Olympic Double Header ( Now with 100% more molestation )

[Magpie]

Funny. But, no. I just use French for "excuse me" and "pardon" when I'm somewhere familiar. I couldn't even begin to tell you why, except I use a lot of foreign words, and not a few that I've made up.

^-.-^

I do that too! It's really embarassing when you throw your random French into the conversation and only remember after the fact that the person you're talking to is Quebequois/from New Brunswick/from St. Boniface/etc. And yes, I've had people get upset with me for not being sure which language I'm speaking, but that's not as big a deal.

[Andara Bledin]

....Like "Get the fuck outta my way"?

Funny. But, no. I just use French for "excuse me" and "pardon" when I'm somewhere familiar. I couldn't even begin to tell you why, except I use a lot of foreign words, and not a few that I've made up.

^-.-^

[JustaCashier]

It's probably good that I only say "excuse me" and "pardon me" in English when I'm around strangers. When I'm around people I know, I tend to use French......

....Like "Get the fuck outta my way"?


Mike

[Andara Bledin]

I probably said "Pardon me" when I tried to go past them. Thus immediately identifying myself as Canadian. -.-

I was always polite when I was up there for the World Figure Skating Championships and nobody mistook me for a native.

It's probably good that I only say "excuse me" and "pardon me" in English when I'm around strangers. When I'm around people I know, I tend to use French, for absolutely no discernible reason.

^-.-^

[Jester]

There is that. Politeness after a major sporting event? Definitely Canadian.

[Gravekeeper]

With so many people from so many places gathered in Vancouver for the games, how the heck could the Americans so accurately ascertain that you were, in fact, a native?

I probably said "Pardon me" when I tried to go past them. Thus immediately identifying myself as Canadian. -.-

[Jester]

...find out how I get asked for directions to places I've just arrived and have no knowledge of where anything is without google maps?

Oh, that one's easy. People are idiots. And will ask anyone for directions, assuming that someone else has to be more knowledgable about the are than they are since they are, after all, idiots.

[Soulstealer]

With so many people from so many places gathered in Vancouver for the games, how the heck could the Americans so accurately ascertain that you were, in fact, a native?

He looked like he knew where he was going, he was sober, he didn't have a flag on his clothing, or they just have a sense for these things.

Pick a reason and while you're at it find out how I get asked for directions to places I've just arrived and have no knowledge of where anything is without google maps?

[Jester]

Perhaps I’m a bit of an eccentric fellow myself, but my keys are always in my pocket. Would that not be the very first place you look? In fact does not looking for your keys in your pocket and finding them missing trigger the entire panicked search for missing keys to begin with? I would dare say you can’t even declare them missing until after you have checked your pockets.

I am going to slightly side with the caller here, as I have actually lost my keys in my pocket. Of course, I have a lot of pockets, some of them are really large, sometimes I get holes in them, and sometimes my keys get tangled up with something else, say other keys, and I miss them in my pocket search. (I keep my car keys separate from my other keys, so the mass of metal that are my collection of keys does not weigh down on my ignition when I am driving.)

Ironically, just tonight I lost my car keys at the grocery store. I got out to the Jestermobile, and...they were gone! Now, I knew I had them when I got there, as I had driven to the grocery store, and I certainly would have noticed them missing then if they had been. They were not in the ignition nor on the seat, nor were they under or around the mighty Jestermobile. Getting slightly panicked, I checked all my grocery bags, triple-checked my pockets, quadruple-checked my mass of keys (and the Russians say we can't do quads!), and quickly hurried back into the grocery store. The guy at the customer service desk so no one had turned in any keys, so I re-traced my steps around the store. Nothing on the floor in the produce aisle by the peppers. Nothing at the wing bar where I had been lustfully eyeing the Spring Break girls. Not a sign of them by the pork. Not even anything key-like near the canned tomatoes, even though I had had to kneel down to get the ones I wanted from the bottom shelf, and that would have seemed the most likely spot. Feeling quite panicked, I continued my route to the checkout.....and at the last moment, spotted them right by the self-checkout I had checked myself out at, on the floor. Still not sure how they fell out of my pocket THERE, but hell, I was thrilled to have them.

And then I promptly put them back in my pocket. Silly me.

SC: “Remember, Jesus is coming back like a thief in the night so be on the watch, ok?”
Me: “…okay.”

Note to self: Jesus really is coming back but it’s not for our salvation, it’s for our stereo.

Actually, Jesus deals more with fine silver and art. Moses is the guy swiping the electronics. Don't even ask about John the Baptist. You really don't want to know.

Me: “Alright, do you have a pen there?”
SC: “Oh, no. Wait, hold on. Maybe I’ll find one….”

And maybe Megan Fox will knock on my door in a skimpy bikini with a twelve pack of beer and a bottle of fine rum, but I'm not holding my breath for that one, either!

Of course, upon escaping the main maple mass, I encountered the peripheral packs of roving American fans who upon scenting maple upon me, informed me extremely loudly that they were going to commit repeated unlawful sexual assaults on my person of a nature that typically occurs in prison shower facilities. Though the actual terms they used were not quite that polite.

With so many people from so many places gathered in Vancouver for the games, how the heck could the Americans so accurately ascertain that you were, in fact, a native?

Of course, who would want to go around with a name like Yes, apart from Steve Howe and Rick Wakeman?

