I can't sell you something I don't have + Awesome colleague (Longish)

[WouldYouLikeToBuyAPhone?]

I haven't had a sucky in awhile, I thought to myself yesterday. Seems I jinxed myself.

Me: Welcome to <My Company> you're speaking with <Me>
SC: Can you start a plan if you don't have the phone?

Huh? Oh, I get it, your a tourist. See, here in the civilised world, we start conversations with 'hello'.

Me:.. I'm sorry?
SC: My son called earlier.

Gonna need some more to work with cowboy.

Me:.. And?
SC: You told him you can't buy a phone if you don't have it.
Me:..
SC: An iPhone 32 gb.
Me: Oh, right. That's right, we have no stock of the 32gb iPhone at the moment, so we're not taking orders. We have plenty of 16gb iPhones though if you'd like to order one of those instead.
SC: I can't order a 32gb?
Me: Not at the moment. We're waiting on a shipment, should be here in a few days.
SC: (talking over me) when are you getting more?

If you stopped and listened, you'll discover that I just told you.

Me: We're waiting to hear from Apple when we will get more.

Silence..

Me: Hello?
SC: I asked you a question.

And I gave you an answer.

Me: We don't have a definate delivery date, but it should be in the next few days.
SC: Can you...
Me: ...
SC: Well?
Me: I'm sorry?
SC: I said, can you find out...
Me:...
SC:.. When your getting them?

No, you didn't.

Me: No. We've already asked Apple when they're sending more, and we're waiting to hear back from them.

Like I said.

SC: The 32gb iPhone is free on (X) plan.

Sounds like more of a statement than a question to me, but I'll play along.

Me: Yes.
SC: And the 16gb?
Me: Also free on (X) plan.
SC: The 32gb, 16gb and 8gb are all the same price on (X) plan?
Me: Yes.
SC: Why?

Because they just ARE, dickhead.

Me: That's the pricing that Marketing decided on.
SC: Why are they all the same price?
Me: Because its our highest plan, therefore, it comes with a free phone.

SC: Your answers..
Me:...
SC: They are..
Me..
SC: They are not perfect.

Nor are your questions.

Me: Well I'm sorry, but I'm just telling you what I know.
SC: Is there a manager I can talk to?
Me: Not at the moment. I can have someone call you back tomorrow.
SC: There are no managers there?

That's what I said.

Me: No, not at the moment.
SC: Why?

Because its fucking 730 at night, and they have better things to do then talk to your stupid ass.

Me: They've all gone home for the day.
SC: They've all gone home?
Me: Yes.
SC: There are only people like you there?

No, not exactly like me. Some of them are boys.

Me: Yes.
SC: There is no manager I can talk to?
Me: No.
SC: Is there someone else I can talk to?

Do you believe that talking to someone else with magically make the iPhones appear?

Put him on to a Colleague, first explaining the conversation. I could only hear her side of the conversation:

C: Welcome to <My company> You're speaking with <Colleague>
C: No, we can't take orders for the 32gb iPhone, we have no stock..
C: If you'll stop talking over me, we can have a two way conversation.
C: Did you just call me a rude bitch?
C: Could you stop it?
C: No, all the managers have gone home for the day.
C: Yes, it is lucky, I'd like to be at home myself.
C: He hung up on me.
Me: You rock my world.

[Dips]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

Not that I've ever heard of. There's this little pestilence called Reality that gets in the way every time.

[CaroPhoenix]

Not that I've ever heard of. There's this little pestilence called Reality that gets in the way every time.

I actually think there's a 5th horseman of the Apocalypse and it's name is Reality. But since so many people ignore Reality, it just never makes it into the lineup.

[MadMike]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

"Damn! Three times! Let me just pull a phone out of my ass..."

[elsporko]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

Well one time at Shopko I kept being told that the rabbit litter and hay would come in on the truck coming in the next day. On the third day I was correctly told they have no way of knowing when anything is delivered because they aren't told what is going to be on the truck.

[tropicsgoddess]

Do you believe that talking to someone else with magically make the iPhones appear?

They (SC's) sure do! But that pretty much never works. I guess if they say it enough I'm supposed to magically give them something I cannot give them by pulling it outta my ass or something. Morons. They'll never learn.

