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Alright guys, I'm trying to work with you here. I haven't come through the window to strangle ANYONE yet.
And for reference since there was llama drama in my last post I am basically ONLY REFERENCING DRUNKS ON FRI/SAT/SUN WHO COME THROUGH THE DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Piss off days all you want, take 20 minutes to check your bags, whatever I dont care. Hell, if youre sober and just at Jack because its Damn Fine Food (its actually pretty decent, imo) at 2am I really don't care. I like my sober people in the middle of the night.
Again, for reference: ABOUT DRUNKS. AT 2AM. ON THE WEEKEND. Especially the dickhole ones. If youre drunk and nice, w/e I don't care. I'll tell my manager to go fuck himself before I rush out a decent customer who actually needs something fixed/replaced/whatever.
Rule #1A: Listen to the Great Lady in the Speaker Box.
Me: HI IM ___NAME____ HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Them: Great can I get a #12 with a coke?
Me: What size?
Them: Coke.
Me: ...what size?
Them: Also can I get a chicken sandwhich.
Rule #1B: Wait for my prompts. The machine is my master, I do what it says.
Me: HRU?
Them: #12
Me: What size?
Them: Oh can i get no tomatonoononionextramayotwentytwovirginsandasideof coleslaw?
Me: what... size?
Them: size... what are the sizes??
......This isnt starbucks. I see you twice a week. God damn it.
Rule #2: Get out. No seriously, I'm calling my manager because I'm about to lose my job.
I know I'm a small girl and you think its LOL to sit in my drive with 12 people behind you when you have your food and took a half hour to check it. Now you want to sit there and eat your food. Guess what? You're IN YOUR CAR. IN A DRIVE THROUGH. DRIVE FUCKING THROUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. All those people behind you? THEY WANT THEIR STUPID FUCKING FOOD TOO. LEAVE GOD DAMN IT.
(happy edit: Thank you, Paramedic Supervisor, for joking with me when I told you the car in front didnt feel like moving [so he could be served faster] that you wouldn't feel like responding to their 911 call for help when they drunkenly flip their SUV. ILY.)
Rule #Beer: If I could drink at work I'd be the best employee or have an extensive felony record.
Don't freak out because youve been waiting that OMGMYFOODISTOTESPROBCOLD!!!! Its not. If drive is backed up, GRILL IS BACKED UP. Some jackoff in front of you ordered 45$ worth of food. We have to cook all that, which means we can't cook yours. Theres very little we have on standby on grave, and the little we do isn't there for long. Especially on grave weekend, shut up.
Rule #-______FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCKKKKKkkk .
Waits suck, I know, I apologize. I feel genuinely bad when people have to wait for food. However, when I tell you that there are only 2 people here and you just ordered 16 tacos and 10 sandwiches, please shut the hell up about your wait. You're screwing up my time, I have to deal with you longer than normal while trying to prep your food. Guess what? THERES ONLY TWO OF US. I cant sing and dance for you at the window AND fix your damn food. Decide if you want to wait another 10 minutes while I go over your traumatic childhood with you, or if you want your food and to drive your drunk ass home.
Rule #5: Drugs are awesome, but only when I'm doing them willingly.
Do not blow your:
-- Weed Smoke
-- Crack Smoke
-- Cigarette Smoke
-- ????? Smoke
in my face. I will shut my window with force.
Rule #I can and will out-bitch you.
My managers love me. LOVE me. I work my ass of all shift long, i do my best to give excellent customer service and make sure everyones happy. If you do not treat me like a person, you will get the same response. Example!?
Me: HAIIIIIIII HRU? 2 chicken sandwhiches etc etc?? 5.91$ please
Them: ....... *hands money*
Me: Okay! Heres your coke... and your sprite!
Them:.... ...... ...... (i usually get an "oh" or a "thanks" or something.)
Me: .................................*hands change*
Them: ...........
Me: ............................. *hands food*
Them: I NEED SAUCE?!?!?!?!!?!
Me: All fifty five I have back here?
I seriously have like fifty five sauces back here. Don't tell me "Yes" to "do you need any kind of sauce?" Also, "one of everything" is not an appropriate answer. I will make you sit there while I go to the back and get ONE OF EVERYTHING.
