Telekinetic Jesus

[infinitemonkies]

Maybe I'm just having a major deja vu moment, but havent you dealt with both burn-money-to-obtain-superpowers-guy and are-you-still-there-woman before?

[Bobsentme]

Maybe I'm just having a major deja vu moment, but havent you dealt with both burn-money-to-obtain-superpowers-guy and are-you-still-there-woman before?

Even pink camo pants wear out eventually.

Just ask my dragon.

[underemployeed]

Hot Tips

SC: “Write a prayer on a $1 or a $2 or a $5 and burn it and Jesus will give you supernatural powers. Like ESP or Telekinesis.”

Oh, sweet. Now you’re getting into specifics. You were always kind of vague on the exact nature of the super powers Jesus grants in exchange for small bills. Although, I do hope you’re aware that we don’t actually have $1 or $2 bills anymore? You could attempt to set a Loonie or Twoonie on fire if you want I suppose. However, I’m not sure that’ll be very effective short of maybe a blowtorch or arc welder?

I hate to have to possibly claim this guy so, it is my understanding on a trip to America he stole our currency as we have both $1 and they still do make $2 bills but nobody really uses them except to piss of cashiers.

[dalesys]

im sort of confused, what happened to the 1 and 2 dollar denominations of Canadian currency?

They went hardcore.

(The paper bills were discontinued ($1 in 1989, $2 in 1996), and only coins are now issued.)

[jedimaster91]

Me: “And how did you hear about the product?”
C: “I think I saw it on Mythbusters.”

…I….honestly have no idea what to say to that. All I can do is hope that if indeed it did appear on Mythbusters, it was promptly lit on fire, blown up or shot at on high speed camera. And that there is a Youtube clip.

WIN!!

Hot Tips

SC: “Write a prayer on a $1 or a $2 or a $5 and burn it and Jesus will give you supernatural powers. Like ESP or Telekinesis.”

Oh, sweet. Now you’re getting into specifics. You were always kind of vague on the exact nature of the super powers Jesus grants in exchange for small bills. Although, I do hope you’re aware that we don’t actually have $1 or $2 bills anymore? You could attempt to set a Loonie or Twoonie on fire if you want I suppose. However, I’m not sure that’ll be very effective short of maybe a blowtorch or arc welder?

Mythbusters would do it. Quick! Someone write it in!

[HawaiianShirts]

GK, while the entirety of the post was thoroughly enjoying, as usual, I have to ask...

Me: “They do not go by dress size. They go by waist size.”
SC: “Size 7’ waist.”
Me: “………….”

Considering the placement of that apostrophe (7'), did this customer actually suggest possessing a seven-foot waist? Have the Nunavutians taught a stray walrus how to place catalog orders or something?

[Gravekeeper]

...Damn you, GK. Now I have this image of Adam, Jamie, and the rest of the team wearing pink camo. DAMN YOU.

That was actually regarding a certain home renovation product. So its quite possible it has appeared on Mythbusters ( and been shot at ).

I thought you were done sharing personal information. Really, knowing that you like chicken pieces that can't be sold in actual meat fashion and have to be breaded into clumps is just... TMI, man. TMI.

Well, they aren't quite as good as the sin against God and Nature that was Chicken Fries.

I'm sorry, I just do not believe that you were 6 in 1986, because that would mean that you are only one person and no one (poor) person could attract this many crazies in just one short week, or be this good at writing about them. You have to be a syndicate of people all writing and contributing together, like the syndicate that wrote Shakespeare

WE ARE LEGIO-<cough> er. No, I am but one man. -.-

Maybe I'm just having a major deja vu moment, but havent you dealt with both burn-money-to-obtain-superpowers-guy and are-you-still-there-woman before?

Yes on one, no on two. Hot Tips calls are generated entirely by two individuals who quite literally call us with their drug fueled fantasies on an almost daily basis. Vick creeps up every other week. But Jesus Superpowers Prince Charles guy calls practically every other day. Usually 5 or 6 times, and 95% of the time just to repeat a previous narcotic episode with only a slight variation. Though every now and then he veers off into pure crazy territory and says something about the Queen and strap ons.