[Ben_Who]

I'm struggling to remember where I recently witnessed a customer service interaction where a woman was asking rapid-fire questions without letting the clerk complete a sentence to answer, then being dissatisfied with the results of the conversation and doing the same thing to another clerk and a manager before storming out whining that no one would help her.

It was an intriguing thing to witness, and I started to think maybe there was something wrong with the customer in question - the clerk would provide some bit of information and the customer would subsequently ask for it. It was obvious that whatever the clerk was saying wasn't making it into her brain. It went something (but not exactly) like this:

"Hi, do you have any 32-inch Plasma TV's?"
"Yes, we do, right over--"
"Are these all Hi-Def?"
"All our plasma TV's are--"
"How big is this one?"
"That's a 24-inch Toshiba, Ma'am, it costs $580--"
"How much does it cost?"
"As I said, Ma'am, it costs $580, but this week we're offering a rebate on--"
"And how big is it?"
"Ma'am, it's 24 inches; the 32 inch models are right over--"
"Where are the 32-inch models?"
"They're right here, Ma'am, but they cost--"

And so it went. Somehow, the ear-to-brain connection was just gone. After reducing two clerks to exasperation, she repeated the performance with a manager, predicating it with, "Your clerks are no help at all! They didn't answer any of my questions!" and concluding with "No one here KNOWS anything!" before leaving.

Seems to happen in Best Buy a lot...Maybe it happened there.

Love, Who?

[jackfaire]

I work in a call center and I will call a place 3 times to confirm the answer if I get a different answer the first 2 times. And I only call the second time because the first person went uhm oh uhm I dunno oh I think

But if I get a straight answer then nope take it and run with it.

[cj1991]

What irritates me is if someone calls in looking for something, we don't have it, and then they want to play a jillion questions that I can't answer.

Our most common one is for a refurbished product that we occasionally offer.

"Do you have any refurbished stuff right now?"

me: No, I'm sorry, we don't.

"Well, when will you?"

me: I'm sorry, I really don't know because we need someone to trade something in for credit before we can create refurbished items, and honestly, people just aren't doing it much anymore.

"Well, when is the next item being traded in?"

me: I don't know. Could be tomorrow, or it could be 3 months. When we have some, they will go for sale on the website on a first come-first served basis.

"Will you call me when one comes in?"

me: I can't do that. It's not fair to the other people that call in.

"Can I get on a waiting list?"

me: Again, I can't do that. In just a short time, we'd have 150 names for 4 items, and the sheer amount of time it would take to start calling those peope would be totally not cost effective.

"Well, can you tell me how much one costs?"

me: I have no idea because cost depends on what we need to do to the item to refurbish it. Some times we can totally refurbish it, and other times just partially.

"Well, what do you USUALLY have to do to one?"

me: Again, I have no idea. It all depends and varies from item to item.

"Well, what would it be if X, Y, and Z?"

me: If all those things were in place, then around (insert price).

"So can you send me a quote for...."

me: I'm sorry, but we don't have any available right now, and I don't know when we will. I'm hesitant to do that because the cost varies from item to item. Thank you for your understanding.

"Can I request special coloring and...."

me: No. Part of the reason the refurbished items go for such a good price is because we are able to use things leftover from other processes. And as I said, we can't keep a waiting list. It's not fair to the other customers.

"Well, if you get one and I don't like the color, can I change it?"

me (now banging my head against my desk): No, as I said, they come as they are. If you are going to be particular about the colors, I suggest you order a new item.

"Well, how much do they look like they were refurbished? I don't want something that looks crappy."

me (resisting urge to kill): There will be cosmetic issues. This is why they're sold for less money. Again, if you are concerned about looks, I would order a new item.

"I can't afford one. They're too expensive."

me: I sympathize, but again, if you're going to be particular about coloring and cosmetic issues, I suggest you order a new product. As I've said, we're out of stock on refurbished items. Please watch our website. Thanks, and have a great day.



Reminds me of the ads I used to see in the local classifieds:

WANTED: Used furniture. Must be in good condition (no smoke, no animals). Free or cheap.

[Alpha Strike]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

Unfortunately that tactic will succeed if you work with Spineless Manager (tm) or Ignorant Co-Worker (tm). Both have the power to temporarily change Reality in order to make a customer happy.

[BlaqueKatt]

I see you got one of those SC who thinks repeating the question and asking multiple people will magically change the answer. Has that ever worked?

worked for Austin Powers....