rewarding me with a bacon flavoured treat afterwards.
You seem to be mistaking something here. Customer service is a courtesy, not a right. Allow me to spell it out: I provide you service, but I do not serve you. Understand, fucktrollop? I am in no way obligated to bend to your every whim. If you want your immediate descendants to sign up for the program, by all means, have them call and sign up. But I cannot sign them up because you tell me too. Your daughter is going to have to pull up her big girl panties and venture out into the cruel, unforgiving world to make a phone call for her own damn self if she wants to sign up.
SC: "If you won't take it than I guess that WE aren't going to be doing any business, understand?"
Hahhahaha. Really? You actually think the threat of losing you as a customer is going to make me comply? You do realize that you haven't actually purchased anything yet so this is still a zero sum game, correct? Losing you and your marvelous personality means absolutely jack, shit and squat to me, and jack and squat eloped to Vegas.
Me: "Well than I'm sorry, sir."
SC: "FINE THAN! <click>"
Don't let the door hit you in the ass, it'd be a shame if it jammed that stick up any further.
Stop. Just, stop.
Ok....dude.....you finished your transaction 2 minutes ago. The rest of us are waiting in line behind you. I have a plethora of tasty whatsin's and carbonated liquids that I must purchase if I am survive my shift. Thou art delaying moi, and the other 6 people in line. So stop fucking hitting on the counter girl and get the Hell out of the store.
Seriously, she is half your age and has this desperate, trapped look on her face like you have your dick in one hand and a gun in the other. That is not the face of a female that's "diggin'" you. Regardless of how many times you've seen it. Which I assume is daily. Women don't make that face when they like you. They make that face moments before they mace you and call 911.
Argh
Me: "Ok, and the item number please?"
SC: "Uhh.....sec.........HUH????!!!"
Me: "?!?!"
SC: "What's dat?"
Me: "....the number of the item you'd like to order."
SC: "Oh, its xxxx"
Me: "Ok, what size?"
SC: "HUH?!?!?"
Stop it! What the hell?! Seriously, what the hell are you doing? I can grasp "Huh?", "What?" or "Eh?". But you're screaming it at the top of your lungs into the receiver. As if the mental act of failing to comprehend is physically painful to you......as it may well be, actually. But still, Christ. At least take the receiver away from your mouth before you feel one of your little fuckwit migraines coming on.
ARGH
Me: "Alright, and your postal code please?"
SC: "Umm......HUH?!
AUdhajkhad, STOP IT. What the hell is that? Is it a mating cry? Are you in heat? Because if so you are rubbing yourself vigorously against the wrong tree. Please, go elsewhere. There must be someone or thing in the immediate vicinity you can mount to satiate your desires upon. I can't imagine family ties poses any sort of boundary for you so really, just grab the first person in the house and go for it. But leave me the hell out of it. Oh, and god help me, hang up the phone before you do. I don't need to overhear.
Seriously, I'd rather rut a belt sander. Get away.
Well, that's another $700
Me: "...ok, and what's the problem?"
SC: "I can't get into my email again."
That's what? Over $4000 you've cost your boss now? Why the hell does she keep you employed? You must be hung like a goddamn horse.
<sob>
You, yes you. The thing waddling in front of me on the sidewalk with the flower in it's hair and the skirt that looks like she tore the top off an umbrella and stapled it on. WALK FASTER OR MOVE. This is a very narrow sidewalk on this street, and you're walking in the middle of it. If you bothered to tear even a fraction of your limited awareness away from talking on your cell phone about how hawt the Jonas Brothers are you might notice me and the other 7 people jumbled up behind you scowling.
Your pace and position ensure that there are only two very slim avenues of approach to get around you, one on either side. One requires risking of life and limb to step into traffic. The other requires I be bitten by a radioactive spider.
The End Of All Things
Me: "Ok, and the item number please?"
SC: "Uh, 4981"
Me: "Alright, and what size would you like?"
SC: "....uhhh....4981?"
Me: "...no, what size would you like?"
SC: "Uh...hm....49....81?"
Me: "....that's the item number, can I please have the size you would like it in?
SC: ".....uh.....sec..........4981."
Me: "......"
To you even realize the amount of danger you and your entire northern world is currently in? Do you? Do you really know just how much you're tempting fate? Because I haven't been on vacation in over a year and with the summer heat I'm averaging 5 hours sleep a day. Normally, I can keep the diabolical force of darkness within contained and keep you safe. Safe from its cruel, heartless touch and unfeeling wrath. Me and my benevolence is all that stands between you and destruction. But you my friend, are curiously thumbing the 7th Seal right now and woe to you if you should clumsily break it.
Should that day come, I can promise nothing. No safety, not sanctuary, nothing. You may live in a land where it is daylight 24 hours a day, but on the day I arrive, you will know darkness. On the following day when I leave, if the shattered remnants of your meager civilization manage to endure than for generations to come they will speak my name only in hushed whispers and use it to frighten small children into going to bed.
Heed this prophecy! For it may be your only chance.
annnd I rest once more.
), please do NOT hit on the women serving you, it puts us in a very akward position, as we dont want to offend the customer. But my answer will not change based on the fact the im forced to stand in front of you and serve you, in fact, this line of people behind you might cause me to be a bit more blunt than neccesary....NEXT!!
haha i prefer smart guys i guess
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