Three tales from Textbook Hell (Language warning. SC had a potty mouth...)

[lupo pazzesco]

Just thought I'd share a few stories from the last two days I worked, that have particularly stuck with me...

Say WHAT?!
It's Monday. I'm working on registers. There's a slight line. No big deal. Enter Cell phone bitch. She's on her phone yammering away, and already cussing someone else out on the other line. Does not bode well for my interaction, I'm sure. Anyways, she comes up to buy scantrons. I give her the total, which is 65 cents and she pays in exact change. I toss it in the drawer, close it, and then she pulls out a $5 and demands I give her change for it.

Store policy dictates no change. Ever. Unless there's a cash purchase. Mandate from corporate, so, nothing can be done. Hell, I can't even open the drawer unless there's a cash transaction. She gives me the evil eye and then carries on her phone conversation:

CPB: Yeah, yeah, hang on. I gotta buy a little twenty cent piece of shit because this fucking retard won't give me change!

Now, at this point, I could step back and refuse to serve her. Instead, I choose to piss her off by being the perfect CSR you can imagine. She grabs another scantron. I smile cheerfully and am super polite and happy (i can act well, when I want to. heehee)

Me: All right, that's one blue scantron. Your total will be 22 cents, ma'am.
CPB: <Ignoring me, and still on her phone> Seriously, what the fuck is the point of running a business if you can't even do your fucking job and give the customers what they want! <Gives me the $5>
Me: All right, out of five. Your change is <and I count it back> One, two, three, four dollars and 78 cents. do you need a bag for your purchase?
CPB: <Finally answering me> No! <Back on the phone> And to make matters worse, they hire fucking retards to work the fucking store, that don't even know what they're doing!
Me: All right, and here's your receipt!
CPB: <To me again> I don't even need the fucking scantron!
Me: All right, well thank you for shopping with us today, ma'am, and you have a wonderful afternoon!
CPB: <She glares at me at this. And she walks out, still on her cell phone> Seriously, fucking retarded bitch can't even do a simple thing like give a good customer change, I mean seriously? I'm telling you with the way the fucking world is today, there are fucking retards everywhere, lucky to have a fucking job they can't even do right!
Me:



No witty title for this one, my brain cells have fled...
Also happened Monday. I'm at the textbook counter. (I get around a lot) This girl comes in and asks for a book for Prof A's American Literature class. I look it up by professor, and he's teaching 5 classes this summer. I manage to narrow it down, and we're sold out of the American lit book. Not surprising. This particular summer session is over in less than 2 weeks.

Anyways, she says she'll just go look for herself. I leave her to it, and continue working on another project. Two minutes later, she traipses out of the aisles with a book in her hand.

Her: You had it! I found it!
Me: Er...what...?
Her: <Shows me the book. the Norton anthology of British Literature>
Me: Um, ma'am? That's not the book for Prof A's American Lit class.
Her: Yes it is. It's a Norton anthology. That's what I need.
Me: Er...yes, but there's a Norton Anthology for almost every English class this prof is teaching. See? <I go to the computer and look up the book she told me she needed, and then showed her the tag on the book> There are two completely different ISBN's...it's not the same book.
Her: But it looks the same.
Me: But it's not the same.
Her: It was in a class he's teaching.
Me: Yes, but he's teaching FIVE this summer. I'd hate to have you buy this book and have it be the wrong one because right now, all textbook sales are final. There are no refunds or exchanges.
Her: But it's listed on the tag as a class he teaches.
Me: Ma'am, he's teaching FIVE classes this summer alone. <let's try a different tactic!> Which course number are you taking?
Her: Oh...I don't know. If only I had my syllabus! Which classes are he teaching?
Me: English 3301, 3328, 3347, 3350, and 3368
Her: No no no, what are the titles for the class?
Me: I don't have that information, our computer lists the class by department, course number, then section number.
Her: But it's Norton Anthology, and I need Norton Anthology!
Me: You said you're taking American Literature? Then you need the Norton Anthology of American Literature. You have the Norton Anthology of British Literature. He's also using, in his different classes, the Norton Anthology of Poetry, Norton Anthology of Fiction, and the Norton Anthology of Shakespeare.
Her: But it's a Norton Anthology, and I need it! The other store doesn't have it! Why won't you let me buy it!
Me: Because, it may be the wrong book, ma'am, and I'd hate to see you spend money on a book you can't return or exchange if it is incorrect.
Her: It's the Norton Anthology! I'm going to buy it! <and she flounces off to the registers>
Me:



Say WHAT? Part deux...

