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My Heart Shrunk Three Sizes Today

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  • My Heart Shrunk Three Sizes Today

    I've been mostly incident free and relatively unscathed in the 'you ruined Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Eid sweepstakes this year. Until today that is. Mrs Grinch got me...sending me into a Grinchlike mood.

    MG - Mrs Grinch - addled, obscene and holiday-hating shrieking because she's too inept to use our easy online ordering platform
    Me - Your friendly floral escalations specialist

    Me - spewing out company spiel giving the escalations team opening message
    MG - You people LOST my internet order! I DEMAND to know where it is RIGHT NOW!!! I was up all night trying to place that order and I lost sleep and it was so hard but now the first girl says you have NOTHING!!!
    Me - (speaking like I always do with the insane in the most calm manner)Do you have an order number?
    MG - NO! It never GAVE me one!
    Me - So what you're saying is that when you pushed the 'submit order' button your order number did not come up and you did not receive an email confirmation that the order was being processed?
    MG - ARE YOU AN IDIOT!
    Me - I'm trying to help you here.
    MG - Nothing happened so I closed the computer and went to bed. But YOUR company owes me for all the sleep I missed worrying about this! When I got up this morning there was an email from you guys telling me to place my order and you'd take 15 bucks off.
    Me - I need your name and phone number to research this.

    I get the info and put her on hold. No order. No order anywhere in the system for her. I'm pretty sure she just clicked out of the browser without submitting her order.

    Me - Mrs. Crazycakes, You don't have an open order with us currently. Whatever you did last night the order never completed in our system.

    I hear the phone being set down and sounds like when Ralphie's momma told Flick's mom that Ralphie learned the word 'fuck' from Flick, the same sorts of screaming and hollering. Taking the Lord's name in vain on Christmas Eve has got to be some sort of special sin that earns you a pineapple up the ass for eternity or something.

    MG - WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ORDER DID NOT COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!
    Me - Something happened, either in our system or perhaps with your internet connection *thinking because you're too stupid to work your computer* and you'll need to place it again. Please tell me what the code on the coupon was.

    The phone drops again and I hear mother fuckers and more strange combination of swears while she runs around and screams like a manic. Finally she returns.

    MG - THAT COUPON IS XXXX09
    Me - Aha! That coupon is only issued if you fill out an order all the way through and close out the browser without hitting 'submit order'. I'll take your order right now for you so that we can get that out for the holidays Mrs Crazycakes.
    MG - sets phone down and starts to run around screaming and cursing again.

    So I go about trying to take MG's order. Every question brings a gnashing of teeth, beating of breasts, setting the phone down and running around. I'm as calm as if I had only liquid valium in my veins instead of blood. This is taking ten times longer than it should. We get about halfway through and she hurtles this gem at me.

    MG - YOu're too calm! I don't LIKE it! I feel like you're disrespecting me with your calmness. This is meaningless to you. GET ME YOUR MANAGER BECAUSE I AM OFFENDED!!

    And I snap. I've only been working an hour and I've already been cursed out three times by people waiting till too late to order for the holidays.

    Me - Ma'am, I'm calm because I understand what's going on and the best way to resolve it. I am trying to help you here and quite frankly, becoming agitated is not going to make this go any smoother. If you could just get a grip on yourself it would help me out because right now, between you and the three that cussed me out this morning I feel like climbing up on top of the building here and JUMPING OFF. This is supposed to be a season of love, hope and joy.

    Even as the words leave my mouth I'm thinking 'Oh, I'm going to get canned for this one!' but it worked about like slapping a hysteric in old movies seems to work. She actually calmed down enough and started acting semi-pleasant before it was over and thanked me. She did tell me jumping off the roof was 'too drastic and dramatic'

    Ha! I made it through.

    But I'm afraid Saturday holds most of these idiots calling to yell again.
    "No, I will not poop a shopping cart out for you." - Irving Patrick Freleigh

  • #2
    I'm very sorry you had a bad day, and I send you many virtual gingerbread men...

    But doesn't it make you giggle a bit to imagine an insane she-beast putting down the phone, running in circles around the room, pounding on her chest and screaming like the Tourettes Guy on youtube?

    I know this story pretty much made my night so far.
    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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    • #3
      So what you're saying is that I can get a coupon if I don't complete an order with your company, then get *you* to fill everything out for me by calling to complain that when I didn't complete the order it didn't actually get processed?

      SWEET!

