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Shh. My common sense is tingling. (long, language)
To think it was such a good run of mostly-intelligent customers up until last night... And a point of note:
Me: Liquor, liquor everywhere, and it's against the law for me to get wasted on shift, goddamnit.
T: The ever-awesome lesbian show-entrance door girl.
SC: First mistake is either misunderstanding or being a dick. Every mistake after that is just being a dick.
(Scene: A group of four, three guys and one girl, pile out of a taxi halfway through the night. It's apparently they've been partying, but not so hard that I have to use the 'too drunk to drink here' line. They approach my door.)
Me: IDs?
(I card the girl and two of the guys, while the third guy digs through his pockets. The girl and one of the guys is old enough, but the other guy isn't.)
Me: Uh-oh. You two--
(I gesture towards the two old enough to come in.)
Me: --are cool, but he's not 21, so I can't let him in through this door. We've got a show going on tonight that's 18+, though, so if you guys wanna check it out...
(The fourth SC hands me his ID while I'm talking, and he's old enough.)
SC1 (Red Shirt): Aw, come on, man, how much I gotta pay you?
Me: None. I'm naturally immune to bribery. I tell you what, though: if you guys head to the other door, I can get one of you in for free.
SC2 (The girl): So, how long have you been working here?
(Barfly uses Confuse!)
Me: Three, almost four years now.
(I can see the other SCs try to head towards the door.)
Girl: They treat you good here?
Red Shirt (to SC3, grey-and-black striped shirt): Alright, man, you have fun down here while we head upstairs.
Me: Oh, yeah. The pay's fair, we've got a decent crowd most of the time, and I told you guys your friend's too young to go in.
(It's not very effective!)
Red Shirt: Well, where do we go, then?
Me: Follow me.
(I point towards T's door and thankfully, all four of the SCs follow me. I tell T their ages, and she double-checks them.)
T: Since he's underage, he's gonna have to go upstairs.
Red Shirt: Well, how much is it to go up?
T: $5 for adults, $8 for minors.
Me: T, I'm gonna go ahead and vouch for Red Shirt. Is that cool?
(It would've been had all four of them not pulled debit cards out and tried to pay with them.)
T: I can't take debit cards at this register. If you want, you can go in and pull money from the ATM.
(All four of them look at her like her skin just turned fuschia. Then they try the debit cards again.
)
Me: We don't have a credit machine for this register, but if one of you wants to head into the bar to pull some money from the ATM, it's right across from the main entrance.
(The four give us the hangdog look again... and try the cards one more time.
)
I missed the rest of the episode due to me going back to my door to avoid losing my temper, but it ended with the group walking past my door, telling me, "Thanks anyway, man." and talking about going to one of the clubs further into downtown. No loss...
Bonus Story: Know Your Crowd
(Closing time. I caught one of our regulars trying to walk out with a beer, but this was one of the cool-as-hell ones.)
Regular: Shh! You didn't see nothing, okay?
Me: I saw a cop driving past a couple minutes ago.
Regular: Oh shit.
(The regular starts to chug her beer.)
Me: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Me: Liquor, liquor everywhere, and it's against the law for me to get wasted on shift, goddamnit.
T: The ever-awesome lesbian show-entrance door girl.
SC: First mistake is either misunderstanding or being a dick. Every mistake after that is just being a dick.
(Scene: A group of four, three guys and one girl, pile out of a taxi halfway through the night. It's apparently they've been partying, but not so hard that I have to use the 'too drunk to drink here' line. They approach my door.)
Me: IDs?
(I card the girl and two of the guys, while the third guy digs through his pockets. The girl and one of the guys is old enough, but the other guy isn't.)
Me: Uh-oh. You two--
(I gesture towards the two old enough to come in.)
Me: --are cool, but he's not 21, so I can't let him in through this door. We've got a show going on tonight that's 18+, though, so if you guys wanna check it out...
(The fourth SC hands me his ID while I'm talking, and he's old enough.)
SC1 (Red Shirt): Aw, come on, man, how much I gotta pay you?
Me: None. I'm naturally immune to bribery. I tell you what, though: if you guys head to the other door, I can get one of you in for free.
SC2 (The girl): So, how long have you been working here?
(Barfly uses Confuse!)
Me: Three, almost four years now.
(I can see the other SCs try to head towards the door.)
Girl: They treat you good here?
Red Shirt (to SC3, grey-and-black striped shirt): Alright, man, you have fun down here while we head upstairs.
Me: Oh, yeah. The pay's fair, we've got a decent crowd most of the time, and I told you guys your friend's too young to go in.
(It's not very effective!)
Red Shirt: Well, where do we go, then?
Me: Follow me.
(I point towards T's door and thankfully, all four of the SCs follow me. I tell T their ages, and she double-checks them.)
T: Since he's underage, he's gonna have to go upstairs.
Red Shirt: Well, how much is it to go up?
T: $5 for adults, $8 for minors.
Me: T, I'm gonna go ahead and vouch for Red Shirt. Is that cool?
(It would've been had all four of them not pulled debit cards out and tried to pay with them.)
T: I can't take debit cards at this register. If you want, you can go in and pull money from the ATM.
(All four of them look at her like her skin just turned fuschia. Then they try the debit cards again.
)Me: We don't have a credit machine for this register, but if one of you wants to head into the bar to pull some money from the ATM, it's right across from the main entrance.
(The four give us the hangdog look again... and try the cards one more time.
)I missed the rest of the episode due to me going back to my door to avoid losing my temper, but it ended with the group walking past my door, telling me, "Thanks anyway, man." and talking about going to one of the clubs further into downtown. No loss...
Bonus Story: Know Your Crowd
(Closing time. I caught one of our regulars trying to walk out with a beer, but this was one of the cool-as-hell ones.)
Regular: Shh! You didn't see nothing, okay?
Me: I saw a cop driving past a couple minutes ago.
Regular: Oh shit.
(The regular starts to chug her beer.)
Me: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
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