Cell phone bitch from the first story came back yesterday, and came to the textbook counter. Yes, she's still on her phone, though not yelling this time, thank goodness. so, she comes back, drops two or three books on the counter for a buyback (which I'm aware of, as that's the main reason to bring books back into the store...), and continues her phone conversation. Cue super polite CSR mode.

Me: Yes, ma'am, and how can I help you today?
Her: <Taps the books with one of her over long, hideously painted fingernails and continues her phone conversation>
Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, how can I help you with this books today?
Her: <Gives me the stink eye again and pauses her pwecious pwecious phone conversation again to snap two words at me> Sell 'em!
Me: All right, not a problem, I need to see your driver's license, or valid state ID, please.
Her: <Huffs out a sigh and digs through her wallet, and again starts bitching about me to the person on the phone> I swear, they make shit so complicated for no fucking reason... <She proceeds to plop her school ID down on the counter>
Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I specifically said I need to see your driver's license or your state issued ID.
Her: You'll use that instead.
Me: Sorry, ma'am, but policy states I can only accept a valid state issued ID.
Her: But I've used my school ID here before! <And to the other person on the line> Seriously, how hard is it for people do to their job?!
Me: Ma'am, our store doesn't USE <community college IDs> we're not set up to accept them. We use only state issued IDs for buybacks. I'm sorry, but I cannot even scan the books without a proper ID first. <all said with a polite smile, of course, as the awesome textbook clerk I am.>
Her: <Huffs out another sigh, digs through her bag and finally pulls out a driver's license. It's expired...lovely...>
Me: <repressing a sigh of my own> I'm sorry ma'am, this license is expired. It is invalid, and I can't accept it.
Her: But you wanted my license, and there it IS!
Me: Ma'am, I stated we needed a VALID state ID. This is expired. I cannot accept it.
Her: Then just tell me how much money for the fucking books!
Me: Unfortunately, I'm unable to run a buyback quote without a valid ID, I can, however, scan the books on another screen and see if they're in our system. If they are, we will accept them back.
Her: Fine! Do it! <And on the phone again.> I swear, this store gets more fucked up everytime I come here. The people are just shit!
Me: <Scans the books> I'm sorry, ma'am, these are actually old editions. We wouldn't be able to accept them for a buyback, as a new edition was released.
Her: But they just came out!
Me: In 2007. A new edition was printed this year. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we wouldn't buy them back. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Her: <She grabs the books, stuffs her IDs back in her bag and storms off, once again grumbling about how fucking retarded we all are...>
Me: <calls after her> thanks for coming to see us, you have a great day!



I think I'm just a little bit evil...

[Dytchdoctir]

Her: It's the Norton Anthology! I'm going to buy it! <and she flounces off to the registers>

I'm willing to place bets that the SC comes back within the week and says: "You didn't tell me this was the wrong book! Wahhhh! Give me back my money!"

[JoitheArtist]

I'm willing to place bets that the SC comes back within the week and says: "You didn't tell me this was the wrong book! Wahhhh! Give me back my money!"

I'd take that bet. And if she does, I authorize you to point and laugh at her!

[Gruesome]

You are far stronger than I.

I would have unloaded on CPB with both barrells. I do love the fact that you kept it professional - sometimes that drives them nuts.

A toast to Lupo!

[flutes_and_fabric]

Her: But it looks the same.
Me: But it's not the same.

0.o That's just...blargh. How stupid is she? I have the Norton Anthology of western music volumes 1 and 2, the Norton anthology of music, the Norton anthology of composers, the Norton anthology of contemporary music, and the Norton anthology of women composers. And yes, they all look the same except for the cover. I would have just been like f*** it and let her buy it.

[Fufu487]

you have sooooooo much patience. I would have made life very hard for the CPB the second time, if not refused her service. Like seriously, how is calling people retarded going to assist you in being served better?? I hope she gets run over by a walmart semi

[lupo pazzesco]

I'm willing to place bets that the SC comes back within the week and says: "You didn't tell me this was the wrong book! Wahhhh! Give me back my money!"

