It's the End of the World as We Know it...

[ralerin]

http://www.cracked.com/article_16314...get-drunk.html

#2 on the list.

...Ohawgh. Sort of sums it up...

[Magpie]

I've heard that fermented ketchup can put a lot of people in the infirmary. Office mate has a cousin who's a dietitian at a correctional facility. The need to completely ban all fermentable products (juice, fruit, anything with any sugar...) makes it really difficult to deal with diabetics.

[Kara]

There are a few ways for them to make hooch. Most commonly, they will save their oranges or apples from lunch (when they serve these) and put it in a trash bag -which they are not supposed to have in their possessions, mind you. So naturally, all it takes is for them to walk up to the desk and say "Hey CO, can I get a small trash bag?" Most officers will give them one, for some reason. Toss in some bread (for the yeast), sugar, and whatever flavor of powdered drink mix they have on hand (supposedly the hooch made from strawberry Gatorade mix is the best). Then tie off the bag and hide it somewhere. If they have a job, particularly custodians, they have all kinds of hiding places (storage cabinets, ceiling tiles, the laundry rooms, and so on). The guys in the hole are pretty easy to catch. You open the Food Pass to serve them a tray or give them some mail or whatever, and you get the pleasant aroma of decomposing produce. There was a guy a couple of months ago who made onion hooch. Apparently the nastiness of it was the thing of legend.

The final step, of course, is to somehow manage to drink it while miraculously fighting the gag reflex. Then spend like, 3 days on the toilet with thermonuclear diarrhea.

The need to completely ban all fermentable products (juice, fruit, anything with any sugar...) makes it really difficult to deal with diabetics.

Although I know that the Captain's Office would love to set such a ban, the basic nutritional needs of the human body prevent it from happening. They just try to limit the ingredients whenever possible.

To add to the deliciousness, stories abound about guards who, upon finding batches of pruno being made, have opted to piss in the would-be-hooch rather than confiscate it. Because of its trademark unflinchingly foul taste, most prisoners may never taste the difference. Sometimes revenge is a dish best served lukewarm.

I know several officers who would do that. Hell, they probably already have.

However, I object to the article's using the term "guard." We are not guards, we are Corrections Officers. The difference? Guards protect things that are valuable

Yeah, prison humor is a little different.

[Canarr]

Mr. Dips is terrified of bees, wasps, hornets, yellow jackets...anything with a stinger.

Me too... it's not even that I'm allergic, or the stings hurt, or anything - but when I hear that characteristic drone, I freeze. I don't flail, but I'll often move very quickly to get away from them.

Brrrrr.

[Blade_Raver]

In before the threadlock!

All this talk of bees reminded me of the "No Rain" video..

[Broomjockey]

In before the threadlock!

What lock. Doofus.

[Magpie]

Although I know that the Captain's Office would love to set such a ban, the basic nutritional needs of the human body prevent it from happening. They just try to limit the ingredients whenever possible.

Well I was getting this FOAF, so yeah... I was under the impression that basically they weren't allowed to have anything of the sort in their cells, that the diabetics had the privilege of getting escorted by a guard to where the fruit was kept locked up if they had blood sugar problems. But I guess none of that would prevent people from taking the fruit from lunch.

[Ironclad Alibi]

However, I object to the article's using the term "guard." We are not guards, we are Corrections Officers. The difference? Guards protect things that are valuable

But you are protecting something that's valuable: The rest of world, including all of us, from the inmates.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Yay, a new Kara thread!

Re: stinger'd insects. I, too, have a fear of them. When I was five, six years old, a wasp stung me on the bottom of my foot. I got stung once by a bee, too. This has led me to having a fear of stinger'd insects. Then there was the house we lived in in Texas. There was a hornet's nest in our living room chimney, and despite our best efforts, we couldn't find any way to get rid of it. The hornets would periodically crawl into the living room, and buzz out into that part of the house. We always found them and killed them.

One winter, when the hornets were otherwise dormant and hibernating, I was in the living room being quizzed by my mother for an upcoming science test. I feel a tickling on my foot, and see a big hornet sitting on my big toe. I swat it off, and Mom closes up my textbook and throws it on top. I retreat to the family room, then creep back in to watch Mom remove the book and swat what was left with a swatter, then spray it with Raid wasp-killer.

I am a wuss about stinger'd insects, and they seem to have some fixation with my feet.

[Jester]

It just amazes me that people will still try to make alcohol in prison.

It shouldn't amaze you. I mean, think about it. What is the one thing that people in prison have tons of? TIME! Lots and lots of time. So, why not try the random stupidness? I can see myself trying something stupid like that if I was locked away for a long time, sure.

Thankfully, all of my arrests (more than I care to admit) have been traffic-related. Heavy right foot + no brain + a tendency to skip court dates = the occasional arrest. Proving that stupidity really CAN be criminal!