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Well, it's October, which means we have lines that literally wrap around the store. The bigger stores do an electronic number system because they can have an hour wait, that way people don't have to wait in line but can instead walk around. We don't have that (I wish we did) but our manager did get one of those old ticket dispensers because we had so many disputes over who was next to the point of a fist fight. There are four stations, but only one person so people think they can line up at an empty station behind you and someone will magically appear, then when you call the next person in the line they freak out.
There were a lot, A LOT of crazies, but most of them were forgotten after these people I'm about to post about. Scroll down to the 3rd and 4th sections to read about the real crazies, the last one is the best.
Light Fare
The normal SCs such as people who want you to shop for them even though there's a crazy line.
The people who hand you a 10 then claim it was a 20 when you close the drawer.
People who stand at the register and don't ring the bell, then get huffy when you finally show up.
The people who break stuff on purpose then want a discount for damage.
The lady whose card froze one machine, but because it could have just been the machine, I attempted to check her out on the other register. When that one froze I knew it was her card. The machines are not connected, and as such would not just randomly malfunction at the same time. It was her card. I would have attempted to use the third register, but then we'd have no way of checking out the other 30 customers in line. I called a CW up to check out the others while I fixed the machines. She demanded I try again. I did, and guess what. Yup. I checked someone out on the other one to prove to her it was not our fault, but her card. Argh.
Ok, now the bad ones:
Smarter Than Thou
Snotty Old Guy comes to the register
SOG: Wait, that total isn't right
Me: It looks like it all adds up right
SOG: Honey, what is 8 times 2?
Me: (really, and don't call me honey) Sir, I can do math. The fabric was 4.99 a yard, not 1.99.
SOG: You're wrong
Me: This is a halloween fabric that was originally 9.99, with 50% off it's now 4.99.
SOG: It was over there!
Me: That sale is on silkeys, this is halloween. I'm sorry if another customer put it there, but that sale does not apply to this fabric.
SOG: The sign is lying! I demand compensation!
Me: (If he had been nice I would have given it to him, but he wasn't so I checked with my manager, and I knew what she would say.) Let me check with my manager.
Me over the walkie: I have a customer here who wants his 4.99 fabric for 2 because he found it in the wrong place.
Manager in my earpiece, the customer could not hear: Tell him to fuck off. It's halloween, we'll sell that fabric in a second, so I don't need to give it away to him.
Me: I'm sorry sir, she says that because the fabric is clearly marked and the sign is clear on its intentions, I cannot give you that price (I of course was not going to tell him to fuck off)
SOG: The sign is lying!
Me: (now it's my turn. He questioned my ability at math, so I'll question his ability to read) Sir, can you tell me what the sign says.
SOG: (In a "duh" kinda way.) 1.99 on silkeys originally 4.99.
Me: And what does the fabric say
SOG: Halloween, originally 9.99.
Me: So it doesn't lie. The silkeys are 1.99. It's accurate.
SOG: But it's not!
Me: Well if you could read it would be (yeah, rude, but I was annoyed.)
SOG: So what are you going to do for me
Me: One of two things. Either sell you the fabric or put it back.
SOG: Fine, put it back!
1 hour later
SOG Where's my fabric!
Me:...I put it back.
SOG: Well, how much are these! (Shoves 4 fabrics on the counter)
Me: 5.99, 6.99, 4.99, 6.99
SOG: Fine, I'll get the original one, (look of triumph) and I'll use this! (shoves a coupon at me.)
Me: (Sigh) Sir, it's half off on one regularly priced item.
SOG: FINE!
Me: Have a nice night (anyone ever seen waiting 2 where Naomi was saying bye to the old people and with a big smile on her face she was saying "die, die die, die now...DIE. That's how I kinda felt. I'm sure he's a sweet old grandpa to someone, but not to me)
Finally got her fucking samples
Bipolar lady came in sunday, asked my manager for samples on apparel which we don't give, she flipped out on her and left. So yesterday she came back.
BL: Can I have some samples.
Me: I'm so sorry, we don't give samples on this fabric, but it you want to buy it it won't even come out to a dollar.