I'd take that bet. And if she does, I authorize you to point and laugh at her!

I'm willing to bet the same, myself. I called the cashier as she was making her way up to purchase the book, and told her to take extra care to highlight the part of the receipt that says all sales are final, no refunds/exchanges. I wonder if she went in today, on my day off. <Makes a note to ask CW tomorrow>

I do love the fact that you kept it professional - sometimes that drives them nuts.

A toast to Lupo!

That's why I do it. Well, that and the fact that sometimes there ARE complaints after I've dealt with a customer, but I've been so perfectly polite and by the book, they further make themselves look like an ass for complaining that I smiled and wished them a nice day! Never been dinged by a customer complaint in the 4 years I've been at the store. And actually, in my most recent review, I was scored highly on my professionalism, and my willingness to work with customers until their 100% satisfied. Kill 'em with kindness... Works every time.

0.o That's just...blargh. How stupid is she? I have the Norton Anthology of western music volumes 1 and 2, the Norton anthology of music, the Norton anthology of composers, the Norton anthology of contemporary music, and the Norton anthology of women composers. And yes, they all look the same except for the cover.

I know. the mind cannot comprehend the level of stupid required to make that leap of "It's Norton. it's the SAME!" >.< What's worse, these are all junior level English classes, so she's managed to get through 2 years with that particular mentality. Scary.

you have sooooooo much patience. I would have made life very hard for the CPB the second time, if not refused her service.

Ah, but by being achingly polite and professional, it only pissed her off more, which in turn made me smile more. Sometimes the best thing you can do is continue serving them. By refusing to serve them, sometimes in a way you validate their behavior. I don't know how, mind you, I can't grasp SC thought processes, but I've found that service with a smile wins all the time, and inevitably, it's the twatpumpkins that storm out in a huff, pissed off and frustrated because all I did was help them to the best of my ability.

[Sheldonrs]

"Her: But it's Norton Anthology, and I need Norton Anthology!"


How about a copy of "Norton Hears A Duh!?

[bainsidhe]

I can't fake happy when I'm ticked. And SCPB would have really pushed my buttons. I tend to remain polite (I'm a coward, really), but my tone has a chill through the frozen smile on my face.

When the idiot returned and was ONCE AGAIN on the phone, it would've been game on. I dare think I'd sound sickingly apologetic (you know, syrupy sarcasm with the sincere pouty eyes) and tell SCPB that I wouldn't want to distract her from her very important phone call and that I would be ever so happy to help her once she was completely ready. Then SCPB would screech at me and call me an idiot and I'd just reaffirm her beliefs by sadly telling her that I don't work well unless I can have her undivided attention. But not to worry, I'll still be there once she gets back in line.

[lupo pazzesco]

When the idiot returned and was ONCE AGAIN on the phone, it would've been game on. I dare think I'd sound sickingly apologetic (you know, syrupy sarcasm with the sincere pouty eyes) and tell SCPB that I wouldn't want to distract her from her very important phone call and that I would be ever so happy to help her once she was completely ready.

I've done, that, too, a couple times with asses who try to do a buyback or ask me to look up books, but carrying on a phone conversation at the same time and completely ignoring my request for ID to start the process, or which class they're looking for. If we were really busy, I called the next in line and when they blustered and demanded to know why I wasn't helping them, I'd say something along the lines of their conversation was so engrossing, and so apparently important, I didn't dare interrupt since it required all of their attention.



What?

[mikoyan29]

Well the US was once a part of Britain...so close enough, right?

As for textbook buybacks, those alwasy seemed to be a scam. You'd never get anything closely approximating a reasonable value for your books. You buy it for $100 and maybe get $10 if you're lucky. And then the ever famous, "Oh that's going to be a new edition next semester" which means they wont buy it back.

[lupo pazzesco]

As for textbook buybacks, those alwasy seemed to be a scam. You'd never get anything closely approximating a reasonable value for your books. You buy it for $100 and maybe get $10 if you're lucky. And then the ever famous, "Oh that's going to be a new edition next semester" which means they wont buy it back.

