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One more week of work lies ahead. Then, a most enjoyable vacation.
I hate to tell you this, but my questions get harder from here.
[part way through the call.]
Me: "May I have your name please?"
SC: "Huh. Uh...huh? Huh. Woof. Ooh. Oh my. Hrm. Sorry! You kinda caught me off guard there."
Don't strain yourself! I'll just put down "Mr. Huh Woof Ooh".
This guy hadn't been a patient for 8 years and randomly called us out of the blue.
SC: "I WANT TO REMOVE ANY AND ALL TIES WITH DR. [NAME]".
Me: "Okay; for our records, may I ask why?"
SC: "ALL THE DOCTOR CARES ABOUT ARE HIS SEEDS AND THINGS!" [wtf?] "TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM WE'RE GOING TO NEED PEOPLE WHO CARRY GUNS! AND THE DOCTOR ISN'T READY TO CARRY GUNS!"
When we want someone to get a psych consult, we tell them they need a neuro consult. "Neuro consult" sounds more prestigious and is less insulting than "psych consult". Neurology will figure it out when they get there.
This guy is why we have code words.
Geography Fail
SC: "I need to make an appointment to see [Doctor from Ontario]."
Me: [checks Caller ID and sees she's calling from Vancouver] "Okay, did you know that doctor is from Ontario? You would have to travel there to see her."
SC: "In Ontario? Oh, no. That won't do. That won't do at all."
Me: "Perhaps I could recommend some other doctor for you? In your area I have--"
SC: "No. I want to see Dr. [Ontario]."
Me: "I understand that, but she is from Ontario."
SC: "Surely he has a clinic in Vancouver!"
Me: "No, she only practices in Toronto, Ontario. If you really want to see her you would have to go to Toronto."
SC: "No. I want to see Dr. [Ontario]. AND I WILL SEE HIM IN VANCOUVER." [click]
We have clearly established that you are not Jack Bauer, because you were yelling loud enough that I could feel the spittle in my ear right through the phone. And astonishingly, in spite of the fact that you did indeed have the last word, nothing has changed. The doctor still practices in Ontario.
Sometimes I think they're really trying not to learn.
Today I had to explain to a customer what currencies were. I noticed he was calling from another country so I specified what he was buying was 45 Canadian dollars. He said, "what are Canadian dollars?" So I told him that different countries have different currencies. He didn't get that, so I said "different sorts of money," and that it wouldn't be exactly 45 dollars in his country. He sounded positively fascinated and asked how much it would be. I did the conversion - fortunately it turned out to be less, about $44.18 in his currency.
SC: "I'm just tickled pink about this discount!"
Okay. One, it's NOT a discount. You just managed to make it this far in life without realizing that money is different from country to country. Congratulations, by the way. That must have taken some effort.
And two, tickled pink??!?!
No doubt the doctor hates to be mistaken for an actual bear.
Doctor's assistant: "And can you please tell her that her appointment is with Dr. Behr?"
Me: "Okay, I'll--"
Doctor's assistant: "And, wait! It's B-E-H-R! Not like, growl growl bear!"
Dear doctor's assistant somewhere out there: you made me laugh today. Thank you.
That was really just a polite way of saying, "Get a pen ready. Now."
Me: "Do you have a pen?"
SC: "I used to have one."
I used to have your confirmation number too. No doubt they have run off together, hand in hand, skipping with a jump rope down the street and singing the Little Bo Peep song.
You're the suspicious sort.
Me: "Good morning, Companyname, this is Mango!"
SC: "Oh! Oh! Oh, my!"
Me: "Yes, ma'am?"
SC: "Why, when you said Companyname, I thought I had the wrong number!"
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am; who were you trying to reach?"
SC: "...Companyname..."
So let me get this straight. You want to call Companyname. You dial their phone number. I answer and tell you that I work for Companyname.
And your first instinct is to assume I'm LYING!?
Bonus Sighting
Maybe it's because I've worked in alternative healthcare for so long, but I have a nutjob meter. I was getting lunch at a pizza place and all of a sudden the needle jumps off my meter, and flies up in the air. I actually caught it in my hand as it was on its way down. I looked over at the counter to see a "character" thrust a bad photocopy of a picture at the pizza girl.
SC: "Do you see these two men?"
Pizza Girl: "Yes..."
SC: "This is my letterhead. And this is conclusive proof that these two men are ghosts."
Pizza Girl: "...o...kay?"
SC: "A slice of pizza please."
I...have no words. Not even a sarcastic remark.
