"Smart Phone" is not a brand:
*phone rings*
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell Phone Department, this is [Rugsrat] speaking, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah... I bought a Smart Phone from you guys two weeks ago, and I should have 10 hours left, but I only have 2!
Me: Wait... you bought a smart phone... or [actual brand we sell that sounds vaguely similar]?
SC: [other brand]
Me: (thoughts) Alright. Clearly you're incapable of reading the box. Actual words: So you bought the $30 pre-paid card... and only used 400 minutes of your 1000?
SC: I should have 10 hours left.
Me: Which is 600 minutes... meaning you only talked for 400?
SC: Right. But it says I only have 2 hours left? How does that happen?
Me: Well... could be pocket dials... or someone is using your phone without you knowing.
SC: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Me: In that case, I suggest you call [company]'s Tech support line and ask them about it.
SC: You mean you can't fix it?
Me: No. I'm not tech support.
SC: but I bought the phone from you!
Me: Just because we sell them doesn't mean we service them, sorry ma'am. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
*hang up*
At Least Let Me Finish My Schpiel!
*Phone Rings*
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell--
SC: Propane Tanks.
Me: I'm sorry sir, you've called the cell--
SC: Can you transfer me to propane tanks?
Me: *grits teeth* If you interrupt me one more time... I'm sorry sir, but I actually can't transfer from my phone--
SC: Can you give me the number then?
Me: Oh for the love of Zombie Jesus! Shut up and let me finish a sentence! I can give you the number for the main line, they can--
SC: Ok. That number please?
Me: *fumes and rattles off number* Have a--
SC: *Click!*
Back Again I See...
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell Phone Department, this is [Rugsrat] speaking, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah, I called earlier about the [Brand of phone] phone.
Me: Yes?
SC: Can you give me the customer service number?
Me: *rattles off number*
SC: Why didn't you tell me that the first time I called?
Me: *head desk and dripping sarcasm* So sorry ma'am. Is there anything else I can do for you?
SC: *click!*
Me: Annnnnd that's the reason.
And now for two that have to do with customers in store!
My son's friend gave him this phone. It's legit, I swear!
Little backstory: A lot of the time, customers will come to us with various simple things, like calling carriers to switch the serial numbers on their phones. Now. In my store's parking lot, we actually have a corporate store for one of the major cellphone carriers. The one most people forget about. Their favorite color is yellow, and they don't use SIM cards.
SC: So this is my son's phone, its on its last legs. *hands me decrepit phone*
Me: Yikes...
SC: So can you call [carrier] and switch the serial numbers or something?
Me: You know there's a [carrier] store in the parking lot there and they can do this right?
SC: So you can't do it here?
Me: No, I can, but I have to call their customer service reps. They can just do it.
SC: Well since I'm here?
Me: *tiny sigh* Sure. *calls [carrier], starts switch*
Rep: I'm sorry, that serial number is active on another account.
Me: Uh... hang on a moment. *tells this to SC*
SC: My son's friend gave him this phone two days after he got it. He hated the service and had it cancelled.
Me: Sorry, apparently it actually wasn't. We're not going to be able to do this today. You might want to have your son talk to his friend.
SC: *Starts to gather things* Oh... ok. *walks away dumbly*
Me: *thanks rep and hangs up*
One from a while ago, almost crazier than the printer lady:
SC: I bought this Double Minutes card for my phone, but it didn't work. I want my money back!
Me: I'm sorry sir, but once the serial number of the card is entered, the card can't be returned...
SC: What do you mean?! I paid 25 bucks for that card!
Me: I know, and I'm sorry, but there's really nothing I can do.
SC: I better get my money back, or I'm gonna come back and light this place up! They'll be taking me out of here in a cruiser!
Me: Oh god... I'm too young to die... I'm really sorry sir, but there's nothing I can do... are you sure it didn't work?
SC: Yeah, I'm [censored] sure. I put the card on my phone, but my minutes stayed the [censored] same.
Me: Wait... you put the Double Minutes card on first? Or second?
SC: Second. Like my son said. Now gimme my money, or I'm gonna [censored] destroy this place!
Me: *quick thinking* Sir... I think you just put the cards on in the wrong order. It doesn't double what's already on the phone... it only doubles what you put on after that card. Did you add any minutes after this one?
SC: No. My [censored] son told me to put this [censored] card on after, and it'll double all the minutes.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but your son was mistaken. But now, any minutes you add to the phone will double.
SC: *anger starts to fade into embarrassment* Uh... really?
Me: Yes sir.
SC: Oh... thanks... *shuffles off*
Me: *can finally breathe*
One of the Assistant Managers actually thanked me for taking care of that one.
