Adventures in Pornography

[An Haddock]

I've heard of bukkake but not bukk-catke.

No matter, but we ladies can always be the sideline spectators.

You did what you had to do. I hate to say this, but you might run into quite a bit of people that have that kind of pr0n on their computer and that aren't junior's age either.

I really go out of my way to NOT see what's on somebody's computer. Like I said, I've no problem with gay people... they're very nice folks. But I have no interest in staring at giant cohks or big, naked hairy dudes.

All I can do is hope that a similar incident doesn't happen... but if it does and it's someone who is an adult, I'm going to have to phone the police. So I'm hoping that none of my customers are pedophiles.

There are a couple I SUSPECT could be pedos. I will have to tell my story to the masses some other time about this one grungy fellow who comes in, but if there was one customer who gave off the pedophile vibe, it's that guy. I've got a few stories about him.

Like, wow. I'm glad I don't have a job like yours. I thought dentists had a tough time looking in people's mouths (the ones who use tobacco frequently), but these stories really take the lead.

As for your last story, it probably is just a kid being stupid, and I'm glad you decided not to bust this kid and ruin his life. Now, on the other hand, had it been like the incident a few years back at a Best Buy in Stuart, FL, you would have had to do the opposite. This was about a guy who had downloaded over 10,000 illegal images, and took the PC in for a virus wipe. Now, there's a person who really wasn't thinking.

Yes, it's really a night and day difference. And I'd bet that the guy with the 10000 images was probably an adult. When I see stories about this sort of thing in the newspaper, sometimes it'll be a 15 - 16 year old kid who gets caught, but it's usually the 30-40something raging perverts that amass gigabytes worth of that crap. The kid I had to deal with was 15 IIRC and had maybe 2 short movies. That's a hell of a difference from having thousands of images.

If it's any comfort to you, I'm joining the chorus of people saying, "You did right."

Doing stupid things is part of being a kid. Helping a kid survive the consequences of these things is part of being a parent. You chose to let the parent do his job, and from what I hear, the kid is getting the help he needs.

You struck the balance by letting the appropriate authority know, so that actions could be taken that wouldn't wreck the kid's life. I bow in your direction!

Thanks, and thanks to all who gave similar sentiment. I also hadn't considered what one fellow said about a 15 year old being naturally more attracted to seeing girls his age rather than a woman of 20 or 30. Not that it's any justification for downloading illegal material, but it makes more sense as to why someone would do it.

Now, a 50 year old guy downloading it would have completely different reasons.


Ugh. Just saw the boss drive by. Guess I have to go do some real work now.

[PepperElf]

1. Does the cat know this?

i'm not sure but... even with your policies you can legally have him arrested for that.

[depechemodefan]

we can't help but see some of the pictures on the computers.

Back in the day (6 years ago, I think) when the library's stance on porn was it was a first amendment right, people kept on calling us to computers they were using to unfreeze them. A lot of times the computers were frozen to images of porn.

1. Does the cat know this?

One pic that won't appear on canihascheezeburger.com. Also, I hope the guy cleaned up the cat. Poor kitty, trying to clean itself and thinking, "what the heck is this stuff on my fur? And why I taste it the day after payday?"

[smileyeagle1021]

The good news, ladies, is that it was ten inches MINIMUM. The bad news is this guy wouldn't change teams if you paid him David Beckham's salary.

is he willing to do a threesome

You call this bad news?

seconded

I really go out of my way to NOT see what's on somebody's computer. Like I said, I've no problem with gay people... they're very nice folks. But I have no interest in staring at giant cohks or big, naked hairy dudes.

note to self... make sure my 'special' folder is well hidden before taking it to An Haddock's store

[JLRodgers]

T....is that it was ten inches MINIMUM....

Last time I heard a guy or someone say that a man was 10+ inches I said without any pause "so what's he do -- fold it over so she can do something with it?"

[Mikkel]

Last time I heard a guy or someone say that a man was 10+ inches I said without any pause "so what's he do -- fold it over so she can do something with it?"

A young man from Kent, no doubt.

[Hyena Dandy]

is he willing to do a threesome

Ooh, gay orgy. Count me in.


But back on topic... I really gotta ask. What's the appeal of ejaculating on a sleeping cat? O_o I mean, I can understand the appeal of beastiality, I guess... Wouldn't partake myself, obviously... But... Just... Wow. I mean... I mean wow. I... Wow.

Wow.

But the real question is: Is he attracted to cats specifically, animals in general, or is it a "ejaculating on sleeping things" fetish. Like, is he unable to walk past something sleeping without thinking "Man, I'd like to jack off on that."

'Cause, you know, that last one could get awkward at slumber parties.

[Jester]

There are a couple I SUSPECT could be pedos.

...if there was one customer who gave off the pedophile vibe, it's that guy. I've got a few stories about him.

Generally speaking, pedophiles hide themselves well in plain sight, and do not give off "the pedophile vibe." There are exceptions, of course (we suspect one here in Key West that we know), but more often than not, those you think are "creepy" are probably just that...creepy. But not pedos.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

For me, what sucked was I was in the process of trying to recover a hard drive of a lawyer friend of the boss.

