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Been a while since my last update...and this was a hell of a week that isn't even over yet. YEESH! Let us begin:
I blue-screened her
Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling the <hotel> dining reservations.
SC: Is this the restaurant?
Me: This is the reservations for all of our restaurants.
SC: Can you connect me to the restaurant?
Me: Certainly, which one would you like?
SC: Uhhhhhhhhh.................
Me: ..............
SC: *click*
What's that smell? Is that smoke? Did princess blow out another blood vessal in her brain? Somehow, I'm not surprised.
Not related, yet so similar...
Different SC: I need to cancel a reservation at your restaurant.
Me: Ok, which restaurant?
SC: Uh...at the <hotel>
Me: Yes, we have several restaurants here.
SC: Uh....er........
Me: .....................
SC: *click*
Yes indeed, O Brave SC, you came at me quite eagerly. I, however, parry your "You fight like a dairy farmer" with my quick-witted "Fitting, you fight like a cow." Flee whilst you still can.
From the Co-Worker next door
CW: Uhm...ok Mr. Guest.
Me: ...
CW: Alright...
Me: ...
CW: Uhm...
Me: ...
CW: Daffy Duck drinks Jewish wine?
ME:
The caller was one of our weirdos, he tends to talk about how he doesn't believe in credit cards, and how the government aliens are controlling us all. Very strange. He was rambling on about Jewish wine in one of our restaurants, and suddenly brought up Daffy Duck, and CW responded without even thinking about it. Priceless.
Sigh...
SC: I'd like to reserve a table for your <super hard to get yearly event>
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we are fully booked for every one of our tables for that.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: Unfortunately no, we actually start taking reservations a year in advance, and most of the tables sell out of the first day.
SC: That is unacceptable!
Me: I do apologize.
SC: Your apology doesn't help me. You either get me a table, or get me your manager RIGHT NOW!
Me: I'll connect you, one moment.
(Manager talks to her, denies her a table, hangs up. 1 minute later)
SC: I WANT A DIFFERENT MANAGER! None of you will help me, I'm a PAYING CUSTOMER and I WANT MY TABLE!!!
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, all of our tables have sold out. As I told you before, this event usually sells out a year in advance.
SC: You're not even going to ATTEMPT to help me!?
Me: I can place you on the wait list, but there are already 170 people on the list ahead of you.
SC: FINE. Just do it. And I BETTER get a damn call by NEXT WEEK!
Yeah, that's going to happen. Especially since people have been on this wait list since...let's see...oh, the same day we opened the reservations! YOU LOSE! I am taking bets that you call back again and do this next year too.
Damnit!
SC: Is that your lowest rate for that night.
Me: Yes, it is.
SC: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
SC: There's nothing you can do for that?
Me: Nope.
SC: REALLY!?
Me: Yes.
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: ......ok, I'll take it.
Goody, I won the Wheel of Chance round. The other possible choices you could have made include "Bugger Off", "Play In Traffic", "Play With Your Poo", and "Lick The Kitten." Of course, given your mental state, I can only resolve that, no matter what the wheel selects for you, "Play With Your Poo" will make its way into your activity log for the day. Just a theory, it's probably correct.
No sir, it is you who sucks!
SC: I need to cancel my reservation, I know it's within the 48 hour time limit, but I wondered if you can help me with that.
Me: Well sir, what is your reason for cancelling?
SC: My 7 year old doesn't want to come any more.
Yeah, sorry, but that isn't a good reason...and thus, we're making you pay teh monies because we are EVILS!!!
I will waive charges for a good reason. Your kid is hurt/sick? Fine. You're in a car accident and broke your leg? Fine. "I don't wanna go any more" 3 hours before your table, however, is a shitty reason...and the reason we charge you is because we can't fill that table now. When we quoted you the cancel policy, you (like everyone else) probably just said "ok". You didn't say "I'll only pay if no one else takes the table". This, by the way, is something we would ignore anyway, so just say OK and move on.
Yes, I am a cold-hearted mean bastard. You wouldn't love me any other way
O....kay...I'll just let Security know.
Me: Ok, I have your room almost all set...
SC: We're the ones who's mother threw something through your glass windows. It was very embarassing, Security had to come up and everything.
Me: O...kay...
SC: She got the brain surgery now though, so she's ok!
Me: ........So anyway, your confirmation number is...
I wish I was lying about this one. The crazier thing is that I talked to everyone...Security, Engineers, people who have been here 10+ years...no one knows what the hell she's talking about. Apparently this happened 3 weeks ago? I have bets that she takes down a bellman and uses his seed so that she may live another century.
Once again, just a theory. Probably true.
Wow.
This one is from a supervisor, he got a call from a furious woman who DEMANDED a free suite. She claims that she was PROMISED one from our previous front office manager who is long gone. Supervisor tries to help, even looks up her past stays just in case...and finds a gem of a note that shows she got her whole stay comped last New Years Eve, and it's filled with notes saying "NO FURTHER COMPENSATION TO BE OFFERED!!"
Scam fail!
My e-mail...
