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I know I live in Key West, aka Key Weird, and strangeness is not only common down here, it is often considered a virtue, proudly nourished and defended.
That being said, we've had a few amusing folks at The Bar this week.
Would the maze be easier if I put cheese at the end?
Today as I was behind the bar, a woman comes out of the restroom, and immediately starts to walk behind the bar (the pass through is right by the restrooms), apparently not really paying attention to where she was going, and obviously not noticing.
ME: "Ma'am? Ma'am?"
HER: (stops walking and looks up at me) "Yes?"
ME: "You do realize you're walking behind the bar?!?!"
HER: (looks around, realizes that this is clearly not the way out, and reverses filed, clearly embarrassed.) "Whoops! Sorry!"
I'll give her credit...that is something a lot of us could do in a blonde/senior/moron moment. I know I could. So her I will just chuckle at. As opposed to the rest of the chuckleheads.....
They have their OWN rules.
This week is the week of the yacht races. And "yachties" as they're called do not enjoy a stellar reputation on the island. Unlike the powerboat racers, who have plenty of money and throw it around like it's water, the yachties are mostly rather poor, as they are not yacht owners but merely crewing the boats. The running joke about yachties is that they come to Key West with a single pair of underwear and a single twenty dollar bill....and don't change either one.
So a group of about a dozen or so yachties come into The Bar, easily recognizable by their identical team t-shirts. We weren't buys, and there was plenty of room at the bar and in the dining room, not to mention on the roof deck. After mulling about with some confusion, they appear to head to the dining room. A few moments later, they have left the dining room and are taking up spots at the bar. Great! Customers! Something for me to do--but they aren't staying. ONE is staying to eat a quick snack, but the rest are leaving. Why the change of heart?
Apparently they wanted to get the 2 for 1 special in the dining room. We only allow it at the bar. They figured that they'd "offer" us the "chance" to let their "group of 16" drink in the dining room and spend "around $200," since we probably were desperate for business "in this economy." Of course, this "chance" we were "offered" involved us breaking our longheld rule that the happy hour is only at the bar, period. So they decided to take their business elsewhere.
A few problems with their thinking:
1. They wanted us to change our rules just to suit them, ignoring the lesson we all learned in grade school: if we did it for them, we'd have to do it for everyone.
2. Yachties are notorious for drinking one round in a bar, and bailing. Even if there were more coming and there had been 16 of them, that is only 8 drinks paid for. The most expensive drink on the 2 for 1 is $6. That comes to $48 in business. A rather modest amount for which to sell our integrity.
3. They had been in the day before on the roof deck, and their bill after gratuity came to $150 or so. Hardly the $200 they "offered" us.
But the next two are the real kickers.
4. While things have not been stellar, Key West has not been hit nearly as hard by the recession as most other places. We're doing fine, and don't need to sell our soul or ignore our own rules just for a bunch of fickle cheap assholes.
5. Happy hour was still 15 minutes away.
Some people really throw themselves into their work!
This lady comes into the bar today who looked familiar. It turns out she is a liquor rep who supplies us with 2 of our 150+ rums, so we don't see her as often as the other reps. She had with her 3 varieties of one of the distillery, one of which we were completely out of. So this was just a delivery, right? Well, apparently not. She was giving them to us for free. All she asked for in return was a cocktail.
I'd like to repeat this. This woman, whose job it is to sell us liquor, was giving us three bottles of liquor, and all she wanted was an $8 cocktail for herself, comped. My MOD was confused, but I jumped right in, saying "Sure thing!" and telling the MOD that I would just put the drink on the comp tab. I don't know what the three bottles wholesale for, but I guarantee you each one was well more than $8!
Shortly after finishing her drink, she tried to order another one, but her boyfriend, who was with her, basically made it clear that it was time to go, and she had had enough to drink. And this is when we started to figure out that this woman was probably somewhat inebriated. I know this is a drinking town, but it is not exactly standard operating procedure for liquor reps to show up drunk and finagle a free drink while giving out free product to the people she sells said product to. Weird, but I have to admit, I would love to hear her explanation of all this to her boss!
