Chaos, Disorder, Murder (Or An Ordinary Friday at the Swamp)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Owie.

I hate Winter. Make it stop.

We had a minor snowstorm yesterday. We got about 6 inches. I got to clean out the emergency exits again today.

See, when the company/store did up the contract with the plowing contractor, they didn't put in anything about clearing all the plowed snow from the emergency exits. That job falls on store personnel instead. Every time we get a snowstorm, I get at least a waist-deep wall of snow extending a yard or so away from the exits that I have to clean out so the doors can be opened if needed.

And it always seems like these snowstorms come a day before I have to work, and get made the designated snow shoveler.

Why did I have to live in this stupid state? Why couldn't I live in someplace like Florida or Arizona where they don't have to worry about snow?

Attention Clearance Swamp Restroom Lusers (This be gross):









It is bad enough that while I'm in the little boys room paying the water bill, I have to listen to your every groan, moan, blorp, splash, poot and blast while you're trying to move the liquefied contents of your bowels. What's worse is when the smell wafts over to the urinals, and it smells like you slaughtered a cow and left it to rot and ferment in the hot summer sun, so that all the various bacteria can feast on the innards and commit single-celled acts of flatulence, and then a septic tank pumping truck overturns on the road right next to it and spills its contents all over the place. FFS, familiarize yourself with the concept of a "courtesy flush" and know when to do one, so I don't wind up with the dry heaves before I can go wash my hands and get out.

How big is a king-size bed?

This, the question posed to me by some geezer wanting to buy a mattress pad for his king-sized bed.

Me, I'd say it's about king-sized. The problem is, king-sized sheets, mattress pads, comforters, etc, all seem to come in different sizes from manufacturer to manufacturer. So he wanted to know if this mattress pad would fit his mattress, and I couldn't really give him a good answer without knowing the dimensions of the mattress. So all I could tell the guy was measure his mattress and then look for stuff that would fit it, or take a chance on something and bring it back with the receipt if it didn't work out. It may surprise you to learn he didn't really like being told that.

"The one in the paper"

And then not too long after I finished up with king-sized bed guy, I got flagged down by some wench waving a sale flyer in the air and yowling "I WAN HALP!"

I went to see what she wanted. "The rug in your flyer."

Oh do you now? I think I can provide that service. Just wait here while I grab a pair of scissors, cut out the little picture of the rug in your flyer, and give it to you to place anywhere in your home. Or, if that's not really what you meant, be more specific, since we have several different rug styles pictured in our ad flyer this week.

"I wan the rug in the flyer! Where is it?!"

So I asked the wench to be more specific, and she threw her ad on the ground and tried to paw through it, all the while muttering about how she was supposed to meet her friend someplace and she hadn't started her shopping yet and she was in a hurry. Or something. Finally she showed me the picture, and I took her over to the style she wanted, and she seemed happy.

As she left she hollered "I got a lot of shopping to do! Not much time! I'm sweating my balls off!"

Did she....just admit to being a she-male?

Pricing Nincompoopery

DM stopped by for a store walk today. As I was heading off to lunch, I got stopped by the presentation supervisor and asked to do a project for her.

To fill up space until patio furniture goes up, we have a bunch of "artisan" decorative crap--wall art, clocks, other assorted chotchkies. Some of it is pretty nice, but not nice enough for me to splurge on until it goes on clearance. Some of this stuff came in pre-priced by the vendor, and it turned out that on all these items, the price is wrong, bitch! Specifically, our prices are higher than the prices marked by the vendor, sometimes significantly so. One painting is priced $25 more than the price put on by the vendor. So for the next half hour, I had to go mark out all the incorrect prices with a black magic marker, print up shelf labels for each item, and put them on the item where the incorrect price was. I blew about a half hour doing this.

I would've told her I'd get to it after lunch, but when the DM and SM are a couple aisles away, scanning items to make sure the prices scan correctly, that isn't an option.

She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

Talk about your pieces of crap...