      Oh, and the thing about Flick's mom... I just got finished watching that movie, and I can hear it perfectly!!!
      Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth calulu View Post
        Me - Ma'am, I'm calm because I understand what's going on and the best way to resolve it. I am trying to help you here and quite frankly, becoming agitated is not going to make this go any smoother. If you could just get a grip on yourself it would help me out because right now, between you and the three that cussed me out this morning I feel like climbing up on top of the building here and JUMPING OFF. This is supposed to be a season of love, hope and joy.

        Even as the words leave my mouth I'm thinking 'Oh, I'm going to get canned for this one!' but it worked about like slapping a hysteric in old movies seems to work.
        Wow. You actually got a customer to think of someone other than herself, for once. Impressive.

        I hope you're feeling better now. Sorry you had to deal with so many asshats.

        What is so bloody difficult about following directions that makes so many people go utterly batshit insane about placing internet orders? It's all written out in plain print. It's not rocket science / brain surgery / other stereotypically complicated thing people like to compare stuff to. And yet, there's always someone who just can't figure out that internet thingamajig and ends up screaming at the CS person because they can't adapt to life in the 21st century.
        I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
        My LiveJournal
        A page we can all agree with!

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        • #5
          I could never figure out why customers think that cursing out someone is going to make them do what they want or get what they want any faster.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth blas View Post
            ...like the Tourettes Guy on youtube?
            I am hopelessly out of the loop on this one. WHAT Tourettes Guy on youtube?!!??!

            I mean, I don't expect to get Christmas Story references, as I still haven't seen that movie. (No, really. I haven't.) But I have heard OF Christmas Story. This latest reference rings no bells in the attic, I'm afraid.

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
            Still A Customer."

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            • #7
              How can you not have seen A Christmas Story?!?!? It has only played 24 hours straight every Christmas day for the last ten (or more!) years!

              If you're intentionally not watching it, then all I can think is that you're a mirthless automaton that doesn't like bunnies or snowflakes, either.
              Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

              Comment


              • #8
                Jester, go watch it right now~ It's on TBS till late tonight. It's one of the most awesome Christmas movies of all time.
                "No, I will not poop a shopping cart out for you." - Irving Patrick Freleigh

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth blas View Post
                  But doesn't it make you giggle a bit to imagine an insane she-beast putting down the phone, running in circles around the room, pounding on her chest and screaming like the Tourettes Guy on youtube?
                  "Oh BOB SAGET!"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
                    How can you not have seen A Christmas Story?!?!? It has only played 24 hours straight every Christmas day for the last ten (or more!) years!

                    If you're intentionally not watching it, then all I can think is that you're a mirthless automaton that doesn't like bunnies or snowflakes, either.
                    I've never watched it all the way through, but thanks to the annual marathon, I've seen all of it.
                    I am no longer of capable of the emotion you humans call “compassion”. Though I can feign it in exchange for an hourly wage. (Gravekeeper)

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                    • #11
                      Quoth calulu View Post
                      Jester, go watch it right now~ It's on TBS till late tonight. It's one of the most awesome Christmas movies of all time.
                      that's a personal opinion there. I personally found it stupid, boring and without any real meaning. but that's MY opinion on it. I prefer a 'A Christmas Carol' myself. but I also agree everyone is entitled to their own opinion

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                      • #12
                        You can prefer A Christmas Carol, but then you get into the debate of which one?
                        Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth XCashier View Post
                          rocket science / brain surgery / other stereotypically complicated thing
                          I like "rocket surgery".
                          EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS CANCER AND MADNESS. (Gravekeeper)
                          ~-~
                          Also, I have been told that I am sarcastic. I don’t know where anyone would get such an impression.(Gravekeeper again)

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                          • #14
                            Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
                            You can prefer A Christmas Carol, but then you get into the debate of which one?
                            I'd say Mickey's, with the Muppets coming in a very close second.

                            Though I also have never watched "A Christmas Story". (I've also never seen the original Home Alone, though I've seen Home Alone 2 a bazillion times.) We didn't own it when I was a kid. Our holiday movies were "Mickey's Christmas Carol", "White Chrismas", "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original), and "It's A Wonderful Life". We added the Muppets Christmas Carol once that came out. :P
                            It's little things that make the difference between 'enjoyable', 'tolerable', and 'gimme a spoon, I'm digging an escape tunnel'.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
                              You can prefer A Christmas Carol, but then you get into the debate of which one?
                              I like the one with George C. Scott.

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