Also, What the fuck is with decision making? What is it about "small, medium or large?" that throws people? You're not making an important decision here, this is not who wants to be a millionaire. You're getting fries and a goddamn coke. If you don't know how big our sizes are, tell me and I will tell you. Forty five seconds of "uh... uh... uh,...." Jesus everloving christ when is my break? When you hear my manager come on the mic (hes male, Im female its obvious) its because I told him to suck my dick and deal with you because you're killing my brain cells. Well, not in so many words, but there are hand gestures involved.
Alright, I'm almost done. Last one
Rule #.00000001 THE MOST IMPORTANT
GOD DAMN IT LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I confirm your order TWICE before you pay me. I know you think I'm infallible and how can a woman THIS GORGEOUS do anything wrong but heres some earth shattering news: I'm just like you. I know, I know, I wear this fancy retail uniform, with my sworovski-crystal studded hat and my 6,000,000.00 Chanel custom earrings and its easy to believe I know everything you've ever thought because I am that amazing. Well, thats a lie, I do know everything. I'm 23 after all. I am still not a mind reader and I cant tell when youre stupid, sometimes. Examples!
---ACT I: THE BOX OF UNHOLY HATE AND GARBLE---
Them: GARBLEMUMBLEOHGODLOLIMDRUNK?????
Me: so two tacos what else?
Them: GARBLE OOOCHEESE???
Me: grilled cheese sandwhich?
Them: YEAH AND A LARGE COKE?
Me: so 2 tacos, a grilled cheese and a coke?
Them: YEAH! YOURE AWESOME! ILY (this is more frequent than I like)
Me: x.00$ at the window.
---ACT II; WINDOW--
Me: so 2 tacos, a grilled cheese and a coke?
Them: WHAT? NO! TWO TACOS NO CHEESE AND A SPRITE????
Me: *sigh* alright, can you park for me it'll be a few minutes.
Why is everything a question when they're drunk? Oh god, thats probably not the best way to end this considering my title.
Authors note: Forgive the spelling if theres errors. Firefox spell check can only do so much.
TOTAL OT: What happened to Cussing Out Coworkers? I'm a Manager (hiss-boo!!!!) at another thing I cant discuss (oooh... mystery...) and I'd like to rant about that. Theres some stuff I'd like actual advice on. I've never managed people (let alone 10-20 people) and I want to make sure they succeed. LOL obvious I'm new right? aw :\
And for reference since there was llama drama in my last post I am basically ONLY REFERENCING DRUNKS ON FRI/SAT/SUN WHO COME THROUGH THE DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Piss off days all you want, take 20 minutes to check your bags, whatever I dont care. Hell, if youre sober and just at Jack because its Damn Fine Food (its actually pretty decent, imo) at 2am I really don't care. I like my sober people in the middle of the night.
Again, for reference: ABOUT DRUNKS. AT 2AM. ON THE WEEKEND. Especially the dickhole ones. If youre drunk and nice, w/e I don't care. I'll tell my manager to go fuck himself before I rush out a decent customer who actually needs something fixed/replaced/whatever.
Rule #1A: Listen to the Great Lady in the Speaker Box.
Me: HI IM ___NAME____ HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Them: Great can I get a #12 with a coke?
Me: What size?
Them: Coke.
Me: ...what size?
Them: Also can I get a chicken sandwhich.
Rule #1B: Wait for my prompts. The machine is my master, I do what it says.
Me: HRU?
Them: #12
Me: What size?
Them: Oh can i get no tomatonoononionextramayotwentytwovirginsandasideof coleslaw?
Me: what... size?
Them: size... what are the sizes??
......This isnt starbucks. I see you twice a week. God damn it.
Rule #2: Get out. No seriously, I'm calling my manager because I'm about to lose my job.
I know I'm a small girl and you think its LOL to sit in my drive with 12 people behind you when you have your food and took a half hour to check it. Now you want to sit there and eat your food. Guess what? You're IN YOUR CAR. IN A DRIVE THROUGH. DRIVE FUCKING THROUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. All those people behind you? THEY WANT THEIR STUPID FUCKING FOOD TOO. LEAVE GOD DAMN IT.
(happy edit: Thank you, Paramedic Supervisor, for joking with me when I told you the car in front didnt feel like moving [so he could be served faster] that you wouldn't feel like responding to their 911 call for help when they drunkenly flip their SUV. ILY.)
Rule #Beer: If I could drink at work I'd be the best employee or have an extensive felony record.
Don't freak out because youve been waiting that OMGMYFOODISTOTESPROBCOLD!!!! Its not. If drive is backed up, GRILL IS BACKED UP. Some jackoff in front of you ordered 45$ worth of food. We have to cook all that, which means we can't cook yours. Theres very little we have on standby on grave, and the little we do isn't there for long. Especially on grave weekend, shut up.