Lunch was from the chinese place across the way. I pulled in not too far away from a completely knackered Ford Escort, whose front bumper consisted of...a 2-by-4, bolted to the front of the car to act as a front bumper, I guess.

And one of the rear windows was busted out and replaced with plastic. Why do they allow pieces of shit like this on the roads?

My fortune cookie read "Treat yourself to something special. You deserve it." Agreed. So I went to the Grocery Store of Awesome and bought some mini bottles of various alcoholic substances, and plan to do some sampling this weekend.

[Mnemjian]

She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

NO!!!! Having to work extra because of a coworkers supreme laziness? Why I've never heard of such a thing.

Hopefully you didn't get to have your lunch too late

[TonyDonuts]

Owie.


She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

Let me guess . . . "But you don't UNDERSTAND, dude, it was, like, real busy, like, ya know. We just never got a chance."

You've got some of my third shift guys working there, don't you? Sorry about that, I'll try to keep a closer eye on them in the future.

[Dark Psion]

You know, a flame thrower would make your life so much better...

[Hobbs]

the price is wrong, bitch!

Happy Gilmore Reference FTW!!

[Javarod]

Owie.


Talk about your pieces of crap...

Lunch was from the chinese place across the way. I pulled in not too far away from a completely knackered Ford Escort, whose front bumper consisted of...a 2-by-4, bolted to the front of the car to act as a front bumper, I guess.

And one of the rear windows was busted out and replaced with plastic. Why do they allow pieces of shit like this on the roads?

What, you consider that a bad car? The window actually is a violation, but that's nothing compared to what i've seen out here where hoods, fenders, front ends, bumpers... well, everything is optional. Long as it passes emissions, its legal, or so it appears.

[Athaelia]

I pulled in not too far away from a completely knackered Ford Escort, whose front bumper consisted of...a 2-by-4, bolted to the front of the car to act as a front bumper, I guess.
And one of the rear windows was busted out and replaced with plastic. Why do they allow pieces of shit like this on the roads?

I wonder if when the owner of that car is driving it, if parts randomly fall out of his car during his journey?

[EvilEmpryss]

Attention Clearance Swamp Restroom Lusers (This be gross):It is bad enough that ... I have to listen to your every groan, moan, blorp, splash, poot and blast while you're trying to move the liquefied contents of your bowels. What's worse is when the smell wafts over to the urinals... <snip> FFS, familiarize yourself with the concept of a "courtesy flush" and know when to do one, so I don't wind up with the dry heaves before I can go wash my hands and get out.

OMG! And if you know you're going in there to fumigate the place (and face it, most people *know* when they're having one of those days) at least use the toilet furthest from the door! I walked into a restroom the other day and about ran out puking because of the wall of funk that I hit just inside the door.

The restroom had almost a dozen stalls in a single row... Once I made it past the third stall either all the scent receptors in my nose had mercifully been burned away or the stench was hovering like swamp gas in just that one area.

They say beauty is only skin-deep, and I believe it now. The woman responsible for the gas attack was gorgeous, but she must have been rotting from the inside out to leave that kind of funk behind.

[EvilEmpryss]

Pricing Nincompoopery
She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

I had to explain to some of my salaried workers workers once that while it is true that they get paid whether they do anything or not, they will not be paid much longer if their work doesn't improve. The hourly workers were informed that while they get paid by the hour, every job has a time frame attached to it, averaged out over the last decade or so to come up with a pretty reliable estimate for how long you should take to do it. Anyone taking two hours to perform a thirty minute job will be asked for an explanation as to why. Shit happens, I know that, and sometimes there is a perfectly reasonable excuse, no big deal. Delay caused because you were flirting with the cute new VoTech student over in the sheet metal shop is not a good excuse.

I never faulted anyone, though, for burning through a 1-hour job in thirty minutes and then taking a thirty minute break. Work still got done, and as long as it was done correctly I rewarded speedy production. It also gave me ammunition to use when a job needed to be done rush, and protests of "But that's a sixty minute job" could be met with "But you did it in thirty last week."