Captain Strange, Pirate King
Over the last few months, we have had more than our normal share of people applying for a job. Some of them are entertaining in their lack of preparation (no pen), in their mode of dress (t-shirt, shorts, flip flops, backwards baseball cap), or in their assumptions (I'm not filling out an application, I just want to talk to the manager about a job). None of these wondrous folks can hold a candle, or should I say a sea lantern, to our hero, Captain Strange.
Now, I know people are always trying to make themselves stand out when applying for jobs. People lie about their experience and/or qualifications. Some others overdress to impress. (I'm guilty of this one myself.) Some bring resumes. Some even bring resumes on really bright paper. But Captain Strange had a far superior plan for getting hired, and he went bravely about his plan.
He showed up looking fairly normal and respectable, well-dressed and well-groomed, fiftysomething, and seemingly intelligent. And he brought his application.
Oh, did he ever.
The Bar has a pirate theme. So this guy thought it would be a brilliant idea to be funny on his application, using many pirate references.
Such as answering the question about criminal convictions by writing "I ain't no scallywag."
Such as answering the question about ever being fired from a previous job by putting down that he was not a "bilge rat."
Such as, in the section about "special qualifications or skills," rather than listing HIS special qualifications and skills, going on about what a great bar The Bar is. Sometimes in pirate speak.
There were many such examples throughout the application.
The piece d'resistance, though, was his drawing on the top of the application a treasure map that led to his phone number.
I swear I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. And I have a vivid imagination!
Just a word of advice for future comedic applicants: bring out your sense of humor in the interview. When you do it on the application, not only is there only no chance of you being hired, there is almost a guarantee that after you are gone, the entire staff will read your application, will laugh their asses off at it, and will mock you incessantly. For days.
Ahoy, Captain Strange! We be missing ye already!
That being said, we've had a few amusing folks at The Bar this week.
Would the maze be easier if I put cheese at the end?
Today as I was behind the bar, a woman comes out of the restroom, and immediately starts to walk behind the bar (the pass through is right by the restrooms), apparently not really paying attention to where she was going, and obviously not noticing.
ME: "Ma'am? Ma'am?"
HER: (stops walking and looks up at me) "Yes?"
ME: "You do realize you're walking behind the bar?!?!"
HER: (looks around, realizes that this is clearly not the way out, and reverses filed, clearly embarrassed.) "Whoops! Sorry!"
I'll give her credit...that is something a lot of us could do in a blonde/senior/moron moment. I know I could. So her I will just chuckle at. As opposed to the rest of the chuckleheads.....
They have their OWN rules.
This week is the week of the yacht races. And "yachties" as they're called do not enjoy a stellar reputation on the island. Unlike the powerboat racers, who have plenty of money and throw it around like it's water, the yachties are mostly rather poor, as they are not yacht owners but merely crewing the boats. The running joke about yachties is that they come to Key West with a single pair of underwear and a single twenty dollar bill....and don't change either one.
So a group of about a dozen or so yachties come into The Bar, easily recognizable by their identical team t-shirts. We weren't buys, and there was plenty of room at the bar and in the dining room, not to mention on the roof deck. After mulling about with some confusion, they appear to head to the dining room. A few moments later, they have left the dining room and are taking up spots at the bar. Great! Customers! Something for me to do--but they aren't staying. ONE is staying to eat a quick snack, but the rest are leaving. Why the change of heart?
Apparently they wanted to get the 2 for 1 special in the dining room. We only allow it at the bar. They figured that they'd "offer" us the "chance" to let their "group of 16" drink in the dining room and spend "around $200," since we probably were desperate for business "in this economy." Of course, this "chance" we were "offered" involved us breaking our longheld rule that the happy hour is only at the bar, period. So they decided to take their business elsewhere.