We have, as I think I've said before, an automated system where people can fill out a form and it sends us their info, and we can e-mail them back rates and availability. So, couple days ago, we get one, and it has this gem in the "comments" spot. This is typed word for word, I haven't changed a thing:
IN YOU STATEMENT ABOVE, YOU SAY "CONTACT US AT" "AT" IS A DANGLING PARTICIPLE AND CAN NOT,CORRECTLY BE USED AT THE END OF A SENTENCE! AND SO A HOTEL AS GRAND AS YOUR'S SHOULD NOT CONTAIN POOR GRAMAR!
Wow...just wow...ok, let's go over the problems here. You, with all capital letters, misspelled and wrong words, and even worse grammar than the person who wrote one sentence have decided to engage us in a flame war. Has anyone ever won this? I saw a forum post the other day trying the same thing, and it said "Your spelling is rediclus." I honestly think that's something that, when someone tries to piss someone off like this, instantly makes them fuck up to such a degree that their mental competancy to stand trial could be instantly decided as a negative.
Yet stand trial you should, because seriously, you're going to write us a frigging letter, like a child, because someone entered a sentence with "at"? There is a time, and a place, and you have found NEITHER.
The kicker? This guy is apparently a DOCTOR. George Carlin once noted that, somewhere in the world, someone is the world's worst doctor. Someone has an appointment with him too. This guy is most definitely a contender...
Still?
Me: Thank you for calling the <HOTEL>, can I help you?
SC: Yeah I have a problem with my account...
Me: You have a negotiated account with the hotel?
SC: Yes. I keep getting disconnected.
Me: (What?) ...disconnected?
SC: Yes. I paid my bill, but you keep turning it off.
Me: (Oh, I get it.) Who are you calling sir?
SC: Is this Sprint?
Me: No, we're still the <HOTEL>.
SC: Fuckers. *click*
/facepalm. I can't even sum this one up. Let's just move on before I kill myself with a Mythbusters-like contraption involving a goat, 5 dozen eggs, and a Ouija board.
Hard of hearing
This one's just a gripe...but it's a clear indication of how people DO NOT listen. When I answer the phone, I say my name very clearly every time. However, people tend to call me the wrong name a good 30-40% of the time, which is alarming. So, here is a list of names that are NOT mine:
Curtis, Bruce, Will, Mick, Dick, Rich, Jerry, Larry, and Reg. It's worth noting that my name doesn't even sound REMOTELY close to any of those names, yet I've been called them all recently. Something is wrong with my callers.
And rest...don't have the energy to type the 18 million more idiots I've met since my last post. ><
Also, /waves to Seenoevil
I blue-screened her
Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling the <hotel> dining reservations.
SC: Is this the restaurant?
Me: This is the reservations for all of our restaurants.
SC: Can you connect me to the restaurant?
Me: Certainly, which one would you like?
SC: Uhhhhhhhhh.................
Me: ..............
SC: *click*
What's that smell? Is that smoke? Did princess blow out another blood vessal in her brain? Somehow, I'm not surprised.
Not related, yet so similar...
Different SC: I need to cancel a reservation at your restaurant.
Me: Ok, which restaurant?
SC: Uh...at the <hotel>
Me: Yes, we have several restaurants here.
SC: Uh....er........
Me: .....................
SC: *click*
Yes indeed, O Brave SC, you came at me quite eagerly. I, however, parry your "You fight like a dairy farmer" with my quick-witted "Fitting, you fight like a cow." Flee whilst you still can.
From the Co-Worker next door
CW: Uhm...ok Mr. Guest.
Me: ...
CW: Alright...
Me: ...
CW: Uhm...
Me: ...
CW: Daffy Duck drinks Jewish wine?
ME:
The caller was one of our weirdos, he tends to talk about how he doesn't believe in credit cards, and how the government aliens are controlling us all. Very strange. He was rambling on about Jewish wine in one of our restaurants, and suddenly brought up Daffy Duck, and CW responded without even thinking about it. Priceless.
Sigh...
SC: I'd like to reserve a table for your <super hard to get yearly event>
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we are fully booked for every one of our tables for that.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: Unfortunately no, we actually start taking reservations a year in advance, and most of the tables sell out of the first day.
SC: That is unacceptable!
Me: I do apologize.
SC: Your apology doesn't help me. You either get me a table, or get me your manager RIGHT NOW!
Me: I'll connect you, one moment.
(Manager talks to her, denies her a table, hangs up. 1 minute later)
SC: I WANT A DIFFERENT MANAGER! None of you will help me, I'm a PAYING CUSTOMER and I WANT MY TABLE!!!
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, all of our tables have sold out. As I told you before, this event usually sells out a year in advance.
SC: You're not even going to ATTEMPT to help me!?
Me: I can place you on the wait list, but there are already 170 people on the list ahead of you.
SC: FINE. Just do it. And I BETTER get a damn call by NEXT WEEK!
Yeah, that's going to happen. Especially since people have been on this wait list since...let's see...oh, the same day we opened the reservations! YOU LOSE! I am taking bets that you call back again and do this next year too.
Damnit!
SC: Is that your lowest rate for that night.
Me: Yes, it is.