If I had to guess, I would say Chris Squire, Jon Anderson, Peter Banks, Trevor Rabin, Billy Sherwood, Tony Kaye, Patrick Moraz, Geoff Downes, Igor Khoroshev, Bill Bruford, Alan White, Trevor Horn, Benoit David, and Oliver Wakeman.

But that's purely just a guess.

[Andara Bledin]

Feel free, that does seem to be my primary function here. Sig generator. >.>

No, no, your primary function is to keep us entertained. Sig generation is a secondary priority.

^-.-^

[Becks]

I do not really have the time to sit around waiting for you to retrieve the legendary Bic of the Covenant.

Yep, gonna permanently borrow that.

[BusBus]

A Clue, Sherlock!

SC: “Oh, yes I called there earlier about losing my keys and being locked out? I just wanted to let you know I found them in my pocket. They were there the entire time.”

Wow. I've had trouble finding keys in my purse before (purses are a blackhole of miscellaneous trickets.....any item tossed into one is assumed lost). But your pocket? Really? I'm guessing he had to dig into his pocket to find his cell phone to call you.

Yes….ha ha. Very droll. The only way you’ll hear from me on June 10th is if I phone you to personally congratulate you on utterly failing to win anything and wishing you luck on the continued sadness and complete lack of fabulous prizes in your life from here on out. A course of action I must admit I am beginning to seriously consider.

I have to admit that I do enjoy composing rejection letters. Especially if the rejection letter could have simply been avoided by RTFM.

I would suggest that you consider taking on this extra task.

Hot Tips

SC: “Remember, Jesus is coming back like a thief in the night so be on the watch, ok?”
Me: “…okay.”

Note to self: Jesus really is coming back but it’s not for our salvation, it’s for our stereo.

Hahahahahahaha

Patriarch

Me: “I’m afraid <product> is only available locally in BC.”
SC: “Well I use to live in BC! I lived there for 30 years and have always been a great customer the whole and now you're telling me I can't buy it?!”

And this product used to be available to you....for 30 years!

Well, I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for a human being when in fact I’m actually a CSR.

Hahaha awesome!

Why, of course!

SC: “Yeah, uh, I’m from Ontario but I’m staying with some buddies in Vancouver. But my uh, camera is in his apartment and he’s asleep can you let me into his apartment to get it?”

Wow, just wow. Conman or complete idiot. Maybe even idiotic conman.

This inescapable physical molestation of my person lasted for two blocks till I was able to escape the Maple Love. By which time I felt shamed and dirty.

Don't forget sticky.

Of course, upon escaping the main maple mass, I encountered the peripheral packs of roving American fans who upon scenting maple upon me, informed me extremely loudly that they were going to commit repeated unlawful sexual assaults on my person of a nature that typically occurs in prison shower facilities. Though the actual terms they used were not quite that polite.

Maybe they thought you were Finnish (seriously 6 goals in one period? Brutal!)

My guess is that one SC was talking about "R" like in the first letter of the Ralphabet.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Glad to see you back... I was wondering if you had been swept up in some strange 'Lympic roving party while on your way to work and were unable to break free from the horde of flowing alcohol and floozies...

EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS CANCER AND MADNESS.

You may be right... This made me think of the movie "Pontypool", a Canadian-made film about a zombie-like disease that is spread through the use of infected words.

[JustaCashier]

My guess is that one SC was talking about "R" like in the first letter of the Ralphabet.


Mike

[Zoom]

Me: “And your name please?”
SC: “Cathy”
Me: “Is that with a C or a K?”
SC: “……uhhh……”

Of course the correct answer was, "Yes." Of course, who would want to go around with a name like Yes, apart from Steve Howe and Rick Wakeman?

(Slightly off topic) One of our neighbors, rather elderly, is named Kay. Once in a while someone needs to give her something, so the line "If you see Kay" gets spoken... why we have to bother spelling out profanity, I have no idea.

I phone you to personally congratulate you on utterly failing to win anything

I like the course of action being threatened. Naturally, calling millions of prize losers would be expensive and time-consuming, but oh, so therapeutic.

Me: “I’m afraid <product> is only available locally in BC.”
SC: “Well I use to live in BC! I lived there for 30 years and have always been a great customer the whole and now you're telling me I can't buy it?!”

Me, if I were me (oh wait, I am):
(response A): Well I couldn't tell you 30 years ago, could I?
(response B): Do you have any documentation that shows how great a customer you were?
(response C): It's AD now. Anyway, Jesus came like a thief in the night and took it.

I was able to escape the Maple Love. By which time I felt shamed and dirty.

Also syrupy? *ducks for cover*

Me: “And your phone number please?”
SC: “Oh…um……uhh…..damn I keep forgetting all these questions.”

Me, if I were... oh not that again.
(Response A): I'm only asking them one at a time, you know.
(Response B): Good. The supervisor says it is best that you forget EVERYTHING.
(Response C): Did you forget the phone number, or just the question? And what about this question; are you planning on forgetting that, too?

SC: “Do you know how they messed up in Vietnam?”

The other me: "Are you referring to the Gulf of Tonkin incident, or calling the Viet Minh the Viet 'Cong'?"

Me: “Can you spell your name please?”
SC: “R R Voo Nuh Deux A Deux Nuh O Maria!”

Well, you ask for a spell, you get chanting. Sounds about right. And if you see Kay, tell her hi.