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I warp kids' minds for a living
As I mentioned in some other thread, today was the first half day for the public schools. This invariably means an army of bored pre-teens from the nearby junior high will descend on the swamp to gank stuff and just generally be a bunch of fucktards. Corporate is having us try everything short of outright banning the kids from even being in the store, because "they are our future customers." 
Anyway...
At about 10:30, we had a huddle and LP gave us the heads up and told us we had the right to ask the kids to move along or leave "firmly, but politely, and don't get violent." Which lamentably meant the cluebat had to stay in the backroom.
Anyway...
I come down from break at 12:15 and there's this kid standing by the bathrooms, armed with a bottle of lotion he's holding down by his happy place, and he's pushing the pump down and squirting lotion everyplace like he's ejaculating like it's going out of style. He manages to squirt some lotion onto my hand.
Me: (bringing my hand to my nose and sniffing) I notice your semen smells like cucumbers and melons. I suggest you see a doctor about that as soon as possible.
Kid:
Then right after that, store manager pages customer assistance over to furniture, which is code for a bunch of no-ggodniks hanging out in there. I go over there and am greeted by a group of about 8 boys, one of whom is wielding a skateboard.
Me: Alright, if you're not going to buy anything let's move along here.
Kid with skateboard: (mockingly) Come on, if you're not going to buy anything let's move along here.
Me: Now. Before Tony Hawk here has to see a proctologist to get his skateboard back.
Kids:
Gee, I'm almost starting to like half days.
Anyway...At about 10:30, we had a huddle and LP gave us the heads up and told us we had the right to ask the kids to move along or leave "firmly, but politely, and don't get violent." Which lamentably meant the cluebat had to stay in the backroom.
Anyway...I come down from break at 12:15 and there's this kid standing by the bathrooms, armed with a bottle of lotion he's holding down by his happy place, and he's pushing the pump down and squirting lotion everyplace like he's ejaculating like it's going out of style. He manages to squirt some lotion onto my hand.
Me: (bringing my hand to my nose and sniffing) I notice your semen smells like cucumbers and melons. I suggest you see a doctor about that as soon as possible.
Kid:
Then right after that, store manager pages customer assistance over to furniture, which is code for a bunch of no-ggodniks hanging out in there. I go over there and am greeted by a group of about 8 boys, one of whom is wielding a skateboard.
Me: Alright, if you're not going to buy anything let's move along here.
Kid with skateboard: (mockingly) Come on, if you're not going to buy anything let's move along here.
Me: Now. Before Tony Hawk here has to see a proctologist to get his skateboard back.
Kids:
Gee, I'm almost starting to like half days.
I want to see some x-rays of that last one.
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