Quantum Beetles

[csquared]

Jedimaster91, you have a chance.

The rest of you are in the wrong direction.

However, that did get me thinking...

See http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=55936 for details.

[jackfaire]

Does the train go from Vancouver to Vancouver?

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Save Me

...Ok, Spring is when you can’t feel your hands and feet. Summer is when you can’t feel your fingers and toes. Autumn is when your buddy leaves a party and they find him dead in his front yard from exposure. Winter is when your buddy leaves a party and they find him dead in his front yard from exposure in Spring.

If you don't mind, I want to use this.

Dawg

This story made me think of this commercial for Holiday Inn.

Earning Sympathy
Granted……I do not have any followers. Yet anyhow. But! Once I have obtained a sufficient amount of devotees…..and can pay for their cab fair, you’d best beware heathen.

I live in Northern BC... I could probably drive there in a day (if I wanted to drive for 24 hours straight).

[Plank]

Er...

SC: “Beetles keep coming in through my window, how do I stop them!?”

…close…..the window? I’ll admit it’s been a long time since Grade 12 Biology class but I’m pretty sure nothing in the insect kingdom possesses the ability to teleport or phase shift through solid matter. I think I would have remembered something like that. So unless we’re facing some sort of undiscovered species of quantum beetle a simple pane of glass should be sufficient to bar their entry.

My suggestion would be to step away from the crack pipe

[Sheldonrs]

"SC: “You people just keep trying to bait me! Keep trying to bait me!”"

Yes "Master".

[RestaurantDude]

Dawg (excerpt)

(...) Now, I am perfectly willing to talk with people if need be, however you did not talk to me. You grunted a vaguely coherent sentence and struck a pose which involved pointing your fingers at downward vertical angles to indicate the presence of your penis. This may pass for communication in some circles of the animal kingdom. However, I myself do not respond to it. If you truly are so desperate for human companionship and acknowledge of your penis that you must seek it from utterly random strangers on public transit in the dead of night than may I make a suggestion? Perhaps you should A) Use your indoor voice, B) Attempt to form a sentence using proper English and C) Wait till you get to know someone a bit better before waving your penis at them.

These simple steps may lead you to actually locating and securing basic human interaction to fill the bleak, wretched loneliness deep in your heart. Failing that I am sure there are plenty of lovely folk willing to acknowledge your penis in exchange for a cash fee. In fact, judging by the looks of your companions, two of them appear to be quite willing.

That... was brilliant! I'm having difficulty breathing from laughing so hard. I cannot possibly imagine the shock that would have occurred had you actually said that to those mouth breathing bottom feeders.

[Becks]

Wait till you get to know someone a bit better before waving your penis at them.

I know cops in NJ who could stand to follow this advice.

[Andara Bledin]

Blargh. The pop machine ran out on me last night an hour into shift. My supply lines were brutally cut. ><

That hussy!

Granted……I do not have any followers. Yet anyhow.

And that, Lord Gk, is where you are mistaken, for you have a legion of loyal followers.

But! Once I have obtained a sufficient amount of devotees…..and can pay for their cab fair, you’d best beware heathen.

Now, the cab fare, on the other hand, might be a bit tricky...

I’ll admit it’s been a long time since Grade 12 Biology class but I’m pretty sure nothing in the insect kingdom possesses the ability to teleport or phase shift through solid matter.

Well, glass isn't quite completely a solid... but close enough for the purposes of defeating all but the most quantum of beetle.

I know what you’re trying to do, you’re trying to infect me too! Back, tard zombie, BACK.

That made me giggle.

annnd rest....for the moment. Before I snap and have to rant for 4 pages.

Um.... just so you know... not that we want it to happen... but... well... we wouldn't complain if you were.

Just sayin'.

I do have a 12 passenger van. Who wants to car pool?

Ooh! Ooh! Me! I want to car pool!

I cannot possibly imagine the shock that would have occurred had you actually said that to those mouth breathing bottom feeders.

They likely wouldn't have understood half of it, and they fear that which they cannot understand.

^-.-^

[Jester]

Ok, Spring is when you can’t feel your hands and feet. Summer is when you can’t feel your fingers and toes. Autumn is when your buddy leaves a party and they find him dead in his front yard from exposure. Winter is when your buddy leaves a party and they find him dead in his front yard from exposure in Spring.

