When Pigs Fly

[Wenchie]

Ahhhhh…. I haven’t been on here for a while, but once again it’s time for Billing so the idiots & assholes come out of the woodwork. I mean, those ever-so-lovely customers of mine who for some reason don’t believe that they need to pay their dues in order to keep access to their account. Shutoffs are next Tuesday. I’m thinking that I should call in dead.

Today’s batch was extra special, and I’m actually STILL working (10 hours into my second 12 hour shift in a row) so I’m sure things will stay “happy” for me tonight. Where’s that fifth? Oh shit, the phone is ringing again…

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Dear “Sir,”

Thank you for calling us 2 hours before we opened. Five times. Our voicemail states our hours. Screaming incoherently will not get us on the phones faster. And the failure to leave your ID number or phone number in ANY of your FIVE messages leaves me with the inability to call you back even if I so desired to. Last time I checked, telepathy was not a function of my job, and unfortunately I couldn’t find you in our system labeled under “Assmonkey” or “Twatfuckery.” I tried. Really.

Sincerely,

Annoyed women with headset & the start of a migraine

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Dear “Ma’am,”

Oh, I’m sorry…. Did I make you feel old by calling you Ma’am? Maybe that’s because you feel the need to call me “Doll.” I told you my name when I answered the phone. I even spelled it for you when you asked. So if you’re going to refuse to call me by MY name, I’m not going to call you by yours either. Ma’am.

Sincerely,

She who is NOT Doll.

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Dear Creepy Old Man,

No, I won’t go out with you. No, I won’t go out with your son. No, I won’t go out with you AND YOUR WIFE. What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!?!

Sincerely,

*runs away*

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To the EW who called me earlier today:

Change forms faxed to us by 3pm are processed the same day. If we cannot process them for some reason, we fax back to your office with the reason. So if something doesn’t get done that day or the next, don’t you think that you would call us to find out why? No, you wait 3 months. Or was it a month? You don’t know? You think you sent it in sometime between January and March? And you’re refusing to refax it because you already sent it so we must have it on file?

I’m sorry, but I don’t have the time to go through EVERY change form that we have received in the past 3 months. Especially since if it was a problem, the problems get shredded after about 4-5 weeks…. If you don’t care enough to reply back to us when we tell you we can’t process it because it’s not complete, then we don’t have any reason to hold onto it. We have 3 full months of PROCESSED changes stored at all time. But your form wasn’t processed, which means that there was either a problem with it and you IGNORED the faxback we sent you, or else we never got it in the first place.

Yelling at me is not going to make me want to help you more. Cutting me off when I’m trying to explain this information to you is not going to either. Telling me that you want to talk to the “correct department” when I AM the correct department and I’ve ALREADY told you that…. Good luck with that one. And telling me that you spoke with someone in the office when we don’t have anything on record and you can’t tell me the date or even the name of the person who you’ve spoken with time & time again (according to you) doesn’t help either. You don’t want to talk to me? Fine, let me transfer to you to the office manager, who has even LESS of a tolerance for douchebaggery than I do.

Sincerely,



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So… had a very long phone call today with someone who didn’t like the solution I was giving him and he insisted on speaking with someone “who knew what they were talking about.” So I transfer him back to the queue since everyone was already on a call and my team lead was on lunch…. Figured that he could wait if he was that insistent, and that was I could take another call, which I couldn’t do if I had him on another call.

I just finish my other call when I hear the Rep talking to Mr. SC, explaining that he really needed to talk to the person who is most knowledgeable with the problem that he was having, because she wasn’t able to find a solution for him. So she asks me politely if she can transfer him to me, and I take the call…

[baileysinmycoffee]

Ugh! I hate it when they "want to speak to someone else"

The team leads/pseudo-supervisors in my call center tell the SC exactly the same thing that the CSR did.

I'm in billing as well. It's got to be one of the worst jobs out there! On the surface, it seems easy because I am sitting on my ass all day. I never in my wildest dreams thought that a cable TV bill would be the topic of a 30 minute conversation! If there is a discrepancy or error on the company's part, I have it spotted within the first minute. I then have it resolved and the bill adjusted within the next minute. But if it's a call where the customer literally doesn't read their monthly statement and they insist on sending in whatever $$$ they feel like, without regard to the actual balance due, that's where I wind up on the phone for 30-40 minutes explaining to this knucklehead that their monthly bill is $124 and they have only been sending in $100 each month for the last 6 months!

*headdesk*

[C-130]

Ahhh the wonders of the telephone. i feel sorry for you having to deal with this on a daily basis. I deal with it once every other day (if I am unlucky). I did have a real cracker today who demanded to speak to the 'real manager'. Apparently answering phone with C-130 manager speaking how may i help does not actually constitute me as a manager.

[Wenchie]

Ugh! I hate it when they "want to speak to someone else"



I'm in billing as well. It's got to be one of the worst jobs out there!

*headdesk*

I actually LOVE it when they call after 6pm on Monday or Tuesday, or on a Sunday, and want to speak with someone else. I get pleasure in telling them that I'm the only one working so unless they want to wait until they next business day, I'm the person they have to deal with. I especially love it when they call back 3 or 4 times before they realize that there's no one else answering, and yes I WILL answer every time. And yes, I recognize you.

I'm not actually in billing... I do phone support & minor tech support. Means that normally I just have to listen to people complain about rules, report another customer for a violation... or else I have to teach them how to copy & paste or how to right-click. And no, I'm not making that up.