[Andara Bledin]

What, you consider that a bad car? The window actually is a violation, but that's nothing compared to what i've seen out here where hoods, fenders, front ends, bumpers... well, everything is optional. Long as it passes emissions, its legal, or so it appears.

The bumper is probably a violation, too. There are usually rules about the bumpers, which most people are blissfully unaware of.

^-.-^

[Ree]

She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

Sounds like just another day at my workplace. I feel your pain.

Usually, after I hear that excuse, though, I find out they've been standing around, shooting the bull with each other for 20 minutes, and not leaving enough time to actually do their damn job.

[EvilEmpryss]

Usually, after I hear that excuse, though, I find out they've been standing around, shooting the bull with each other for 20 minutes, and not leaving enough time to actually do their damn job.

Or, it's the supervisor who forgot to assign the task to someone and now needs to cover his/her own backside. Blame-shifting: Why admit to an embarrassing lapse and have a subordinate think you're stupid when you can blame a rival shift for being lazy? This way, the employee who's stuck doing a job in a hurry gets mad at the other shift and not the sup.

Not that I ever did something like that....

[Jester]

And it always seems like these snowstorms come a day before I have to work, and get made the designated snow shoveler.

Why is it that you are the only one who gets the Designated Shoveler role? What's wrong with the rest of your staff? Or is it that you do such a good job, that they like having you do it? Yet another case of being punished for being too good? (I get this a lot....*sigh*)

Why did I have to live in this stupid state? Why couldn't I live in someplace like Florida or Arizona where they don't have to worry about snow?

There's a reason the populations of both states are growing. It's not coincidence.

FFS, familiarize yourself with the concept of a "courtesy flush" and know when to do one, so I don't wind up with the dry heaves before I can go wash my hands and get out.

If it gets that bad, let's be honest....there is nothing wrong with saying "Courtesy Flush, PLEASE!" and saying it loudly. Remember, it is both figurative AND literal that our shit never smells as bad to us as it does to others.

"I'm sweating my balls off!"

Did she....just admit to being a she-male?

I wouldn't read too much into that. Lots of women refer to their "balls." I have heard it many times.

My personal favorite is from the movie "The Long Kiss Goodnight," in which Geena Davis's character tells the bad guys, "Suck my dick!"

She told me she had asked somebody to do this last night, when it was snowing and the store was dead, but (Get ready for the shock of a lifetime here) they didn't get to it.

Standard operating procedure for, let's see, pretty much every job I have ever worked at that involved more coworkers than, oh, say, none. It's a fact of work, it seems. Someone is always going to be lazy, and those of us who aren't will get picked to clean up their mess and do the work they didn't do.

What, you consider that a bad car? The window actually is a violation, but that's nothing compared to what i've seen out here where hoods, fenders, front ends, bumpers... well, everything is optional. Long as it passes emissions, its legal, or so it appears.

As much as I love my home town of Phoenix, I have to admit that Javarod is pretty much spot on with his observations. They are not all that picky with their car regulations their. Though Lord help you if you have a headlight or taillight out. THEN they will pull you over, while the jalopies being held together with duct tape, string, and half a prayer just roll on by.

I wonder if when the owner of that car is driving it, if parts randomly fall out of his car during his journey?

I have actually had this happen to me with a rental car back in '03. THAT was interesting!

It also gave me ammunition to use when a job needed to be done rush, and protests of "But that's a sixty minute job" could be met with "But you did it in thirty last week."

More proof that good workers get punished for being good workers. Meh.

[Bramble]

Just so's ya know. It DID snow a bit in Tampa last night/yesterday.

[EvilEmpryss]

More proof that good workers get punished for being good workers. Meh.

Not so. I never pulled that stunt often, and when I did I considered it fair exchange for the hours of slack time the good workers got to accrue. Bad workers had me on their ass making sure that they weren't padding their times past the average.