Rule #-______FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCKKKKKkkk .
Waits suck, I know, I apologize. I feel genuinely bad when people have to wait for food. However, when I tell you that there are only 2 people here and you just ordered 16 tacos and 10 sandwiches, please shut the hell up about your wait. You're screwing up my time, I have to deal with you longer than normal while trying to prep your food. Guess what? THERES ONLY TWO OF US. I cant sing and dance for you at the window AND fix your damn food. Decide if you want to wait another 10 minutes while I go over your traumatic childhood with you, or if you want your food and to drive your drunk ass home.
Rule #5: Drugs are awesome, but only when I'm doing them willingly.
Do not blow your:
-- Weed Smoke
-- Crack Smoke
-- Cigarette Smoke
-- ????? Smoke
in my face. I will shut my window with force.
Rule #I can and will out-bitch you.
My managers love me. LOVE me. I work my ass of all shift long, i do my best to give excellent customer service and make sure everyones happy. If you do not treat me like a person, you will get the same response. Example!?
Me: HAIIIIIIII HRU? 2 chicken sandwhiches etc etc?? 5.91$ please
Them: ....... *hands money*
Me: Okay! Heres your coke... and your sprite!
Them:.... ...... ...... (i usually get an "oh" or a "thanks" or something.)
Me: .................................*hands change*
Them: ...........
Me: ............................. *hands food*
Them: I NEED SAUCE?!?!?!?!!?!
Me: All fifty five I have back here?
I seriously have like fifty five sauces back here. Don't tell me "Yes" to "do you need any kind of sauce?" Also, "one of everything" is not an appropriate answer. I will make you sit there while I go to the back and get ONE OF EVERYTHING.
Also, What the fuck is with decision making? What is it about "small, medium or large?" that throws people? You're not making an important decision here, this is not who wants to be a millionaire. You're getting fries and a goddamn coke. If you don't know how big our sizes are, tell me and I will tell you. Forty five seconds of "uh... uh... uh,...." Jesus everloving christ when is my break? When you hear my manager come on the mic (hes male, Im female its obvious) its because I told him to suck my dick and deal with you because you're killing my brain cells. Well, not in so many words, but there are hand gestures involved.
Alright, I'm almost done. Last one
Rule #.00000001 THE MOST IMPORTANT
GOD DAMN IT LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I confirm your order TWICE before you pay me. I know you think I'm infallible and how can a woman THIS GORGEOUS do anything wrong but heres some earth shattering news: I'm just like you. I know, I know, I wear this fancy retail uniform, with my sworovski-crystal studded hat and my 6,000,000.00 Chanel custom earrings and its easy to believe I know everything you've ever thought because I am that amazing. Well, thats a lie, I do know everything. I'm 23 after all. I am still not a mind reader and I cant tell when youre stupid, sometimes. Examples!
---ACT I: THE BOX OF UNHOLY HATE AND GARBLE---
Them: GARBLEMUMBLEOHGODLOLIMDRUNK?????
Me: so two tacos what else?
Them: GARBLE OOOCHEESE???
Me: grilled cheese sandwhich?
Them: YEAH AND A LARGE COKE?
Me: so 2 tacos, a grilled cheese and a coke?
Them: YEAH! YOURE AWESOME! ILY (this is more frequent than I like)
Me: x.00$ at the window.
---ACT II; WINDOW--
Me: so 2 tacos, a grilled cheese and a coke?
Them: WHAT? NO! TWO TACOS NO CHEESE AND A SPRITE????
Me: *sigh* alright, can you park for me it'll be a few minutes.
Why is everything a question when they're drunk? Oh god, thats probably not the best way to end this considering my title.
Authors note: Forgive the spelling if theres errors. Firefox spell check can only do so much.
TOTAL OT: What happened to Cussing Out Coworkers? I'm a Manager (hiss-boo!!!!) at another thing I cant discuss (oooh... mystery...) and I'd like to rant about that. Theres some stuff I'd like actual advice on. I've never managed people (let alone 10-20 people) and I want to make sure they succeed. LOL obvious I'm new right? aw :\
Our lane was blocked for about ten minutes and it was obvious to anyone with two brain cells what was causing the delay. Yet every other person in line asked if they could get a discount for the wait. Yes they were serious and the answer was no. 
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