Wherein I Seemingly Avoid Death

[BookstoreEscapee]

This is a weird city.

My friend is there for work at the moment...or as she put it "MY OWN PERSONAL HELL" (though that was more about her neighbors at whatever conference she's at...something involving Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?")

Entertaining post, as always GK. My offer of grilled tastiness is still open if you find your way into the wilds of SW Ohio. Or need a hidey hole from the fan girls. Whatever works.

Hey girls! Looks like a road trip to SW Ohio is on the horizon!!

[Mytical]

My friend is there for work at the moment...or as she put it "MY OWN PERSONAL HELL" (though that was more about her neighbors at whatever conference she's at...something involving Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?")



Hey girls! Looks like a road trip to SW Ohio is on the horizon!!

South West? No no, South East. Or at least a stop over in South East. Not much to do in THIS town, but kinda close to Dayton, Cincinnati, or Columbus.

[NiennasMaid]

Overreaction

Still, it does beg the question: How does this woman even make it through her day? You’d think she’d get to about 8am at a Starbucks before this occurred:

Clerk: "Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to add the vanilla syrup to your la-“
SC: “I WILL DESTROY YOU.”

*gasp* You were talking to Morbo!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU94q9xoMr8

[hinakiba777]

I have to remember not to read your posts when I first get up in the morning. They are too funny for when I have only just woken up.

SC: “Tell him we will sabotage his WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. Tell him if he doesn’t come in first thing in the morning with my cell phone we will sabotage his entire life and he will have his fucking marriage and company and everything else ruined!”
Me: “…..Ma'am, I can’t threaten him.”
SC: “No seriously, that’s the message I’m leaving. Tell him to phone me in the morning or we will fucking destroy his entire life. We WILL make it happen.”

Perhaps she thins WE means you will aid her in this destruction.

SC: “Do you speak English?”

No, I poorly mimic it to try and lure unsuspecting humans near enough to drag into my digestive chamber. Come closer.

I KNEW IT!

Hot Tips: A Challenger Has Appeared!

Wow, so you have two of them now. Impressive.

And congratulations on not dying a horrible death on Skytrain ^-^

[Gravekeeper]

Wow, so you have two of them now. Impressive.

3. There is Uncle Vick, Prince Charles guy and now this simian. -.-

[Jester]

And <Boss>, the owner of <client company>, had informed her he would leave it for her at the office for her to pick up at her convience. For reasons completely unknown to everyone but her, she decides to go try and pick her cell up at 3am.

I think I see the problem here. Boss told her she could pick up her phone at her convenience. She took this to mean that she could get it whenever the fuck she wanted to, reality and rational thought be damned. You know, like anyone actually being there to let her in.

C: “That’s Savard, not retard.”

….I didn’t say a word. I wasn’t even thinking it, ironically. You made this connection entirely of your own accord.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that others in this person's life have already made this verbal connection, thus engendering this overly defensive comment. Just a thought.

Me: “Are you calling to place an order?”
SC: “No, I’d like to place an order”

This is not too dissimilar from a daily exchange I go through as a bartender.

JESTER: "May I get you something to drink?"
CUSTOMER: "No, I'll just take a coke."

A coke. Which is a drink. I know, I know, they mean they are not having an ADULT drink. But I did not offer them a cocktail, I merely inquired if they would like a beverage at all. So they are not going to drink, they are merely going to drink. Got it. NEXT!

Leaving me to wonder precisely what inquiry he could have made to a police officer that would have the response “Red”.

Are there any buses or trains on the public transit system in your area that are color coded? I know here in Key West the buses (which I avoid religiously) are designated by color, such as the Red Line, the Purple Line, etc.

If Vancouver doesn't use this kind of designation for any of their transit, the only other thing I can think of is that you misheard the officer, and he said something that sounds like, but is not actually, "red."

"Dead" comes to mind, and considering the stories of Vancouver you have regaled us with, this would not surprise me at all.

There was a girl on the Skytrain this evening wearing a Charlie Chaplin mustache. She was not dressed as Charlie Chaplin. None of her friends were in any sort of costume. She just….had it on. For no apparent reason.

Once again, I am going to take a stab at explaining strange happenings 4,000 miles away from me. What can I say? I like a challenge.

It is possible that this girl was in some way involved in a theatrical production, and was either going to such production with the mustache on, having applied it at home do the difficulty it may have presented, or she was coming from said production, and had merely forgotten to taken the mustache off, or was waiting to do so at home. That or she was being weird just to be weird. Like when I go bar hopping with The Chicken, a stuffed manic-looking chicken plush toy that I normally leave in The Jestermobile on guard duty. We actually have pictures of The Chicken in the infamous Elbo Room in Fort Lauderdale. The place has such a long history of weirdness, though, that while the patronage had some comments, the bartenders didn't even seem to notice The Chicken.

Other than that, I have to ask if the circus was in town. Beyond that, I give up.

This is a weird city.

We both live in weird places. You seem to disdain of your city's weirdness, while I embrace my city's. Interesting.

I have this insane urge to wait until 4am and call the emergency hotline for every government agency I can find until I get GK - I can do so much better than those guys!

And you'll do this to....what purpose, exactly?

Sure you can do better than these fobs, if by "better" you mean "rational, sane, and coherent." And once you finish that call, what then? You will be forgotten with the rest of the normal calls GK gets, never get written up in his posts, and he will not have even noticed you.