BL: NO THANKS!
Half an hour later, same question to CW
Half an hour later, same question to another CW
Half an hour later, same question to manager
Half an hour later: I see BL getting a crapload of fabric from yet another CW. She's doing that thing where you shop while getting fabric, which means a never ending flow of fabric that holds up the line. We had to ask the first CW in my little list to clock back in and help out.
BL checks out, all the while bragging that she used to work here.
1 hour later:
BL comes back and walks frantically up to my register: I need to return this!
MeL You'll have to go over there and have it measured before I can return it
BL: (twitchy and even more frantic) No, just return it!
Me: If you used to work here then you know the policy
BL: Bu, wa, no I, blarg, wra, I'm a retarded penguin, ber, mrarf. YOU JUST SAW ME LEAVE 10 MINUTES AGO!
Me: No I didn't, I saw you leave an hour ago.
BL: JUST RETURN THE FUCKING FABRIC! I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE ANYPLACE TO CUT IT!
Me: Please don't curse. I thought you said you were knowledgeable about fabric.
BL: (Sees her husband and blows up on him) I FUCKING HATE YOUR MOTHER! LOOK AT ALL THE TROUBLE SHE IS. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO MAKE HER A PRESENT, IT BLEW UP ON ME! FUCKING BITCH!
Me: Listen lady, there're kids in here, so shut the heck up. You've abused 4 of this establishment's employees and I'm calling the manager now. Oh, and didn't you say the fabric was for your brother's son's present for his birthday...?
Manager: YOU AGAIN!
BL: (crying now) I just want to return this fabric!
Manager: Then I'll have to measure it.
BL: FINE! (paces nervously. Of course everything came up 1/8 of a yard short.)
Manager: The fabric is all short
BL: I LEFT 10 MINUTES AGO! I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO CUT IT! YOUR WOMAN JUST CUT IT WRONG! I USED TO WORK HERE, I KNOW SOME PEOPLE CAN'T MEASURE
Manager: Whatever, just return it and please leave (I give her a look like "why would you give in" and right in front of the woman she says) It's 2 fucking dollars. I just want her out of here
BL: (smug) cash back
Me: (oh shit) You payed with credit
BL: SO?
Me: You don't get cash back on credit
BL: TARGET WOULD DO IT! (oh, don't pull that so and so will do it crap on me, cause they won't)
Me: Regardless, we don't
BL: BITCH!
Manager: Ok, I'm calling the cops! (takes out her cell)
BL: MAY YOU ALL BURN IN HELL! (she runs to the cutting counter, grabs her fabric, and thrusts it into her husband's arms. On the way out she turns, grabs a handful of magazines, and hurls them over the stand at me. It was a lot of magazines, but none of them could really do any damage, so all that she accomplished was mildly annoying me. She claimed to be one of my CW's good friends, so my manager is getting her name and calling the cops to file a complaint. We probably have her name in the receipts, but we got out so late she just didn't have the time to look through them)
So we close at 9. We locked the door, but didn't get the last person out till 9:30. And with the late start and all the work left to do, we didn't get out till 11:30. At 10:40 something we got a call from someone who said they were just a few minutes away, but didn't know which exit to get off on. Sorry dude.
Oh, and a funny one. One of my gen eds has a lot of football players in it. They all sit behind me. I was crocheting a scarf because the class really is useless and I don't have to pay attention to get A's on the tests, I just have to show up. So one of the guys saw it and was fascinated. He showed up at work yesterday and I got him all set up with hooks and instructions and yarn. Today in class I taught him the sc (not sucky customer, but single chain, which is the standard stitch). He's going to work on that and if he does well and I think he's ready, I'll start him on rounds thursday so by next week he can start a hat for his girlfriend to have done by her birthday. If he does well on that I'll start him on a scarf (you'd think that would be easier, but it takes longer and he needs it in time for her birthday. Maybe she can get it for christmas.) Oh and one of the other football guys saw me teaching him and expressed his interest in learning to knit. He's getting needles from him mom and I'm going to teach him to make a laptop cover (I'm doing one that looks like a sock in a plaid pattern for mine.) It'll be hilarious to see. These guys are huge, and they're sitting there crocheting and knitting.
