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Problem Solved = "We still have a problem"
Howdy all!Although this was a tech support call, the sucky part was just about plain old customer service.
<bs> The ISP I used to work for was bought out by us employees, and so we have a new company. The entire buyout process was done in record time, I swear! No sleep for a month, to get the company started, and then another month to get the customer transitioned to our new infrastructure. We became aware that our phone number would not be published for at least a year, and because we use VoIP, our telephone supplier refuses to put us in the whitepages, directory assistance, or the online phonebook, unless, of course, we were to pay a fee equal to what we would pay to have standard telecoms. Knowing this, we mailed, emailed, called, used messenger pidgeons, smoke signals, and morse code to let everyone know our new number. We specifically said to keep this number by your computer, and in the mails and emails, explained that as a new company, we would not be listed in any directory for quite some time. </bs>
So, dear reader, we enter this conversation just after the halftime spectacular, after we successfully solved her oh, so important email fail.
Me:
SC: Apparently still has a problem.
SC: So now the second issue...
Me: alright go ahead.
SC: Did you know you are almost impossible to find and get a hold of?
Me: If you are trying to find us in the phonebook, or directory assistance, then yes it will be difficult for quite some time yet.
SC: Well the only place I know of to find your phone number is to go on the website, but if I cannot access the Internet, then I can't look up your phone number. Q, we have a problem.
Me: I realize this has caused you an inconvenience, and for that, I am truly sorry. We are making every effort to make things easy for our customers. Which is why on all communications, we include our phone number.
SC: I know that!!! I had to find an older invoice to get your number. But we have a problem.
(For those of you in Customer service, she was at the point of fishing for freebies, compensation, etc. They never outright ask, or demand, but they make the fact that they have been inconvenienced, and have that "tone" in their voice as if they are expecting you to dazzle them with Entitlement whore kibbles and bits - account retention blend. The "tone" is similar to The Look(tm) when having face-to-face interactions)
Me: Ma'am, "we" do not have a problem.
SC: Yes WE do!! It is impossible to find out how to contact you.
Me: So the problem is solved then.
SC: Are you not getting it??!?? WE. HAVE. A. PROBLEM.
Me: Well you are talking to me now, right?
SC: Well, yes.
Me: And you are currently on a telephone, right?
SC: Yes, Bu...
Me: And you had to press a series of buttons in a defined order to get this conversation right?
Sc: Yes, bu...
Me: And you obtained this pre-defined order of buttons to push on your telephone from an email from us, right?
Sc: YES!!! Bu...
Me: So we originally informed you how to contact us. YOu took it upon yourself to look it up in the phone directories, couldn't get anywhere with that. Then you had a moment of enlightenment to search your emails for the information you sought. You find this information, use it to contact me, are successfully able to resolve your issue in 5 minutes. But for some reason, "We" have a problem. If you keep the number you just used to call me, perhaps taped to your computer, then you will always have a way to contact us. I would say that "We" don't have a problem at all.
SC: Yes "WE" do!!!
Me: No Ma'am. You have a problem. I have solved your issue with your emails. Now I have wasted 25 minutes explaining the fact that just because we aren't listed, but you still managed to call, is not a problem on our part. In fact, since this could be considered a support issue beyond the scope of your Internet Connection, I will have to invoice you for this time. Our standard hourly rate is $65 per hour. Currently your invoice is at $30, and if you are willing to pay for any more time, I would be more than happy to play this game with you. However, since the problem is solved, and you believe there is still a problem, I would suggest you take this issue up with your legal counsel. I'm sure that if there is an actual problem, he would be more than happy to assist you with resolving it.
SC: YOU CAN'T charge meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!eleventy!!!
Me: Per our Acceptable use policy, yes I can. So if you would like to continue with this redundant back and forth, further charges will apply. However I do have customers with more urgent support issues currently waiting. So I am going to have to end this call. Please call back later should you wish to discuss this.
SC: Bu...
Me: Thank you! Have a nice day. (rls)
You would think that would be the end of it, but oh, no. She actually went to her lawyer with this. I know the lawyer, and saw him last night whilst taking the wife out for her birthday. He saw me, started laughing his ass off, and informed me that it took 3 hours at her paying something like $220 per hour for him to explain what I already did. I just got the cheque for my stupid tax levy from her today.
Good show!
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