More pragmatically, how will you KNOW when you have finally reached GK, hmmm? Your plans seems to have a few holes in it....and in that sense, you vaguely fit in with many of his callers.

Me, I'm just gonna continue to read his posts and chuckle, while NOT drinking or eating during such reading, for I have learned to hopscotch through Rule #1.

something involving Boy George's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?"

A comedian/musician I once saw open for George Carlin did a lot of bits involving music. The one that stuck with me was his take on Boy George and Culture Club:

"Do you really want to hurt me--YES!"

[MoonCat]

When I think of all the hours I spent wasting my time on other, inferior websites...when I could have been here, reading GraveKeeper's epic missives of weirdness....I get all

I'm just so glad I finally found the Holy Grail....

[Gravekeeper]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that others in this person's life have already made this verbal connection, thus engendering this overly defensive comment.

I'm sure that was the cause, yes. But give us a bit of credit when you call. We're professional enough to not call you a retard, especially when we're representing a charity. >.>

Are there any buses or trains on the public transit system in your area that are color coded?

Nope. Expo Line, Millennium Line and Canada Line. The officer did say "red" though. Quite loudly I might add. Was rather odd. Since the question was inaudible. The volume of his voice seemed to indicate the question was also stupid.

That or she was being weird just to be weird.

This is my guess. They were all dressed to go clubbing and already had a few in them. One of them managed to yank the pants off Jose at one point, so we're not exactly dealing with professionals here. I also did not want nor need to see any of what was exposed.

We both live in weird places. You seem to disdain of your city's weirdness, while I embrace my city's. Interesting.

My city's weirdness seems to be more terrifying than entertaining at night. I try not to get to close lest I end up in the splash zone.

And yes, calling me and acting normal doesn't even register as a blip on my radar. What appears here is only 10-15% of my call volume on average. Unless something goes tragically wrong on shift.

[BookstoreEscapee]

A comedian/musician I once saw open for George Carlin did a lot of bits involving music. The one that stuck with me was his take on Boy George and Culture Club:

"Do you really want to hurt me--YES!"

I suggested she just pretend she's in The Wedding Singer.

[Akasa]

Who knew not having bus fare could be a good thing?

[superhotelworker]

I snorted water.
You broke me.

Least it was only water.. and not Hawaiian Punch. Bad Grave! :P

And.. I.. How the HELL do you keep a straight face through 90% of your calls? I'd be in alot of trouble, cause I tend to say what i'm thinking..

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

That was very nice of you, referring to it as a Charlie Chaplin moustache.

[infinitemonkies]

What appears here is only 10-15% of my call volume on average. Unless something goes tragically wrong on shift.

I misread that as "Unless something goes typically wrong..."


And we all know that when your name & "manslaughter" inevitably appear together in a Vancouver Sun headline, while it may involve vehicles, it certainly won't be an accident.

For those of you not aware, GK and I live in BC, where under the harsh and draconian rule it is actually illegal to kill someone for being stupid, regardless of how drunk they are.

[Jester]

I'm sure that was the cause, yes. But give us a bit of credit when you call. We're professional enough to not call you a retard, especially when we're representing a charity. >.>

Ah. You had not mentioned this was a charity line.

The volume of his voice seemed to indicate the question was also stupid.

I am sure there, as here, as in many places, police officers deal with some might stupid questions.

This is my guess. They were all dressed to go clubbing and already had a few in them.

Damn it, man! You never mentioned they were dressed for clubbing! Had you done so, everything would have been much more obvious.

My city's weirdness seems to be more terrifying than entertaining at night.

Matter of opinion. From your descriptions, it sounds very entertaining to me. Remember: I drink. You don't.

I suggested she just pretend she's in The Wedding Singer.

I used to DJ weddings. Which is why, when that movie came out, I said that I was the wedding singer before The Wedding Singer. So much of that movie is so damn true.

Least it was only water.. and not Hawaiian Punch. Bad Grave! :P

Bad Grave, nothing. You were drinking Hawaiian Punch while reading a Gravekeeper post? You got what was coming to you!

And.. I.. How the HELL do you keep a straight face through 90% of your calls? I'd be in alot of trouble, cause I tend to say what i'm thinking..

Conditioning. He is quite used to this shit at this point. Also, he doesn't have to keep a straight face. They can't see him. He just has to keep a straight voice.

That was very nice of you, referring to it as a Charlie Chaplin moustache.

Speaking of Hitler, I was at a going away party last night for my craziest coworker, a chick who can get away with some obnoxious shit because she happens to be champagne supernova hot. At one point early in the evening, she had a Hitler mustache from cupcake frosting, and she kept it on to be obnoxious. Being the token Jew there, I told her, "If you're going to do it, do it right," and extended my arm in the Nazi salute, breaking her up. Hey, I'm Jewish...I can get away with that crap.

[hinakiba777]

Speaking of Hitler,

Always a great way to start a conversation,

Hey, I'm Jewish...I can get away with that crap.

My friend Ran, who's from Israel, once told me the single most horrible and most hilarious joke. It involved the Holocaust and i starred at him with the most pained expression until he said, "It's okay, you can laugh because I'm the one who told it and I'm Jewish." So I laughed. But I can't share it with people because it really is atrocious, and if I told it, it would be a bad thing.