Kids say the darnest things

[Summerfly413]

When I was at Busch Gardens once me and my friend went to watch an animal show. They canceled it because of the rain, but the trainers came out with some animals to interact with the audience.

A guy came over to us with a parrot and was having it say some words and phrases. There was a little kid near us watching, and then said "That bird can't talk!"

The trainer tried to show him the bird could talk, but the little boy kept saying that the bird couldn't talk. He was so insistent about it haha

[Calud]

My brother's high school was performing the musical Sweet Charity one year. My brother had a role, so we got the family together to go down and see it one night. There's a scene where Charity is leaving and is trying to say good bye. Her line is something like "Won't anyone say goodbye to me?" The house is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. All of a sudden, my 4 year old niece says "Goodbye" and EVERYONE busts out laughing. Even the actors are breaking character and laughing up on stage.

CH

Haha that is awesome. That can royally screw you over on stage. It's hard enough to keep your concentration as is.

[Nurian]

Kids DO the strangest stuff, too:

I helped at an after school program at the local base. Most of the kids were cool, but there was an older boy in the 5th grade who liked to talk to me. He loved studying the American Civil War and we'd talk about the various battles and local history and what-not. One day, he comes up to me and hands me a picture he drew of... THE CLASH THE MONITOR AND THE MERRIMACK!

He was really awesome. And for having been drawn by a 5th grader, the picture was really good, too :P

[jedimaster91]

I used to babysit a little girl who for some reason called water "money". Never could figure out why, and I was sad when she grew out of it.

[trailerparkmedic]

My cousin was cooking dinner one night when her 4 year old daughter wandered in.

"Mommy, you're a really good cook."
"Thank you sweetie. Are you going to be a cook when you grow up?"

Her daughter frowned for a minute, like she was thinking really hard.
"Nope. I'm going to be a doctor instead. My husband will cook for me."

[CaroPhoenix]

When I was in like 2nd or 3rd grade, we had to write about what our parents did all day. My dad worked in the Air Force, and my mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom. I knew that my dad went to work, so I wrote that. I had no clue what my mom did all day so I wrote, "She thinks of what she's going to make for dinner all day!"

Yeah, my mom found it amusing, fortunately.

[CarcinogenCrunchies]

One day last week, I was doing some shopping at my store. The director walked by and said hello, to which my 7-year-old son replied, "You know what? You have a very shiny head." I was mortified. Boss Man didn't say anything, so I'm not sure he even heard it, but he had a grin on his face.

Of course, I couldn't punish my kid for stating the facts (the guy really does have a chrome dome), but we had a little talk about when to keep your observations to yourself.

[firecat88]

Oh the stories I could (and will!) tell. XD

Backstory- I was speaking full sentences at 9 months old. This was the cause of a great number of very odd situations, especially when I was about 2 years old.

My dad was in the army and, when I was 2, we moved to Ft. Lewis, Washington. One fateful day, my mom and taken my sister and I to the PX. The lady at the cash register had -huge- fake nails. Like, the ones that are a good 3-4 inches long. From what my mom tells me of this, the minute we got to the front of the line I made this lovely observation: "MY GOSH! HER NAILS ARE HUGE!!!"

There was also the Red Lobster incident. It was our first time ever going to a Red Lobster. Or eating out at all as a family, as it was one of the times that my dad wasn't overseas somewhere. We had all placed our orders, and the waitress came back with everyone's food. Except for mine. I didn't appreciate this, so I rather adamantly demanded to speak to the manager. The look on my mom's face was one of sheer horror. I spoke to the manager, telling him that there were starving children at the table ( I was a very strange child at this age, in case it wasn't obvious).

I dunno if it was because the manager was spineless or just thoroughly amused at being lectured by a two-year-old, but I got my dinner for free that night.

[CarcinogenCrunchies]

There's a story my mother tells me about a time we visited a small neighborhood pharmacy. I was around four years old, and I was poking around the displays near the counter while we were waiting in line. I randomly picked up a box of condoms and told my mother, "We should get some of these for Daddy!"