There were a lot, A LOT of crazies, but most of them were forgotten after these people I'm about to post about. Scroll down to the 3rd and 4th sections to read about the real crazies, the last one is the best.
Light Fare
The normal SCs such as people who want you to shop for them even though there's a crazy line.
The people who hand you a 10 then claim it was a 20 when you close the drawer.
People who stand at the register and don't ring the bell, then get huffy when you finally show up.
The people who break stuff on purpose then want a discount for damage.
The lady whose card froze one machine, but because it could have just been the machine, I attempted to check her out on the other register. When that one froze I knew it was her card. The machines are not connected, and as such would not just randomly malfunction at the same time. It was her card. I would have attempted to use the third register, but then we'd have no way of checking out the other 30 customers in line. I called a CW up to check out the others while I fixed the machines. She demanded I try again. I did, and guess what. Yup. I checked someone out on the other one to prove to her it was not our fault, but her card. Argh.
Ok, now the bad ones:
Smarter Than Thou
Snotty Old Guy comes to the register
SOG: Wait, that total isn't right
Me: It looks like it all adds up right
SOG: Honey, what is 8 times 2?
Me: (really, and don't call me honey) Sir, I can do math. The fabric was 4.99 a yard, not 1.99.
SOG: You're wrong
Me: This is a halloween fabric that was originally 9.99, with 50% off it's now 4.99.
SOG: It was over there!
Me: That sale is on silkeys, this is halloween. I'm sorry if another customer put it there, but that sale does not apply to this fabric.
SOG: The sign is lying! I demand compensation!
Me: (If he had been nice I would have given it to him, but he wasn't so I checked with my manager, and I knew what she would say.) Let me check with my manager.
Me over the walkie: I have a customer here who wants his 4.99 fabric for 2 because he found it in the wrong place.
Manager in my earpiece, the customer could not hear: Tell him to fuck off. It's halloween, we'll sell that fabric in a second, so I don't need to give it away to him.
Me: I'm sorry sir, she says that because the fabric is clearly marked and the sign is clear on its intentions, I cannot give you that price (I of course was not going to tell him to fuck off)
SOG: The sign is lying!
Me: (now it's my turn. He questioned my ability at math, so I'll question his ability to read) Sir, can you tell me what the sign says.
SOG: (In a "duh" kinda way.) 1.99 on silkeys originally 4.99.
Me: And what does the fabric say
SOG: Halloween, originally 9.99.
Me: So it doesn't lie. The silkeys are 1.99. It's accurate.
SOG: But it's not!
Me: Well if you could read it would be (yeah, rude, but I was annoyed.)
SOG: So what are you going to do for me
Me: One of two things. Either sell you the fabric or put it back.
SOG: Fine, put it back!
1 hour later
SOG Where's my fabric!
Me:...I put it back.
SOG: Well, how much are these! (Shoves 4 fabrics on the counter)
Me: 5.99, 6.99, 4.99, 6.99
SOG: Fine, I'll get the original one, (look of triumph) and I'll use this! (shoves a coupon at me.)
Me: (Sigh) Sir, it's half off on one regularly priced item.
SOG: FINE!
Me: Have a nice night (anyone ever seen waiting 2 where Naomi was saying bye to the old people and with a big smile on her face she was saying "die, die die, die now...DIE. That's how I kinda felt. I'm sure he's a sweet old grandpa to someone, but not to me)
Finally got her fucking samples
Bipolar lady came in sunday, asked my manager for samples on apparel which we don't give, she flipped out on her and left. So yesterday she came back.
BL: Can I have some samples.
Me: I'm so sorry, we don't give samples on this fabric, but it you want to buy it it won't even come out to a dollar.
BL: NO THANKS!