I hate to tell you this, but my questions get harder from here.
[part way through the call.]
Me: "May I have your name please?"
SC: "Huh. Uh...huh? Huh. Woof. Ooh. Oh my. Hrm. Sorry! You kinda caught me off guard there."
Don't strain yourself! I'll just put down "Mr. Huh Woof Ooh".
This guy hadn't been a patient for 8 years and randomly called us out of the blue.
SC: "I WANT TO REMOVE ANY AND ALL TIES WITH DR. [NAME]".
Me: "Okay; for our records, may I ask why?"
SC: "ALL THE DOCTOR CARES ABOUT ARE HIS SEEDS AND THINGS!" [wtf?] "TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM WE'RE GOING TO NEED PEOPLE WHO CARRY GUNS! AND THE DOCTOR ISN'T READY TO CARRY GUNS!"
When we want someone to get a psych consult, we tell them they need a neuro consult. "Neuro consult" sounds more prestigious and is less insulting than "psych consult". Neurology will figure it out when they get there.
This guy is why we have code words.
Geography Fail
SC: "I need to make an appointment to see [Doctor from Ontario]."
Me: [checks Caller ID and sees she's calling from Vancouver] "Okay, did you know that doctor is from Ontario? You would have to travel there to see her."
SC: "In Ontario? Oh, no. That won't do. That won't do at all."
Me: "Perhaps I could recommend some other doctor for you? In your area I have--"
SC: "No. I want to see Dr. [Ontario]."
Me: "I understand that, but she is from Ontario."
SC: "Surely he has a clinic in Vancouver!"
Me: "No, she only practices in Toronto, Ontario. If you really want to see her you would have to go to Toronto."
SC: "No. I want to see Dr. [Ontario]. AND I WILL SEE HIM IN VANCOUVER." [click]
We have clearly established that you are not Jack Bauer, because you were yelling loud enough that I could feel the spittle in my ear right through the phone. And astonishingly, in spite of the fact that you did indeed have the last word, nothing has changed. The doctor still practices in Ontario.
Sometimes I think they're really trying not to learn.
Today I had to explain to a customer what currencies were. I noticed he was calling from another country so I specified what he was buying was 45 Canadian dollars. He said, "what are Canadian dollars?" So I told him that different countries have different currencies. He didn't get that, so I said "different sorts of money," and that it wouldn't be exactly 45 dollars in his country. He sounded positively fascinated and asked how much it would be. I did the conversion - fortunately it turned out to be less, about $44.18 in his currency.
SC: "I'm just tickled pink about this discount!"
Okay. One, it's NOT a discount. You just managed to make it this far in life without realizing that money is different from country to country. Congratulations, by the way. That must have taken some effort.
And two, tickled pink??!?!
No doubt the doctor hates to be mistaken for an actual bear.
Doctor's assistant: "And can you please tell her that her appointment is with Dr. Behr?"
Me: "Okay, I'll--"
Doctor's assistant: "And, wait! It's B-E-H-R! Not like, growl growl bear!"
Dear doctor's assistant somewhere out there: you made me laugh today. Thank you.
That was really just a polite way of saying, "Get a pen ready. Now."
Me: "Do you have a pen?"
SC: "I used to have one."
I used to have your confirmation number too. No doubt they have run off together, hand in hand, skipping with a jump rope down the street and singing the Little Bo Peep song.
You're the suspicious sort.
Me: "Good morning, Companyname, this is Mango!"
SC: "Oh! Oh! Oh, my!"
Me: "Yes, ma'am?"
SC: "Why, when you said Companyname, I thought I had the wrong number!"
Me: "I'm sorry ma'am; who were you trying to reach?"
SC: "...Companyname..."
So let me get this straight. You want to call Companyname. You dial their phone number. I answer and tell you that I work for Companyname.
And your first instinct is to assume I'm LYING!?
Bonus Sighting
Maybe it's because I've worked in alternative healthcare for so long, but I have a nutjob meter. I was getting lunch at a pizza place and all of a sudden the needle jumps off my meter, and flies up in the air. I actually caught it in my hand as it was on its way down. I looked over at the counter to see a "character" thrust a bad photocopy of a picture at the pizza girl.
SC: "Do you see these two men?"
Pizza Girl: "Yes..."
SC: "This is my letterhead. And this is conclusive proof that these two men are ghosts."
Pizza Girl: "...o...kay?"
SC: "A slice of pizza please."
I...have no words. Not even a sarcastic remark.
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