This....was hilarious. And I could not help thinking that there had to be an equivalent for my home town of Phoenix. Such as:

Autumn is when you can get into your car and only receive second degree burns on a few exposed areas. Winter is when it actually takes more than fifteen minutes for your hair to dry after you leave the house, rather than the usual three. Spring is when you have to once again start sidestepping the puddles on the sidewalks that are tourists who spontaneously melted. And Summer is when event planners and corporate organizers the world over are summarily executed if they are so stupid as to plan an event for their clients in Phoenix, rather than a cooler place, such as the boiler room in Hell.

(I am odd. I like the summers in Phoenix. I go cycling. Like I said....I'm odd.)

Dawg

The best way to handle folks like this is a simple noncommittal "yo" in response to their initial query, with a slight but confident head nod. It means nothing, but to them it means you are with it, hip, and don't need to elaborate on anything. The more you actually barely acknowledge them with this, the more hip you are to them, and thus the less likely they are to fuck with you. And then you can go about ignoring them as you would anyway.

Yes, I speak Dawg. I am also functionally fluent in Redneck, Tourist, Drunk, Frat Boy, Head Banger, and Stoner, am very fluent in Sports Fan, and have a decent ability with Teenager, though the fluidity and changing nature of the last one makes it harder for me to converse in as the years go by.

SC: “Beetles keep coming in through my window, how do I stop them!?”

…close…..the window?

So unless we’re facing some sort of undiscovered species of quantum beetle a simple pane of glass should be sufficient to bar their entry.

But what if it's neither a normal beetle or even a quantum beetle? What if what keeps coming through his window is Volkswagen Beetles? I am no expert in structural engineering or applied physics, but I am relatively sure a simple pane of grass will do very little to stop a German car, no matter how compact and cute it may be.

Now what if it's none of the above, but rather The Beatles coming through his window? In this case, I think he would need an exorcist (if it's George or John), a restraining order (if it's Paul or Ringo), or if it's the whole band, a cessation of the hallucinogenics. Since they most definitely are not getting back together.

When I said “spell” I meant “with letters” not “with random words and syllables feverishly pulled out of my ass.”.

Don't you mean "out of his ass"? Cause if he's pulling these things out of your ass....well, I just don't have the words to express my worry, concern, confusion, and befuddlement by such a development.

SC: “Yes, we’re looking for a 2 bedroom luxury condo for rent but we don’t want a to sign any lease. We just want a month to month.”

And I'm looking for a Porsche convertible, but I really don't want a large down payment, large monthly payments, or a hike in my car insurance. I figure I have about as much chance for success.

Now, the cab fare, on the other hand, might be a bit tricky...

That gets me wondering just how much a cab fare would be from Key West to Nunavut.

And would they take a check?

[Gravekeeper]

The best way to handle folks like this is a simple noncommittal "yo" in response to their initial query, with a slight but confident head nod. It means nothing, but to them it means you are with it, hip, and don't need to elaborate on anything. The more you actually barely acknowledge them with this, the more hip you are to them, and thus the less likely they are to fuck with you. And then you can go about ignoring them as you would anyway.

What precisely does the elaborate cockpointing part mean than? -.-

That part was the most baffling. Yes, very good, you can locate your penis with both hands. Most of us learned how to do that, quite frequently I might add, by the time we were 12.

[Jester]

What precisely does the elaborate cockpointing part mean than?

As with most male posturing, it means pretty much nothing. Basically, just alpha male posturing, trying to establish dominance once it was clear you not responding to his initial contact, thus ignoring him, thus questioning his status as the alpha male.

In other words, he was being a cocksickle.

[Ghel]

Winter is when your buddy leaves a party and they find him dead in his front yard from exposure in Spring.

This actually happened here a couple winters back. Guy left a bar in the middle of the night, and they didn't find him until the snow drift that he passed out in melted the next spring. Creepy thing was, nobody knew he was missing. He was in from out of town. His family back home thought he was staying with friends up here, and his friends thought he had gone home.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

As with most male posturing, it means pretty much nothing. Basically, just alpha male posturing, trying to establish dominance once it was clear you not responding to his initial contact, thus ignoring him, thus questioning his status as the alpha male.

In other words, he was being a cocksickle.

You need to do a "Hinterland's Who's Who" video on the subject of the suburban wannabe... It'll be a smash hit.

[Jester]

You need to do a "Hinterland's Who's Who" video on the subject of the suburban wannabe... It'll be a smash hit.

I have to be honest....I have no idea what you are talking about. What is Hinterland's Who's Who?

[AriRashkae]

"SC: “You people just keep trying to bait me! Keep trying to bait me!”"

Yes "Master".

Ah, but the servant waits!