*phone rings*
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell Phone Department, this is [Rugsrat] speaking, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah... I bought a Smart Phone from you guys two weeks ago, and I should have 10 hours left, but I only have 2!
Me: Wait... you bought a smart phone... or [actual brand we sell that sounds vaguely similar]?
SC: [other brand]
Me: (thoughts) Alright. Clearly you're incapable of reading the box. Actual words: So you bought the $30 pre-paid card... and only used 400 minutes of your 1000?
SC: I should have 10 hours left.
Me: Which is 600 minutes... meaning you only talked for 400?
SC: Right. But it says I only have 2 hours left? How does that happen?
Me: Well... could be pocket dials... or someone is using your phone without you knowing.
SC: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Me: In that case, I suggest you call [company]'s Tech support line and ask them about it.
SC: You mean you can't fix it?
Me: No. I'm not tech support.
SC: but I bought the phone from you!
Me: Just because we sell them doesn't mean we service them, sorry ma'am. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
*hang up*
At Least Let Me Finish My Schpiel!
*Phone Rings*
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell--
SC: Propane Tanks.
Me: I'm sorry sir, you've called the cell--
SC: Can you transfer me to propane tanks?
Me: *grits teeth* If you interrupt me one more time... I'm sorry sir, but I actually can't transfer from my phone--
SC: Can you give me the number then?
Me: Oh for the love of Zombie Jesus! Shut up and let me finish a sentence! I can give you the number for the main line, they can--
SC: Ok. That number please?
Me: *fumes and rattles off number* Have a--
SC: *Click!*
Back Again I See...
Me: [Store Location and Chain] Cell Phone Department, this is [Rugsrat] speaking, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah, I called earlier about the [Brand of phone] phone.
Me: Yes?
SC: Can you give me the customer service number?
Me: *rattles off number*
SC: Why didn't you tell me that the first time I called?
Me: *head desk and dripping sarcasm* So sorry ma'am. Is there anything else I can do for you?
SC: *click!*
Me: Annnnnd that's the reason.
And now for two that have to do with customers in store!
My son's friend gave him this phone. It's legit, I swear!
Little backstory: A lot of the time, customers will come to us with various simple things, like calling carriers to switch the serial numbers on their phones. Now. In my store's parking lot, we actually have a corporate store for one of the major cellphone carriers. The one most people forget about. Their favorite color is yellow, and they don't use SIM cards.
SC: So this is my son's phone, its on its last legs. *hands me decrepit phone*
Me: Yikes...
SC: So can you call [carrier] and switch the serial numbers or something?
Me: You know there's a [carrier] store in the parking lot there and they can do this right?
SC: So you can't do it here?
Me: No, I can, but I have to call their customer service reps. They can just do it.
SC: Well since I'm here?
Me: *tiny sigh* Sure. *calls [carrier], starts switch*
Rep: I'm sorry, that serial number is active on another account.
Me: Uh... hang on a moment. *tells this to SC*
SC: My son's friend gave him this phone two days after he got it. He hated the service and had it cancelled.
Me: Sorry, apparently it actually wasn't. We're not going to be able to do this today. You might want to have your son talk to his friend.
SC: *Starts to gather things* Oh... ok. *walks away dumbly*
Me: *thanks rep and hangs up*
One from a while ago, almost crazier than the printer lady:
SC: I bought this Double Minutes card for my phone, but it didn't work. I want my money back!
Me: I'm sorry sir, but once the serial number of the card is entered, the card can't be returned...
SC: What do you mean?! I paid 25 bucks for that card!
Me: I know, and I'm sorry, but there's really nothing I can do.
SC: I better get my money back, or I'm gonna come back and light this place up! They'll be taking me out of here in a cruiser!
Me: Oh god... I'm too young to die... I'm really sorry sir, but there's nothing I can do... are you sure it didn't work?
SC: Yeah, I'm [censored] sure. I put the card on my phone, but my minutes stayed the [censored] same.
Me: Wait... you put the Double Minutes card on first? Or second?
SC: Second. Like my son said. Now gimme my money, or I'm gonna [censored] destroy this place!
Me: *quick thinking* Sir... I think you just put the cards on in the wrong order. It doesn't double what's already on the phone... it only doubles what you put on after that card. Did you add any minutes after this one?
SC: No. My [censored] son told me to put this [censored] card on after, and it'll double all the minutes.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but your son was mistaken. But now, any minutes you add to the phone will double.
SC: *anger starts to fade into embarrassment* Uh... really?
Me: Yes sir.
SC: Oh... thanks... *shuffles off*
Me: *can finally breathe*
One of the Assistant Managers actually thanked me for taking care of that one.

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