I can see your point. But from the other side of the desk, realize there are SO many restrictions in place for buying back books, it isn't even funny. In the case of my store, we have to be using the book the following semester, or one of the stores in our company has to (which actually meant we'd buy back MORE books because we're part of a chain of the largest wholesaler of used books in the nation). Condition had to be pretty damn good, and we had to have a need for the book in the store. If we have 75 copies of a book already, we're not going to offer a lot for it. But in the case of my store, we go on a declining scale of buybacks, which I kind of like. Start at 60% of price when need is great. When 60% need is met, then we pay 50%, then 40%, then 25%, THEN wholesale (about 15% on average...)

So, your $100 book has a chance of being sold back for $60, then $50, then $40, then $25, before reaching that $10 mark. It is a crap shoot though

Re: new editions every year? Yeah, big publishers will do that because they make no money on used books. So they reword a few sentences, slap a new cover on the book, call it an exciting new edition, then give free copies to profs, so they'll use them for their classes, nevermind us poor students who have to pay $160 for a 9th edition which is essentially a repeat of the 8th, except it has butterflies on the cover this time.

what, me, bitter? Never...




(Hope that all made sense. I'm posting at a horrendously early hour and didn't get much sleep last night)

[HawaiianShirts]

When the idiot returned and was ONCE AGAIN on the phone, it would've been game on. I dare think I'd sound sickingly apologetic (you know, syrupy sarcasm with the sincere pouty eyes) and tell SCPB that I wouldn't want to distract her from her very important phone call and that I would be ever so happy to help her once she was completely ready.

I would love to see that. Especially if you used the phrase "ever so happy" in the process. I had a roommate who used to tell us stories of great frustration dealing with others at his work, and he would usually end them with a huge grin on his face and a proclamation of, "And I was ever so pissed."

I'm just curious as to who CPB was talking to during all of this. I can't imagine actually wanting to have a phone conversation with her and hear all that drivel. Perhaps, somewhere else in the city, her bestest friend is in another store, annoying another cashier by trying to buy or return stuff while on the phone.

I have the Norton Anthology of western music volumes 1 and 2, the Norton anthology of music, the Norton anthology of composers, the Norton anthology of contemporary music, and the Norton anthology of women composers. And yes, they all look the same except for the cover. I would have just been like f*** it and let her buy it.

Imagine if this customer saw your bookshelf. "You have six copies of the same book? You must be crazy."

But then, I also have seven books that say Norton Anthology on them, so I must be crazier than you are. All of mine are English and American Literature from different periods. Took the classes, bought the books, decided to keep the books because they had some good stuff in them, like Mark Twain's essay-rant about James Fenimore Cooper's supposedly poor writing skills.

And I think I agree that just letting her buy it is probably the best choice at that point. She'll find a way to get the wrong book one way or another, so you might as well let her get it over with. It's not like she's going to read the thing anyway, especially if there's only two more weeks of classes.

Her: But it looks the same.
Me: But it's not the same.

Oh, did that ever bring back memories. I can't count the number of times I've had that conversation working electronics retail. I think we need to break out the old Sesame Street episodes and play a few rounds of "One of These Things is Not Like the Others" with our customers.

[cinema guy]

As for textbook buybacks, those alwasy seemed to be a scam. You'd never get anything closely approximating a reasonable value for your books. You buy it for $100 and maybe get $10 if you're lucky.

Is that any different from other second hand books?

[depechemodefan]

Re: new editions every year? Yeah, big publishers will do that because they make no money on used books. So they reword a few sentences, slap a new cover on the book, call it an exciting new edition, then give free copies to profs, so they'll use them for their classes, nevermind us poor students who have to pay $160 for a 9th edition which is essentially a repeat of the 8th, except it has butterflies on the cover this time.

what, me, bitter? Never...

I decided to drop a math class. I then decided to sign up for it the next semester. There was a new ed of the book, but I decided to buy the new ed., ck the pages. The chap were if a diff. order but the same equations, examples, and problem questions. The answer in the back of the book for the old ed. where for the even number problems and for the new book the answers were for the odd number pages. So I copied the answers for the new ed. Not that we turned in the homework, but that way I could see if I got the answers write. Returned the new ed. the next day.