Those lines are insanity magnets. Remember, these are the lines that I required police intervention on last year after a caller began stalking me. >.>

I hate to have to possibly claim this guy so, it is my understanding on a trip to America he stole our currency as we have both $1 and they still do make $2 bills but nobody really uses them except to piss of cashiers.

I would be amazed if they actually let him across the border.

Considering the placement of that apostrophe (7'), did this customer actually suggest possessing a seven-foot waist? Have the Nunavutians taught a stray walrus how to place catalog orders or something?

I actually meant for a ", as in she asked for a 7 inch waist. I assume because she has the physique of a praying mantis.

[Becks]

Normally we just have someone down front on the sidewalk offering $10 and a Jello shooter to anyone that’ll come inside and take some calls for an hour. But I’ve actually been here for a couple of days! So I’ve learned all the secrets. I’m smarts.

Ooooh, where can I apply?

[Shalom]

I hate to have to possibly claim this guy so, it is my understanding on a trip to America he stole our currency as we have both $1 and they still do make $2 bills but nobody really uses them except to piss of cashiers.

Or in some cases by cashiers to piss off customers...

(I special order 'em from the Fed through my bank, $200 worth at a time. Takes about a week for them to get it.)

I actually have a couple of Canadian $1 and $2 notes, vintage about 1976, in an envelope in my mom's strongbox. Wonder if they're worth anything.

[Andara Bledin]

YES. FOR THE LOVE OF COCKRINGS AND POPCORN CHICKEN I AM STILL HERE.[/I]

Wow. What an... intriguing choice of things to love...

SC: “But the fact that Stephen Harper is related to a herd of goat fuckers cannot be proven or disproven-“

-annnd that’s my queue to go “…wait, what?”. Bravo, you have done it again. Tossed a little curveball in the middle of what would otherwise be a mundane repeat of one of your previous episodes. How the heck did you get from “Existence of God” to “Canada’s prime minister may or may not be related to people who have illicit relationships with livestock”? That’s some serious six degrees of separation right there.

Well, actually, he didn't say that he was related to people at all... think back... he called it a "herd of goat fuckers" so that makes me think that those who fuck goats are, indeed, other goats.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think that being related to goats who have sex with other goats is slightly higher on the desirability scale than being related to people who like to do the deed with their fleecy companions.

You could attempt to set a Loonie or Twoonie on fire if you want I suppose. However, I’m not sure that’ll be very effective short of maybe a blowtorch or arc welder?

Forget the burning, how are you supposed to write the prayer? It would have to be a very short one....

I thought you turned into a pillar of salt...

Actually, you become as a pillar of salt. It's like going tharn.

... OK, what the hell did I just read?

TV Tropes has a good, basic description of what that site is about.

I, like you, had to know more, and the short blurb at the end of the main blurb was really useful.

Click the "Or more clearly..." text.

^-.-^

[ShootMePlease]

Yay !! I like placing orders !! Yay !!

[Magpie]

I actually have a couple of Canadian $1 and $2 notes, vintage about 1976, in an envelope in my mom's strongbox. Wonder if they're worth anything.

The green ones are worth $1, the reddish-brown ones are worth $2 . Everyone kept them, so they aren't really worth a lot. If they're mint they'll be a little bit more, but not a lot. My parents actually have a framed sheet of uncut ones, and a sheet of twos that they never got framed, but will one day. (It really needs to be glass on both sides, so it's a lot more bother). They like being able to joke about being rich enough to paper their walls with money. (Let me point out, that AFAIK the mint sold these at face value, someone who has one can correct me. They are worth a heck of a lot less than most of the art on my parents' walls, and they don't collect the really expensive stuff.)

[Becks]

they still do make $2 bills but nobody really uses them except to piss of cashiers.

I $2 bills. They're snazztacular.

[TelephoneAngel]

If you weren't in a completely different country with your weird customers, I would swear they only stop phoning you to phone me.

*sigh they are everywhere*

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Re: $2 bills...

I know of a local business that keeps a $2 in it's cash register. In case they are robbed. The serial number has been recorded and has been given to the police, so if anyone tries to spend said $2 bill, they either had something to do with a stick-up or know someone who did...