SC: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
SC: There's nothing you can do for that?
Me: Nope.
SC: REALLY!?
Me: Yes.
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: ......
Me: ......
SC: ......ok, I'll take it.
Goody, I won the Wheel of Chance round. The other possible choices you could have made include "Bugger Off", "Play In Traffic", "Play With Your Poo", and "Lick The Kitten." Of course, given your mental state, I can only resolve that, no matter what the wheel selects for you, "Play With Your Poo" will make its way into your activity log for the day. Just a theory, it's probably correct.
No sir, it is you who sucks!
SC: I need to cancel my reservation, I know it's within the 48 hour time limit, but I wondered if you can help me with that.
Me: Well sir, what is your reason for cancelling?
SC: My 7 year old doesn't want to come any more.
Yeah, sorry, but that isn't a good reason...and thus, we're making you pay teh monies because we are EVILS!!!
I will waive charges for a good reason. Your kid is hurt/sick? Fine. You're in a car accident and broke your leg? Fine. "I don't wanna go any more" 3 hours before your table, however, is a shitty reason...and the reason we charge you is because we can't fill that table now. When we quoted you the cancel policy, you (like everyone else) probably just said "ok". You didn't say "I'll only pay if no one else takes the table". This, by the way, is something we would ignore anyway, so just say OK and move on.Yes, I am a cold-hearted mean bastard. You wouldn't love me any other way
O....kay...I'll just let Security know.
Me: Ok, I have your room almost all set...
SC: We're the ones who's mother threw something through your glass windows. It was very embarassing, Security had to come up and everything.
Me: O...kay...
SC: She got the brain surgery now though, so she's ok!
Me: ........So anyway, your confirmation number is...
I wish I was lying about this one. The crazier thing is that I talked to everyone...Security, Engineers, people who have been here 10+ years...no one knows what the hell she's talking about. Apparently this happened 3 weeks ago? I have bets that she takes down a bellman and uses his seed so that she may live another century.
Once again, just a theory. Probably true.
Wow.
This one is from a supervisor, he got a call from a furious woman who DEMANDED a free suite. She claims that she was PROMISED one from our previous front office manager who is long gone. Supervisor tries to help, even looks up her past stays just in case...and finds a gem of a note that shows she got her whole stay comped last New Years Eve, and it's filled with notes saying "NO FURTHER COMPENSATION TO BE OFFERED!!"
Scam fail!
My e-mail...
We have, as I think I've said before, an automated system where people can fill out a form and it sends us their info, and we can e-mail them back rates and availability. So, couple days ago, we get one, and it has this gem in the "comments" spot. This is typed word for word, I haven't changed a thing:
IN YOU STATEMENT ABOVE, YOU SAY "CONTACT US AT" "AT" IS A DANGLING PARTICIPLE AND CAN NOT,CORRECTLY BE USED AT THE END OF A SENTENCE! AND SO A HOTEL AS GRAND AS YOUR'S SHOULD NOT CONTAIN POOR GRAMAR!
Wow...just wow...ok, let's go over the problems here. You, with all capital letters, misspelled and wrong words, and even worse grammar than the person who wrote one sentence have decided to engage us in a flame war. Has anyone ever won this? I saw a forum post the other day trying the same thing, and it said "Your spelling is rediclus." I honestly think that's something that, when someone tries to piss someone off like this, instantly makes them fuck up to such a degree that their mental competancy to stand trial could be instantly decided as a negative.
Yet stand trial you should, because seriously, you're going to write us a frigging letter, like a child, because someone entered a sentence with "at"? There is a time, and a place, and you have found NEITHER.
The kicker? This guy is apparently a DOCTOR. George Carlin once noted that, somewhere in the world, someone is the world's worst doctor. Someone has an appointment with him too. This guy is most definitely a contender...
Still?
Me: Thank you for calling the <HOTEL>, can I help you?
SC: Yeah I have a problem with my account...
Me: You have a negotiated account with the hotel?
SC: Yes. I keep getting disconnected.
Me: (What?) ...disconnected?
SC: Yes. I paid my bill, but you keep turning it off.
Me: (Oh, I get it.) Who are you calling sir?
SC: Is this Sprint?
Me: No, we're still the <HOTEL>.
SC: Fuckers. *click*
/facepalm. I can't even sum this one up. Let's just move on before I kill myself with a Mythbusters-like contraption involving a goat, 5 dozen eggs, and a Ouija board.
Hard of hearing
This one's just a gripe...but it's a clear indication of how people DO NOT listen. When I answer the phone, I say my name very clearly every time. However, people tend to call me the wrong name a good 30-40% of the time, which is alarming. So, here is a list of names that are NOT mine:
Curtis, Bruce, Will, Mick, Dick, Rich, Jerry, Larry, and Reg. It's worth noting that my name doesn't even sound REMOTELY close to any of those names, yet I've been called them all recently. Something is wrong with my callers.
And rest...don't have the energy to type the 18 million more idiots I've met since my last post. ><
Also, /waves to Seenoevil
BEST GAME EVER
That is awesome. May I steal that for my sig?
)
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