A few problems with their thinking:
1. They wanted us to change our rules just to suit them, ignoring the lesson we all learned in grade school: if we did it for them, we'd have to do it for everyone.
2. Yachties are notorious for drinking one round in a bar, and bailing. Even if there were more coming and there had been 16 of them, that is only 8 drinks paid for. The most expensive drink on the 2 for 1 is $6. That comes to $48 in business. A rather modest amount for which to sell our integrity.
3. They had been in the day before on the roof deck, and their bill after gratuity came to $150 or so. Hardly the $200 they "offered" us.
But the next two are the real kickers.
4. While things have not been stellar, Key West has not been hit nearly as hard by the recession as most other places. We're doing fine, and don't need to sell our soul or ignore our own rules just for a bunch of fickle cheap assholes.
5. Happy hour was still 15 minutes away.
Some people really throw themselves into their work!
This lady comes into the bar today who looked familiar. It turns out she is a liquor rep who supplies us with 2 of our 150+ rums, so we don't see her as often as the other reps. She had with her 3 varieties of one of the distillery, one of which we were completely out of. So this was just a delivery, right? Well, apparently not. She was giving them to us for free. All she asked for in return was a cocktail.
I'd like to repeat this. This woman, whose job it is to sell us liquor, was giving us three bottles of liquor, and all she wanted was an $8 cocktail for herself, comped. My MOD was confused, but I jumped right in, saying "Sure thing!" and telling the MOD that I would just put the drink on the comp tab. I don't know what the three bottles wholesale for, but I guarantee you each one was well more than $8!
Shortly after finishing her drink, she tried to order another one, but her boyfriend, who was with her, basically made it clear that it was time to go, and she had had enough to drink. And this is when we started to figure out that this woman was probably somewhat inebriated. I know this is a drinking town, but it is not exactly standard operating procedure for liquor reps to show up drunk and finagle a free drink while giving out free product to the people she sells said product to. Weird, but I have to admit, I would love to hear her explanation of all this to her boss!
Captain Strange, Pirate King
Over the last few months, we have had more than our normal share of people applying for a job. Some of them are entertaining in their lack of preparation (no pen), in their mode of dress (t-shirt, shorts, flip flops, backwards baseball cap), or in their assumptions (I'm not filling out an application, I just want to talk to the manager about a job). None of these wondrous folks can hold a candle, or should I say a sea lantern, to our hero, Captain Strange.
Now, I know people are always trying to make themselves stand out when applying for jobs. People lie about their experience and/or qualifications. Some others overdress to impress. (I'm guilty of this one myself.) Some bring resumes. Some even bring resumes on really bright paper. But Captain Strange had a far superior plan for getting hired, and he went bravely about his plan.
He showed up looking fairly normal and respectable, well-dressed and well-groomed, fiftysomething, and seemingly intelligent. And he brought his application.
Oh, did he ever.
The Bar has a pirate theme. So this guy thought it would be a brilliant idea to be funny on his application, using many pirate references.
Such as answering the question about criminal convictions by writing "I ain't no scallywag."
Such as answering the question about ever being fired from a previous job by putting down that he was not a "bilge rat."
Such as, in the section about "special qualifications or skills," rather than listing HIS special qualifications and skills, going on about what a great bar The Bar is. Sometimes in pirate speak.
There were many such examples throughout the application.
The piece d'resistance, though, was his drawing on the top of the application a treasure map that led to his phone number.
I swear I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. And I have a vivid imagination!
Just a word of advice for future comedic applicants: bring out your sense of humor in the interview. When you do it on the application, not only is there only no chance of you being hired, there is almost a guarantee that after you are gone, the entire staff will read your application, will laugh their asses off at it, and will mock you incessantly. For days.
Ahoy, Captain Strange! We be missing ye already!
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