[Crawling_Chaos]

The tales of oddity are boundless when it comes to my childhood, I could fill a library. I was, and still am, a very odd person. Anyhow, on with the wittiness of innocents:

#1.) When I was about 4 years old, I was eating an apple in the front seat of of my mother's car. I forget where we were going, but I was overcome with the urge to sneeze and proceeded to buckshot apple and snot all over the passenger side of the windshield. My mother, while not mad, was not greatly amused by this and proceeded to lecture me on covering my mouth while cleaning up the mess. Apparently my vast childhood logic took over at this point, as I could not understand why she was mad. I then proceeded to ask her this gem: "Why not just turn on the wipers?" I still get picked on for this some 25 years later.

#2.) When you are 4 years old, many things in the mundane world seem new and wondrous. Urinals for example! The setting is the bowling alley and once again I was with my mother. Being as I was too old to go into the ladies room with her anymore, she escorted me to the door of the mens' room and stated she would be waiting outside for me. Oh if she could have only anticipated what I was about to do next.

As I said, many things that are mundane are wondrous to a 4 year, and may cause them to overreact in a fit of glee at a new discovery. I proceeded to run out the door of the bathroom, loudly stating "Mommy, there are men peeing in the sinks!" My amazing 4 year old logic, combined with my wee height, must have deduced that the gentlemen at the urinals were urinating into the sinks. My poor mother.....

If I think of anymore, I will post em here. As you can see, I was quite the bundle of silliness.

[AriRashkae]

I dunno if it was because the manager was spineless or just thoroughly amused at being lectured by a two-year-old, but I got my dinner for free that night.

Frankly, if I or my husband were the manager, we probably would have comped your meal too, just for the entertainment value of a loquacious 2 year old.

My kids have been relatively quiet lately, although the 4 year old did bring me half a stick of butter, unwrapped, in his bare hands, so I could melt it for his popcorn last night.

[Victoria J]

My cousin was cooking dinner one night when her 4 year old daughter wandered in.

"Mommy, you're a really good cook."
"Thank you sweetie. Are you going to be a cook when you grow up?"

Her daughter frowned for a minute, like she was thinking really hard.
"Nope. I'm going to be a doctor instead. My husband will cook for me."

Similar to my sister. She actually went round and surveyed all the boys she knew about what they wanted to be when they grew up. She was looking for someone who wanted to be a chef so she could marry him and he'd cook for her.

She was about 6.

I suggested that chefs might not actually cook that much at home - and maybe she just needs to find a boy who will have a different job but enjoy cooking as a hobby.

Even better though was her response at 4 when asked if she thought she might have children one day :

"I'd be a good mother....but I think I'm too fabulous to have children."



She's really not as conceited as that makes her seem.

And I'm a very proud big sister because she is an absolute anti-SC. Her most common act of disobedience as a small child was that we just couldn't stop her trying to "help" the staff whenever we went to a cafe. She'd try and carry her empty plate into the kitchen etc. We obviously had to teach her that this isn't actually always helpful but it does show a good spirit I think. She also gave the waitress in her favourite cafe a big hug because she looked sad - and by last year they both rang each other up on their respective birthdays. They also hand her the pad and let her take the order

I can't think of anything I'd rather she was than kind.

Victoria J

[Flying Grype]

You have an awesome sister.

"I'd be a good mother....but I think I'm too fabulous to have children."

Go girl!! I need to remember that one for when people ask me why I don't have kids...

[Bagboy]

When I was 3 I saw my mother in the bathroom with no clothes on(I think she had gotten out of the shower or something.) I said "Mom, you've got too much seaweed."


She burst into laughter.

[Ironclad Alibi]

My turn. When I was seven, my parents bought their first house. But they enjoyed looking at new houses, so they kept looking at them. I did not enjoy this activity. So at one of the house showings I protested, saying something like, "I don't see why we're doing this. We already bought a house." Suitable embarrassment ensued.