The Most Terrible Fanfic Ever

[BaristaTrav]

So this is all my fault now? You can call him a pedophile, a serial killer, the anti-Christ and Hitler’s lovetoy but if I jokingly insinuate he married a horse that hurt’s his feeling? What the heck? That’s totally not fair. You’ve been bashing on him for years but once I make a crack all of a sudden he’s crying? And now he’s going to go tattle on me to the Queen?

Why that little wanker.

In a strange way, it kind of makes sense. I mean, if you are being insulted by someone who is clearly deranged and psychotic and is making no sense whatsoever, there's not much to take offense to. However if the insult is coming from a fairly eloquent night shift CSR who hasn't quite gone off the deep end yet, like yourself, that might sting a bit. Shame on you for making Charles cry. I mean, he didn't even cry at Diana's funeral. The "horse" thing was really too much I guess.

[AnaKhouri]

I thought every body knew Prince Charles likes to take it hard up the ass from Hitler. Where have you been?

[Boozy]

SC: “Is there any way to get random ticket numbers instead of consecutive?”

Not this again. No, no there isn’t. Stop asking. It makes no statistically difference. Your odds are not any better or any worse if you don’t have random numbers generated by some sort of elaborate voodoo algorithm that began with you naked in the shower applying Squeezee Cheeze to only one side of 10D6

People who play the lottery are by definition people who are bad at math.

Is this a charity lottery, though? Sometimes I buy in for those, if it's a charity I'd support anyway.

When I order the tickets, I make sure to tell the operator to send me winning tickets only. I'm told that telephone operators think that joke's really funny and will wish me only the best for having shared it.

[infinitemonkies]

It's a trifle disappointing, I must admit. I really really want a unicorn. Not a fluffy little girl one; one of the mean kinds I can train to eat my enemies.

Wish granted.

[Aisling]

Oh, well. I’m sorry the probability of reality hurts your feelings. Your daily life must be a symphony of misery as everything around you behaves exactly as the laws of the universe dictate.

It's a trifle disappointing, I must admit. I really really want a unicorn. Not a fluffy little girl one; one of the mean kinds I can train to eat my enemies.

[Racket_Man]

Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

What's even more terrifying is that anyone, let alone multiple women, wanted to have his babies!!!

Good grief, the prophecy of Idiocracy is coming true sooner than we thought!

Heck in my area many of the men don't even know HOW MANY kids they actaully have.

but I like this little quote better (obviously NOT Dr. Sesus)

Brother: And Saint Attila raised the Hand Grenade up on high, saying:

"O Lord, bless this thy Hand Grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu..
Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.

Brother: And the Lord spake, saying:

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three.
Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
Five is right out.
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Maynard: Amen.

[dmf]

No, we wouldn't. Would we, Mr Flibble?

What happens to naughty boys who've been naughty, Mr. Flibble?

[XCashier]

Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

Oh please please puhleezzzeeee? Can I use this the next time I get stuck in hardware????????????????????????

Sure, why not? Be sure to say it in a childish sing-song voice to really drive the point home!

[Teefies2]

[QUOTE=XCashier;724407]Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

Oh please please puhleezzzeeee? Can I use this the next time I get stuck in hardware????????????????????????

[Tama]

He probably WOULD do that, Spartans bat for both teams after all!

[Gravekeeper]

And here I thought my DBZ x God of War (13,000+ words and going strong) fanfic was the worst ever.

Maybe if Kratos sodomized Goku across a table at some point in it.

[Tama]

And here I thought my DBZ x God of War (13,000+ words and going strong) fanfic was the worst ever.

[XCashier]

Me: “Is your door framed with brick?”
SC: “I got…uh…trim, it’s a trailer' home.”

...Me: “It should fit any standard door way. If it’s a standard sized door way on the home it should fit.”
SC: “It says up to 36 inchs, aight.”
Me: “Yes.”
SC: “When I bought this, the guy said dis was fer a double door.”
Me: “You have a double door kit?”
SC: “Yeah, that was the most expensive one he had and I wanted a nice one.”
Me: "That door kit is 72 inches wide. It won't fit a standard single door like that."
SC: “Well den, you need to modify yer instructions and make em more clear!!”

Perhaps we should dig up Dr Seuss and have him write special instructions for this twit.
"This kit is for a double door.
Nothing less and nothing more.
It will not work on single door.
It will not work on triple door.
It will not work on walls of brick,
It will not work if you're too thick."

SC: “They wanna arrest me. Somebody said I uttered threats to them, it was one of my baby mommas, right.”

There are so many things contained in that sentence that make me weep for the future of our species that I’m not sure where to start. Right…let’s see.

First of all, I didn’t know anyone used the term “baby momma” outside of the set of Jerry Springer. ...Second, and perhaps even more terrifying, you used it as a plural. A plural. Indicating not one, but multiple “baby mommas”. Exactly how many children do you have and how many females are they spread across?

What's even more terrifying is that anyone, let alone multiple women, wanted to have his babies!!!

Good grief, the prophecy of Idiocracy is coming true sooner than we thought!

[Jester]

I feel the need to point out that even if he uses only one door from the double door kit, it will be too big. 72 inch door kit halved is 36 inches, a good six inches wider than the door frame he is working with.

But yeah, a chain saw could fix all of that.

I mean, it's not like he would suddenly do the intelligent thing, and go buy a door that actually fits the door frame he has!

[Teskeria]

You Are A God Damn Idiot
( This man is attempting to install a door + frame. Sadly, because it came from the client's store, I must render general assistance. )

_______________

Of course, you’re entirely correct. We need to get right to that and modify the double door kit instructions so they more clearly show trailer park dwelling rednecks how they can install a double door into a single door frame. It shouldn’t be too hard to rewrite them. It’d really only need to come with a marking pencil, duct tape and a picture of a chainsaw.

Reading this to my daughter's BF and haven't gotten to the last paragraph. and he says 'should be easy, all you need is a chainsaw'

Lol. I told him he thinks like you, Gravekeeper. He was half insulted and half complimented.