As we're trying to get the data off of a formatted hard drive, we see a file name go by of f11yobj.jpg. We weren't even looking that hard at the file names, we were just looking to see if it was still working or had it locked up as the program occasionally did.

Fearing the worse and thinking Female 11 Year Old Blow Job, after the restore was completed, I went and looked for the file.

Damnit...it was what I thought it was.

Showed the boss, boss called the cops.

Police came over and looked at the pictures directory. Now many of the photos were of girls who could have been legal but it was hard to tell and as such they couldn't doo much. They have to go by the guidelines of pubic hair, breast development, genital development, etc.

We get to the aforementioned file name and whammo! Clearly undeveloped girl (no pubes, no breasts, no hair, and not much taller than the knob she was bobbing. That girl was part of a whole series and the depravity inflicted on her was disturbing.

Long story short, lawyer was hauled off to prison where if there is any justice in this world, he ended up as some fat, greasy, tattooed bastard's buttery cornhole.

[RetailKate]

My husband has a pretty funny underage porn story (Bear with me before you brick me for that sentence)

When he was in middle school his family had just gotten a shiny new computer with interweb access. So they set it up post haste and slapped on the bestest web supplier of the time, AOL. The rest of the family enjoyed reading email and killing hours of time farting around online. Then my husband discovered... porn. Mainly online porn picture swapping chat rooms. You would go to the chat room and basically swap picture packets with other people that you had accumulated here and there. Anyway my husband was in the chat room one day swapping packets hither and thither when a message popped up asking him if he would be willing to take a packet from user "A" and swap it over to user "B" for user "A". Keep in mind he was young, naive, and didn't know what a dammed BAD idea this was. He agreed and swapped away and in return got a few shiny packets that he hadn't seen before.
Fast forward a day later when his dad is sitting at work (coincidentally his work was the same school my husband was enrolled at) and gets a phone call from AOL telling him in no uncertain terms that they had recently cracked down on a child pornography ring and a user name associated with his computer had been one of the last users that had been in possessions of the photos. So due to child pornography they were now banned from using AOL for life.
Husbands dad calls him into his office, sits him down, and tells him about the phone call and how this wasn't cool. Did I mention how insanely Christian my husbands family was growing up? He also mentions how he was going to have to tell the family what happened because this affected all of them.

They lost AOL service and had to switch to a broadband that turned out to be a better service in the long run and my husband had the nickname of "Porn King" within the family for years. He now finds the whole thing really funny. But is still planning to teach any future kids how to be internet porn savvy no matter how hard it embarrasses them.

[Seshat]

Ten inches in either dimension sounds ouchy.

[bunnyboy]

BTW 3rded on the guy.... mmmmm my mouth is watering... what, I was just thinking of a footlong sausage...

that came out wrong didn't it?

[TimmyHate]

1. Does the cat know this?

Buddy comes in needing data recovered from a crashed drive. During the process we catch sight of *someone* jerking off onto a cat (guy was standing, cat was laying on the floor) that is sleeping. We never bothered to find out who it was, nor did we inquire if that cat had a problem with it.

Would have be cat-astropic if the cat had woken up and scratched at the dangling bits

4. Do you REALLY want to know what your kid is up to?

This one I still have an internal debate about. I made a judgement call and I may have been right or wrong. I feel I did the right thing.

Guy brings in his kid's computer with various spyware, etc. Kid has been using Limewire to download music and porn, nothing new there. But in backing up his Limewire folder I notice the first couple of movies have titles like "13 year old getting f*cked" and the like. Some distributors of porn will pass off Max Harcore/Evil Angel/etc., videos with that sort of title (using girls who are legal but look underage) so again - this is nothing new. But the preview picture for the movie had a girl that LOOKED 13 in it.

I now have to make a judgement call. Do I alert authorities to bust a 16-year old kid for having a couple of underage porn movies, potentially dooming him to serving time in juvenile hall, or do I tell him father about it?

After conversing with CW's I decide to talk to dad. Dad seemed like a good guy... level-headed, friendly, etc. I told him what junior had done (we had already nuked the entire Limewire folder, to be safe) and fortunately he was very good about it. He was well aware that there had been plenty of this sort of thing going on in the news recently, as we all were. So he went home to talk to junior about it and we finished the job. In a subsequent conversation dad said that he talked to junior about it and was setting him up with a therapist.

That was the first time in my five years here (it happened about a year ago) that I ever had to deal with something like that. I hope it's the only time.

I join the chorus of 'Right thing' - Jnr learns a valuable lesson, Dad might also keep a slightly closer eye on Jnr. So well done

I think the most traumatic thing i've seen in my life was when I was about 13. I was browsing the interwebs for some pleasurable (legal!) photos when I clicked on a wrong link. A VERY wrong link...the page in question involving a girl of no more than 5 or 6. I hit close as fast as humanly possible...but those images can never been erased from my mind...the look of horror on the girls face...

I reported the sight to the FBI but still...

[Antisocial_Worker]

Ten inches in either dimension sounds ouchy.

You would be correct. I used to date a stripper with 11 inches, and I can assure you here and now that it can indeed be too big.

[dalesys]

Would have be cat-astropic if the cat had woken up and scratched at the dangling bits

A buddy of mine was grinding wheat into flour with the ol' hand-cranked Corona at the commune when the counter cat nailed his danglies...