Half an hour later, same question to CW
Half an hour later, same question to another CW
Half an hour later, same question to manager
Half an hour later: I see BL getting a crapload of fabric from yet another CW. She's doing that thing where you shop while getting fabric, which means a never ending flow of fabric that holds up the line. We had to ask the first CW in my little list to clock back in and help out.
BL checks out, all the while bragging that she used to work here.
1 hour later:
BL comes back and walks frantically up to my register: I need to return this!
MeL You'll have to go over there and have it measured before I can return it
BL: (twitchy and even more frantic) No, just return it!
Me: If you used to work here then you know the policy
BL: Bu, wa, no I, blarg, wra, I'm a retarded penguin, ber, mrarf. YOU JUST SAW ME LEAVE 10 MINUTES AGO!
Me: No I didn't, I saw you leave an hour ago.
BL: JUST RETURN THE FUCKING FABRIC! I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE ANYPLACE TO CUT IT!
Me: Please don't curse. I thought you said you were knowledgeable about fabric.
BL: (Sees her husband and blows up on him) I FUCKING HATE YOUR MOTHER! LOOK AT ALL THE TROUBLE SHE IS. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO MAKE HER A PRESENT, IT BLEW UP ON ME! FUCKING BITCH!
Me: Listen lady, there're kids in here, so shut the heck up. You've abused 4 of this establishment's employees and I'm calling the manager now. Oh, and didn't you say the fabric was for your brother's son's present for his birthday...?
Manager: YOU AGAIN!
BL: (crying now) I just want to return this fabric!
Manager: Then I'll have to measure it.
BL: FINE! (paces nervously. Of course everything came up 1/8 of a yard short.)
Manager: The fabric is all short
BL: I LEFT 10 MINUTES AGO! I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO CUT IT! YOUR WOMAN JUST CUT IT WRONG! I USED TO WORK HERE, I KNOW SOME PEOPLE CAN'T MEASURE
Manager: Whatever, just return it and please leave (I give her a look like "why would you give in" and right in front of the woman she says) It's 2 fucking dollars. I just want her out of here
BL: (smug) cash back
Me: (oh shit) You payed with credit
BL: SO?
Me: You don't get cash back on credit
BL: TARGET WOULD DO IT! (oh, don't pull that so and so will do it crap on me, cause they won't)
Me: Regardless, we don't
BL: BITCH!
Manager: Ok, I'm calling the cops! (takes out her cell)
BL: MAY YOU ALL BURN IN HELL! (she runs to the cutting counter, grabs her fabric, and thrusts it into her husband's arms. On the way out she turns, grabs a handful of magazines, and hurls them over the stand at me. It was a lot of magazines, but none of them could really do any damage, so all that she accomplished was mildly annoying me. She claimed to be one of my CW's good friends, so my manager is getting her name and calling the cops to file a complaint. We probably have her name in the receipts, but we got out so late she just didn't have the time to look through them)
So we close at 9. We locked the door, but didn't get the last person out till 9:30. And with the late start and all the work left to do, we didn't get out till 11:30. At 10:40 something we got a call from someone who said they were just a few minutes away, but didn't know which exit to get off on. Sorry dude.
Oh, and a funny one. One of my gen eds has a lot of football players in it. They all sit behind me. I was crocheting a scarf because the class really is useless and I don't have to pay attention to get A's on the tests, I just have to show up. So one of the guys saw it and was fascinated. He showed up at work yesterday and I got him all set up with hooks and instructions and yarn. Today in class I taught him the sc (not sucky customer, but single chain, which is the standard stitch). He's going to work on that and if he does well and I think he's ready, I'll start him on rounds thursday so by next week he can start a hat for his girlfriend to have done by her birthday. If he does well on that I'll start him on a scarf (you'd think that would be easier, but it takes longer and he needs it in time for her birthday. Maybe she can get it for christmas.) Oh and one of the other football guys saw me teaching him and expressed his interest in learning to knit. He's getting needles from him mom and I'm going to teach him to make a laptop cover (I'm doing one that looks like a sock in a plaid pattern for mine.) It'll be hilarious to see. These guys are huge, and they're sitting there crocheting and knitting.
shows that they are not just meat head jocks 
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